Personality Cafe banner

1 - 10 of 10 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
9,785 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
I was wondering, do you tend to find when you're nervous/don't know people that you either act louder/confident/funnier or very reserved/passive/weak willed?

I find that with certain people I can be much louder/funny when I'm nervous (I can ramble on and forget what I'm saying etc) and with other people I'm nervous around I act very passive/do what they want.

Do you find it depends on the degree to which you know the person/group?
I find that with some new friends I'm one way and with some new friends I'm the other >_<

Thanks!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,966 Posts
With some I'm pretty reserved, but might have moments of being a bit louder, some I don't talk much at all.
I do find when I meet someone for the first time, I may reserve up, or get much more talkative kind've instinctively, the connection is intensity I believe, but I'm not sure if it's a sense of intensity someone would instinctively understand. Essentially, if I feel the person is approachable. After we've met a few times, I might start getting more reserved - there's something to judge me on at this point, so I start getting anxious which freezes me up.
Also, if I feel drawn to someone - this is often in connection with the 'intensity', perhaps the sense of connection is most of what makes up that feeling, - I find it harder to talk to them generally I believe, more pressure in my head.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
914 Posts
Yeah for sure. I can be really reserved around people. Though I find with some people I just click and I can joke around and speak up. I also find it depends on how many people are in a conversation. Im normally good at talking one on one, but then when there are 3 or more, I will listen far more
 
  • Like
Reactions: Tad Cooper

·
Registered
Joined
·
70 Posts
Ooooh interesting topic. When I'm around people my age who I've known for a while or who I really trust, my brain to mouth filter essentially disappears, and I'm more talkative, funny, and confident. When I'm around people I have the utmost admiration for, or when I'm meeting new people, I don't tend to say a whole lot, because I'm afraid of saying the wrong thing or saying something that'll make them disilke me. I agree with @Liminality in that when I'm around someone I'm drawn to, I find it difficult to speak up and really say what's on my mind, which probably makes them think I'm super boring and mundane. The fear of being boring and mundane just makes me want to say something witty and interesting, which in turn makes me worry that I won't say the right thing, and so on...my social interactions turn into a nasty cycle.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
9,785 Posts
Discussion Starter #5
Ooooh interesting topic. When I'm around people my age who I've known for a while or who I really trust, my brain to mouth filter essentially disappears, and I'm more talkative, funny, and confident. When I'm around people I have the utmost admiration for, or when I'm meeting new people, I don't tend to say a whole lot, because I'm afraid of saying the wrong thing or saying something that'll make them disilke me. I agree with @Liminality in that when I'm around someone I'm drawn to, I find it difficult to speak up and really say what's on my mind, which probably makes them think I'm super boring and mundane. The fear of being boring and mundane just makes me want to say something witty and interesting, which in turn makes me worry that I won't say the right thing, and so on...my social interactions turn into a nasty cycle.
This rings true with me too! I'm very worried about being boring or the conversation dying and making everyone uncomfortable, so I try and crack jokes and make witty comments or bring up something I know the other person's enthusiastic about. If I was acting naturally (as in, I was more comfortable/less pressure) I'd be quieter, more chilled and not trying as hard to make conversation/jokes.

I find alot of this is due to people's expectations of me (the funny one) so I feel the need to meet their standards. Does anyone find that?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
70 Posts
I find alot of this is due to people's expectations of me (the funny one) so I feel the need to meet their standards. Does anyone find that?
I think one of the downsides of ISFJ-ness is that we're trying to please everybody. I want to meet -- and go beyond -- everyone's standards and be the kind of person that everyone wants to be around. I think that's why I have such a pathological fear of being boring.

I also sometimes try to make jokes to appeal to other people, but I say things that nobody else finds funny! It turns into a really awkward moment, and I'm left red-faced and even more convinced that I shouldn't open my mouth. :)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,015 Posts
When I'm totally comfortable around someone, I crack subtle jokes about myself and discreetly display this self-effacing, humorous type of mindset. I only do it though when I can tell that the person I'm with finds it funny (I think for the most part my other introvert friends are amused by this because they secretly do relate to it on some level and find it comforting to have someone around who can make fun of themself).

On the flip side, when first meeting somebody in person, I can seem really standoffish, maybe even a bit intimidating. So yes, my behavior is greatly influenced by the degree I know the people I'm with.

When socializing in groups I tend to have to force myself to say something every now and then so I'm not the only one who's quiet. When I say something I usually keep it very short and to-the-point and I'm pretty sure my awkwardness shows then, hahah... I really am more of a listener, especially when it's not a one-on-one conversation.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
9,785 Posts
Discussion Starter #8
I think one of the downsides of ISFJ-ness is that we're trying to please everybody. I want to meet -- and go beyond -- everyone's standards and be the kind of person that everyone wants to be around. I think that's why I have such a pathological fear of being boring.

I also sometimes try to make jokes to appeal to other people, but I say things that nobody else finds funny! It turns into a really awkward moment, and I'm left red-faced and even more convinced that I shouldn't open my mouth. :)
Yeah, my sister said I seem to want everyone to like me and want to keep people happy around me. I think it's almost a 'need' for us to provide a top service etc to reassure ourselves we're valued XD
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,295 Posts
for me, when i meet new people, i mostly feel nervous. but my actions depend on how they act. like for instance, if they are loud and talkative, i get more reserved, but if they are reserved, i usually try and think of stuff to say and ramble on and on about anything i can think of.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Tad Cooper

·
Registered
Joined
·
9,785 Posts
Discussion Starter #10
for me, when i meet new people, i mostly feel nervous. but my actions depend on how they act. like for instance, if they are loud and talkative, i get more reserved, but if they are reserved, i usually try and think of stuff to say and ramble on and on about anything i can think of.
Yeah I find that too. React in the opposite way to them, then there seems to be a harmony achieved!
 
1 - 10 of 10 Posts
Top