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I believe INFPs are particularly prone to addiction due to their sensitive nature and dislike of pain (I had my own problems with alcohol). Addiction can mess up your entire world, and your vision of reality. When your understanding of reality is wrong, it can cause you a lot of confusion about your purpose and ultimately interfere with your career, your family and many other aspects of your life.
INFPs Can Easily Become Addicted – Recovery is Vital | INFP Careers


This is quite true isn't it? Whether this is addicted to finding the perfect partner, or whether to find the perfect job (that's me!), or whether to find the perfect life (those of you who is still ruminating..)....

I am grateful to have come across mbti in a way, because it allowed myself to understanding what is "ruminating" in a personal context. When it happens for me, and how it happens for me. This is the classic looping experience, isn't it? When we take something and continually try to find the perfect thing without being focused and living a more balanced life. Next thing you know, time flies by and you forget who you are, and what you are doing. Cos time does not even register in your mind any more, and you forget the names of your family and friends, and the interactions you had with them.

When people say this, I used to think that this is almost a given in life, but no, it does not have to be this way. I'm just shocked that it has happened to me and I let things go to pot.

Has anyone felt the same way, or realised that they have focused too much of their time on something but it isn't exactly what they want ultimately ? How do you get yourself out of that ?



Short Article on Focusing | INFP Careers
Look for Perfect and Then Compromise | INFP Careers
Slow and Steady Wins the Race, INFP | INFP Careers
 

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At 27, I finally got some poems published in a good literary magazine. That awesomeness feeling lasted for all of 5 minutes. That was a lot of work over the previous 7 years for a 5 minutes dopamine rush. That's when I really became aware of dynamic inconsistency (Dynamic inconsistency - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia). After that I started becoming more cognizant of what I wanted and why so I wouldn't waste time going after things that I wouldn't want later.

The thing for me is to find a balance between present-bias and future-bias. I can still want something without the expectation of that something happening. It's really hard to maintain obsessive rumination about something if I don't have an expectation of ever getting it.

The object is to hold Intention, but let go of Expectation. For example, when you meet someone you create the Intention of forming a relationship with this person, but you let go of the expectation of what form that relationship will take. They might just be someone you talk to for 5 minutes and never see again. They might be someone might end up your best friend for life.

I have lots of Intentions that I'm working towards. I have no expectation that I will ever achieve any of my Intentions. But that's not the point. The point is that working towards those Intentions makes me a better person in the Now. I use the word Intention instead of Goal because Intentions are a direction and a goal is a destination. An Intention is like saying I want to visit the West Coast. A goal is like saying I want to visit San Diego. Goals are more subject to dynamic-inconsistency.

So with an Intention I head in that direction and maybe when I reach Las Vegas, I might decide to go to Seattle instead of California, who knows. Maybe you go to college with the Intention of getting a degree, maybe two years in you decide to switch to Psyche instead of being an English major.

Here's the thing with Intentions. Even if you're going in a direction like the West Coast, you still have to decide where you want to stay for the night, the first stop. Are you going to camp? Are you getting a hotel? How far do you want to drive the first day? What do you want to do at your first stop? Those short term decisions are much easier to make. Same with life Intentions. Where's the first stop?

It's a paradox to be present and hold gratitude for what you have Now but still want things for that Future Self that you haven't become yet.

These are not problems to be solved but paradoxes to be managed.
 
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