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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Any ladies been accused of this by those they've dated? I feel like it's a reoccurring theme in my life. Every time I think I've found a guy who can accept my more practical ways, I'm always let down. Example: Recently dated an ESTP for about a year - who I thought was more like me and would understand. I feel like men are often stereotyped as being unsentimental or unromantic and so it is expected, so women work around it, but when a guy feels like a girl isn't, then he thinks she doesn't like him enough or leaves. Even after explaining, it's just not enough.
 

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I might have what you are saying but could you edit your post a bit?
 

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I know how you feel.

Like, I've met a couple guys who basically think they want a girl like me...Practical, logical, not emotional, independent, would rather be playing laser tag or reading than cooking or having babies...But its not what they want at all if they knew what they actually wanted. I think a lot of guys like the more emotional, nurturing side of some women. They seem to want somebody that needs them and needs to be taken care of. I would think it'd be more flattering to be with a woman who doesn't need you, but wants you.

It takes a different breed of man to tolerate our kind, but don't worry, they DO exist. I've been talking with an ENTP who doesn't seem to mind :happy:
 

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The only guys that can seem to tolerate me are ENTPs and ENTJs. I dated as ESTP and he walked out on me a few times because of my "coldness" and lack of empathy, it fizzled out, we both just drank too much when we were together too.
 

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I know how you feel.

Like, I've met a couple guys who basically think they want a girl like me...Practical, logical, not emotional, independent, would rather be playing laser tag or reading than cooking or having babies...But its not what they want at all if they knew what they actually wanted. I think a lot of guys like the more emotional, nurturing side of some women. They seem to want somebody that needs them and needs to be taken care of. I would think it'd be more flattering to be with a woman who doesn't need you, but wants you.

It takes a different breed of man to tolerate our kind, but don't worry, they DO exist. I've been talking with an ENTP who doesn't seem to mind :happy:
ive had lots of talks with men about this. I think for a lot of us... its not so much we inherently want more emotional nurturing women.... its just what we've been raised to want. And it's hard to imagine anything other than that since that's all we've ever been fed.


But I totally agree with your last few sentences. There are men that definitely can tolerate your kind. So be yourself as much as possible so you can find a man who likes you as much as possible.

p.s.- my best friend sam (infj) is dying for one of you entps.... and he wants the hardcore logical and smart entp.... you don't have to be feelery one bit.
 

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The only guys that can seem to tolerate me are ENTPs and ENTJs. I dated as ESTP and he walked out on me a few times because of my "coldness" and lack of empathy, it fizzled out, we both just drank too much when we were together too.
hmmm I'd consider..... INFJ's INTJ's and ENFJ's. I have a few male friends of these types and they have all expressed interest in girls with ENTP qualities. So have I actually but it's mainly been in ENTP's with high Fe whom I don't think were using it naturally but rather to deal with societies crap. So yea.... I recommend those NJ's. OH and in the P arena I reccomend ENFP's. ISTP's as well.
 

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I agree that being raised to want it is also a big part of it. We seem to be at an awkward stage as far as the role of men and women are concerned. Women have rights now and can live independently, but for some reason boys are still being raised to want emotional, nurturing women to take care of.

Kinda leaves both of us in the dust LOL.

I've had a bad experience with an INFJ, and unfortunately he's the only INFJ I know. I'd need to meet another to be able to tell if it would work with me.
 

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Like, I've met a couple guys who basically think they want a girl like me...Practical, logical, not emotional, independent, would rather be playing laser tag or reading than cooking or having babies...But its not what they want at all if they knew what they actually wanted.
I've noticed this too. If asked a question what type of girl they would prefer a lot of T-type guys, especially younger ones who don't quite know themselves, would list characteristics of a T-type girl and someone who is more like their clone, and I've heard men moan and put down the expressions of F in their girlfriends or wives. But guess who they are with in the end - the same emotional illogical women that they complain about.

According to theory people seek in each other expressions of their tertiary and inferior functions. What I have noted of several occasions is that if they don't find expressions of those functions in their partner, they can begin to verbally reprimand those people about lacking them. ISFJ will reprimand his/her ENFJ partner for not seeing and taking charge of opportunities as per her inferior Fe. ISFP will reprimand his/her INTP partner for not being pragmatic enough as per inferior Te. ESFJ can reprimand his/her ENFP partner for not standing up for himself or herself as per inferior Ti. So was with your ESTP boyfriend who began to reprimand you for lack of feeling. Nothing wrong with you it is just that he wanted something different.
 

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Kinda leaves both of us in the dust LOL.
ahhh yea. gotta love gender roles

I've had a bad experience with an INFJ, and unfortunately he's the only INFJ I know. I'd need to meet another to be able to tell if it would work with me.
*cough* sam *cough*
 

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hmmm I'd consider..... INFJ's INTJ's and ENFJ's. I have a few male friends of these types and they have all expressed interest in girls with ENTP qualities. So have I actually but it's mainly been in ENTP's with high Fe whom I don't think were using it naturally but rather to deal with societies crap. So yea.... I recommend those NJ's. OH and in the P arena I reccomend ENFP's. ISTP's as well.
I have always wondered about INTJ, I think they would fascinate me.

I want to meet an INFJ, they seem extremely intriguing.

A friend of mine who I dated was an ISTP, we get along great, but he always thought that I was guarded and had a wall up, ISTPs seem to be good at sharing their emotions when they truly care for someone, but if you aren't in that circle then you most likely won't know anything.

ENFJs are to expressive with their feelings, the ones that I'v known I haven't been able to see us as equals. I find they are very interested in me though, and gestures they've put forth were a little cheesy in my opinion, but very nice, and I'm positive most females would have appreciated them more than I did.

That's interesting that you mention that the female ENTPs you were drawn to were unnaturally developing their Fe, I think in some societies it would be very difficult to be a ENTP/J ... I think it's hard for many women who are Thinking types, earlier in life though.
 

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Hard early in life, yeah. Once you get old enough, you just flat don't care and will tell society to take their gender roles and stereotypes and shove it.
 

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p.s.- my best friend sam (infj) is dying for one of you entps.... and he wants the hardcore logical and smart entp.... you don't have to be feelery one bit.
My ENFJ husband cannot put up with my T, our marriage practically does not work because of that. At first he was fascinated by it but he find it hard to live with it. He misses "the soul connection", it is something on emotional basis but I am not good in using my emotions... He would also appreciatete me beinng cuddly-fluffy-giggly as well as rational, down to earth, "normal"...
 

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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
I know how you feel.

Like, I've met a couple guys who basically think they want a girl like me...Practical, logical, not emotional, independent, would rather be playing laser tag or reading than cooking or having babies...But its not what they want at all if they knew what they actually wanted. I think a lot of guys like the more emotional, nurturing side of some women. They seem to want somebody that needs them and needs to be taken care of. I would think it'd be more flattering to be with a woman who doesn't need you, but wants you.

It takes a different breed of man to tolerate our kind, but don't worry, they DO exist. I've been talking with an ENTP who doesn't seem to mind :happy:
I actually said those exact words before to a guy I was dating, "I don't need to be with you, I WANT to be with you!" For some reason it sounded better in my head than how it came out. I assumed it meant that I was in the relationship because he was a truly great person and that I wanted it, not because I just wanted to have someone around or be in a relationship for relationship sake. He didn't take it so well. :dry:
 

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Discussion Starter · #17 ·
hmmm I'd consider..... INFJ's INTJ's and ENFJ's. I have a few male friends of these types and they have all expressed interest in girls with ENTP qualities. So have I actually but it's mainly been in ENTP's with high Fe whom I don't think were using it naturally but rather to deal with societies crap. So yea.... I recommend those NJ's. OH and in the P arena I reccomend ENFP's. ISTP's as well.
I've only had one experience with an INTJ and he backed away from me for reasons that probably have more to do with him, but also because my actions weren't always as clear as my words with regard to how I felt about him. Again, the sentimental issue. Example: During a night of fun, drinks, friends and humor, he'd say in front of everyone, "do you want to stay over." Well, as appealing as that may have seemed to me at the time, I was more annoyed at him because he said it in front of our friends and I was embarrassed. I didn't want our relationship to seem like a drunken fling. I doubt he saw it that way and apologized the next day. Second example: Same guy, again around friends, drinking, fun, laughter, blah, blah, he tried to get me to lean over to him and probably wanted to kiss me or my forehead or something, but I didn't want to do it in front of our friends who had no idea what was going on and so I said no. Unfortunately, I didn't explain this one. Guess he was used to more outwardly affectionate girls. Strange, though, because I never thought INTJs were the PDA type. Maybe alcohol brings it out in them.
 

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Well, from hard learned experience I can say that it probably pays off to try to accomodate the other parts needs, and hopefully they will do the same for you. Even if it means trying to be more "cuddly" for us or for the Feely partner to let us be for a while. I too, am bad at this "play". But we are smart, learn fast and are adaptable, so I think we would get used to it really fast, and the benefits will be great.

I am learning this far too late. Should have known earlier...
 
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