Personality Cafe banner

401 - 420 of 436 Posts

·
QUEEN PEEN
Joined
·
9,303 Posts
So someone says something you disagree with and now your calling them an abuser.

Is this what you mean by filling someones head with crap?

Call them names and make them feel shitty until they "come round to your way of thinking"?
Yeah. The baseless allegations and the irony really speak for themselves. As far as I'm concerned, she can devote as much time and energy as she would like on thoughts of me :p
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
5,117 Posts
Yeah. The baseless allegations and the irony really speak for themselves. As far as I'm concerned, she can devote as much time and energy as she would like on thoughts of me :p
I just agree with what you said that set her off.

Its like my next door neighbour, his wife/fiancée/gf/whatever boots him out the house all the time if he dosnt buy her nice things. Then she takes him back and he splashes out on her.

I can hear her shouting and screaming and threatening him all the time.

But at end of the day, he made a choice to be with her.
Its really not my problem.

Its just one of them things.
 

·
QUEEN PEEN
Joined
·
9,303 Posts
I just agree with what you said that set her off.

Its like my next door neighbour, his wife/fiancée/gf/whatever boots him out the house all the time if he dosnt buy her nice things. Then she takes him back and he splashes out on her.

I can hear her shouting and screaming and threatening him all the time.

But at end of the day, he made a choice to be with her.
Its really not my problem.

Its just one of them things.
And the worst part is that this sort of thing happens all the time. So many people accept abuse and crumbs of love. It's sad :/
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
5,117 Posts
And the worst part is that this sort of thing happens all the time. So many people accept abuse and crumbs of love. It's sad :/
I think some people actually enjoy abuse.

Im not sure if I mentioned this elsewhere on this forum.
Last year I saw a girl a few times, and it would get quite rough, but she seemed quite unattached. It was only when it got really rough one night and I pushed myself way out of my comfort zone as she was getting physical and verbal so I slapped her in the face (she had already slapped and punched me) and called her a dead beat white trash whore. At this point she suddenly went anime eyed and told me that she loved me.

She only seemed affectionate when it was basically abusive. I ended it as as much as I liked her, it didn't sit well with who I was.

Im still not sure if Im more shocked at what I did or her reaction.

The next day I took her to Breakfeast at Frankie and Benny's and we had quite an in depth chat (she opened up a bit more after the dead beat white trash whore thing) and it turned out that her dad was a bit of a violent drunk.

So not sure if its people enjoying abuse, being trapped, or just crappy male role models when growing up.
 

·
QUEEN PEEN
Joined
·
9,303 Posts
I think some people actually enjoy abuse.

Im not sure if I mentioned this elsewhere on this forum.
Last year I saw a girl a few times, and it would get quite rough, but she seemed quite unattached. It was only when it got really rough one night and I pushed myself way out of my comfort zone as she was getting physical and verbal so I slapped her in the face (she had already slapped and punched me) and called her a dead beat white trash whore. At this point she suddenly went anime eyed and told me that she loved me.

She only seemed affectionate when it was basically abusive. I ended it as as much as I liked her, it didn't sit well with who I was.

Im still not sure if Im more shocked at what I did or her reaction.

The next day I took her to Breakfeast at Frankie and Benny's and we had quite an in depth chat (she opened up a bit more after the dead beat white trash whore thing) and it turned out that her dad was a bit of a violent drunk.

So not sure if its people enjoying abuse, being trapped, or just crappy male role models when growing up.
Yeah, there are some people out there who enjoy the roller coaster of emotional highs and lows that go with it. A lot of factors could tie into the reasons they choose to live with that type of dysfunction.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
5,117 Posts
Yeah, there are some people out there who enjoy the roller coaster of emotional highs and lows that go with it. A lot of factors could tie into the reasons they choose to live with that type of dysfunction.
Plus then take into side effects of getting involved.

A while back I saw some guy having a proper go at his gf/fiancée/wife/some random girl (I didn't ask so don't know the relationship), he was shouting, swearing, threatening to beat her, blah blah b;lah.

Did I do anything, no, fuck that shit.

But sure enough along came a White Knight who decided that this woman was going to be the fair maiden he saved that day.

So in he jumped, telling the guy that he shouldn't treat women that way. The girl suddenly started cursing and swearing at Mr White Knight. A fair maiden she was not.

The abusive guy then proceeded to kick the shit out of the white knight whilst the fair maiden egged him on, cheered him and laughed at our defeated White Knight.

They then seemed to get on really well, holding hands and kissing.

It was like the maiden was charged by watching her Black Knight destroy Sir Lancelot.

But anyway on a serious note, this is why I don't get involved in this stuff:

A) I don't know the full picture
B) I enjoy breathing
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
5,117 Posts

I don’t care for either one of you and nah, not conversing with you anymore. Suck the life out of someone else with your abuse and games.

Bye bye.

Not sure where we were abusing people in those responses but never mind.

Have a good un.
 

·
Lotus Jester
Joined
·
8,877 Posts
What I've learned that "abuse" can come in many forms in from a variety of people in different walks of life. I sometimes tend to be overly trusting.
 

·
私を愛して
ESTJ; LSE; 3w4; Sp/Sx
Joined
·
14,683 Posts
Abuse: Warning Signs and Types:

When they destroy me with memes.
When they fuck up my saves in video games.
When they throw away half-eaten pizza.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,168 Posts
I've experienced 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 and 8 very heavily.
11 happened a lot.
13 is also true.
15 and 16 in other forms ("I will leave you if you don't do it", "you are just a cheating slut without me". Tried to hurt himself. Wanted me to throw away special posessions as "punishments")
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1 Posts
Sadly, emotional abuse can happen to anyone, from nearly anyone. I was in an abusive relationship until just recently, and I experienced 3,4,6,7,8,9,10,12,13,14, and 15 first hand, though the threats were to harm herself, not me. It was a long distance relationship. It began with her getting back together with an ex for a night of "fun", then telling me about it. When I wanted to go (because it was still early on in the relationship and I wasn't overly attached) she begged and pleaded for me to stay for hours, and convinced me eventually. She later confessed she dropped to the floor laughing that she had succeeded in suckering me back in. The next day while I was waiting for her, she went back to him to do it all over again, and came back with lies. It was the start of a long, emotionally abusive relationship.

She would frequently cheat on me, tell me it was all over, different, and to give her one more chance, and somehow always suckered me into coming back. She seemed nice to my face, but told all of her friends, and even our mutual friends how horrible I was behind my back, constantly. She told me if I loved her, I would trust her, while lying to me again and again and again.

...sometimes I was even punished for not trusting her when she was lying to me openly and directly, even after that fact was revealed.

Finally, in the end, I found out she was talking to all the people she'd cheated on me with, on a secret skype account. I finally left her, and blocked her completely out of my life. There were times she made me want to commit suicide, which can't be healthy for a person struggling with depression. And through the whole thing, every step of the way, she'd blame me, and play the victim.

I am a male, here to show abuse doesn't just come from men. And here to hope that others manage to stand up and get out of relationships like these before it's too late.
 

·
Lotus Jester
Joined
·
8,877 Posts
Thank you so much for this thread.

I just keep asking myself WHY people abuse. What makes them to be like that :(
They behave based on what they've learned. IOW, if someone has a background of abuse; without some form of therapy, a good friend, etc. to help them cope and understand their experience; they are highly prone to repeat that behaviour.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
217 Posts
They behave based on what they've learned. IOW, if someone has a background of abuse; without some form of therapy, a good friend, etc. to help them cope and understand their experience; they are highly prone to repeat that behaviour.
And does it have to be always abuse? Can it be caused by e.g. childhood trauma or something like that? And what can do a person who is in touch with someone who is abusive?
 

·
Lotus Jester
Joined
·
8,877 Posts
And does it have to be always abuse? Can it be caused by e.g. childhood trauma or something like that? And what can do a person who is in touch with someone who is abusive?
Well, yes, the origins of abuse are complex. To answer you second question; I would advise the best thing anyone who is involved with an abuser to do is to focus on oneself and doing whatever's necessary to develop the necessary self-esteem needed to prevent one from being victimized by others' abuse.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,745 Posts
1. Jealousy: At the beginning of a relationship, an abuser will say that jealousy is a sign of love. Jealousy has nothing to do with love. It's a sign of insecurity and possessiveness.
Signs: Questions who their partner talks to. Accusations of flirting. Complains of how much time is spent with others. Frequent phone calls throughout the day. Unexpected visits. Unpredictable behavior. Checking car mileage. Asking friends to watch or "spy" on their partner. Falsely accuses partner is cheating on them.

6. Blames Others for Problems: Abusers do not take responsibility for any negative situation; instead they will find someone else or some external factor to blame for the problem.
Signs: Mistakes are the fault the partner. Irresponsibility. Chronic unemployment. Says, "Someone is always doing me wrong" or "out to get me". Says their partner upsets them or keeps them from concentrating. Abuser blames their partner for practically anything and everything that goes wrong.

8. Hypersensitivity: Abusers can be extra sensitive and may explode when they suspect an attack.
Signs: Easily insulted. Claims feeling "hurt" when really feels anger. Takes the slightest set back as personal attacks. Will "rant and rave" about the injustice of things that have happened, things that are really just part of living like being asked to help with chores.

11. Verbal Abuse: Abuse is not only physical. Abusers will often criticize and demean their partners.
Signs: Says cruel and hurtful things. Constantly degrades their partner. Curses. Belittles accomplishments. Says their partner is stupid and incapable of functioning without them. Very critical about everything.


13. Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde: This is a reference to a fictional character that had both a "good" and "evil" side.
Signs: Sudden changes in mood, a "roller coaster of emotions." Explosiveness. One-minute the abuser is nice and the next minute there is an explosion.

15. Threats of Violence: Threats are meant to control and manipulate. Threats can also be illegal.
Signs: Threatens, "I'll slap your mouth off", "I'll kill you", or "I'll break your neck". Excuses threats saying, "everybody talks like that."

16. Breaking or Striking Objects: Used as a punishment, to terrorize and threaten the partner into submission.
Signs: Beats on tables with fists. Throws objects near their partner. Breaks partner's special possessions.

My dad has those. Hence my mom kicked him out the house when I was 1 years old (only was together a couple of years). The final straw was when he threw a dining chair at her and she had to get out the way, he'd never actually done anything violent towards her before that, with the exception of putting his fist to her face telling her "you need some of this" just when she would complain about his possessive or lazy behaviour. In response my mom just said "go on then" but he never did. She's tough, she was brought up in a home where her father beat up her mother, and so she swore never to have that ever again repeated in her own home and she didn't want her kids brought up in a violent household, like she was. After he gone, she ending up over eating, becoming overweight and almost having a breakdown living with him.

He doesn't see his own faults or problems. He had a bad and abusive upbringing, physically and mentally abused by his mother, witnessed his own father getting stabbed with a kitchen knife by her, has learning difficulties and a lot of insecurity, he is actually well meaning at heart and does have a moral center, but... doesn't have control of himself, his temper, sensitivities or doesn't see these bad sides to himself. An ENFP type 8 I think.

He would get mad at my mom just talking in general to other guys, innocently, calling her a whore etc, also would question why she had to spend so much time wanting to go shopping with her sister and mother

Also stalked my mom for years after they broke up, look out the window he was randomly standing there, or following her around town, very possessive. Doesn't anymore, but it went on a while. I also saw violence for myself in infancy, when I would go and visit that side of the family on weekends, they'd often fight or argue, which was scary for me at that age, and because I was used to living in a peaceful home, just my mom and two older sisters (who share a different father to me). I'v always swore that I'd never be like him in these ways.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
10 Posts
This thread hit home for me.

Just got out of a situation and I thank all of my lucky stars that it never got the chance to progress to physical violence. Not to say that there wasn't any damage, because sometimes the damage isn't immediately apparent. You never expect to end up in a situation like this until you're in it. I was in denial the entire time, but I knew in my gut that something was very wrong. Always listen to that gut feeling. It will literally save your life.
 

·
Lotus Jester
Joined
·
8,877 Posts
And the worst part is that this sort of thing happens all the time. So many people accept abuse and crumbs of love. It's sad :/
Well for me; I wasn't capable of accepting anything better until I was able to face my mother's emotional abuse and move past it. Only once I came to the determination that I never deserved any of it, was I truly able to have actual self-respect and demand it from others.
 
401 - 420 of 436 Posts
Top