Personality Cafe banner

1 - 19 of 19 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,869 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
There's someone I know- she 's VERY charismatic in her 30s, and she is literally worshipped by the people around her and people that barely know her and only met her a few times. She's in charge of this organization i'm part of and she has a huge group of followers (basically everyone in the organization lol)

i looked into this idea- basically with charismatic leaders, they project such a strong self-image of themselves that people are naturally drawn to them and look up to them. they have a vision that others are inspired by. i am a little concerned by this though because her followers sometime seem to have no minds! i agree that she is a very confident person and has inspiring ideas, but i find myself a little weary and cautious. i mean i see how she is a very strong and capable leader, but i just see her as another normal person who happens to be good at her job as a leader. I feel uneasy when i hear people just worshipping her and regurgitating her ideas. it concerns me that people see her as a demi-god. don't get me wrong though, i respect her and think she's a great person, but i just don't get all the "oohs" and "aahs" :mellow: it unsettles me.

she seems to feel a little unsettled by me too. she doesn't visibly show that i unsettle her, but i got those vibes from her, where when i am around she seems to be very aware of herself and seems to double check herself or something. i feel like we often have a 'meeting of the minds" if that makes any sense. at the same time, i'm a little intimidated by her and to be HONEST, a little afraid of the tremendous amount of power she holds over everyone. and im afraid i might be giving off the wrong impression to her? u know i dont really know what im getting at... but what are ur guys' thoughts about htis?
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
1,039 Posts
Doesn't seem like you have much "hard evidence" to judge her as a person.

She may not even be that charismatic outside of work. Hard to say really.

Since she is in a position of authority, she may be acting out of what she feels is "necessary". I'm not saying she's a "hypocrite" or anything like that, but you may not be seeing all of what makes her who she is.

Just throwing stuff out there.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,361 Posts
I know what you mean... She can probably just see you are different from the others. If it was me I'd just observe her, make sure I know who I'm dealing with. She has a lot of power there. Check her temper, that type of thing. Personally I find people who are inspiring tend to be good-hearted. Maybe this is a sign you have a good one but I don't know. By the way even if she is good, bad things can still happen.. Maybe I'd be more worried about the "people with no minds" that you wrote about lol!
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
1,039 Posts
I know what you mean... She can probably just see you are different from the others. If it was me I'd just observe her, make sure I know who I'm dealing with. She has a lot of power there. Check her temper, that type of thing. Personally I find people who are inspiring tend to be good-hearted. Maybe this is a sign you have a good one but I don't know. By the way even if she is good, bad things can still happen.. Maybe I'd be more worried about the "people with no minds" that you wrote about lol!
Yes, silly sheep.

Everyone should be more like curious.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,869 Posts
Discussion Starter #9
Oh I shouldve clarified - she is VERY well known in this field as a charismatic personality. Articles and word of mouth. Her charisma is definitely undisputed and when people worship her, there are two responses. The major one= "i know me, too! she's my hero/idol/role model" <- obviously exagerrating. The other one= a few people like me, we hold our tongue. But the common thing for both types of responses is that "no surprise, what i hear right now." I talk to her three times a week for work, but I pretty much see her everyday in a variety of situations.

Linus, yes Im hoping maybe she saw something in me? I suppose she may be goodhearted but she still intimidates me!
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
1,039 Posts
Oh I shouldve clarified - she is VERY well known in this field as a charismatic personality. Articles and word of mouth. Her charisma is definitely undisputed and when people worship her, there are two responses. The major one= "i know me, too! she's my hero/idol/role model" <- obviously exagerrating. The other one= a few people like me, we hold our tongue. But the common thing for both types of responses is that "no surprise, what i hear right now." I talk to her three times a week for work, but I pretty much see her everyday in a variety of situations.

Linus, yes Im hoping maybe she saw something in me? I suppose she may be goodhearted but she still intimidates me!
Actually, I wasn't doubting her charisma at work, but I'll assume that she is that way all the time.

Assuming that she is a goodhearted person, and a good boss, why does she intimidate you?

What are you hoping for that she sees in you? Do you just have a strong desire to be on good terms with her? Do you WANT to see something bad about her?

You're not jealous in any way, are you?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
298 Posts
i have had multiple experiences in relation to this. i've always felt that these people just want everyone to follow them, no questions asked. they can sense that i see through their bullshit, so they grow weary around me... become quieter, less assertive and in charge, always look uncomfortable around me... shifting their eyes, looking down... little nuances, but i still notice them.

my relationships with these people have never progressed to anything more on my part, but in more than one instance, they tried to rally others against me; make me seem untrustworthy, so i couldn't mess up their agenda or whatever. in my case, they talked a lot of shit when my back was turned.

i would stay on my toes, and interject as much controversial opinion to hers to hopefully get her followers to start thinking for themselves. at the least, give them a choice of opinion, rather than what she's doing by forcefeeding them her thoughts.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
206 Posts
I don't think this is uncommon for us. I get quite switched off by the personality cult thing. It can be a little unsettling if you feel the exclusion of being the only person not "with it" and yet at the same time you see the sillyness of the whole thing and don't want to take part.

I have also had an experience with a snr manager who is very outgoing and life and soul etc (ESTP to a fault) who acts a little wierd around me - possibly more to do with a lack of common ground etc.

My way of dealing with it is to try to be the consumate professional (with the emphasis on try!) rather than be liked. You may actually get more respect for that. I try to think of what the org and the manager needs rather than wants - sometimes that means disagreeing. Many good leaders want disagreement to an extent and actually don't like suck ups very much - The ones who don't want disagreement and like suckups are not worth following

Something else to look for is how that person delegates - does she really delegate responsibility (generally a good sign) or does the organisation revolve around her? By delegation I mean that she really gives the authority and backing along with the duties. Does she make all the decisions or is she comfortable with others acting.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
151 Posts
Yes, silly sheep.

Everyone should be more like curious.
Beeeh, beeeh... Silly sheep? You're talking to me..? :laughing:

I think there are two kinds of these highly charismatic leaders; the first type is the con artist, just getting high on the feeling of power. The second type is the insecure person, using the admiration as a drug to suppress the feeling of being basically worthless and unloveable.

The above is of course a very black and white way to describe it, but there are people who feel utterly lonely and use their admirers as substitutes for the loving parents and caring friends they never had. Possibly some rather complex issues here, as it can sometimes be a fine line between being the guru and acting the dictator...

Curious, your observation resonates with my own experiences; I can enter a room and within seconds sense the atmosphere and somehow know if I'm with the sheep (beeeh, beeeh) or the wolves. Can't explain it, it's just a gut feeling.

Now, the real question is why people respond to her that way. Is she the mother of their dreams? A newfound Goddess, able to judge and redeem? A visionary symbol? Is their admiration a burden or a benefit for her?

On a larger scale; when Barack Obama was elected president, we saw a tendency of "Obama fever" here in Europe. Political leaders were acting as giggling schoolgirls, and the crowd hailed him as the reincarnation of Elvis and Gandhi combined. He even got the Nobel peace prize, not for having done anything but for the possibility that he might do something for world peace...
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
3,849 Posts
... I feel uneasy when i hear people just worshipping her and regurgitating her ideas. it concerns me that people see her as a demi-god. don't get me wrong though, i respect her and think she's a great person, but i just don't get all the "oohs" and "aahs" :mellow: it unsettles me.
I don't know may be it is just me or may be this relates to all INFJs but I have always had a rather weak sense of hierarchy. Seeing instances of very open brown-nosing or people using their position of power to simply boost their egos at expense of others makes me cringe inside. When I was in college there were instances where people would spend a great deal of their time openly giving admiration to profs like "oh yeah this prof he is like a genius, omg! he is just so awesome! and his research group is top notch in the department, oh and have you seen they mentioned his name in this article published in xx? oh you haven't? but everybody read that one!" and on it went. It stumped me a lil bit ... ok not a little bit, a great bit actually, because I just didn't see a reason to start-up this extensive chorus of exaggerated admiration for one person in the department. To this day this behavior really irks me and I have run into it quite frequently - like a pack of wolves, people identify their pack leader then every 'subordinate' individual makes sure to "sing the song" of their submissiveness within the group.

Or this one: have you ever seen all girls crush on a guy just because one girl dated him or was trying to date him? Then all her girlfriends will start flirting with him and giving him more attention. Pretty soon the guy who nobody noticed before has an entire following and lots of drama unfolding around him. Very similar effect imho.

She is probably a fellow Fe user with very good social skills. And when she gets a sense that her skills don't have the desired effect on you she starts feeling unsettled. Unless you see her use this "unlimited power" to hurt somebody or manipulate people into doing something unreasonable then all is well and I wouldn't get too worried.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,869 Posts
Discussion Starter #15
dave: id say i want to be on very good terms with her, but i find it just intimidating. jealousy? LOL no. not even people in her position see her as someone to be jealous of. she is just placed on a pedestal unanimously by students and the regular staff. and considering she is ~20 years older than me, we are on COMPLETELY different levels, i'm just a student staff! even people within her level don't compete with her - she is THE head.

Raj: im a little concerned that this person might sense that i see through their bullshit, because honestly some of the stuff she says sounds kinda... yeah. i just dont want to CLASH with her or have an experience like you mention (trying to rally others against me, things of that sort). i have no intentions whatsoever to mess with her agenda- i plan on working and living quietly until i get to leave this place. I see through her BS, but i also respect what she does realy well in leading the org.

Paul: thanks for the tip, I definitely think that will help me, rather than focusing on being liked or something. organization pretty much revolves around her... she has a sidekick and one other person with responsibility, but pretty much it is all revolving around her.

Vel: yes the heirarchy and chorus thing TOTALLY resonates. Im just not into that whole "singing the song thing."
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
206 Posts
I think there are two kinds of these highly charismatic leaders; the first type is the con artist, just getting high on the feeling of power. The second type is the insecure person, using the admiration as a drug to suppress the feeling of being basically worthless and unloveable.
I think there is a 3rd type - one who is worth following and that is someone who is charasmatic because they are actually quite humble and values driven. They are pretty rare however - I worked with one a few years ago - and it changed the way I viewed management and leadership for ever.

I went to him with a pricing proposal for a service we wanted to roll out - I had prepared (a lot!) arguments and rational - He took one look at it and said "you know what you are talking about. Do what you think is right for our business and the customers and I will back you"

Now all that sounds wonderful but the real test always comes when things go a little sticky. A regional sales manager went straight to him to complain that my proposal didn't cover what he needed etc etc etc. His response wasn't to get involved but to reply straight back "Go back to Paul - he's the expert. What he says goes"

Now bearing in mind both these two were 2 levels of hierachy above me at the time that was quite a gulp moment for me!

It's unfortunate that great humble leaders are rare because they are amazing to work for - you grow as a person as well as a professional.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,553 Posts
I do the same as this woman, and I get the same results as she does-- though I'm not always aware that I'm doing it.

Keep an open mind when approaching her/interacting with her. Treat her as you would treat yourself, but be careful not to be taken in by her 'presence' and always subject her opinions against your own logical interrogations.

If you see her less of a leader and more of an equal, you'll soon discover what lies behind her 'charisma' and she'll be much less intimidating. :)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,131 Posts
From what I see, you are not impressed by her in the same way as most others and are therefore reluctant to join the crowd, while at the same time realising that this will single you out in a way that she might not appreciate. Since you also do not understand the way she relates to this herself, you feel insecure regarding how she might take this. She, on the other hand, notices that you seem to see through the facade that most other people accept, and this makes her much more self-conscious when you are around, as she realises that you are not blinded by awe in your judgment of her. The effect is that you are both watching eachother trying not to make any mistakes. Sounds tricky...

Sorry for putting all this as facts—I know I'm just wildly trying to extrapolate here.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
444 Posts
Ever seen that movie Hitch with Will Smith. If you want to get noticed give her a pen and stick up for her opinions as an individual.:wink:
 
1 - 19 of 19 Posts
Top