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It was a late night and I was surprisingly feeling vey girl-talky so I started asking my friend about a hypothetical situation. I asked, if you met your 'soulmate' or perfect man right now (age 19) and you knew without a shadow of doubt that you guys are destined for each but he got diagnosed with a terminal disease and he only had 6 months to year to live and he asked you to marry him as his only wish, would you do it?

She gave it a lot of thought and she said no to my surprise. I looked rather shocked and she asked why would you? and to her surprise I said yes. We both told our reasoning and hers was: I would not want to marry him because marriage is so public and I would be a widow after he died. She admitted to feeling superficial but she still stuck to her side. She said that she would go against her conservative and religious parents and live with the guy until he died but she would not marry him because she would hate to be a widow. After much prodding she said she also wouldn't want to marry him because she would get more attached and it would feel more 'real' after he died.

Naturally, I reversed the question and asked her what if you were the one dying and you really wanted to spend the rest of your remaining life with him. She said she would not ask him to marry her because she wouldn't want to burden him, however if he asked her to marry him she would but she would really emphasize that he should move on after she's dead and she would be worried that her death might cause a lot of emotional scars. I said I would definitely ask him to marry me and I wouldn't even consider the emotional scars that might happen until I was close to death.

She was really surprised that I said I would marry him and she started saying that I'm a 'girl' after all. My reasoning was: the man is fucking dying I don't want to make him more miserable by denying his dying wish. I also said that if he was truely the 'perfect man' and I was really in love with him I would want to spend the rest of his life with him and make him happy. She then brought up the fact that I'm such a commitmentphobe and I admitted that I would be comfortable marrying him because I knew he was going to die. I also acknowledged that it was terrible to think that way haha.

So the hypothetical situation took another turn and the question turned to it being what if he was 50/50 dying? I decided that I would be less comfortable rushing into a marriage that might last for a while. She said that sounded more like the peoplesayimanahole she knows haha. She said if he was terminally ill or 50/50 she would actually marry him and spend the rest of her life taking care of him and I admitted that I wasn't comfortable doing that.

What I would find interesting is if you could spot any cognitive functions at work here and if you'd like to give the hypothetical situation some answers.
 

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this requires thought. I'll try to return later. -placehold- xD


What I would find interesting is if you could spot any cognitive functions at work here and if you'd like to give the hypothetical situation some answers.
I don't really want to go in to the cognitive functions bit, but this is what I think I would do--

I would marry him if I would've married him under normal circumstances, regardless of if 50/50 or if he'd 100% be dying soon. I think it is more important not to mislead him into thinking he's the person I would've wanted to spend the rest of my life with unless he truly was.

If I loved him beyond a shadow of a doubt, in that soul-mate-perfect-for-each-other way you described...It wouldn't matter what emotional scars could result from his death because I'd have them either way. If I loved somebody that way, I'd give up whatever life I had before to care for him as long as it was needed, in whatever way necessary.

But honestly, I think that way possibly because it seems _very_ unlikely to me right now that I'd ever find that, so if I did find it, it would be worth treasuring. I have loved people, and yet I'm even more commitment-phobic than some ENTPs I know. Right now, I am of the mind that I may never trust myself or somebody else enough to marry them.

I'm terrified of becoming trapped, or forced by my own morals into staying in something I don't want to be in. I change so much, and so do the people I find my interest taken by. What if I get bored someday? Being alone seems better than either tearing a marriage apart by my own hands, or giving somebody else the reigns to do it themselves.

It's amazing how trusting I am...but then when it really comes down to it, I trust no one. Not even myself. jeez. How morbid. :unsure:


If, however, I decided I could not marry him, I'd be with him however long seemed right. Like with anything else for me...as soon I realize I'm on the wrong path, I adjust my course. (<< part of the reason I can't trust myself enough to marry :/ )
 

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I think her worrying about her public image is something Fe.
her answers are so INFJ, taking care of him, and being scared of slow healing heart scars.

Now what if you knew he was terminal, dying in six months, but after you marry him, you die a week later? how about that turn in the plot?
 

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I think her worrying about her public image is something Fe.
her answers are so INFJ, taking care of him, and being scared of slow healing heart scars.

Now what if you knew he was terminal, dying in six months, but after you marry him, you die a week later? how about that turn in the plot?
Than it would be one hell of a movie plot :wink:
 

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I wouldn't bother looking at functions for this situation, because there are so many different variables that could be at work that would cloud the reasoning. For instance, what if her choice is being influenced by something that happened in her childhood?

For the situation, though--if she was my soul mate, then she would want a child as much as me; thus, I'd marry her to make her happy, and even give her the chance to have a child that would carry on her life in his his/her heart.

If I were the one dying, I would make damn sure that she would want to marry and endure the scars before actually doing it.
 
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