[Wheeze]

So I feel a bit like a narcissist for posting this question, but I want to point out now that even though the question is worded as a first person view, it is more a broad question for everyone who feels the same way sometimes.

Why do I value the acceptance of an online community like PerC more than the acceptance of the people in my real life community?

That is to say that I work harder and think more carefully on the ways I approach conversations on PerC than I do when I go into a work meeting or social engagement.

Why is it that sometimes the opinion of an anonymous group of people is more important then the opinions of close friends?

Thanks for your responses in advance.

 

[neologismaker]

Do you feel more afraid of people you see? Perhaps, do you see people here who are like you, and, if so, does that give you more confidence and care approaching others?

 

[Wheeze]

@neologismaker Your use of a question in response is what I would do too if I was in a one on one conversation. And if I were looking to conclude a personal opionion your question would help me on determining the true nature of my own feelings. Thank you for that.

However, I'm looking for the opionions of others. How would you answer the questions above? If you found yourself in a situation where you valued the PerC groups acceptance over that of a friend, what would you feel would be the reason why?

 

[neologismaker]

@Wheeze I'm sorry for my misinterpretation! I'd feel uncomfortable giving my opinion about why you might do something, since I'm not you, but I didn't realize you were asking for our opinions about ourselves.

As for myself, I'm not very active on PerC. Were I to value anonymous opinion more than tangible opinion... I guess I'd either draw positive or negative conclusions. The negative conclusions would be that my friends weren't doing their job taking care of me and I'd spent a lot more time at the computer becoming attached to a forum than my life budgets. The positive conclusions would be that I'd found a place of people I couldn't see but with whom I felt seen and understood, and feeling a sense of belonging is essential to our survival as humans.

I suppose I'd be sad that I'd have come to it in this way, but happy that I'd found a home.

 

[illicit iridescence]

Why do I value the acceptance of an online community like PerC more than the acceptance of the people in my real life community?
[...]
Why is it that sometimes the opinion of an anonymous group of people is more important then the opinions of close friends?

If I may guess? ^^;

First of all, PerC is as anonymous as you let yourself be. I would say there are at least two types of anonymity in this context: absolute and relative. Absolute anonymity is easy: you don't tell your name, your age, your sex, relationship status, you don't show pictures of yourself, etc etc.

Relative anonymity is the mask that we wear when we release information about ourselves through posting and starting threads: we share our opinions, our experiences, worries, happiness, doubts, joy, musings, wonderings, fantasies, philosophies, etc etc. These things are really close to our being. Therefore we share a big deal of us without actually revealing ourselves. It's a grey kind of anonymity.

There may be things that you prefer sharing with anonymous people rather than the people you know IRL.

Second, if you're an INFP and you frequent the INFP forums a lot, you will come across a lot of people who go through the same things you do, think (about) and feel the same things, have the same kind of interests etc. Needless to say, you'll be able to relate a lot with people who seem to be like you.

What's more, the people on the INFP forums don't see you - they only see what you reveal. They don't see how you behave at work - like, whether you get irritated quickly, if you are ambitious, if you're helpful, if you got great teamwork spirit etc etc. I don't think it is that you don't value your coworkers' and RL friends' opinions, I don't think that you feel that they disappoint you or fail you either - it is just that they have seen you for real, rather than what people on forums see of you. The forum people see you through your lens, the others don't. Therefore you may feel the forum people may be better judgers or sources of opinion - because you feed them what you reveal of yourself, what you think is important ( = through your lens). The forum people are selectively informed, so to speak.

So... Relative anonymity, tendency to find and like similar minded people, selective information, yeah I would factor these things as reasons why the opinion of an anonymous group of people may be more important to you at times.


Note 1: You = anyone reading this.
Note 2: I didn't mention 'right' and 'wrong', for the very reason that finding the opinion of an anonymous group of people may be either right and/or wrong.

 

[IAmOrangeToday]

Simply, you care more about what people on personality cafe think of you more than people in your daily life, probably because you value us more.

 

[Marimeli]

If I may guess? ^^;

First of all, PerC is as anonymous as you let yourself be. I would say there are at least two types of anonymity in this context: absolute and relative. Absolute anonymity is easy: you don't tell your name, your age, your sex, relationship status, you don't show pictures of yourself, etc etc.

Relative anonymity is the mask that we wear when we release information about ourselves through posting...

What's more, the people on the INFP forums don't see you - they only see what you reveal..

I concur because...masking!

Also there's both a reliance aspect and an accessibility aspect to an online community. You don't HAVE to rely or depend on us the way you do your RL peeps, and we can't let you down as a consequence. Plus we can be objective in a way people who ACTUALLY know you might not be, so as not to hurt your feelings or wha'evah. And in terms of accessibility, there are a LOT of us. Which means a wealth of experience, knowledge, etc. gathered in one place. You just don't have access to that kind of encyclopedic range in rl spheres of contact. It makes this a great forum for seeking out advice, knowledge, or understanding from far more people than it would be possible to actually speak to directly in daily life.

 

[illicit iridescence]

I concur because...masking!

Inorite! And yeah, concurring with all that you said as well. Sheesh, boring

 

[Marimeli]

Inorite! And yeah, concurring with all that you said as well. Sheesh, boring

Disagree!! Not boring at all. Except it kinda is because I'm only disagreeing so as not to be boring, so I can't back it up

 

[illicit iridescence]

Disagree!! Not boring at all. Except it kinda is because I'm only disagreeing so as not to be boring, so I can't back it up

Wait, I'm seeing a vision of us, hijacking threads! Looks like a lot of fun! Oh wait, that's happening right now! xD

* <- backs off a bit* ^^;

 

[refugee]

This is PerC in my mind:

 

[cloudcompeller]

In a virtual community, you really don't know the person who is speaking with you. So you won't judge that person from the appearances, way of speaking, moving and that kind of stuff. More importantly, you do not know their background or history. So that tends to remove the barriers of communication that one might have during face-to-face conversations. And, you'll tend to have more respect for people in online community because you won't judge how good they are on the first hand. You might have more time to think too, and don't really have to make an immediate response to things that you might disagree with.

 

[kaleidoscope]

PerC in my mind:

(I know, I'm a flatterer!)

 

[ethylester]

I agree with the people who are saying that at PerC, you put forth what you want people to see. And I would venture to say, you are more vulnerable on PerC, too, because we surpass your average chit chat and try to dig deeper. I put more thought into my posts than I do when I'm talking because I can. I can sit here for an hour and type up a detailed, thoughtful post and say exactly what I want to say. But in real life conversations, you can't do that because it's more immediate and people are looking at you, expecting you to say something. And with INFPs having the tendency to prefer written communication over other kinds, it makes sense that we reveal more about ourselves on here than we would in person. therefore, it can be more meaningful to us when someone reads and responds to our thoughts.

that's my take on it.

 

[ShipwreckEyes]

Im sorta on the fence with this one, I do want people here to accept me and acknowledge me. But im not changing who I am for anyone, So whether i "fit" in or not i'll just be me...

 

[Sily]

....Why is it that sometimes the opinion of an anonymous group of people is more important then the opinions of close friends?...

lolololol... oh no, no, no.

I don't think I'd ever take the opinions, of a group of peeps on the intronets, over family/friends. I'm not here to get opinions, at least I don't think so.