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Hey!
So, I have pretty non-understandable dad, who I haven't been on good terms with probably my entire life and I don't know if he affected it or not, but I just wanted to mention.
Um, I don't have any friends, if you don't count one who I really speak to maybe once a month? Really, I'm not saying this because I want you pity me or something. I really barely spoke to anybody last nine years, from what I remember. First four of them being me as a child, buying big packs of candies and throwing it around the class. That was stupid, I know.
Now I'm first year of high school, which in our system means 15/16 y.o and 10th grade I think(?). And things are getting better although I am still the weird one and am really friends with nobody. But I occasionally speak with some of my classmates. Other than them, I speak to my family and that one friend and maybe even some teacher when he asks something specifically me. Usually, I know good answer on almost everything though. Or at least I like to think that. But I think I'm scared(?). I don't know. See, this is where I connect things with my father. Maybe he didn't cause my lack of sociability, but from early childhood, I was literary scared of him. And he didn't want me to speak or do anything when in room were other people. But they could understand a child, right? It wasn't even that normal standard, I wasn't crying hysterically or being super hyperactive. Just normal quiet aying with something and sometimes I would ask him or mom something, quietly. Maybe I was worse than I like to think, but really not that much.
And so, now I am scared that anything I do is wrong and can get me into problems. My heart is constantly racing. I am swallowing hard every time some little thing happens, like I think someone is looking at me (in the church, mostly) and I get self-conscious. Even now, at home, I would very much like to go to the bathroom, but I don't want to make noise, cause everybody is sleeping. Evem if they weren't, I wouldn't like them to know I got up and did unnecessary noise or something. I don't know. Sorry, that must be long by now.
Just tell me, if this is normal? Because I don't know and it hits me at times and I just wannna know if it is normal.

And, how do you socialize? Because I am living in the centre of small village and I don't even go out much, for no reason. I don't know, I don't want anybody to see me outside?

How can I change this everything? I'm kinda sick of it.
 

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Hit the gym. It did wonders for my social anxiety problem. You're just the right age now too. I kinda wish I started lifting when I was your age. I would have been much better off now, unless I got hit by a car or something on the way to the gym or back but that's just my Ne going off the rails now. Oh it's gonna be awkward at first. First month or two when you have no idea what you're doing in the gym are awkward as fuck. On my first day I accidentally entered the girl's dressing room. Luckily nobody saw me because it was early morning and nobody else was there. But just thinking about it now makes me a bit uncomfortable :)
Anyway, once you get past that awkward point it gets truly rewarding. Take it from someone who never thought he'd be into that stuff.

And go to the bathroom ffs. No one's gonna judge you for it. That's not what people do. Everyone's got those needs and it's a universally understood thing.
 

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First, welcome to the forum.

I don't want to get mixed into your family business too much, just being respectful and all.

But, as a young INTP I was fairly shy. If I had not played sports, i don't know how social I would have been, but I got to know a lot of people around the neighborhood, and at school due to that. So, yes, INTPs can be more susceptible to shyness, and they often don't want to draw attention to themselves so there is that.

It does however sound like what you are describing goes beyond that. A little bit of noise is normal, for me the lack of noise of some sort drives me crazy, unless I'm out in the middle of the desert. So, my advice, being no expert mind you, is just keep telling yourself noise is normal, and move on from there. As for socializing, what do you love to do, drift towards those who share your interest. I still sometimes don't want anyone to see me outside because I'm not always in the mindset to interact with neighbors, great people by the way, just requires energy and traveling out of my own little world.
 

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How can I change this everything?
The answer to this question will always be the same: Leave your comfort zones. Test new boundaries. Fully commit to deal with any challenges coming your way without second thoughts or you'll only fall back into old patterns. Etc.

No, I wouldn't say this is normal, and this sort of reclusivity doesn't strike me as "just being introverted", either if you're suddenly being "blocked" by an old anxiety from engaging with the outer world. You may need to speak with a therapist to get over your dad issues if you can't solve this on your own. Everyone has their own issues that they themselves need to deal with/help dealing with, and everyone has their own limits, so it's entirely up to you what you think is too much to handle.

As for socializing, I'd advise that you work on your communication styles. Don't hide your intentions. It's easy for lonely people to think the reason they don't have any friends is because they're unlikable, but it's almost always about being extremely bad at expressing what they want with/out of other people. Make your intentions known and people will automatically respond more positively to you. Social antennas come in to play here, as well, but don't worry; they come naturally when you're out there and actually trying.

Make yourself seem available. I can guarantee you that in any given time during recess, there will be other loners looking for company that "looks safe". If you could get just one friend that you can talk to, it would make a world of difference.

Also, as others have mentioned, exercising can work miracles. Even more so for an unhealthy mind than for an unhealthy body, I'd say.
 

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No, it's not normal? You sound like you have anxiety issues. It happens though. I was kinda of like that in high school. Barely spoke to anyone in school, didn't go outside much because I didn't want people looking at me. Felt restricted at home because my dad and older sister were annoyed by everything and were dicks about it.

For me, things changed but slowly. I accepted my situation, meaning I didn't get mad or upset at myself for being awkward and having no friends, but worked on changing things gradually one action at a time. The key is to make yourself do things you're scared to do. Start with something like joining a club at school, where you'll have more chances to socialize. Pick something that's related to your interests and has nice people. Or volunteer at church. And go outside and take a walk sometimes. Just because.

As for being scared of doing something wrong and getting into trouble, you don't need to worry so much. People are naturally focused most on themselves. Most of the things you do right in front of them, they don't even notice because they're so preoccupied with their own life. If you do get in trouble, just say sorry and move on.

Also, I really like your avatar.
 

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Hey!
So, I have pretty non-understandable dad, who I haven't been on good terms with probably my entire life and I don't know if he affected it or not, but I just wanted to mention.
Um, I don't have any friends, if you don't count one who I really speak to maybe once a month? Really, I'm not saying this because I want you pity me or something. I really barely spoke to anybody last nine years, from what I remember. First four of them being me as a child, buying big packs of candies and throwing it around the class. That was stupid, I know.
Now I'm first year of high school, which in our system means 15/16 y.o and 10th grade I think(?). And things are getting better although I am still the weird one and am really friends with nobody. But I occasionally speak with some of my classmates. Other than them, I speak to my family and that one friend and maybe even some teacher when he asks something specifically me. Usually, I know good answer on almost everything though. Or at least I like to think that. But I think I'm scared(?). I don't know. See, this is where I connect things with my father. Maybe he didn't cause my lack of sociability, but from early childhood, I was literary scared of him. And he didn't want me to speak or do anything when in room were other people. But they could understand a child, right? It wasn't even that normal standard, I wasn't crying hysterically or being super hyperactive. Just normal quiet aying with something and sometimes I would ask him or mom something, quietly. Maybe I was worse than I like to think, but really not that much.
And so, now I am scared that anything I do is wrong and can get me into problems. My heart is constantly racing. I am swallowing hard every time some little thing happens, like I think someone is looking at me (in the church, mostly) and I get self-conscious. Even now, at home, I would very much like to go to the bathroom, but I don't want to make noise, cause everybody is sleeping. Evem if they weren't, I wouldn't like them to know I got up and did unnecessary noise or something. I don't know. Sorry, that must be long by now.
Just tell me, if this is normal? Because I don't know and it hits me at times and I just wannna know if it is normal.

And, how do you socialize? Because I am living in the centre of small village and I don't even go out much, for no reason. I don't know, I don't want anybody to see me outside?

How can I change this everything? I'm kinda sick of it.
If you are different, then what? Then nothing.
 

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Welcome to the forum.

First off:

Hit the gym. It did wonders for my social anxiety problem
Physical exercise is key. I started running 2 years ago, waaaaay too late in hindsight, but man does it help. Being able to clear your head, work up a sweat and letting those endorfines do their work... there's no real alternative to that.

Also, you are shy and introverted, join the club. It is a normal thing, despite what anyone will tell you. We, generally, are late bloomers. I am in my early thirties now and only just summoned the courage to start dating for instance. Don't let yourself be fooled by the outside, extrovert-dominant, world. Make up your own plan and stick to it. It's gonna be tough, but it will be worth it, trust me.
 
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