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MOTM Nov 2010
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There have been a few threads on abusive intimate relations. I thought I'd post some warning signs and definitions. Domestic Abuse is not solely confined to one sex over the other. Domestic violence is abuse between intimate partners, where one partner is using different types of abuse (ie, emotional, physical,) to gain power and control over his or her partner.

Warning Signs
Below is a list of behaviors that are seen in abusive intimate partners. The more signs the person has, the more likely the person has a battering personality and a potential for relationship violence. Initially batterers excuse abusive behavior as signs of love and concern (which can very be flattering), however, as the relationship progresses these abusive behaviors become more controlling, abusive and violent.

1. Jealousy: At the beginning of a relationship, an abuser will say that jealousy is a sign of love. Jealousy has nothing to do with love. It's a sign of insecurity and possessiveness.
Signs: Questions who their partner talks to. Accusations of flirting. Complains of how much time is spent with others. Frequent phone calls throughout the day. Unexpected visits. Unpredictable behavior. Checking car mileage. Asking friends to watch or "spy" on their partner. Falsely accuses partner is cheating on them.

2. Controlling Behavior: At the onset of the relationship, the abuser will say that this behavior is because of concern for their partner's safety, or to guide them in good decision-making and time management.
Signs: Closely questions everything their partner does. Will not allow the partner to make personal decisions about the house, clothing and/or going to church. Anger if the partner is "late" coming back from the store or an appointment. May keep all the money and/or make the partner ask permission to leave the house or room. Will tell their partner what do, what to wear, what to say, etc.

3. Fast Moving Relationships: Many domestic violence survivors dated or knew their abuser for less than six months before they were engaged or started living together.
Signs: Relationship starts like a whirlwind, "love at first sight". Excessive flattery such as "you're the only person I can talk to" and "I love you more than anyone in the world". Abusive partner may state they need someone desperately. Pressure for commitment.

4. Unrealistic Expectations: Abusive partners are dependent on relationships for all of their needs; this is not healthy. No relationship is perfect and no one person can realistically be there "all the time."
Signs: Expects partner to be a perfect partner/spouse, parent, lover, and friend. May say things like "if you love me, I'm all you need, you're all I need." Expects partner to take care of everything emotionally for them. Expects their partner to perform all household tasks.

5. Isolation: The abuser tries to cut-off resources in effort to remove opportunities for escape and systems of support. Without supportive friends with which to "trouble talk" about relationships, it can be hard to recognize signs of abuse. Resources include work or school, transportation, family and friends.
Signs: Friends are not allowed by the abuser; these relationships are viewed as unfaithful. Friendships are ridiculed or sabotaged. Accuses supportive friends to be "causing trouble." Will not allow visits to or from partner's family. Moves away from partner's family and friends. Taking away the phone or the car. Insists their partner stop going to work or to school.

6. Blames Others for Problems: Abusers do not take responsibility for any negative situation; instead they will find someone else or some external factor to blame for the problem.
Signs: Mistakes are the fault the partner. Irresponsibility. Chronic unemployment. Says, "Someone is always doing me wrong" or "out to get me". Says their partner upsets them or keeps them from concentrating. Abuser blames their partner for practically anything and everything that goes wrong.

7. Blames Other for Feelings: Abusers often do not understand or want to feel any negative emotions. When an abuser feels hurt, anger, or fear, they will want to find someone to blame to make the feeling go away.
Signs: Says "you make me mad", "you're hurting me by not doing what I ask", and "I can't help being angry." Uses feelings to manipulate their partner.

8. Hypersensitivity: Abusers can be extra sensitive and may explode when they suspect an attack.
Signs: Easily insulted. Claims feeling "hurt" when really feels anger. Takes the slightest set back as personal attacks. Will "rant and rave" about the injustice of things that have happened, things that are really just part of living like being asked to help with chores.

9. Cruelty to Animals or Children: Someone who punishes children and or animals brutally or is insensitive to their pain or suffering. This is a red flag warning and a message that they could hurt people too.
Signs: Expects children to be capable of doing things far beyond their ability (whips a two year old for wetting their diaper). Hurts or abuses animals. Teases children until they cry. Hurts or kills their partner's pets. Does want children to eat at the table or expects them to stay in their room all evening away from adults. 60 % of abusers, who beat their female partner, will also beat their children.

10. "Playful" use of Force in Sex: Media has displayed forceful sex as "sexy," however, it shows unhealthy desire for power and control over one's partner. Sex is about intimacy and mutual consent. It is against the law to force someone into any sexual act.
Signs: Likes to throw down or restrain partner during sex. Wants to act out sexual fantasies where the partner is helpless. Ideas of "rape" excite them. Not concerned whether their partner wants to have sex or not. Sulks or uses anger to manipulate partner into having sex. Starts having sex with partner while partner is sleeping. Demands sex when partner is ill or tired.

11. Verbal Abuse: Abuse is not only physical. Abusers will often criticize and demean their partners.
Signs: Says cruel and hurtful things. Constantly degrades their partner. Curses. Belittles accomplishments. Says their partner is stupid and incapable of functioning without them. Very critical about everything.

12. Rigid Gender Roles: Abusers will use gender roles to restrict and control their partners.
Signs: Abusers see the opposite sex as inferior to them, less intelligent, and unable to be a whole person without them. For example, some abusers expect their partners to serve and obey them in all things, even things that are criminal in nature. Abusers may restrict their partners from working or going to school.

13. Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde: This is a reference to a fictional character that had both a "good" and "evil" side.
Signs: Sudden changes in mood, a "roller coaster of emotions." Explosiveness. One-minute the abuser is nice and the next minute there is an explosion.

14. Past Battering: If someone has a history of violent relationships, they are likely to abuse again (unless the abuser seeks intervention). Situational circumstances do not make a person have an abusive personality.
Signs: Many abusers have hit partners in the past. Abusers reason that past abuse was because "my partner made me do it." Relatives or ex-partners may admit past abuse.

15. Threats of Violence: Threats are meant to control and manipulate. Threats can also be illegal.
Signs: Threatens, "I'll slap your mouth off", "I'll kill you", or "I'll break your neck". Excuses threats saying, "everybody talks like that."

16. Breaking or Striking Objects: Used as a punishment, to terrorize and threaten the partner into submission.
Signs: Beats on tables with fists. Throws objects near their partner. Breaks partner's special possessions.

17. Force during an Argument: Arguments and discussions are a natural part of all relationships, but force or restraint changes an ordinary argument into possible abuse
Signs: Holding a partner down. Physically restraining partner from leaving the room and saying "you're going to listen to me". Pushing or shoving. Cornering partner against a wall.[/quote]



Types of Abuse
Physical Abuse is the use of physical force against another person in a way that ends up injuring the person, or puts the person at risk of being injured.

Does your partner push, hit or choke you?
Does your partner threaten to hurt you with a weapon?
Emotional Abuse can be verbal or nonverbal.

Does your partner continually criticize you, call you names?
Does your partner make all decisions for you?
Financial Abuse may include withholding resources, stealing from the victim, or using the victims name to incur debt.

Does your partner force you to work, or refuse to let you work?
Do you feel financially dependent on your partner?
Sexual Abuse is often linked to physical abuse; they may occur together, or the sexual abuse may occur after a bout of physical abuse

Does your partner minimize the importance of your feelings about sex?
Does your partner force particular unwanted sex acts?
Spiritual Abuse is anything that comes in the way of you doing something or feeling good about yourself.

Does your partner not allow you to practice your morals/religious beliefs or culture/values?
Do you feel that you have given up things that are important you?
Whether a couple is same-sex or opposite-sex, many dynamics of abuse are the same. An abusive relationship is fueled by the desire of the abuser to have control over his or her partner. The abuser uses different types of abuse, including: physical, sexual, emotional, financial, and spiritual.
 

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MOTM Nov 2010
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Discussion Starter #4
So, what does it mean when I request my partner to "playfully" force me to have sex with him?
I do not know. That is something for you to answer not me.
 

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My question wasn't actually serious. The point that I failed to make is that you can't assume that someone is abusive from the criteria that you've listed. Yes, most of it is a good indicator, but it's also a generalization. A person can be commanding and controlling without being abusive. It's the extent to which they allow it to take over their life that is the true indicator of whether or not they will be abusive.

I had a guestspeaker in one of my classes this past semester and she talked to us about the vast differences in latino culture in terms of domination between a man and a woman. Often, social workers will interpret a female who appears downcast and shy around her husband as a woman who is being beaten, particularly if she doesn't speak or voice her opinion. However, this is not always the case. It is a part of the culture (for some) for a man to be outwardly dominant and controlling. In fact latinas are often offended by the concern that their relationship is abusive simply because they let their husband order their food for them, or some other such nonsense. As the speaker herself said - "why should I bother ordering and waste my breath talking when he can do it for me? He's already talking to the waiter anyways!" If there isn't a problem within the relationship, and neither parties mind the dominance dynamics, it's not abusive. That's all I'm trying to say. Labeling people as unhealthy because of the way they prefer their lives is uncool in my opinion.
 

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My question wasn't actually serious. The point that I failed to make is that you can't assume that someone is abusive from the criteria that you've listed. Yes, most of it is a good indicator, but it's also a generalization. A person can be commanding and controlling without being abusive. It's the extent to which they allow it to take over their life that is the true indicator of whether or not they will be abusive.

I had a guestspeaker in one of my classes this past semester and she talked to us about the vast differences in latino culture in terms of domination between a man and a woman. Often, social workers will interpret a female who appears downcast and shy around her husband as a woman who is being beaten, particularly if she doesn't speak or voice her opinion. However, this is not always the case. It is a part of the culture (for some) for a man to be outwardly dominant and controlling. In fact latinas are often offended by the concern that their relationship is abusive simply because they let their husband order their food for them, or some other such nonsense. As the speaker herself said - "why should I bother ordering and waste my breath talking when he can do it for me? He's already talking to the waiter anyways!" If there isn't a problem within the relationship, and neither parties mind the dominance dynamics, it's not abusive. That's all I'm trying to say. Labeling people as unhealthy because of the way they prefer their lives is uncool in my opinion.
Right, though I think that you are missing the point. I am pretty certain this isn't supposed to be a "if a person meets any or all of these criteria then they must be an abuser". It is a list of warning signs. Of course context is important, but nonetheless for a lot of people, having signs to look for can be absolutely invaluable. Yes it's not a coverall, but something like this could really help people.
 

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I did not miss the point - I know these are good indicators, and I know that they work. I've done quite a bit of studies on domestic abuse and the perpetuation of violence, and am a victim of abuse myself. The only thing I wanted to say is that you have to have an open mind and not accuse every person who seems to be a certain way, or seems to fit these criteria as an abuser. It is just as important to protect the innocent as it is to protect the abused. I'm not disagreeing with the list or anything like that, merely pointing out something that I feel is important to keep in mind.
 

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Thank you, Pink. As an emotionally and psychologically abused woman... I appreciate you sharing these tips and encourage anyone who is the least bit concerned about the health of their relationship to read these words.
 

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So, what does it mean when I request my partner to "playfully" force me to have sex with him?

Ultimately, it is up to you. If you have relations with your partner that you both find exciting, positive and pleasant, then it's not really an unhealthy environment. Unless, of course, you both like drugs or drinking to excess, etc.

If you have a sexual fantasy that you need and your partner not only agrees to it, but also enjoys it. In my opinion, I would not consider it abuse. Now, if you were beaten and tied up and you were afraid, you were in pain, you didn't ask for it, you didn't want it... and it's breaking your spirit... that is abuse.
 

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thanks Pink for posting this thread.. abusers are powerful illlusionists who use "smoke and mirrors" to cause confusion and leave their partners wondering if they are the crazy ones... there is a wonderful book by Lundy Bancroft Why does He do that? Inside the minds of angry and controlling men that is worth reading, especially if you feel "battered and bruised" by your partner yet wonder if it's your fault. the victim is never to blame... the abuser is to blame...

and yes i know that not all abusers are men.. so there is no need to post a comment saying so...
 
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Ultimately, it is up to you. If you have relations with your partner that you both find exciting, positive and pleasant, then it's not really an unhealthy environment. Unless, of course, you both like drugs or drinking to excess, etc.

If you have a sexual fantasy that you need and your partner not only agrees to it, but also enjoys it. In my opinion, I would not consider it abuse. Now, if you were beaten and tied up and you were afraid, you were in pain, you didn't ask for it, you didn't want it... and it's breaking your spirit... that is abuse.


Thank you for your insight and concern - though as I pointed out in a later post, my question wasn't serious. I'm more than comfortable with my sexuality and all the rest. :)
 

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I agree with the concerns Lady K brought forward completely. I'd have said something myself but I didn't have the will...
 
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Thank you, again, p.r.

I've recently found ~ isurvive.org - A Non-Profit Organization for Abuse Survivors Learning to Thrive ~ :: Index. It's an online chat forum support system for survivors of all types of abuse. It also has a sub-forum for the "loved ones" of survivors, who are sometimes referred to as "secondary survivors" due to the repercussions of the emotional harm which is inevitably brought to the loved one in the relationship by the initial abuse, though the loved one is not always also an abuse survivor.

I can't dismiss the consciousness I've gained of the effects that past abuse have had upon me as a "loved one" not only as someone who has been in an intimate relationship with a survivor of abuse but also, first, as a daughter of a woman who was verbally abused by her father and as a sister to siblings who are survivors but who have learned to thrive, despite it. There are also abuses which have happened to me that make me a survivor- though I don't like to say that, I must face it. I am beginning to understand triggers. I have begun to accept that being a healthy person for myself is the best thing I can do as a "loved one" and so I must not ever fall into the mentality of being a victim, must express my emotions in healthy ways which don't trigger a survivor and also recognize how I must do my part to break the cycle to not become an abuser through ignorance, neglect and/or selfish impulses.

Knowing all the things which I have done wrong (and also things which I have not done wrong and must not hold myself to blame for), and am responsible to be accountable for having done in order to correct my own behavior, I can read what you have shared knowing that there are harmful behaviors in that list which I have consciously not done, which has allowed me a sense of great relief. I know I still have emotional efforts to make, lifestyle as well as educational and career and therapy outlets to pursue as actions -not just words of intentions- and pivotal attitudes to adjust. I am still young and fortunate to be able to positively move forward with so much knowledge at this point in my life, knowledge of things which have caused me so much pain but now have an explanation and solutions in my control to undertake and enact.

I know I have pushed some boundaries in times when I felt I needed to talk with someone but instead of seeking a confidential, information-protective resource I went to my family who I had no right to divulge certain private information to. It is very challenging to maintain trust in such situations, trust often being the aspect of any relationship with a survivor that requires the most effort to establish or recover, then to sustain with full confidence. Whoever broke the bond of trust first is not a reason to continue to injure that trust. Broken trust requires a lot of emotional work and actions taken to repair it in order to be able to experience intimacy as a safe freedom, not as a trigger or as a threat. It is very difficult for a survivor to be vulnerable. It is very dangerous for a survivor of abuse to be placed into a situation with someone who would take advantage of vulnerability to again exploit the person. The psychology of feeling compelled to stay in an abusive environment is not something easily broken free of, as co-dependency has likely taken hold as though the people involved are held in a vice grip or shackles. Self-esteem is incredibly wounded and the situation very complicated, but that is no reason for anyone to stand idly by or pick sides or refuse to believe a survivor when they are able to ask for help. Abuse is a very serious problem that hurts everyone, affecting the community of humanity like a contagious disease that must be diagnosed and treated for the infection to stop spreading and the healing to take its place.

A person who is affected by such circumstances needs a safe haven, but they might feel they don't have a courageous voice with which to seek help- often, the trauma has created a confusion for the victim, especially for the victim who is a defenseless child.

The cycle must be broken. I applaud any and every person who has taken interest to become more knowledgeable about the subject of abuse, its warning signs and about how to seek help, offer help, pursue the proper route for intervention and/or to alert law enforcement authorities to stop abuse in any form, to protect the abused from further harm done and also to provide help and reform for both the abused and the abusers.


As Dean Koontz wrote in his sci-fi / thriller / romance novel "Watchers", which affected me very strongly even as a young child reading it, "We have a responsibility to stand watch over one another, we are watchers, all of us, watchers, guarding against the darkness." I again, as a child, was affected profoundly when reading his sci-fi / thriller novel, "Lightning" in which there are young fictional characters who fall prey to an abuser. There are wrongs which we cannot go back to right, pains which may take a lifetime to recover from, but there are wrongs that we can stop in the present and work to make right to prevent future wrongs from happening needlessly. We should all be aware, be watchful, take responsibility, thrive, and help others to thrive, also. Each of us can do something. Each of us are capable of breaking the cycle.

*hugs*
 

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I think Lady K is making a good, good point.
I think sex ain't that easy thing they try to paint us. Of course there a few things that we should not break, but it ain't easy. By the way, many of the things you describe seem more likely of a troubled person than any other thing. Are you sure those people deserve to be bad treated, girl?

I think Lady K has a lot of good points, like the difference of criteria into relationships and how nothing is truely bad as long as it's consented.
I love latina women. Personally, I'm in a relationship, and I love pleasing the person I'm with, which doesn't mean I'm not strong willed, because when things are serious I speak it loud. But, is there any problem?
Go, those latinas, go :)
 
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dang. I counted the ones where My step-dad would fall under. I had 2 (control), 3 (fast relationship), 6 (blames others), kinda had 7 (blames other for feelings), 8 (hypersensitivity), and can see how 9 (cruelty towards children) could be applied, 11 (verbal abuse), 13 (Dr.Jekyll/Hyde),15 (threats of violence), and 17 (force during arguments).

These were not all done to one person however. Its a mix between my Mom (3,6,7,8) , me (2, 6, 7,8,9,11,13) and my brother (2,6,7,8,9,11,13,15,17). He never actually hit any of us, but it was getting to the point where he was threatening my brother so my mom said ENOUGH! She has recently made an offer on a new house and is excitedly awaiting a response.

OWL
 

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Discussion Starter #17
I think Lady K is making a good, good point.
I think sex ain't that easy thing they try to paint us. Of course there a few things that we should not break, but it ain't easy. By the way, many of the things you describe seem more likely of a troubled person than any other thing. Are you sure those people deserve to be bad treated, girl?

I think Lady K has a lot of good points, like the difference of criteria into relationships and how nothing is truely bad as long as it's consented.
I love latina women. Personally, I'm in a relationship, and I love pleasing the person I'm with, which doesn't mean I'm not strong willed, because when things are serious I speak it loud. But, is there any problem?
Go, those latinas, go :)
That's great that you love Latina women. However, are you aware that we are all different? I would stay away from generalizations because it's really difficult for me to understand what you are referring to. Btw, there are quite a few Latinas who are abused. Domestic violence is rampant in the hispanic culture. That would be dangerous to diminish this reality.

My post, as is stating in the beginning, is to help individuals recognize characteristics that may have the potential to turn into violence in the relationship. This is not about "labels" or social standards. This is about education, awareness, and self protection. This is also about recognizing unhealthy traits in yourself, whether you are female or male.
 

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I had no idea just how abusive my brother is to me. Here's the list:

Controlling Behavior: I have to ask his permission to do just about anything. This includes getting through doors if he is on the other side. If he wants to do something I'm on, I have to surrender it in teh next 2 mintues if he's being generous, otherwise I'll be beaten and hijacked, he comes in to my room at random and check my computer history and C drive for any sign I've been foruming, troping, looking at anything at all sexual, or just spending too much time on the internet. His attacks now are mostly to do with wanting to be powerful and needing to exert control over others. He's temporarily stolen my computer many times, implemented blocks on it that prevented me from using the internet on it, and he also demands to look at my lower area to make sure that I haven't been jacking off.

Unrealistic Expectations: I have to be nice to him and treaty him "decently". I can't ever be pissed off. If I am, I can't show it. I must always be happy to see him. I have to be able to play games at his level. I always have to take second place, unless he's feeling nasty, then he'll make me be point and say that I should be point but I'm too lazy to do it. I can't lie either. I do, almost pathologically, but if I don't I'd be constantly attacked, beaten, and subjugated. I can't be sexual; I can't look at porn, despite the fact that not only does he look at porn, he downloads it by the gigabyte. I also have to constantly be fully clothed. However, he can march around naked and shove his dick by my face. If I do so much as appear without a shirt on, I get beaten.

Isolation: He's tried to take me away from my best friend because the guy doesn't roll over to be his bitch. He tries to keep me from getting a girlfriend and tells me often that I'm never going to get a girl because I'm ugly, stupid, and weak.

Blames Others for Problems: He says that I never give him the support he demands in a game. If I die, it doesn't matter. If he gets killed once, we have to start from the last checkpoint. If he loses his weapon, we have to go on a hunt for it. If it's lost, we have to restart. He says that because I didn't help him enough he got killed. My satisfaction doesn't matter. I have to lie about feeling anything but utter loathing for him or face game bans, which my parents claim he can't do, but he does anyway because he could beat me to death easily.

Blames Other for Feelings: He says "I don't want to beat you up but you piss me off." He claims that I treat him like shit and the last time the family made him the but of a joke about him being irrational and getting pissed off easily, he ran up to him room to cry, claiming that we all treat him like shit.

Cruelty to Animals: He isn't mean to kids, but he is mean to a certain cat we have. He chases the cat around the house, forcing him to hide under the deck, and if he doesn catch him, withholds foods, water, and keeps him held for hours on end. However, he thinks the dog is a saint, unless the dog isn't perfect enough, in which case he alpha rolls for things like the dog not hearing a command or being a little too slow on the uptake.

"Playful" use of Force: I get jump scares from him all the time. He will hit me hard and say that he was just playing with me despite me having a bigass bruise on my shoulder. I have almost been sent tumbling down the stairs several times due to shit like this and we're both 17. I keep an AK-103 Assault Rifle in my room loaded with Jacketed Hollow-Point Ammunition and I have a bayonet for it in case if he goes too far.

Verbal Abuse: I get called "peice of shit" all the time. I get told I'm fat, ugly, lazy, and stupid. If I like anything, he derrides it. If I go after him, I get beaten up. There's too much for me to go into specifics, so look for what I'm telling you in the other parts.

Rigid Roles: I'm always secondary; I don't matter except as an absolute last resort. He claims that he wants me to take point, but whenever I do, he forces me off to the side. If I ever try to stand up for myself, I get beaten and potentially forced off of gaming for the entire day for "treating me like shit."

Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde: He's either being really nice to me, or treating me like dirt. He always uses his actions while he's being "nice" to force me to do whatever he says by claiming "you're being a selfish dick." It's worst in the mornings where he practically goes trying to pick fights. He treats me like absolute shit, but 45 minute later, he's justifying himself casually as if he had done nothing more than forgotten to put cream in his coffee and was lamenting ordering the wrong cappuccino at Starbucks.

Past Battering: I've been getting beaten for so long that I can't even remember how old I was when I was first hit. It's been going on for almost 10 years and he's gotten more vicious and laconic over the years. I don't get hit as much, but he's more likely to administer a beatdown to exert control than to let out his annoyance. His attacks are a combination of both, but he's become more a control freak and the violence fluctuates with him mood; if he's happy, then I can live. If he's not, then I feel like I have been given my own personal hell.

Threats of Violence: "I'm going to beat you up." He usually carries these out too, but if I express any kind of not-perfectly-happy sentiment, then I get beaten up and/or being chided for being "a puss". If I even seem violently angry with him, I get beaten with 20 hard slugs to the same spot on the arm, which is always sensitive to getting hit because he's been pummeling it for years. Even talking to him in a slightly unhappy tone results in threats.

Breaking or Striking Objects: Namely: me. He hits the table and yells "Bull-Fucking-Shit!" if the rest of the family disagrees with him. He's broken most of my Xbox Live mics by swinging them by the cord and throwing them into the wall if I use them at all in his presence except with known, established, approved-by-him family friends. He also steals my computer at least once a month just because he feels that I'm not giving him enough "attention" or I'm being mean to him.

Force during an Argument: When we were disputing the effectiveness of gun control, when I showed him hard proof that gun control increases crime, I got beaten up. When I disagreed with him over video game tacts or weapon choice, I get beaten up. If I sound angry, I get beaten up. If I make even a verbal move against him, I get beaten hard. If he accuses me of doing something that he claims makes him mad, if I deny it, he beats me up until I admit that I did it. For example, I once brought him a Doctor Pepper, having been forced to do so after being forced away from the T.V. by being hit several times in the upper arms. Unfortuantely, I had to go up stairs to get them, so it was slightly shaken up. I wanted him that it might expolde, but he didn't listen "If it explodes, I'll beat you up." It did get a tiny little fizz pop on his knuckle. I tried to run, but he caught me on the stairs and beat me for 18 minutes in the same spot as hard as he could until I said I did it. I then started getting kicked because I had to say "I did it on purpose to hurt you, Adrian." I got beaten for 2 more minutes by kicking until I admitted to doing that. Then, he stopped beating me and justified himself in an offhand manner "I don't like when you lie to me, Brian."
 

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I've also been told that I have this:

Complex post-traumatic stress disorder - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Thanks for fucking me up, Brother. Remember, you hurt me because you were never capable of mastering yourself. You were too pathetic and weak to cope with childhood and a brother who wasn't quite normal. You were always called the "best one". You became used to winning. And if you didn't win, you couldn't handle being not the best. So you turned on someone who wouldn't and couldn't fight back. You've used him to get your stress out. You never gave a fuck about what you did to him- about what you made him experience, what it was like to grow up being reminded that you were inferior and could never truly be good enough. Now, I have to cope with you pushing all your problems on me, and I have to deal with growing up and being a slightly abnormal teen who is headed off to college come summer. I hope your girlfriends don't mind being beaten, because once I can get away, I'm never going to willingly see you again, and you'll be all alone, with no way to cope with the stresses of ordinary life. Have fun drowning in the same shit you've been putting me through since elementary school.
 
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