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Hey ESTJs, I need your advice. :proud: There is someone i recently became interested in, and the more I get to know him, the harder it is for me to decide if he is ESTJ or ENTJ. I posted on the ENTJ forum too but i wanted to post here, too, if he ends up being ESTJ.

our departments our working together on a project and he is directing this one. Department protocol asks us to keep our personal and professional life separated, office dating is fine as long as it is after we are done working on a project. there is a professional boundary. for now. So until we finish this project, we can develop a "professional rapport" but no personal friendship or relationship.

He showed interest in me first - randomly engaged in a friendly conversation with me, and we talked about all sorts of stuff within the first 10-15 minutes. It was a very efficient conversation haha.... i learned a lot about him, and i was surprised to see how much he could draw out from me within that given time. Second time he showed interest, was at a conference when I saw him intently studying/observing me. When he says my name, he speaks with a softer, gentle voice, even though he is usually very commanding and directing.

We had another conference/symposium today.... it was huge... maybe about 600 people? i came in late, so i was looking for a seat in the back. while i was sitting, i did a quick scan, and my eyes sort of fell on him about to sit with someone in the front. they were talking/chatting. i was pretty sure he didn't see me, so i was just getting my laptop out and working on some notes, getting my intake of caffeine! and around that time the conference was starting... and someone started speaking, people were starting to get quiet/conversations started dying out... i saw him from the corner of my eye, walking up the aisle with his stuff!, and he found a seat in the back, diagonal to me. =) and for the entire conference, i could feel that he was observing me. his seat was in a position where he could observe me, but he was sort of obvious about it (he wasn't trying to hide his observing from me, by sitting right behind me ). and one time, he left the conference for a few minutes (to check the phone?), but instead of using the back entrance, he used the side entrance, where he would be visible to me. and i think he did this on purpose. because when people come in from either of the side entrances, my head sort of jerks in that direction for a few seconds, and i know he was observing me doing this. he seems to have this weird ability to scan the room and find me in a crowd of huge people.

i've established (on the infj and entj forum) that he's interested in me, and that for the next few months , were keeping a professional relationship. I just want to know... what is going on in your mind when you guys observe someone from afar? i dont mind him observing... i almost feel like theres someone sort of overseeing/guarding me the way he watches... but i wonder what he is thinking about?
 

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I'm thinking that he may be more ENTJ than ESTJ. Most of the ENTJ's I know are very direct about this sort of thing, and ESTJ's like to analyze things before making a move. It's the Te + Ni vs Te + Si difference. My husband did the exact same thing before we started dating. We worked together and I would catch him staring at me all of the time. And, as a fellow INFJ, I'm pretty sure you know how unsettling that can be. Then, he finally got my number and asked me out and we've been together ever since. I may ask him later tonight what he was thinking about during his "stalker" phase. LOL
 

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I have a friend types as an ESTJ and your description about your guy sounds a lot like my guy.

I'd actually like our relationship to be more than that just friends because he seems to bring me out of myself like no one else does. He knows the right questions to ask and I feel really comfortable around him even though he is very different to me in the way he behaves. I have also only met him a couple of times in person and each time he makes me feel comfortable. He can be overly confident sometimes and come across like a 'know it al'l but I understand this about him and rather than take offence like others might, or be 'amazed' by his intelligence I actually find him more amusing when he is showing off. He is very forward when he likes a girl and will usually ask her out pretty quickly.
 

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Agreed with stormyrainshadow. Most of the stalking/observing would be done from a more subtle/quick/efficient manner. He may still be 'assessing' (sounds cold but he doesn't want to go into something without feeling confident you two can hit it off) you.

He is picking up on minute details, whatever he can to form an opinion of you.

Goodluck!
 

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He doesn't sounds like an ESTJ, imo.

First, I don't stalk. And even If I want to stalk someone, I will make sure he doesn't realize it. I definitely won't move my seat diagonal to his. That's just too obvious. And rather than obviously stalking him, I would approaching him directly and talk to him.
 

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He doesn't sounds like an ESTJ, imo.

First, I don't stalk. And even If I want to stalk someone, I will make sure he doesn't realize it. I definitely won't move my seat diagonal to his. That's just too obvious. And rather than obviously stalking him, I would approaching him directly and talk to him.
My ESTJ wife didn't stalk. It was more like an onslaught. Stalking seems subtle. In my experience ESTJ isn't subtle about much of anything, especially someone they have interest in.
 
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I didn't mean actually stalking. LOL Stalking implies that he was subtle. He wasn't. He made sure I knew he was watching me. That's what made it so unnerving. He would just stare. Even if I made eye contact, he wouldn't look away. It made me feel self conscious.
 

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I didn't mean actually stalking. LOL Stalking implies that he was subtle. He wasn't. He made sure I knew he was watching me. That's what made it so unnerving. He would just stare. Even if I made eye contact, he wouldn't look away. It made me feel self conscious.
ewww, that's just plain freaky. Pick your nose or something and see what he does.
 

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He made sure I knew he was watching me. That's what made it so unnerving. He would just stare. Even if I made eye contact, he wouldn't look away. It made me feel self conscious.
That's just... weird. Acting like an obsessed person is not really my thing.
 

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I think he may have been daring me to make the first move, or trying to gage my reaction to his interest in me. I'm not sure. We've both grown up alot since then (he was 19 at the time), and I definitely can't see him doing this now. His ESTJness (if that's even a word) has developed more over time.
 
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