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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
It's something that I've been wondering for a long time now. INFJs are known to be counselors and advisors and really good at knowing how to help those who are struggling. However, I constantly don't feel this, I have friends that I know have personal struggles daily with mental health issues and I wish I knew the best way to help them. What to do, what to say, how to make their day a little brighter, a little better. But I find that allot of the time I have no idea what to do or say. Is there some function that's underdeveloped? Something that's blocking the 'insight' we're supposed to have? I keep feeling like I'm missing something. I've had small insights before that have later been revealed as right so I know that I'm capable of having them but it often feels like no matter how much I dwell on something I still can't figure out what to do.
Would anyone be able to give me any advice on how to achieve this? Develop my intuition and extroverted feeling so that I can help others lives? Any advice would be appreciated....
 
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You don't have to be very good at anything at 16. You have all the time in the world, and you're asking some of the right questions already.
 

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For me, I find the best thing to do when people have a lot on their mind is to just sit and listen. Listen without judgement or pretense. This should help develop extroverted feeling, as you will catch glimpses of feelings of how that person is feeling. Practice empathetic reflection wherein you repeat back to the person what they already said, but with some insight from your perspective.

For example, say your friend said "It bothered me that my mom didn't say goodbye when I left," what might they actually be feeling? Rejected? Alone? Unloved? Reflect it back, let the person you understand. This is where introverted intuition comes in handy wherein you might catch glimpses of how the person feels that they themselves may not even feel. Be careful, though, you don't want to over reach and put feelings/words into people's mouths. Just enough insight to help people. More often than naught, just feeling like one is understood is enough to feel better. HOWEVER, if their issues are more serious, help them look up resources.

Once you do develop empathetic listening and understanding, it can become draining, especially if people come to you to dump their problems. First and foremost, take care of yourself! You can't pour from an empty cup.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Thankyou for all of your advice dhspn, that's something I should really think about.
The thing though is that allot of people I know don't talk about their problems often. So when they do it's mostly when I ask and even then they're either discrete and unwilling or don't know what's causing them to be upset.
 

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At age 16 you shouldn't be expected to know these things until at the very least some point in your 20s or 30s as for most people it takes a lot of time develop mentally and spiritually but the truth of it outside of biology there is no real end. Old souls do have an head start but it is never easy so good luck and enjoy the years of youth you have as you will never get those years back.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
So there is no known way to help develop intuition and Fe other than just living the path of life?
 

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This is something called wisdom. It takes experience to develop it.

Fortunately, that experience doesn't always have to be your own. I've heard it said that a wise person learns from other's mistakes. Perhaps a good way to develop some wisdom is asking other's about their experiences in similar situations?
 

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May I then ask about your experiences in similar situations?
I won't stop you, but I'm not sure I've made enough mistakes to be of any use. I'm pretty young as well.



Struggles with mental health is pretty broad, but I'll do my best to cover as much as I can as briefly as I can. As far as I can tell everyone wants someone to listen to them, but listening is only helpful up to a point. Eventually, they want something more. Some want validation, some want advice, and some want to make a nest in their mess. What they all need, however, is someone to look after them. Unfortunately, that sometimes looks like telling them the honest truth that they don't want to admit (preferably speaking the truth in love). Of course, this all requires discernment (which I believe is a kind of wisdom).

Am I making any sense? I feel like an old guy giving random, nondescript advice that a protagonist may or may not understand later in the film (In my defense, I'm going off of 15 hours of sleep out 72 total).
 

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Poke them with a stick. Jump back with a shriek if they react.


No, so, that's how I respond these days.
I used to get involved, from a very early age. In over my head more like. I suffocated in their problems and feelings as if they were my own, and now as a result I avoid others issues whenever I can get away with it.
So I'm not going to give you advice on how to get more involved, as I feel like it's irresponsible without first helping someone learn how to keep a personal distance & strong boundaries, and that explanation is almost too complicated for the internet.

What I will advise is that when you do eventually naturally gain aptitude with others personal feelings - just remember they're not your own, it's not truly your responsibility to fix them, and all you can offer is a voice weighing on the scales towards balance.
However, no matter what, you do not owe them that voice whenever they want it - and be prepared for people to lean too much and take advantage, because that's what people do.
There's a reason mental health professionals have set up a system that gives them the boundaries that they have.
In more personal interactions, it is waaaay too easy, especially for our type, to loose sight of whatever personal lines we had decided on when going into things. And it's not like you can't recover after, but it just takes too much time & effort that could be better spent on your own life - because one thing I have learned is that stability is contagious - just as much as drama is.
If you set yourself up in life to be successful financially and with healthy relationships, you can probably help the people you most care about before they develop yet more of life's most common problems.

Keep interpersonal problems in your own life reduced by learning to communicate clearly and honestly. People need to know when and how they upset others, as early as possible, even if telling them is very uncomfortable. Longstanding simmering resentments cause more issues than clearing the air, so make sure you keep your air clear before you try to assist others in filtering theirs.
 

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Intuition is from pattern recognition and seeing meaning beneath things, seeing connections.

All you need is more information from the person and it will form a picture that you can use to find a solution. Ask questions. Get clear. Close up holes.
An intj will probably approach a person this way =}
 

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It is certainly true that INFJ’s have innate empathic ability and intuition and in my experience I felt it at a very young age.
These do develop further with age but those of us who are therapists, counsellors and psychotherapists have only developed the skills necessary to work with people through our training
We do have the basic skills in place but still need training to develop those skills into a working model.
I would recommend a lot of reading of the great psychologists, psychiatrists and psychotherapist and maybe some short initial counselling courses to get a feel for what it is really like sitting opposite another human being and to learn about active listening, empathy, unconditional positive regard and congruence, the basics that all human beings posses but have lost in the modern individualist egocentric world
 

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What would you do to make anyone's day better? What would you do to make your dogs day better? Buy him a treat.

Some people don't want help with their problems or even talk about them. I'm like that for example. I would prefer anything that would distract me from my situation instead of asking "Hey Man how is your depression" or "Did you sort out that big problem of yours already?"

Sometimes people just want to talk about their problems or situation, so don't give them advice or solutions unless they ask for it.

Helping others is a tough act and often its best just to treat people like they're "normal".

I would say that it is quite easy for me to help others since I have been through some shit in life like most people. It happened to me before that someone told me that they could talk to me easily because others simply couldn't "understand". Actually that's when people start opening up to me after I tell them some of my own experience if I know that they're struggling but I don't know the details.
 
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