[sunrisespirit]

It seems to me like adolescence can be hard for some INFPs...
& being an INFP teen, I was wondering if any of you have advice or things you wish you knew back then?
I feel like some stereotypical INFP problems like awkwardness around people you don't know and feeling so different compared to everyone else are like on steroids when you're a teenager.
Do things get better?

 

[snowbell]

You may want to look at the "under 30's" thread stickied here - even though the age is higher there is a lot of advice.

I'm still young (early 20's) so I don't have much advice to give but what I have learned is that being an INFP is not wrong, you aren't broken, and you should not be afraid to let your inner self be - don't let your dreams be crushed by those who would wish to do so for whatever reason...

http://personalitycafe.com/infp-forum-idealists/84202-30-infps-your-advice-younger-infps.html

and

http://personalitycafe.com/infp-for...st-them-all-here-you-friends-every-where.html

I wish you all the best . Also, welcome to the forum

 

[Luke]

My advice would be to not take the high school social world too seriously. High school can seem like your entire world when you're a teenager, and the feeling of not being accepted can really hurt. But once you finish high school, you will be introduced to a much wider world, which is filled with people who are much more mature and accepting than many of the people you meet in school. So if you are confronted with negative comments, bullying or lack of acceptance from your peers, just realise that it has nothing to do with you as a person and that they are only behaving that way because they still have maturing to do.

Most of the problems that you face as a teenager you will overcome. In my experience most of them are related to a sense of personal identity, which is something that really grows and becomes strong when you're an adult. You care less about what other people think and you are more happy to just be yourself. Being a teenager is hard, and so is being an adult. Once you overcome the challenges of adolescence you will be faced with a whole new set of challenges as an adult. But the important thing is that through these challenges you are always growing and learning new things.

 

[dancininrain]

im an INFP teen and oh my goodness is it hard!! Every day im here asking myself what am i accomplishing, how am i growing, why am i so awkward and how do i fix my personality. but what ive come to learn is you do not need to 'fix' yourself to become what others want you to be, its a waste of time. if G-D wanted you to be just like everyone else He wouldve created you like that. Also idk bout other teens but i ahve some major moodiness goin on! one minute im hyper and bubbly and the next im depressed and in my own world. i dont know if thats a teen thing or not. i gues ill find out in a few years...

 

[gaudy316]

Trust me, it gets better once you hit 20s. That's my life compared to some other people I know, including my ESTP cousin who wishes to be back in high school.

 

[Up and Away]

One step at a time

New doors open and old doors close

Phases and cycles, things change and come back around

Magic. Life is magical the second we think it is.

 

[Metalcookie]

I'm a teen INFP as well, but it's pretty good here.
School's not hard at all, got a few nice friends, and can just relax most of the time.
The only problems I'm having are that I can't have a normal conversation with somebody I don't know well, and that I'm lazy.

Yup.

 

[sunrisespirit]

im an INFP teen and oh my goodness is it hard!! Every day im here asking myself what am i accomplishing, how am i growing, why am i so awkward and how do i fix my personality. but what ive come to learn is you do not need to 'fix' yourself to become what others want you to be, its a waste of time. if G-D wanted you to be just like everyone else He wouldve created you like that. Also idk bout other teens but i ahve some major moodiness goin on! one minute im hyper and bubbly and the next im depressed and in my own world. i dont know if thats a teen thing or not. i gues ill find out in a few years...

omg I feel the exact same way with my moods! *forumgasm*

The only problems I'm having are that I can't have a normal conversation with somebody I don't know well, and that I'm lazy.

yup.
same way.
I'm a master procrastinator.
Although I feel like once I get out of high school and start taking classes/having a job I actually am passionate about it won't be such an issue.
I have great friends too and do well in school...but idk...school just isn't my thing
...especially being an introvert who always has to pretend to be an extrovert
maybe that's a teenage girl thing to feel pressured to always be all bubbly and chatty

 

[sunrisespirit]

thanks for the amazing posts everyone! I appreciate it sooo much

 

[Mattylad]

Hello, INFP teen just about to take my GCSE's here.

The one thing I'd say I've learnt the most is to not take most of what they say seriously. I'm kind of used in a lot of jokes but ik they like me and can have a civil conversation and they have given me genuine advice when I needed it (well, most of them). Anyway I can relate to the mood swings, which are really bad at times. That said, unexpected things beyond my control have influenced this somewhat but in the end mood swings a mood swing.

And I also have a nice ability of feeling awkward a lot. Power to us \o/

 

[ethylester]

I don't know if this would work for you as not all INFPs are into the same stuff, but rock and roll saved my teenage soul. FOR REAL. If I didn't escape into the world of music when I was a teen, I would have been totally lost and unhappy. Find something you can deeply connect with and do it over and over and over until it becomes routine. For me, it was making music. For you, it could be writing or painting or something else artistic. Do it like your life depends on it. Because it really does. I found that I absolutely needed to express myself or I was going to go crazy. Music was my outlet. Finding an outlet to express yourself is the biggest blessing you can have as an INFP teen, I think. Even if you don't think it's any good, just do it. all the time.

 

[sunrisespirit]

yeah, I have a few creative outlets and I think pursuing them even more would really help me.
It would be a great way to release my emotions because they're usually too complex just to talk to a good friend about
I absolutely love rock music too I don't know what I'd do without it.
Although I'm musically impaired when it comes to playing instruments, I appreciate music sooooo much
thanks for the post ethylester
roud:

 

[Herp]

You may suck now. But it's very likely that you'll end up pretty awesome in the future if you can stand through all this crap.

 

[dancininrain]

You may suck now. But it's very likely that you'll end up pretty awesome in the future if you can stand through all this crap.

very true. i believe that the first 20 or 30 years of life are just to help us grow and become our best specifically for INFPS, because once we get past our barriers (shyness, emotionally distant, putting up walls) then we can show others are amazing awesomness and everyone will be able to see that! Also, after highschool and college people tend to like others who are mature and someone they can talk to, and we are those things!!..well most of the time

 

[Luke]

I don't know if this would work for you as not all INFPs are into the same stuff, but rock and roll saved my teenage soul. FOR REAL. If I didn't escape into the world of music when I was a teen, I would have been totally lost and unhappy. Find something you can deeply connect with and do it over and over and over until it becomes routine. For me, it was making music. For you, it could be writing or painting or something else artistic. Do it like your life depends on it. Because it really does. I found that I absolutely needed to express myself or I was going to go crazy. Music was my outlet. Finding an outlet to express yourself is the biggest blessing you can have as an INFP teen, I think. Even if you don't think it's any good, just do it. all the time.

That is really great advice. Music and music artists were my best friends when I was teenager. It's amazing how many emotions you have at that age and music makes you feel like someone else understands how you feel.

 

[Gideon]

Ya, I'm having the sterotypical INFP high school problems. It really is amazing how superficial high school is. I don't really feel like I can be myself because it's not "cool" or "popular". I don't have any friends, just acquaintances. I don't feel comfortable opening up to anybody at my school, which brings out my extreme Iness even more. Don't think I've ever had an interesting conversation with anyone at my HS, and it's been almost 3 years. I supposedly go to a top high school too. Go figure.

The S dominated school system is really pissing me off too. It's so focused on rote memorization and recall of facts that I don't think I get a real understanding of the concepts, which is something I crave. I love learning! Yet most teachers think of me as that slacker who isn't living up to his "potential" as a student. I'm basically an autodidact, which frustrates my parents because they think if it's not school, what's the point? I mean school decides your future, right? Lol we clash really hard on some stuff. This may be a T thing, as I am borderline INTP. I'm not sure if I'm T or F yet, hence my unknown personality.

 

[sunrisespirit]

The S dominated school system is really pissing me off too. It's so focused on rote memorization and recall of facts that I don't think I get a real understanding of the concepts, which is something I crave. I love learning! Yet most teachers think of me as that slacker who isn't living up to his "potential" as a student.

I feel you
I HATE HATE HATE (did I mention that I hate?) memorization and just learning things to take a test and forget it, that's what our school system is based on and it pisses me off so much! I don't like to waste my time.
I love learning too and will usually end up having to teach myself things that really interest me.
I do well in school only because I'm a good test taker, after 11 years, I've learned all their games.
I end up missing a lot of school because I need time alone from everyone to recharge (an I thing), if I didn't I'd go crazy, but I get a lot of shit from teachers about missing so much school.

I know what you mean about interesting conversations too...
The conversations I have are always just boring small talk or complaining about "that quiz we just took"
It's so superficial and boring while in my head I'm thinking about God and the meaning of life
What other highschooler wants to talk about that? lol
I have my good friends I guess but I put up walls so even they don't totally know me

Being a teenager, there are so many stereotypes to live up to and if you don't you're "weird" or an "outcast"
I've tried so hard to live up to those stereotypes only to make myself even more unhappy
Ever thought about cyber school? Seems to me like an INFP's dream

 

[krentz]

Being a teenager, there are so many stereotypes to live up to and if you don't you're "weird" or an "outcast"
I've tried so hard to live up to those stereotypes only to make myself even more unhappy
Ever thought about cyber school? Seems to me like an INFP's dream

For sensitive and idiosyncratic individuals I'm not sure it's possible to avoid suffering on some level. Either you suffer from the cognitive dissonance of trying to be something you're not, or you can be pretty much at peace with yourself and ostracised by almost everyone around you for being a weirdo. Pick your poison! The thing about school is because basically everyone is forced to go there, you'll be spending a lot of time around people whom in later life, if given the choice, you wouldn't come within miles of. (Of course there are also some pretty awesome people there too in and amongst the crowds).

I'm not sure the advice I would give myself is really applicable to you because by virtue of having joined this site you already know much more about the wider world than I did. I'm 23 so while I'm not a world away from my teenage years I have a little more perspective. People of any age are just people. You can't please everyone and not everyone will like you as you don't them. It seems to me like other people eventually grow up but some never do. That also seems to mean different things to different people.

The more comfortable you become with yourself the easier it is to portray yourself better to others; consequently, the more likely they will not dislike you. Realise that most people are preoccupied with themselves and are likely not paying as much attention to you as you might think. (Except some of those teens really are. Screw them, they still make me feel uncomfortable.) Feelings of difference to others become less prominent as you realise that many people experience similar things in different ways (however it far from disappears completely). Pick your company well. Intellectual conversations and good friends are still very hard to come by for me. However try not to set your standards so high that you end up isolated.

Don't second guess yourself and never doubt that the inner truth you feel is right even if it seems to fly in the face of everyone around you. Pursue your dreams as passionately as you can but try to avoid falling into the trap of expecting everything 'to just work out', because sometimes it doesn't. Treasure each moment as best as you can - the low points and the highs - as if you're anything like me you'll still look back in wistful nostalgia from time to time. Don't lose heart. It might not get better in the way you hope it will, but it does get better. That's been my experience so far. Take it with a pinch of salt if you like.

 

[Tincan]

Man, I hated high school. I can see where you guys are coming from on the memorization thing. When I brought up this older physics thing we learned a few months ago to explain a newer problem, her response was, "We already tested on that, why would I remember that?" This was a girl who got better grades than me, and now I see why. I guess school is only about what letter you get on some report, and not what you take out of it.

My experience in high school only served to confuse me. I came out of it not knowing who I was or where I was going. Why am I here? What does this do in progressing my mind? Is this just a mental hoop jumping competition? Why is popularity so focal on being as homogeneous and banal as one can be?
If I have kids I'm not putting them through that crap.

 

[Mattylad]

Reading through this thread I've never nodded in agreement so much...

I definitely suffer from my memorization in subjects which I'm apathetic about. For example I'm struggling in Spanish atm, the information just bounces off my head. Fortunately the teacher is pretty cool so I like the lessons themselves but I can't absorbe the information. IMO it'd be more useful to learn Cantonese so I could communicate with some of my distant realitives more effectivley but I can't.