Personality Cafe banner

1 - 18 of 18 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
506 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
It was a late night and I was surprisingly feeling vey girl-talky so I started asking my friend about a hypothetical situation. I asked, if you met your 'soulmate' or perfect man right now (age 19) and you knew without a shadow of doubt that you guys are destined for each but he got diagnosed with a terminal disease and he only had 6 months to year to live and he asked you to marry him as his only wish, would you do it?

She gave it a lot of thought and she said no to my surprise. I looked rather shocked and she asked why would you? and to her surprise I said yes. We both told our reasoning and hers was: I would not want to marry him because marriage is so public and I would be a widow after he died. She admitted to feeling superficial but she still stuck to her side. She said that she would go against her conservative and religious parents and live with the guy until he died but she would not marry him because she would hate to be a widow. After much prodding she said she also wouldn't want to marry him because she would get more attached and it would feel more 'real' after he died.

Naturally, I reversed the question and asked her what if you were the one dying and you really wanted to spend the rest of your remaining life with him. She said she would not ask him to marry her because she wouldn't want to burden him, however if he asked her to marry him she would but she would really emphasize that he should move on after she's dead and she would be worried that her death might cause a lot of emotional scars. I said I would definitely ask him to marry me and I wouldn't even consider the emotional scars that might happen until I was close to death.

She was really surprised that I said I would marry him and she started saying that I'm a 'girl' after all. My reasoning was: the man is fucking dying I don't want to make him more miserable by denying his dying wish. I also said that if he was truely the 'perfect man' and I was really in love with him I would want to spend the rest of his life with him and make him happy. She then brought up the fact that I'm such a commitmentphobe and I admitted that I would be comfortable marrying him because I knew he was going to die. I also acknowledged that it was terrible to think that way haha.

So the hypothetical situation took another turn and the question turned to it being what if he was 50/50 dying? I decided that I would be less comfortable rushing into a marriage that might last for a while. She said that sounded more like the peoplesayimanahole she knows haha. She said if he was terminally ill or 50/50 she would actually marry him and spend the rest of her life taking care of him and I admitted that I wasn't comfortable doing that.

What I would find interesting is if you could spot any cognitive functions at work here and if you'd like to give the hypothetical situation some answers.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
6,247 Posts
Are you sure she's the INFJ and you're the ENTP?
 
  • Like
Reactions: the3rdpower

·
Registered
Joined
·
117 Posts
Hahaha, this is great. INFJ'S always surprise you. I can kind of see the INFJ's reasoning but I have to admit I really wouldn't care about being a widow (from an ESTP p.o.v who is also possibly a commitmentphobe) I mean people can say what they think, if I loved the guy I would totally marry him.

Okay so I would also be a bit sick with the whole, "he's gonna die anyway" thing and it would make me feel bad to think that, but I'd still think it. The worst situation would be that the guy doesn't die after all and he's just sick forever. Awkward.

Trust an INFJ to point out the bad thoughts in you though! Bloody mind readers :p
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
6,247 Posts
She's an ENTP herself...I think she's looking more for advice from the INFJ side of things. If she is asking a question though, I missed it...could you repeat...in english?
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
465 Posts
No TL;DR. What did you expect?

I just skimmed the first paragraph, scrolled down, and looked at the comments . . .

. . . and so will most other ENTPs.
It's easy to get carried away and write TL;DR. Reading them, on the other hand...
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
565 Posts
To summarize for other ENTPs around: she would marry a dying man if it was his dying wish, and her INFJ friend wouldn't because she doesn't wanna be a widow, if he was 50/50 dying the ENTP wouldn't marry him cuz she's afraid of commitment and INFJ would marry him and take care of him for the rest of his life. Question: spot cognitive functions at work.

I think it's mainly P vs. J difference, they (Js) are just somehow more open minded when it comes to closing down possibilities. I see as if they want to reach one final solution, while we (Ps) want to keep our possibilities open. We also enjoy in the process, while they enjoy in the result. Let's say the sickness was the process, we'd enjoy spending time with a person and wouldn't mind that it would end with death, while they would think of the result (death, being a widow) and be demotivated by it. This might also be a bit of Ne vs Ni. Both like to explore new things, but Ne does it hypothetically and Ni does it practically. Or at least it's been like that in my experience. But with NPs and NJs, I'm not speaking of tertiary Ni/Ne users.

Also, ENTPs like going wild, spontaneous, I think that's also Ne's doing and marrying a dying man is just that. Something out of the ordinary, new, a challenge to some extent, because you don't really know how's it going to feel/be, you never saw it done, probably.

As for worrying about his feelings after her death and agreeing to take care of him for the rest of her life if he was to survive, it's just their strong Fe. We do have that Fe that tells us that it would be a good thing to do and makes us feel ashamed that we wouldn't, and why wouldn't we is more to Enneagram in my opinion. But let's say Ti over Fe makes us look at the situation rationally and see how much trouble it really is. I also think "perfect man" is something ENTP can hardly imagine. If there was something like that, it would probably be worth it, but all we have are "flawed man that we learn to accept and like as they are." For constantly looking at the world like that, we probably think we won't be able to stand those flaws for so many years, or even worse decades. We want people to develop and we want to develop ourselves, otherwise it's too boring and stagnating, but we can't see it happening. Thus we're afraid of commitment and thus we can't imagine a really perfect person for us.

However, this is just my opinion. I'm pretty new to cognitive functions, so first logical thing that comes to my mind becomes my opinion. XD I still can't think critically about it.

And btw, as for those who asked, this stuff seem perfectly ENTPish and INFJish to me. Although I wouldn't have guessed that INFJ wouldn't marry a dying man, it doesn't surprise me all that much.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
117 Posts
To summarize for other ENTPs around: she would marry a dying man if it was his dying wish, and her INFJ friend wouldn't because she doesn't wanna be a widow, if he was 50/50 dying the ENTP wouldn't marry him cuz she's afraid of commitment and INFJ would marry him and take care of him for the rest of his life. Question: spot cognitive functions at work.

I think it's mainly P vs. J difference, they (Js) are just somehow more open minded when it comes to closing down possibilities. I see as if they want to reach one final solution, while we (Ps) want to keep our possibilities open. We also enjoy in the process, while they enjoy in the result. Let's say the sickness was the process, we'd enjoy spending time with a person and wouldn't mind that it would end with death, while they would think of the result (death, being a widow) and be demotivated by it. This might also be a bit of Ne vs Ni. Both like to explore new things, but Ne does it hypothetically and Ni does it practically. Or at least it's been like that in my experience. But with NPs and NJs, I'm not speaking of tertiary Ni/Ne users.

Also, ENTPs like going wild, spontaneous, I think that's also Ne's doing and marrying a dying man is just that. Something out of the ordinary, new, a challenge to some extent, because you don't really know how's it going to feel/be, you never saw it done, probably.

As for worrying about his feelings after her death and agreeing to take care of him for the rest of her life if he was to survive, it's just their strong Fe. We do have that Fe that tells us that it would be a good thing to do and makes us feel ashamed that we wouldn't, and why wouldn't we is more to Enneagram in my opinion. But let's say Ti over Fe makes us look at the situation rationally and see how much trouble it really is. I also think "perfect man" is something ENTP can hardly imagine. If there was something like that, it would probably be worth it, but all we have are "flawed man that we learn to accept and like as they are." For constantly looking at the world like that, we probably think we won't be able to stand those flaws for so many years, or even worse decades. We want people to develop and we want to develop ourselves, otherwise it's too boring and stagnating, but we can't see it happening. Thus we're afraid of commitment and thus we can't imagine a really perfect person for us.

However, this is just my opinion. I'm pretty new to cognitive functions, so first logical thing that comes to my mind becomes my opinion. XD I still can't think critically about it.

And btw, as for those who asked, this stuff seem perfectly ENTPish and INFJish to me. Although I wouldn't have guessed that INFJ wouldn't marry a dying man, it doesn't surprise me all that much.
Spot on! Cupcakes for you. That's a wrap, gents.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
506 Posts
Discussion Starter #14
And btw, as for those who asked, this stuff seem perfectly ENTPish and INFJish to me. Although I wouldn't have guessed that INFJ wouldn't marry a dying man, it doesn't surprise me all that much.
Excellent analysis. However, I've been thinking and she might be an ISFJ. Don't know how that plays into anything, but yeah. It could be her Si and SJness that don't want her to be a widow and somewhat of an outsider in her community.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
565 Posts
Excellent analysis. However, I've been thinking and she might be an ISFJ. Don't know how that plays into anything, but yeah. It could be her Si and SJness that don't want her to be a widow and somewhat of an outsider in her community.
That's just a SJ stereotype we love to believe in. Although I can't really say, from the information given. Also, I lack basic understanding of S function. I divide people on Ns and non-Ns, since S makes so little sense to me I can't even give an example on it.

And thanks for the compliment. ^ ^
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
8 Posts
Naturally, I reversed the question and asked her what if you were the one dying and you really wanted to spend the rest of your remaining life with him. She said she would not ask him to marry her because she wouldn't want to burden him, however if he asked her to marry him she would but she would really emphasize that he should move on after she's dead and she would be worried that her death might cause a lot of emotional scars.

So the hypothetical situation took another turn and the question turned to it being what if he was 50/50 dying? She said if he was terminally ill or 50/50 she would actually marry him and spend the rest of her life taking care of him and I admitted that I wasn't comfortable doing that.
I am an INFJ (recently confirmed), I actually do have a terminal disease, both of these answers are exactly how I would have responded, and actually have to my ex. My terminal disease is PKD, so I'm not going to die tomorrow, but I do certainly feel like I will eventually be a burden to care for. In addition, I have thought long and hard about children. My disease is genetic which means a 50/50 chance to pass it on. Due to this, I don't really want to have my own children and pass this burden on to them.

It's a tough spot to be in.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,412 Posts
Not to be an asshole or anything, but I would probably say... "F*** you. I am not marrying you just because you're dying, but I do love you and will take care of you and be there with you 'til the end. But no, I am not marrying you. Now let's go eat some cookies."
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
353 Posts
I would need a little more information than you provided before I could make a decision on whether or not I would marry Mr. Perfect But Terminally Ill...like, what is the size of his estate?
 
1 - 18 of 18 Posts
Top