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I have an ENFP friend who is very charismatic, but looks down on himself because he thinks he's influenced people the wrong way. Though he knows it's unintentional he still feels bad about it. I think he's trying to figure himself out, and is having a hard time with it. Does anyone have some advice that you wish was said to you when you were younger, and figuring yourself out? Any words of encouragement would be helpful too.
 

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no, you are not smart enough to get around hard work, no one is. I don't care how many clever ideas you think you come up with, you have to actually DO them, and sometimes you will run into messy details that you have to sort out. life isn't as sexy in the real world as it is in the theoretical paradise that is your mind.
 

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I can't speak for all ENFP here, although i can tell you this about moi. As a younger ENFP i didn't want to take advice from anyone, and in some ways i still don't. ENFP learn and grow by experiencing new things, i needed to experience everything for myself. Even in times when i thought the outcome wouldn't be right, it didn't matter. ENFP love to explore new everything, so trying to tell me that a better way of doing something, won't work. I need to feel that experience for myself, live it and learn from it. For me making mistakes was how i figured myself out, the world out, and everything else around me.

You didn't provide enough information in order to respond to his issue. It would be easier to look at it from different angles and perspectives if i knew exactly why he is looking down on himself. What is mentioned here is that he influenced people the wrong way. In my mind that is subjective, as i don't have enough details.
 

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Personally for me it didn't matter what people told me. I learned the best way through events. All though if you want me to try, I'd tell him that life is unfair and that he'll have to learn to live with it.
Sounds depressive, I know. That's what I'd say though.
 

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*If your opinion is not the popular one, that doesn't mean you're wrong. Stand up for your beliefs and learn as much about them as possible so that you can back them and stand by them with confidence.

*Acknowledge reality. Don't ignore possible drawbacks or red flags because you WANT something to be so. Learn to step outside of the situation and examine everything objectively. Separate your bias from the truth. This includes examining yourself and your actions.

*Just because you can read people well doesn't mean you should abuse it. Do not manipulate people maliciously.

*It's perfectly ok to have a million mile an hour brain, don't make excuses for yourself with "disorders". Try to think "I need to harness my ability to multitask and with Te development, I will learn to follow through. How can I encourage my Te development?".

*If you find yourself in a negative dip, look at your inferior function. There is an article about it below. Learn how to take that inferior function by the reins and turn it around before it takes you into a very dark place. If you end up in a dark place, PUSH. Push yourself to go out in the world again, to be positive, to exercise, to enjoy life.


*Don't give yourself an out by saying "I suck at multiple choice" "I hate the mundane" "I don't like routine". Yes, those things can suck, but you CAN do them, just adapt and make it interesting (or work) for you.

*Keep relationships interesting by always doing new activities together. This leads to always learning new things about each other. Don't look to others to keep life interesting for you, do it yourself.

*Learn patience and the art of calming your mind. Mindfulness meditation is my favorite.

*Almost forgot the most important one of all! Happiness comes from within, based on how you perceive everything in your life.


These two articles are awesome. They are long, but well worth the read:
http://personalitycafe.com/enfp-articles/91932-phases-enfp-growth.html
http://personalitycafe.com/enfp-articles/76803-recognizing-inferior-function-enfps.html
 

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Perhaps it's a necessary thing to he's going through- the way i see it there's nothing wrong with having high expectations of yourself, and perhaps he just needs to process this information within himself during a period of time when he's going to be maturing and changing.

Maybe I'm in a similar stage in my life so my advice isn't that reliable, not being able to have an outside perspective, but i say just leave him be. he seems to be at a stage where he feels he's made mistakes, and it's part of growing up to start trying to own up for your own actions i feel- even if it isn't easy at first.

I'm going out on a limb here in the case of your friend, but ENFPs always process things internally, and i can see why other people might take our sudden change and introverted nature at these times as sadness.
 

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Tell him to learn the 'inner game' / the Mind OS from dr. Paul (Dobransky). A comprehensive, systematic approach on maturing and dealing with your inner demons.
 

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-You can only learn so much from other people's mistakes, you need to make some of your own and learn from those as well. You will probably learn more from your mistakes when you're in the middle of them, rather than on the outside looking in.

-Move out of home as soon as you finish high school.

-Don't get a pet unless you can afford all of it's costs twice over, are willing to spend all day every day looking after it, can afford the best of everything, can cover all the pet bills, and can afford a walker or carer during the day, if you can't do it yourself.

-Save as much money as you can. Set up a retirement fund as soon as you start working (so age 15-18ish) and set aside 10% a week for it, or up to $100 if you can afford it. It will be the best investment you can make (unless you die before you're 65).

-Don't have regrets, treat everything as a learning experiance

-Don't wait to do anything until you look or feel a certain way. If you don't want to do something because you're overweight, a certain number or ''look fat'', then do it now, then once again if you ever lose weight. Because nothing is guaranteed. If you don't ever lose weight, than you've missed out on a lot of opportunities.

-Don't date someone you wouldn't set your friend up with, or wouldn't want to be friends with. Friendship should be the base of every relationship.

-Be careful about what you share on the internet. Every picture can be distorted, mocked, turned into a meme, words can be screencapped and shared around the world, your internet searches can result in jail time, you can upset family or friends, and everything you upload or write is often impossible to get offline.

-Never post your full name online, with any of your social or anonymous accounts, keep a different address for work and for personal stuff, and consider having a nickname on facebook, so potential employers can't find you. Keep your privacy settings up to full on facebook.

-It is better to lurk on a website than to say too much.
 

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I don't think its possible to make an impression on a young 'head in the clouds - full throttle open' ENFP.
The desire for independence, the mental fireworks; that crazy, crazy feeling of just 'being' (how can you describe the feeling of a billion possibilities demanding all your heart and soul all at once).
The only think I would say is that no matter who you are, what you do, or whatever other people think of you; Always try to do to other people what you would want them to do to you. Listen to your Fi, if you don't you will break your own heart as well as hurt others. Trust yourself to do the Right Thing - there is no other way to be happy as and ENFP.

I once read this advice; it just struck home and you will know why.

The three most important things in life are: To be Kind, To be Kind and To be Kind
 

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A few things that I've learned as an ENFP adult.
*As amazing as living in your imagination is, it really won't get you anywhere. Real life is much more important.
*It's easy to get caught under stronger personalities. If this happens, take a step back, don't let you insecurities get the better of you and stay true to yourself.
*If you have an ISTJ parent do know that one day you will be out of their grip and the freedom and acceptance you desire will come. You are not lazy, they just don't and never will understand you.
*The only way you are going to escape a mundane life is if you do something and you're useful. If you can figure out a skill or talent that you excel at, cultivate it! Artistic talents, mechanical skills, whatever. The last place you want to be is in your 30s or 40s still not knowing what to do with your life.
 

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My advice; No you're not crazy or weird and mostly you're not alone. Stay true to your own nature but, as others have stated before, keep your two feet grounded in the real world. Every day reality will not be denied and will catch up with you. Allow your mind to dream whatever the hell you want because that's what we need to be able to deal with reality.

Also, kitties. Kitties make everything better.
 

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Go deep. In yourself, and others.
Don't self-deprecate.
Don't serve those who insist.
Don't assume others have the brightness in them that you do. People are motivated by very different things than we are.
 

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I have an ENFP friend who is very charismatic, but looks down on himself because he thinks he's influenced people the wrong way. Though he knows it's unintentional he still feels bad about it. I think he's trying to figure himself out, and is having a hard time with it. Does anyone have some advice that you wish was said to you when you were younger, and figuring yourself out? Any words of encouragement would be helpful too.
I would tell him not to worry about those people. If they weren't smart enough to know how to resist it then they were suckers anyway who were in one way or another going to get used. I have a friend who could be an ENFP with mad charisma, but I am able to tell him no very easily.

Oh and what I would tell a younger ENFP, don't follow your dreams unless you want to be broke and poor.

Find a passion and look at the job market. See where that passion intersects with ability to make lots of money. For me, that was computers. Heck any STEM field will do just fine. Self preservation is a dream killer, but the likelihood of making it big is so slim that it would be in ones best interest to just skirt it altogether.

I know too many starving and under employed individuals who "followed" their dreams and now wait on my table.

What else is there, oh learn how to work the system. Some call this "cheating", I call it bull$hit management. Learn what you need to know to get by and ways to go on the path less traveled. In times of economic booms, following the standard path works. In a time of poverty, you need to be creative to get ahead which unfortunate involves stepping on others to get up.

Work smarter, not harder.
 

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You will never be a natural born introverted thinking sensor.. So just as well stay true to yourself.
 

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It certainly took me a while to figure myself out. I'm 28 (qualifies as "older" for the internet, I figure!), and I still haven't figured myself out completely--although I learn more about who I am every day. The fact that we ENFPs want to understand ourselves and be true to ourselves is a marvelous thing. A lot of folks go through life in a more robotic fashion. . .taking in what the social expectations are around them and regurgitating out the required behavior like sheep. We, on the other hand, have the gift of being able to have a unique, genuine, deeply-felt sense of self if we work on it and receive a certain amount of luck, I guess. I know introspection has helped me a lot in figuring that out. Meditation, writing in a journal, reading thought-provoking books, hitch-hiking across the country by myself, etc.. It's also helped to realize that I'm not like most people and that I don't want to be like them either. I know now I should never tone down my eccentricities to placate judgmental or narrow-minded people. Sometimes one has to be willing to lose friends or lose jobs--and maybe even get arrested!--if that's what it takes to be true to oneself. I've gone through a lot. . .been homeless, struggled with addiction, survived sexual abuse, and on and on and on. . .but despite it all I recognize now that no external harm can outweigh the inner, psychic harm of betraying yourself. So I've learned that I should never let fear hold me back. I should be willing to take the needed social, emotional, and physical risks that a lot of people consider crazy. . .because the pay-off is always worth the risk. . .even if the pay-off is just one more life experience under my belt.
 
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