If the person they like is the one who hurt them, it's a matter of practicality to not go beyond a friendship.If an INTJ really likes a person, but has been seriously hurt in the past can the INTJ put aside the feelings and not go beyond a friendship because of fear of repeating the past and not wanting to be hurt again?
Ha, I can almost always find a reason a relationship wouldn't make sense. I think actually if I'm afraid of anything, it's doing something that doesn't make sense and then feeling trapped because of it. Sometimes I wonder if I have to be more accepting of the fact that logistical problems are inevitable. But in my mind it's like, if a relationship is the source of some kind of practicality problem (or generally anything negative) in my life, I'm automatically better without it. :dry: It's rare that my feelings are strong enough to think it's worth the costs.Also, if the relationship doesn't make sense/couldn't work, then it won't go beyond friendship either (usually). I mean I love the idea of getting in a relationship with a sexy badass ISTP, but in reality, it's just not a good mix for me.
I suppose; but I reckon this is [not unique] to cognitive-functions / particular types, in general, or a Typology issue - but rather seems to be more of an unresolved psychological issue (i.e., attachment / emotional truamas, feeling complexities / ritualized-reinforcement of emotional-pain generating long-term "trust" issues / and other anxieties/phobias), thus precipitating malfunctions with forming interpsonal relationships over all.If an INTJ really likes a person, but has been seriously hurt in the past can the INTJ put aside the feelings and not go beyond a friendship because of fear of repeating the past and not wanting to be hurt again?
Unconditioned stimulus rehearsal and the retention and enhancement of differential "fear" conditioning: effects of trait and state anxiety.
Davey GC1, Matchett G.
In 2 experiments, the effect of anxiety on the cued-unconditioned stimulus (UCS) rehearsal phenomenon was investigated (T. Jones & G. C. L. Davey, 1990). In Experiment 1, postconditioning rehearsal of the unconditioned stimulus (UCS) resulted in an increase in conditioned response (CR) strength during extinction, but only in subjects with high levels of trait anxiety. An induced mood procedure was used in Experiment 2, and a postrehearsal increase in CR strength was found in subjects who had undergone induced somatic anxiety but not in subjects who had undergone induced worrying or who underwent a neutral induction procedure. In both experiments, the increase in CR strength following UCS rehearsal was associated with inflated ratings of the aversiveness of rehearsing the UCS. These results are discussed in terms of the ways in which anxiety might influence UCS rehearsal and facilitate physiological CRs to the conditioned stimulus.
[HR][/HR]Commitment phobia, as with
any other phobia, is based
on fear – fear of connection,
fear of intimacy, fear of loss,
and fear of getting hurt.
Emotional protection is central to those
with relationship anxiety, as is the incessant
need to be in control. Though these fears
and anxieties may be very evident to their
romantic partner, very often, the person
afraid to commit is unaware of the issue
and acts based on their subconscious.
Commitment-phobes are highly skilled in
the art of seduction, using intelligence and
charm to captivate those they are romantically
interested in. Their allure overshadows
their inability to form healthy, long-lasting
relationships. When in a relationship, the
commitment-phobe enjoys the same excitement
and romantic feelings as their partner;
however, once their feelings become too
intense for them to handle, they find excuses
to distance themselves from their loved one.
This sudden and unexpected detachment
is a reaction to them feeling “too much,”
not, as it’s often interpreted, as feeling “too
little.” In this way, people with relationship
anxiety maintain their romances for only a
limited time, often making a swift exit
And while analyzing deeper into individual type background(s) there may be pattern(s) of eccentric / distinct parenting styles that may have triggered certain INTJ's to react differently to things such as "emotional expression / relationship phobias). It seems a combonation of factors (re: upbringing / traumas / biological (type-related) dispositions), rather than simply "INTJs in general are born to be like (X) when it comes to relationships,".In other words, a (Se)-dom with a (higher degree of feeling) will be utilizing such to have an awareness of anatomic position among other agencies (re: this can manifest in desires to be held with 'to attention,') to distort, and/or communicative with surrounding agencies by means of (sensing-stimulants), in relation to other agencies. Unlike the (Si)-dom, who will be fixated on the (anxietic) side-effects due to the internalized psychological-biases that comes with (internalized-fixation) on the 'states of self'.
Introverted-sensing humanoid(s) will be utilizing perceived / and/or possible "states" of being (re: abstractions - and/or possible interference with physical-anatomic properties that may occur) - via (internalized disturbances) to assess their position, where things stand in position to themselves: manifesting in the forms of various 'technique' to distract or alleviate from various sensory internal disturbances - (consequence / anxieties / relief). An observation of how things are in relation to myself - thus, a hyper-awareness of the position of (my anatomic-functions); and how things (or subjects depending on logical-fixation) surrounding correlate - interference - or relate to such states.
Side effects: of (Si) -- [Yearning / anxiety / needs / discomfort / correction / position].
Ah, that makes sense. Well, he said "I don't know." That's frustrating and can lead to anxiety, but at least he's being honest. There's no point in being in a relationship with someone who doesn't know, i. e. hasn't processed stuff yet and made up their mind. There is also a danger that you'd feel tempted to do better than his previous partner and take on too much of the relationship work. I'd say stay friends and see how it goes. Maybe he will know one day, maybe somebody else will come along. It would be interesting to know whether his previous partners were INTPs, too, or whether he's just generally cynical. I don't see INTPs as heart breakers in a romantic sense. On the contrary, they are so tame, I automatically see them as a purely platonic friend. If they get their knickers in a twist about romance, though, and value it higher than friendship, thats when they do break my heart.Thanks to everyone who has shared your insights/ideas. I made the original post after he and I had a text exchange one day and I inadvertently admitted to having stronger feelings for him. We spend quite a bit of time together, text daily, etc and have a strong friendship. His statement to my admission would be that going down that road would “end in epic disaster.” When I asked him how he could be so sure, he said “history repeating and all that.” I know that he has not had many if any really successful long term relationships, and he has made off-hand comments in the past about not being controlled and being able to do his own thing. I asked if the conversation was one that shouldn’t happen at all, or one for another time (giving him the opportunity to gently tell me he wasn’t interested in me beyond friendship). His response was “either way, I don’t know.” So I’m a little confused. Why wouldn’t he just tell me he wasn’t interested.
I greatly value our friendship. We’ve been spending time together for close to two years now. He talks to me more than he talks to anyone else. He treats me differently than anyone else. Our relationship has gone through changes as we deepen the friendship. But, I want to be careful and guard my heart though. I want to be open with him, but at the same time, I don’t want to fall any more than I already am. I’m an INTP, and I suppress emotion quite a bit, and I am capable of remaining friends with him despite my feelings. I wondered if it were the same with INTJs as well.
Only if I have good reasons to believe that it wont work.If an INTJ really likes a person, but has been seriously hurt in the past can the INTJ put aside the feelings and not go beyond a friendship because of fear of repeating the past and not wanting to be hurt again?