Wow - There is more wisdom & insight in this (currently) 2 page thread than I think I've ever seen. Wait...that's because almost every bit of it are
hard won lessons of my own (I have battle scars to prove it) - that I couldn't have put in better words - so I am biased

roud:
Remarkable thread! I almost don't feel worthy enough to respond with my tidbits :crazy:
This life wasn't meant to be lived alone. Suffering in silence was my Modus Operandi growing up for survival reasons (literally). I was completely paralyzed in
absolute fear which led me to believe that the safest (therefore happiest) way to get through life was to be cut off & unattached (emotionally, physically) from everyone. The nicer someone *seemed* the more I distrusted them. After all, the adults surrounding me in childhood were always deemed by society as "such a nice person". But...life felt empty somehow.
I've spent many years working through my sheer terror. Running into the very types I tried to avoid. I didn't think with my complete "naivete" that I would ever know when someone was a "good" or "bad" person. Despite my mistrust of everyone, ironically, I always held tightly to the belief that all in all humans are intrinsically good. Time after time again I'd get hurt, would retreat, think *uck it I'll stay alone, heal, reflect on all of my lessons learned. And get up, and try again. If nothing else, I'm stubborn as all get out. I'm starting to get it. And from it, little lessons to help me with the bigger lesson:
*It's okay to just not like someone. I don't even have to have a legitimate reason. I can not like them "just because". (If this sounds odd, it's because I give EVERYONE the benefit of the doubt even if I know from first meeting them they are up to no good. Then I'm all surprised when I find out they've manipulated or used me :crazy

.
*Saying yes all of the time does not prevent conflict or disharmony. In fact, it encourages it.
*Never do something for another out of obligation (aka guilt trip-including self imposed ones). Only if you truly, genuinely want to do it. Only if it's something I would do even if I knew I would never see or hear from the person again. This makes it easier for me to say no & stick to it, and to feel less *used*.
*You
must take care of yourself. Having a nervous breakdown makes it impossible to be of any help to anyone else. And it does yourself no favors either. (Explained wonderfully in an earlier post, so no point in expanding this.)
*Give yourself a damn break once in awhile. Good lord! Who do you think you are to have taken the whole world on your shoulders and refusing anything in return! Speaking of refusals:
*Learn to accept help, gifts, compliments gracefully. If you must, think of it as a *gift* to them in your acceptance. I know I feel awesome when someone accepts something from me with genuine gratitude. It's like the best thing they can give me, so why shouldn't I also give that to others?
*Everyone is doing the best that THEY can during any given time at whatever level of understanding that they are. And even if it doesn't look that way to you, it's THEIR path to follow, not yours. Not everyone is *capable* of what you are. In fact...very few are. So give THEM a break once in awhile, LOL
Oops...sorry for long ass post. Didn't intend to do that when I started.:shocked: