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As part of my MBTI Meetup group I've had the pleasure of meeting lots of INFPs and INFJs but I'm getting complaints that I seem too "distant" from them. It's weird, we have a WhatsApp group and we text daily. I see them once per month at the meetup and usually some of the core group for a second event. How much closer are you supposed to get? Be best friends with everyone? Date everyone?

I sound extreme but I get that vibe.

As an ENFP, do other types ever mention you are distant or hard to know?
 

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Sounds like a big responsibility. I wonder if delegating some of the job duties might help in multiple ways? It would free you up some and also help put the spot light on a few other individuals who might need some attention?

So...as leader, are you trying to spend time with everyone fairly equally? Maybe some crave more time with you? That’s what you’re thinking?

I think I’d ask for very direct feedback from some of the individuals you’ve heard this from so that you know exactly what people mean. Especially if you feel like they are straight-forward and friends enough to tell you what they mean. The ENFP girls might give it to you straight and we root for individuals so in general you can trust us. Ask the ENFPs there for their advice and see what they say.

So I’m now remembering that when I was in college when I was in groups of around 100-200 of singles who were all of the same religion that my roommates and I watched the guys who dated everyone pretty carefully to see if they were being fair about it (lol) or to see who they decided to get serious about. It caused speculation and some entertainment. We also watched the guys who dated one girl for a bit then switched to the next and the next etc. We did a lot of scrutinizing lol. We did a lot of talking and judging. Maybe in a group like this, even one date can be a serious decision as it might change how the other girls see you. Ask the ENFP girls for feedback.

Questions for you to ask yourself:
1. Can you be vulnerable?
2. Who should you be vulnerable with if girls are watching and discussing your moves?
3. Are people letting you know that certain girls really like you? What will you do about those girls?
4. Are there any “stand outs”? In this group of girls who might be different than who you’ve dated before? For instance, have you considered an ENTP girl?

Well, to answer your last question, this isn’t something that I hear. I do hear that people want a bit more time with me from time to time. I sometimes hear that people want to hear my opinions more, especially in group decisions. I am often somewhat quiet in a group (not always, but usually groups make me feel nervous, I read individuals better and reading a whole group vibe is difficult for me whereas reading an individual is easy and I care about individuals and don’t care much about groups except that groups are made of individuals). I prefer one on one interactions— which might be different than you. I also spread myself thin because of my multiple interests but I don’t think people imagine that I hold myself back....unless I’m not holding back anymore because that person is in my inner circle. I get very deep with people, they just might not know that there is an even deeper area that means I let them into my personal life. This is as much as I understand, anyway, about myself. But I am also a counselor, you know? People tell me stuff.

Anyway, ask ENFP girls for help. Hopefully you’ve got some ENFP girls there. You know how we are, In general we will try to help. Do not ask girls who have a crush on you for feedback, though, because you likely won’t get a clear picture. Also, the older the girl is the better feedback you’ll get, in general.

Just to summarize, I wish I could see how you interact with this group, but since I can’t— the best thing would be to talk to ENFP girls who don’t have crushes on you and the older they are, the better the feedback. Make it clear you want help and honesty. And then delegate some stuff to them.. lol.
 
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Have I told you about my plan for rendering mankind extinct immortal by mailing them all a free sample of Everlasting Gobstoppers?

Also, do you have any free time this weekend?
 

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Yep, I've been called distant before. But I don't come across that way all the time, though. Probably depends on the person etc. If I get a negative vibe from them (not an uncommon occurrence with an enfp), then I'm a bit avoidant/not as exuberant.

I'd hug most people given half the chance. But most people would rather hug their modems than hug a person nowadays.
 

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Perhaps they're referring to emotional distance?
To an INFP's dominant Fi, or even auxiliary Fe, auxiliary Fi might seem "distant" (even if it's pretty organic).
Moreover, you're ENFP-A, correct? I wouldn't be surprised at all if the subtype exhibits "tandemized" Ne-Te, unconsciously, more than your average NF.
Just a thought. I could be wrong.
 

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As part of my MBTI Meetup group I've had the pleasure of meeting lots of INFPs and INFJs but I'm getting complaints that I seem too "distant" from them. It's weird, we have a WhatsApp group and we text daily. I see them once per month at the meetup and usually some of the core group for a second event. How much closer are you supposed to get? Be best friends with everyone? Date everyone?

I sound extreme but I get that vibe.

As an ENFP, do other types ever mention you are distant or hard to know?
I have this problem as well - more so with acquaintances, I mean there are people I connect with and others in which I don’t form immediate bond with . I also find many introverts to be quite needy towards those that they care for - sure they’re not social butterflies but when they find someone that they feel comforted by they could be very clingy of that one person - hence you may appear distant to them bc your life doesn’t evolve around them .




Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 
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As part of my MBTI Meetup group I've had the pleasure of meeting lots of INFPs and INFJs but I'm getting complaints that I seem too "distant" from them. It's weird, we have a WhatsApp group and we text daily. I see them once per month at the meetup and usually some of the core group for a second event. How much closer are you supposed to get? Be best friends with everyone? Date everyone?

I sound extreme but I get that vibe.

As an ENFP, do other types ever mention you are distant or hard to know?
I think ENFPs are confused for ESFPs fairly often, so there's an expectation even from within to be close and for hyper-socializing.

ENFPs can be a bit of a contradiction. They be quite social in some contexts, not in others, and generic socializing doesn't equal getting close/bonding etc.
 

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I guess nobody has stated it or accused me but I can feel it despite that by myself that I'm somewhat distant - harder to read than I think by myself (as I think I should look like an open book to read). Also I don't create closer relationships with many people - maybe only a few during my lifetime. As far as I understand it has smth to do with Fi - we think we're more open than we actually look like and that's somewhat a contradiction between who we think we're perceived vs how we actually are perceived.
 
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