[nikkii]

I believe that us INFJ's are constantly learning new things everyday though we wish we knew everything and want to be prefect or imperfectly perfect either way we want to be perfect lol. We stubbornly think we have everything under control but when life proves us wrong it does sting a bit but i think were happy when we have gained more lessons.

So this is were we can spread the word about what we have learned that we find really important.


* I've learned you can't judge someone completely based on personality type because their is always something special about someone that you can't just fit in a box.


* LISTEN to people, oh this took me awhile. you know i would "listen" aka grab the details of what i wanted then told them what I believed and that was it. end of story. really taking in everything without trusting my gut feeling on what they are talking about. It's really beneficial to just stay still giving your self up to a conversation.


what would you like to share? take your time.

 

[Goaty]

When the chips are down and you have a difficult decision to make, your true friends will give their input and stand by your decision, regardless of whether it aligns with what they believe to be best. This was a difficult pill to swallow, but a huge eye opener for me.

 

[Averic]

I've recently learned to look back at my accomplishments. I've gone too long telling myself "What's next?". Now I'm telling myself, "Good job! Have a beer! Chill!"

 

[GreenCoyote]

Follow the positive feelings you have in the states when you have them.

The destructive sides to ourselves are imprtant but shouldn't be given emphasis, just understood, accepted that they will be there, but knowing that there is so much more to us human beings.

very great post nikki. simple and wonderful. have you heard about active listening?
I took a parent effectivness training class and they talk about it in there.
reminds me of what you are talking about.

 

[PaulH]

I agree with Greencoyote - listening skills are a wonderful gift. There is a lovely saying in child coaching circles - "what the children of today need is a damn good listening to"

The world needs good listeners. People pay good money to be listened to! - Coaching is a little more than that I know but in essence people pay for undiluted attention.

It worries me when I see some of the posts here when posters talk about their hatred of society and people in general. I don't wish to belittle anyone by saying that - it's a concern not a judgement. MBTI is an excellent tool to help people understand others.

INFJs make good listeners - so listen to someone today - do it with your whole heart and soul - it's the most wonderful gift you can give

 

[GreenCoyote]

I listen to other people when they open up their own crap.
but when they want to project an image of who they think i am into me...
I will gladly shut up my silence and let um have it.

 

[waterviolet]

Go with your gut. Instinctually you will always know what the right answer is for you. When in doubt, it's probably not the correct answer.

Never stop learning, searching within yourself for understanding and you can learn about yourself through other people.

There are always more than 2 sides to any situation or argument. The other person's feelings are just as valid as your own.

There will forever be things that nobody understands.

Live simply, be gracious, respect other's opinions and know the true value of life rests in relationships you cultivate during your life.

Everything is as it was meant to be. Control is a figment of your imagination because the only thing you can control is your own reaction to the situation at hand.

There IS something much larger than us, more meaningful than this materialistic world we live in.

And - labels are just a way to make humans feel comfortable and connected, they let us believe that everything has its place. Nobody ever said that we had to conform to the label that's placed upon us by society.

 

[Filigeedreamer]

Don't ask what you can take from the world, ask what skills and abilities you have to give to it. This is a better way to find out who you are, and a place for yourself where you feel happy or like you belong. You will often get the things you really want from life by using your talents and giving of them, as well as a closer connection to yourself and the things you really value.

It's very commendable to look after others, but you are not being selfish by putting yourself first sometimes. If you don't look after yourself then your ability to help others is affected. There are also people who love you who gain happiness from yours. Not looking after yourself can hurt others as much as your sacrifices can help. Do not be someone who helps others, then feels resentful as their own needs have not been met...you desirve to be looked after as well, and the same care you extend to others should be given to yourself.

Love and friendships are wonderful...but try not to let them blind you to the realities of a situation. Give of yourself, yes...but listen to any sense of unease you may have, and try and look at things with an outsiders eye.

You don't know everything and you never will. Acept it. Keep an open mind to people, opionions, and critisim.

Try not to be overly critical of yourself, objectivly note your weaknesses, but do not take them to heart or let them seem more importaint than your strenghts.

If you have tried your best, then you can't ask for anything more from yourself, wheather you succed or not.

 

[nikkii]

very great post nikki. simple and wonderful. have you heard about active listening?
I took a parent effectivness training class and they talk about it in there.
reminds me of what you are talking about.

Thanks you very much, that means a lot. Well I'm starting college on the 27th, so I will check it out next semester. Sounds interesting. I would need a class on it lol It's still a pretty bad habit of mine.

 

[nikkii]

I listen to other people when they open up their own crap.
but when they want to project an image of who they think i am into me...
I will gladly shut up my silence and let um have it.

hahahaha

sounds like my INFP friend, I've learned the hard why to not tell a INFP who they feel. blah.

 

[nikkii]

There will forever be things that nobody understands.

Non-sense I don't know what your talking about.

Everything is as it was meant to be. Control is a figment of your imagination because the only thing you can control is your own reaction to the situation at hand.

This one really stood out because at a younger age I wanted to control of the situation because I always knew better. When I realized I didn't, it was a pretty big reality check but NOW you know It feels good to see that.

And - labels are just a way to make humans feel comfortable and connected, they let us believe that everything has its place. Nobody ever said that we had to conform to the label that's placed upon us by society.

Agreed and thank you for your wise words.

 

[nikkii]

It's very commendable to look after others, but you are not being selfish by putting yourself first sometimes. If you don't look after yourself then your ability to help others is affected. There are also people who love you who gain happiness from yours. Not looking after yourself can hurt others as much as your sacrifices can help. Do not be someone who helps others, then feels resentful as their own needs have not been met...you desirve to be looked after as well, and the same care you extend to others should be given to yourself.

Wonderfully said Filgeedreamer

 

[ertertwert]

I've learned that if you try to live like an INTJ you will fuck up your life. You should try to enhance your thinking skills being an F, but not to the point where you no longer believe you are an F. This sounds retarded probably, but you'd be surprised...

 

[kateykinz]

The more you say "No", the more people will appreciate you when you do say "Yes". As you become more assertive about what you do and don't want to do for people, pseudo-friends who are mainly using you will start to disappear, and the people who like you for who you really are will respect you and put forth effort to become your true friend. Unfortunately, some of your pseudo-friends are much cooler than your real friends and you'll be hurt when you find out that they're really "not that into you". But that's the way the cookie crumbles. At least you'll know where you are and so you won't waste time and energy on people who aren't willing to put the effort into maintaining a good two-way relationship.

 

[kateykinz]

Sorry for the double post, I got a couple of others.

Getting someone to see how they can help themselves change for the better is fairly easy, actually getting them to break old habits and do anything about their problems is nearly impossible. If you try to take responsibility for helping everyone, you're going to have a whole lot more disappointments than successes. To avoid feeling ineffective, despondant and cynical about human nature, choose your "projects" very carefully and don't take on more than you can handle emotionally at any one time. Even if you feel like you should take care of every living soul on the planet, you don't owe anyone anything so don't ever feel guilty for other people failing to take responsibility for themselves.

Though your intentions may be more morally pure than those of others, don't kid yourself that you are being totally altruistic. The reason you like helping your fellow (wo)man is because it makes you feel good and balanced when other people feel good and balanced. Don't lose sight of the fact that all human behaviour has a motive behind it. Ultimately, we're all trying to protect our sense of identity and no one should really judge which strategy is the best way to live because it is totally a matter of individual perspective. Try not to form expectations of people or events as you will then have no choice but react to them. Instead accept the world and the people within it as they come. As Eckhardt Tolle wrote - "When you accept what is, that is the end of all drama in your life."

 

[Daveman]

* I've learned you can't judge someone completely based on personality type because their is always something special about someone that you can't just fit in a box.

Very true. I use MBTI as a way to make sense out of people, but noboby should feel that they HAVE to be a certain way because of the letters, and nobody should use the letters as an excuse for not doing things that other personality types are supposedly better suited for.

I've learned that if you try to live like an INTJ you will fuck up your life. You should try to enhance your thinking skills being an F, but not to the point where you no longer believe you are an F. This sounds retarded probably, but you'd be surprised...

Agreed. INTJs are not superior. Fe is not a weakness in and of itself. It may have some drawbacks, but so do all the other functions. Personally speaking, trying to be more of a Ti stresses me out. There are only certain situations where I feel that it is necessary anyway- not ALL situations.

For the most part, I'm content with acting like a clown. It's more fun. As long as I am happy, there is no need to try to be a robot.

Sorry for the double post, I got a couple of others.

Getting someone to see how they can help themselves change for the better is fairly easy, actually getting them to break old habits and do anything about their problems is nearly impossible. If you try to take responsibility for helping everyone, you're going to have a whole lot more disappointments than successes. To avoid feeling ineffective, despondant and cynical about human nature, choose your "projects" very carefully and don't take on more than you can handle emotionally at any one time. Even if you feel like you should take care of every living soul on the planet, you don't owe anyone anything so don't ever feel guilty for other people failing to take responsibility for themselves.

Though your intentions may be more morally pure than those of others, don't kid yourself that you are being totally altruistic. The reason you like helping your fellow (wo)man is because it makes you feel good and balanced when other people feel good and balanced. Don't lose sight of the fact that all human behaviour has a motive behind it. Ultimately, we're all trying to protect our sense of identity and no one should really judge which strategy is the best way to live because it is totally a matter of individual perspective. Try not to form expectations of people or events as you will then have no choice but react to them. Instead accept the world and the people within it as they come. As Eckhardt Tolle wrote - "When you accept what is, that is the end of all drama in your life."

This is very true for me. I would really like to be alturistic, but I don't think I am, and I would like to change the entire world, but I don't think I can.

Still, I will share my insight with anyone who would be willing to listen to me. There will always be people who do not support me, and I think this is mainly because of misunderstandings about what I'm doing. As long as I am doing what I feel is the right thing to do, then I will be content, and I do get comfort because I know that I do actually reach SOME people- just not as many as I would like to.

----------------------------------------------------

Now for some more of my own advice- which, like most of my advice, will overlap with things I've already said. (Sorry, but I keep thinking about "new" people reading the forum.)

Life is too short to be miserable and hate everyone. INFJs should use their insight to see the "good" in people. Of course, there are bad people out there, but I still think that there are MORE people out there who simply misunderstand INFJs. I think INFJs SHOULD try to see things from this point of view and not their own, and I don't think that INFJs should generalize too much about humanity.

And to anyone reading this who believes in moral nihilism, I just want you to know that I understand the way you think, and I absolutley disagree with you. I've been through so many rough situations that I have grown to believe that good and evil are REAL. Call me naive; call me irrational; laugh at me; I don't care.

 

[Bright Laughter]

Wow - There is more wisdom & insight in this (currently) 2 page thread than I think I've ever seen. Wait...that's because almost every bit of it are hard won lessons of my own (I have battle scars to prove it) - that I couldn't have put in better words - so I am biased roud:

Remarkable thread! I almost don't feel worthy enough to respond with my tidbits :crazy:

This life wasn't meant to be lived alone. Suffering in silence was my Modus Operandi growing up for survival reasons (literally). I was completely paralyzed in absolute fear which led me to believe that the safest (therefore happiest) way to get through life was to be cut off & unattached (emotionally, physically) from everyone. The nicer someone *seemed* the more I distrusted them. After all, the adults surrounding me in childhood were always deemed by society as "such a nice person". But...life felt empty somehow.

I've spent many years working through my sheer terror. Running into the very types I tried to avoid. I didn't think with my complete "naivete" that I would ever know when someone was a "good" or "bad" person. Despite my mistrust of everyone, ironically, I always held tightly to the belief that all in all humans are intrinsically good. Time after time again I'd get hurt, would retreat, think *uck it I'll stay alone, heal, reflect on all of my lessons learned. And get up, and try again. If nothing else, I'm stubborn as all get out. I'm starting to get it. And from it, little lessons to help me with the bigger lesson:

*It's okay to just not like someone. I don't even have to have a legitimate reason. I can not like them "just because". (If this sounds odd, it's because I give EVERYONE the benefit of the doubt even if I know from first meeting them they are up to no good. Then I'm all surprised when I find out they've manipulated or used me :crazy.

*Saying yes all of the time does not prevent conflict or disharmony. In fact, it encourages it.

*Never do something for another out of obligation (aka guilt trip-including self imposed ones). Only if you truly, genuinely want to do it. Only if it's something I would do even if I knew I would never see or hear from the person again. This makes it easier for me to say no & stick to it, and to feel less *used*.

*You must take care of yourself. Having a nervous breakdown makes it impossible to be of any help to anyone else. And it does yourself no favors either. (Explained wonderfully in an earlier post, so no point in expanding this.)

*Give yourself a damn break once in awhile. Good lord! Who do you think you are to have taken the whole world on your shoulders and refusing anything in return! Speaking of refusals:

*Learn to accept help, gifts, compliments gracefully. If you must, think of it as a *gift* to them in your acceptance. I know I feel awesome when someone accepts something from me with genuine gratitude. It's like the best thing they can give me, so why shouldn't I also give that to others?

*Everyone is doing the best that THEY can during any given time at whatever level of understanding that they are. And even if it doesn't look that way to you, it's THEIR path to follow, not yours. Not everyone is *capable* of what you are. In fact...very few are. So give THEM a break once in awhile, LOL

Oops...sorry for long ass post. Didn't intend to do that when I started.:shocked:

 

[Daveman]

Wow - There is more wisdom & insight in this (currently) 2 page thread than I think I've ever seen. Wait...that's because almost every bit of it are hard won lessons of my own (I have battle scars to prove it) - that I couldn't have put in better words - so I am biased roud:

Remarkable thread! I almost don't feel worthy enough to respond with my tidbits :crazy:

This life wasn't meant to be lived alone. Suffering in silence was my Modus Operandi growing up for survival reasons (literally). I was completely paralyzed in absolute fear which led me to believe that the safest (therefore happiest) way to get through life was to be cut off & unattached (emotionally, physically) from everyone. The nicer someone *seemed* the more I distrusted them. After all, the adults surrounding me in childhood were always deemed by society as "such a nice person". But...life felt empty somehow.

I've spent many years working through my sheer terror. Running into the very types I tried to avoid. I didn't think with my complete "naivete" that I would ever know when someone was a "good" or "bad" person. Despite my mistrust of everyone, ironically, I always held tightly to the belief that all in all humans are intrinsically good. Time after time again I'd get hurt, would retreat, think *uck it I'll stay alone, heal, reflect on all of my lessons learned. And get up, and try again. If nothing else, I'm stubborn as all get out. I'm starting to get it. And from it, little lessons to help me with the bigger lesson:

*It's okay to just not like someone. I don't even have to have a legitimate reason. I can not like them "just because". (If this sounds odd, it's because I give EVERYONE the benefit of the doubt even if I know from first meeting them they are up to no good. Then I'm all surprised when I find out they've manipulated or used me :crazy.

*Saying yes all of the time does not prevent conflict or disharmony. In fact, it encourages it.

*Never do something for another out of obligation (aka guilt trip-including self imposed ones). Only if you truly, genuinely want to do it. Only if it's something I would do even if I knew I would never see or hear from the person again. This makes it easier for me to say no & stick to it, and to feel less *used*.

*You must take care of yourself. Having a nervous breakdown makes it impossible to be of any help to anyone else. And it does yourself no favors either. (Explained wonderfully in an earlier post, so no point in expanding this.)

*Give yourself a damn break once in awhile. Good lord! Who do you think you are to have taken the whole world on your shoulders and refusing anything in return! Speaking of refusals:

*Learn to accept help, gifts, compliments gracefully. If you must, think of it as a *gift* to them in your acceptance. I know I feel awesome when someone accepts something from me with genuine gratitude. It's like the best thing they can give me, so why shouldn't I also give that to others?

*Everyone is doing the best that THEY can during any given time at whatever level of understanding that they are. And even if it doesn't look that way to you, it's THEIR path to follow, not yours. Not everyone is *capable* of what you are. In fact...very few are. So give THEM a break once in awhile, LOL

Oops...sorry for long ass post. Didn't intend to do that when I started.:shocked:

Very good advice and very well thoughtout. I imagine that you have been mulling this over in your mind for a while. :wink:

 

[nikkii]

Wow - There is more wisdom & insight in this (currently) 2 page thread than I think I've ever seen. Wait...that's because almost every bit of it are hard won lessons of my own (I have battle scars to prove it) - that I couldn't have put in better words - so I am biased roud:

Remarkable thread! I almost don't feel worthy enough to respond with my tidbits :crazy:

This life wasn't meant to be lived alone. Suffering in silence was my Modus Operandi growing up for survival reasons (literally). I was completely paralyzed in absolute fear which led me to believe that the safest (therefore happiest) way to get through life was to be cut off & unattached (emotionally, physically) from everyone. The nicer someone *seemed* the more I distrusted them. After all, the adults surrounding me in childhood were always deemed by society as "such a nice person". But...life felt empty somehow.

I've spent many years working through my sheer terror. Running into the very types I tried to avoid. I didn't think with my complete "naivete" that I would ever know when someone was a "good" or "bad" person. Despite my mistrust of everyone, ironically, I always held tightly to the belief that all in all humans are intrinsically good. Time after time again I'd get hurt, would retreat, think *uck it I'll stay alone, heal, reflect on all of my lessons learned. And get up, and try again. If nothing else, I'm stubborn as all get out. I'm starting to get it. And from it, little lessons to help me with the bigger lesson:

*It's okay to just not like someone. I don't even have to have a legitimate reason. I can not like them "just because". (If this sounds odd, it's because I give EVERYONE the benefit of the doubt even if I know from first meeting them they are up to no good. Then I'm all surprised when I find out they've manipulated or used me :crazy.

*Saying yes all of the time does not prevent conflict or disharmony. In fact, it encourages it.

*Never do something for another out of obligation (aka guilt trip-including self imposed ones). Only if you truly, genuinely want to do it. Only if it's something I would do even if I knew I would never see or hear from the person again. This makes it easier for me to say no & stick to it, and to feel less *used*.

*You must take care of yourself. Having a nervous breakdown makes it impossible to be of any help to anyone else. And it does yourself no favors either. (Explained wonderfully in an earlier post, so no point in expanding this.)

*Give yourself a damn break once in awhile. Good lord! Who do you think you are to have taken the whole world on your shoulders and refusing anything in return! Speaking of refusals:

*Learn to accept help, gifts, compliments gracefully. If you must, think of it as a *gift* to them in your acceptance. I know I feel awesome when someone accepts something from me with genuine gratitude. It's like the best thing they can give me, so why shouldn't I also give that to others?

*Everyone is doing the best that THEY can during any given time at whatever level of understanding that they are. And even if it doesn't look that way to you, it's THEIR path to follow, not yours. Not everyone is *capable* of what you are. In fact...very few are. So give THEM a break once in awhile, LOL

Oops...sorry for long ass post. Didn't intend to do that when I started.:shocked:

kudos! very wise. :tongue:

 

[Goaty]

Prepare for the worst, hope for the best.