Personality Cafe banner
1 - 15 of 15 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,902 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I want this to be a general thread to talk about how a type 6 can face their fears from day-to-day.

Please feel free to
-share advice for dealing with anxiety
-talk about what has worked and what hasn't
-ask questions about things that scare you

and anything else that seems relevant to whatever derail this thread goes on.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,038 Posts
I've just read some advice in my new Dutch Ennearam book "Het Neurogram" by Joost van der Leij. Van der Leij writes about every types "Main Sin" and "Main Virtue". The main sin for type 6 is fear. And the main virtue is always the "thing" you can fight that sin with.

I'll try to translate the virtue part:

(...) Courage/guts/bravery don't resolve fear, but teach you to live with fear. To courageously step over your fear is exactly one of the pitfalls for the Loyalist. And more courage doesn't lead towards a healthier 6 either, but only towards a more stupid 6.

No, the main virtue for type 6 is not courage or guts but strength. When your whole self is completely filled with the fact that you'll slay the dragon with absolute certainty, because for example he isn't really gigantic but only exists in your imagination, it won't be any difficult to become a dragon slayer. Then you have that much strength that the whole idea of fear will become ridiculous. When you operate from within your own strengh you feel good, then there won't be any space for fear and everything will run much more smoothly.
What a Loyalist should do is whenever he seems to slip back into this desperate feeling of fear, to go back to his own feeling of strength and start acting from within this feeling.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
66 Posts
I feel like a broken record saying this again, but mindfulness meditation has made a huge difference in my ability to manage stress. I'm still overwhelmed by anxiety from time to time, but it happens less frequently and I bounce back more quickly.

I'm no expert, but here's how I'd go about practicing mindfulness meditation as an absolute beginner:

1. Find a comfortable, quiet, isolated place.

2. Sit straight up (don't stiffen or tighten up, but you want to have good posture) either on a cushion or a chair. If you're on a chair, sit forward so that your back does not touch the back rest. You want to be upright on your own.

3. When you're comfortable sitting, close your eyes and breathe in through your nose. Be aware of your breath: what it feels like physically. You can focus on the swelling of the abdomen, or the air passing through your nostrils. Breathe out, and maintain awareness of how it feels physically.

4. Continue to be aware of your breathing. If it helps, you can think to yourself, "Breathing in, I know I am breathing in. Breathing out, I know I am breathing out." Another tactic is to count to five as you breathe in, and then to count to six as you breathe out. Then count to seven on your next in-breath, and go until ten.

5. When you are distracted by another thought (and you will be), acknowledge that you had another thought. Do it nonjudgementally. Then return to your breathing. You will have to do this over and over, especially in the beginning.

6. You can extend your awareness of your breathing to an awareness of how your entire body feels: feel your hands on your lap, feel your back muscles keeping your posture upright, feel your feet touching the floor or your weight on the seat.

7. Setting a timer would be a great idea. You can find one online very easily. Five minutes a day can be effective.

It is also good to note that it is far better to implement skillful mental practices all of the time, and not only when one feels stressed. A regular meditation practice is more effective than only meditating when I begin to feel the anxiety coming.

I view myself as my own best friend. This doesn't mean that I'm selfish. In a word, it means that I trust myself. If I trust someone else, then I must initially trust my view that I am going to trust them. If someone gives you advice that you don't think will work, then don't do it. If you trust yourself in a decision, and it ends up leading to an unpleasant consequence, then take responsibility, learn what you can from it, and know that you have your best interests at heart deep down.

There's something to think about: have your own best interests at heart. I find it easier to take care of a needy other than to take care of myself, but if I view myself in some way as a needy other (now I have to make Matt do his homework and clean his room), then in some instances it actually helps me get more done.

Nobody else is inside my own subjective experience. I have a perspective on my own well-being that nobody else can have, and therefore it would be ridiculous to trust someone when my gut says no.

If, for example, you think my opinion isn't helpful and you have your own ideas on how to help yourself, then by all means don't do what I say.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
4,790 Posts
The vast majority of the time that I deal with fear, it's like a background-emotion. It's there, I acknowledge it, but it doesn't overtly control me. I'm used to it, it's just something I instinctively deal with. (For those inclined to musical representations, see: Trouble is A Friend.) I dunno, I never really think of fear/anxiety as a... thing. It doesn't bother me that much, it's as part of me as having brown hair is. I can think of tons of other emotions that I avoid ten times more (anger, for one).

But, see, I'm prone to anxiety attacks (hereditary; my mom has them too). Do those count as 6ish behavior? I'm not sure... they could, I guess. But when an anxiety attack happens, rational thought is all but gone; I experience it as a flight-response, "We have to get out of here. Now."

As to how I actually deal with anxiety/fear? Actually, I think acknowledging it is a big factor. It might sound silly, to some. But acknowledging it means it doesn't have control over me, I can say, "It's okay to feel this way, but I have to do it regardless." Learning about what I fear helps usually, though I find it helps with general fear and not at all with phobias. This learning also has to be about what will happen, not what it is (what happens when we ride the train vs. how the train works).

Sorry if this post was a little disjointed... Ni+w7, I guess? (/non-excuse)
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
4,790 Posts
Just breathe and remember "Stay calm and carry on."
My ASL teacher has this poster hung up in his room. Next to it is, "Now panic and freak out." XD

Apparently it's a book. As per Amazon:
"'If you can keep your head when all about are losing theirs, it's just possible you haven't grasped the situation' Jean Kerr"
Bad advice for good people "Keep Calm and Carry On" is all very well, but life just isn't that simple. Let's own up and face facts: we're getting older, the politicians are not getting any wiser, and the world's going to hell in a handbasket. It's time to panic. Here's a book packed with quotations proving that Keeping Calm is simply not an option.
Personally I never liked the idea that we should "keep calm and carry on." It's too stoic and I'm too reactive. Sometimes 'acting out' is a good thing.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
782 Posts
My ASL teacher has this poster hung up in his room. Next to it is, "Now panic and freak out." XD

Apparently it's a book. As per Amazon:
Personally I never liked the idea that we should "keep calm and carry on." It's too stoic and I'm too reactive. Sometimes 'acting out' is a good thing.
I'm too stoic so until something pushes me over the edge, I have a calm look about me while everything underneath is boiling away. Doesn't help that I wear dark colours as well lol.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,902 Posts
Discussion Starter · #8 ·
My ASL teacher has this poster hung up in his room. Next to it is, "Now panic and freak out." XD

Apparently it's a book. As per Amazon:
Personally I never liked the idea that we should "keep calm and carry on." It's too stoic and I'm too reactive. Sometimes 'acting out' is a good thing.
This reminded me of The Hitchikers Guide: "Don't Panic." and bring your towel.

Personally, playing the piano or listening to music calms me down.

For exams, my type 6 friend would bring a funny picture or something rather than a cheat sheet with information. I brought a cheat sheet, but I rarely used it. I suppose it was just there for comfort.

I'll see if I can think of some other things.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
4,790 Posts
I'm too stoic so until something pushes me over the edge, I have a calm look about me while everything underneath is boiling away. Doesn't help that I wear dark colours as well lol.
I dunno... I'm very much on the fence about stoicism and wearing my heart on my sleeve.

On the one hand, I want people to know what's going on with me; that is, I don't feel the need or desire to be a mystery. But on the other hand, I get really freaked out when people start "knowing" me very well. I'm constantly doing a balancing act to keep enough of myself locked away to keep myself feeling safe, yet letting enough of myself be known so that friends actually feel like friends.

Then again, it occurs to me this isn't exactly the same thing as stoicism... Does relate, though. I don't want people to see all of my emotions/reactions, I want to keep the worst of it locked up.

May I ask what your instinctual stacking is?

This reminded me of The Hitchikers Guide: "Don't Panic." and bring your towel.
For some reason, the advice to bring a towel always made sense to me. Maybe it was the whole "doesn't hurt to be prepared" thing? :tongue:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
782 Posts
May I ask what your instinctual stacking is?
My instinctual stacking is that I take things as a grain of sand. After a while, it does add up. The way that I don't get angry that often/rarely is down to my sense of humour. If I am stressing out a bit at work, I take it as a sign that I can use sarcastic jokes at co-workers thus relieving it a bit. Heck, there's one guy at work that makes it too easy to make fun of so I tend to roast him a lot.

Hope that answered your question.

EDIT: Looked it up and my instinctual stacking is Sp/Soc
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
4,790 Posts
My instinctual stacking is that I take things as a grain of sand. After a while, it does add up. The way that I don't get angry that often/rarely is down to my sense of humour. If I am stressing out a bit at work, I take it as a sign that I can use sarcastic jokes at co-workers thus relieving it a bit. Heck, there's one guy at work that makes it too easy to make fun of so I tend to roast him a lot.

Hope that answered your question.

EDIT: Looked it up and my instinctual stacking is Sp/Soc
That's basically what I got out of that, yeah... sp/so :confused:
Well, there's a bit of an example between sp/sx and sp/so 6s, so yay! I was wondering why we weren't as, um, meshy as I had anticipated/hoped (being the same tritype/MBTI).


Here's an on-topic thing:
Self-depreciation is one way I deal with fear. Humor, too. Laughing helps, it eases the tension. But don't laugh when (or at) I'm freaking out, I get really pissed off if it feels like my emotions are being belittled. Empathetic humor is a gift I really enjoy in people, since so few can do it properly or understand its helpfulness.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
782 Posts
That's basically what I got out of that, yeah... sp/so :confused:
Well, there's a bit of an example between sp/sx and sp/so 6s, so yay! I was wondering why we weren't as, um, meshy as I had anticipated/hoped (being the same tritype/MBTI).
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,550 Posts
i dont know that im a 6, i keep getting conflicting enneagram results but i do have alot of anxiety and i am finding this thread really interesting, anything can help! Im going to try and do some of the breathing, though when im most anxious is when im around other people and its not easy to get away from them to be alone... also the seeing yourself as needy is a good idea, i never thought of it like that.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,012 Posts
The weird about the word "anxiety" to me is that its become so much a part of me that I don't see what I do as stress.

Anxiety comes to me when I am no longer "worried." That's when people should take note that there is something awfully wrong.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
13,780 Posts
I think the answer is simple but difficult to achieve.

Sixes give away their power to systems, structures, mentors, another person...anything to make themselves feel safe and less anxious. problem with this is that :) it is a dangerous thing to do in itself.

There is but one solution and that is to become self actualized, to trust yourself, to believe in yourself, to find the inner drive, to become your own authority figure...to simply accept yourself for who you are...the ever doubting problem solving super machine :D who is extremely hard to deceive. I believe this involves awakening and connecting more to the Sx instinct, figuring out who you are and growing to trust yourself, developing a healthy trust of everything else, but also maintaining the skepticism, because blind faith in anyone and anything other then yourself is dangerous and stupid.

The only one a six should rely on strongly is themselves and we are probably the most capable of this as healthy troubleshooters.

The answer is inner strength. With inner strength we can be part of something without giving away our power.

I am the way I am most likely because I never received guidance from my parents...I still can't ask for it because they simply have no idea, so I have grown to rely on myself and my self doubting mind.

This is what we need to do: http://www.netplaces.com/enneagram/enneagram-type-six-loyal-guardian/the-process-of-individuation-or-self-actualization-4.htm
 
1 - 15 of 15 Posts
Top