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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Okay so I'm a 14 year old ENTJ who's been through depression and has abusive parents (ESFJ mom and ESFP dad). Oh and I have an ISFP sister with learning disabilities who just goes with everything. My mom has beaten me with a belt since I was 4 until I was around 7. She stopped because I was taller than her and I used chairs as my weapons since I disliked it so much. Sometimes I would be a bit bratty(I personified the phrase "my way or the highway") and she wouldn't let me eat food the entire day. She's told me I was possessed by the devil, an idiot child, calls me stupid repeatedly, the reason our family will be living on the streets, and the reason she and my dad will get divorced. She's also called me evil. She says she should beat me more often and that I should be scared of her (she's beaten me with brooms, pans, and spatulas too) . I'm not easily afraid though. Whenever she meets any one of my friends, it's not too soon before she asks them about their home life and compares them to me in front of them, which is really embarrassing. My dad's very irritating. He seriously needs to learn how to control his anger issues. He's told me he wants to beat me up more times than I can count. My sister gets yelled at A LOT less frequently than I do. She only gets yelled at about grades while me, about everything except grades.

I don't think all ESFJs and ESFPs are like this by the way. I have a good friend who's an ESFP and she's a nice, happy person who likes to brighten other peoples' days while I'm sure an ESFJ who's healthy would be a nice, helpful person.

So how would I deal with this? Childline's no help at all. I apologize for any grammar and spelling mistakes I've made.
 

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If possible, when your mom starts behaving abusively, try to record it. You can do this with the voice recorder on your phone, a webcam, or even open vocaroo and leave it going. Then take it to the police.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
If possible, when your mom starts behaving abusively, try to record it. You can do this with the voice recorder on your phone, a webcam, or even open vocaroo and leave it going. Then take it to the police.
Thanks a lot! Though they don't beat us anymore, it's more verbal abuse now.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Do you know how I could fix my problem though instead of reporting them? I really love my mom.
 

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Do you know how I could fix my problem though instead of reporting them? I really love my mom.


I really wish i could give you a way of dealing with this that would not result in reporting them.

But from my experience the only 2 options for this to stop are, reporting them(which you do not wish to do) and i understand why

the second would be to leave, but you are too young. I don't think any other option is possible at the moment. For people that have lived like that for so long, it has become their way of life and becomes very very hard to change it, they must want to change and see the bad things they are doing to understand and try to change.

They sound like they are very controlling and arrogant to the point of "knowing" they are right and you are wrong, even thou that isn't the case that will be how they will see it.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
I really wish i could give you a way of dealing with this that would not result in reporting them.

But from my experience the only 2 options for this to stop are, reporting them(which you do not wish to do) and i understand why

the second would be to leave, but you are too young. I don't think any other option is possible at the moment. For people that have lived like that for so long, it has become their way of life and becomes very very hard to change it, they must want to change and see the bad things they are doing to understand and try to change.

They sound like they are very controlling and arrogant to the point of "knowing" they are right and you are wrong, even thou that isn't the case that will be how they will see it.
Thank you for your sympathy. I wish I could leave because then it would be so much easier to deal with them if I didn't have to depend on them or food, clothes, etc. I'm afraid that if I report them, everything would be incredibly awkward and that mine and my sister's new way of living would be worse off. They honestly are. My dad seems to be stuck in an Se-Te loop.
 
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Thank you for your sympathy. I wish I could leave because then it would be so much easier to deal with them if I didn't have to depend on them or food, clothes, etc. I'm afraid that if I report them, everything would be incredibly awkward and that mine and my sister's new way of living would be worse off. They honestly are. My dad seems to be stuck in an Se-Te loop.

I am also guessing that even thou you look forward to being able to move out when your older, you have major concerns for your sister and dont want to leave her there on her own?
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
I am also guessing that even thou you look forward to being able to move out when your older, you have major concerns for your sister and dont want to leave her there on her own?
Yes definitely, my sister has learning disabilities and I think there's a large possibility that she will be abused later in life because well my mom taught her that she beat her because she loved her and my sister is also a bit of a pushover.
 
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Yes definitely, my sister has learning disabilities and I think there's a large possibility that she will be abused later in life because well my mom taught her that she beat her because she loved her and my sister is also a bit of a pushover.
I'm guessing you have put all that pressure onto you to prevent that happening to your sister.

If you ever need to talk to someone about it then you can drop me a PM. And i can listen and at least try to offer suggestions. But without knowing the full story it is very hard to know the choice you have already made and the ones yet that can be taken. If you have someone you know and trust i would suggest at least trying to talk to them about it and seeing what they have to say.

I really wish i could help you out more. But from my past history and experience, from what i can gather. your parents would require a lot of work to set them straight as you will. It would have to happen over a very long period. It isn't like they suddenly turned back. This is their idea of parenting. And althou very dangerous and not at all helpful or good. They will not see it in the short term but something they would have to uncover themselves (althou pushing them into that direction could help) but again would take quite a bit of time.

That is even if they could change. But they seem very set on their ways and consider them the only way.
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
I'm guessing you have put all that pressure onto you to prevent that happening to your sister.

If you ever need to talk to someone about it then you can drop me a PM. And i can listen and at least try to offer suggestions. But without knowing the full story it is very hard to know the choice you have already made and the ones yet that can be taken. If you have someone you know and trust i would suggest at least trying to talk to them about it and seeing what they have to say.

I really wish i could help you out more. But from my past history and experience, from what i can gather. your parents would require a lot of work to set them straight as you will. It would have to happen over a very long period. It isn't like they suddenly turned back. This is their idea of parenting. And althou very dangerous and not at all helpful or good. They will not see it in the short term but something they would have to uncover themselves (althou pushing them into that direction could help) but again would take quite a bit of time.

That is even if they could change. But they seem very set on their ways and consider them the only way.
Thank you so very much! I think the work wouldn't be worth the result though. I'm not sure whether I should cut off contact from them once I move out. I probably won't but I don't think I'd take my future kids (if I have any) to see them, most definitely. Yes, you have that right. Should I just wait it out and avoid them as much as possible? I feel like that's not really good for my development. I'm 14 and there are 4 long years left.
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
Do you have any relatives that might be willing to help you out, either by talking to your parent(s) or by taking you and your sister under their wing if things got bad?
Nope, I'm not close with any of them and they all live in another country.
 

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Thank you so very much! I think the work wouldn't be worth the result though. I'm not sure whether I should cut off contact from them once I move out. I probably won't but I don't think I'd take my future kids (if I have any) to see them, most definitely. Yes, you have that right. Should I just wait it out and avoid them as much as possible? I feel like that's not really good for my development. I'm 14 and there are 4 long years left.
I would say it is possible to wait it out. But what you would require is someone to talk to. a place maybe you know you can be yourself, where you are not constantly on edge, or worrying about something, or trying to meet the needs of your parents so they don't go off on one.

From what i can see your development is above average for your age. Which from what you have been thru is to be expected, You either get people maturing and developing much faster than the norm, or they crash and burn. They develop disorders brought on by the constant criticism and lack of affection by their parents.

Most people i have dealt with involving similar cases have cut off all ties to the family once they had the ability to leave. It is impossible to change some people. And the trying to change them can sometimes destroy you in the process. because unlike them you care about what is happening.

But yes if you can keep hold of your sanity and if there is no other way then holding on in there is possible. it wont be easy, But it is possible
 

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Discussion Starter · #17 ·
I would say it is possible to wait it out. But what you would require is someone to talk to. a place maybe you know you can be yourself, where you are not constantly on edge, or worrying about something, or trying to meet the needs of your parents so they don't go off on one.

From what i can see your development is above average for your age. Which from what you have been thru is to be expected, You either get people maturing and developing much faster than the norm, or they crash and burn. They develop disorders brought on by the constant criticism and lack of affection by their parents.

Most people i have dealt with involving similar cases have cut off all ties to the family once they had the ability to leave. It is impossible to change some people. And the trying to change them can sometimes destroy you in the process. because unlike them you care about what is happening.

But yes if you can keep hold of your sanity and if there is no other way then holding on in there is possible. it wont be easy, But it is possible
Hmm what would such a place be? Oh thanks a lot. I was rather unhealthy for half my life and I only just currently improved. I realized that the only one who could and would help me was myself so I read a few self-help books and wrote a lot of post it notes to improve my self-esteem and life. Oh I see, I guess it wouldn't be healthy for me then. I see, thanks a lot for the helpful advice.
 
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Discussion Starter · #18 ·
the last time one of my parents tried to hit me i hit them back. they haven't done it since.
How old were you? Lol when I was young, I used to throw chairs at my mom when she tried to hit me.
 

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Hmm what would such a place be? Oh thanks a lot. I was rather unhealthy for half my life and I only just currently improved. I realized that the only one who could and would help me was myself so I read a few self-help books and wrote a lot of post it notes to improve my self-esteem and life. Oh I see, I guess it wouldn't be healthy for me then. I see, thanks a lot for the helpful advice.
Friends that you trust.

You see i don't know if any authority figure is good to ask for help and advice. at your age they are bound to have an agreement which is basically, they tell no one unless they think your in danger, And if they do they tell either someone higher up or your parents, which i think might make things worse. But only you would really know what would happen if that happened.

somewhere you can feel safe and relaxed with someone to talk to, that you trust not to tell anyone else. Somewhere you don't feel like your in a prison. Althou like the reading you have been doing, find ways to escape the trouble. even if it is just inside your own mind

I would suggest you keep reading those books. Because you are right only you can help yourself in that respect. they seem to be working And just remember to never give up fighting, you will get out of this alive and sane, you just have to stay brave and strong and don't let them take away your 1 main strength...your mind.
 

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Discussion Starter · #20 ·
Friends that you trust.

You see i don't know if any authority figure is good to ask for help and advice. at your age they are bound to have an agreement which is basically, they tell no one unless they think your in danger, And if they do they tell either someone higher up or your parents, which i think might make things worse. But only you would really know what would happen if that happened.

somewhere you can feel safe and relaxed with someone to talk to, that you trust not to tell anyone else. Somewhere you don't feel like your in a prison. Althou like the reading you have been doing, find ways to escape the trouble. even if it is just inside your own mind

I would suggest you keep reading those books. Because you are right only you can help yourself in that respect. they seem to be working And just remember to never give up fighting, you will get out of this alive and sane, you just have to stay brave and strong and don't let them take away your 1 main strength...your mind.
Just my luck that my closest friend recently moved to a different state and my other close friend lives in another city... Most authority figures that don't seem to take teenage girls seriously, a lot of us are just regarded as being too oversensitive and the like. It's irritating. And it'd probably make things worse. Hmm I think maybe the local park would be good for that, maybe. Okay, I definitely will. Thank you, that sounded really beautiful. I promise I never will.
 
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