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With people I don't know, I hide myself. Actively defending would show I'm vulnerable. It would show that I have a weak spot, a weakness they discovered. It would show my sensitivity. So I just stay inside my shell, acting as if nothing's happening.
In the meanwhile I try to figure out what's going on. Why would this person have bad intentions? Towards me? Me, who is as innocent as a child. I wouldn't hurt a living soul, at least not conciously. I'm so fragile myself. That means that I treat my surrounding with the same concentiousness as I expect to be treated.
But people rarely treat me like that. So, inside my shell I stay, safe.
I seem unable to be totally aware of that person's intentions. I'm dazzled. I don't understand what's going on. The person keeps sizing me up. Every one of my gestures is analyzed. My behavior is commented upon. A way is being sought right through my shell.I'm even more confused. For the first time in my life someone with hidden bad intention crossed my path. My sensitivity has been noticed, my weakness, my vulnerability! while I believed being safe inside my shell, hidden, thinking nobody could know.
Reality is that until that day the people who must have noticed have left me alone. Appearently I am not that invisible at all. The simple fact of me being there reveals so much that it cannot be hidden. It calls for drastic measures. Things have to change. You can't hide behind clothes and closing your eyes doesn't change a thing. But how ? Why ? Why do I have to defend myself ? What wrong with people not caring and hurting others?
Those questions, in vain they go. Reality strikes, reality wins, it conquers and it destroys what ever beliefs there were. It's a cruel world out there. There's no escape. I cannot hide. There is no choice left but to attack in order to survive. As I'm triggered, I get out of my shell. My shell is giving up on me. My defense is failing me. I lose my temper. The wall around me falls like a house of cards. I'm standing, here, bare naked in front of a total stranger.
 

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I know what you are describing. We have such good intentions toward others. We try to help, and when we can't, we mind our own business. But still people find things wrong with us, and it's baffling. We don't operate that way, and we don't expect others to either, but they do. Living life in a predatory manor is completely foreign to us. Which is why the predators take us so much by surprise.
 
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