Personality Cafe banner

421 - 436 of 436 Posts

·
Banned
Joined
·
2,375 Posts
thank you really needed this, girl was a bit jealous i had sex without her, told her she might be abusive
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
17 Posts
Making sure to not sacrifice friendships and other relationships can help to remind you of who you are. It also helps when people who know you well can identify you becoming unusually stressed or depressed.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
217 Posts
Relationship-wise:

I quite frankly believe there is never only one victim with an established relationship. The so-called "abuser" is almost always hurting (unless you meet with labile people) and has learned to protect themselves through a variety of masks and tempers. When one person has different needs and wants but clings to the relationship nevertheless it can become abusive but giving someone the abusive title exclusively is strange. Scream of "special snowflake" to me, unless there is a clear power dynamic that's in one person's disfavor. I am afraid of young people now may take these meanings and definitions to a whole new level of "liberalism" though, and forget where it's wise to take advice from. Explaining somebody it's better to value human presence over games somehow can also be interpreted as emotional abuse nowadays because you are infringing on their right to enjoy themselves and immerse in a virtual experience, or desire to be left alone; and only their parents have the right to tell them otherwise in this area! You horrible, vile thing!

Some signs from the list can be dealt with, I'll tell you right now. It's a question of patience and whether the partner(s) are open towards learning or not. Now unfortunately, this will be under question and not always the case. It hurts to want to help but not be let...

Sometimes life can be harsh for some people, so their ability to change sometimes will only be triggered by powerful events or strong wills because of the walls they build. I'd say it's always about context. If the person is ready to do what they are asking of you but you don't feel comfortable with doing it... and if the pattern repeats itself... I wouldn't call the one with the stronger will or with the initiative the abuser at all.

Eh, I didn't have the best example of a relationship in my parents, but they had strong ups and strong downs. Quite a few elements would be identified as emotionally abusive yet it worked because of will and desire for a family and compliance with cultural norms, as well as help form grandparents and society in general.

People really forget the role of society in everything; when the community is close-knit the situation changes a little. 2 people alone and by themselves in their own relationship will be very "dumb" in multiple instances...

I think many would disagree or want to add something onto what I said and I understand why. However.

I also believe from personal observations that too many people tolerate emotional abuse for perks like sex, social status or material advantages. Now that, to me, is a no-no, and reminds me of the monkey documentaries on Nat Geo Wild. It's something that seriously needs to be slowly removed from our societies. There still are general signs of emotional abuse, of course... I think the ones that strike me the most would be aggressiveness in voice or body language, lack of compassion towards your own being and others, and manipulators who don't make it a point to themselves to commit but pretend to be trying, say for sexual perks...

Friends-only, the most emotionally abusive people I've met have been women unfortunately (but most of my best friends are women too). Some of them are just merciless, and would walk over anybody and shame you in public for petty things to momentarily feel better (from superiority in terms of looks and number of friends or acquaintances to anything, really). Of course, it takes an equally stupid public for this to succeed, but there are enough "shitholes" in every country to fill that role... Or they pretend to be charitable, do something out of the "goodness" of their heart, and then explode when you don't quickly give something in return.
 

·
Registered
INTJ 583 sx/sp
Joined
·
456 Posts
Signs of abusive women:
  • When she wants to be with you a relatively short time after having broken up with her boyfriend, or when she says that they're on a "break".
  • When she texts you even though she knows you're a friend of her ex-boyfriend.
  • When she tries to meet up with you within a relatively short period of time.
  • When she contacts you first.
  • When she shows too much interest in you, or too much interest in being with you.
  • When she talks too much about what she has done or is doing.
  • When she compliments the way you look and/or your talents.
  • When she sends you nude pictures you didn't ask for.
  • When she flat out says that she prefers to hang around attractive people.
  • When she uses you as a means to get things off her chest about others, her work, or her past.
  • When gossip, sex, and/or health, or her routines are her main source of communication.
  • When she doesn't mention anything about contraceptives leading up to sex.
  • When her decisions affect your life, yet she insist that it only affect hers, implying that her life has more value or meaning.
  • When she responds with frustration or anger and guilt trips you for speaking up about how her actions make you anxious or ill, invalidating your emotions.
  • When she uses her friends and/or yours to gaslight and try to make you sound like the abuser, by taking advantage of the fact that you only hear about men being abusers.
  • When she tries to make that which is subjective sound like consensus.
  • When she is deliberately vague, or just plain vague.
  • When she uses rationalization to shove or reflect perceived problems away.
  • When she creates a topic such as this to hide that she herself is an abuser who relishes attention, status and chaos.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
539 Posts
One of my guy friends was in an abusive relationship with an abusive woman he was living with. He made the typical rationalizations that an abuse victim has like "Oh, she has anxiety." He finally got set up with a different apartment, but he had to stay with me for a couple weeks while they were getting it ready to avoid her in the meantime. A few months later he broke up with his new gf to go out with the abuser again. I was like facepalm "You idiot!", but I didn't say that. So I thought maybe it wouldn't be so bad if they're not living together and around each other 24/7. Fast forward several months and he was planning to move back in with her. facepalm "Omfg you fuckin' idiot!!" I told him "Did it ever occur to you that maybe she's not being abusive because you two aren't under the same roof 24/7?" Duh! I told him I'd have a hard time being sympathetic for him the 2nd time. Luckily her apartment building changed their policies and he's not allowed to live with her this time.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5 Posts
I wanna ask something about a person i know.I'll refer to him as A. A's sister is abusive, she threatens her spouse with divorce and abuses so much. What should the spouse do? And what can A can do about his sister?

Sent from my ASUS_X01AD using Tapatalk
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5 Posts
I wanna ask something about a person i know.I'll refer to him as A. A's sister is abusive, she threatens her spouse with divorce and abuses so much. What should the spouse do? And what can A can do about his sister?

Sent from my ASUS_X01AD using Tapatalk
Please can anyone help me with this.
:bump:

Sent from my ASUS_X01AD using Tapatalk
 
421 - 436 of 436 Posts
Top