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An INFP friend and I are both juniors in college. He's become increasingly out of control and belligerent while drinking, and he's losing friends over it. He also makes almost aggressive sexual advances on whoever happens to be around him (guy or girl) when under intoxication. He's gotten two drinking tickets and one DUI- he almost got expelled this semester. When I talk to him sober he seems bothered by this, but any time he's drinking (which is quite often) he insists that he "hasn't had that much!" It's like he becomes a completely different person.

I want to be there for him without adding to the problem. We have a little bit of a history-- nothing too serious, just casual dating and hooking up in the past...when the feelings started to get heavy, I said I wasn't ready for a relationship (which was totally true, it had nothing to do with how much I cared for him), and we went our separate ways for a bit. We were friends for about a year before any of that happened, and it's been about a year since. We still really care about each other, and he's said I'm one of only two people that he confides in. Romantic feelings are still there on my end and he can tell, but I absolutely don't want to date him when he's like this, and he says he doesn't want to date anyone until he gets himself more together. Still, any time he drinks I'm the most definitive target for his advances, and he'll even invite me back to his hometown to meet his family or really want to go to a wedding with me to meet mine...it seems basically like he wants to be close without being held accountable for anything.

So, my questions are:
a) What's the best thing I can do to help/support him as a friend? (especially because it's looking like I may be one of very few he's got left soon)
b) How can I keep it platonic? How can I make sure he doesn't open himself up too much to me, so much that I end up hurting him (because, as I said, I refuse to date him when he's like this) and compounding his problems?

Any insight is greatly appreciated. Thanks!!
 

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Heart to heart emotional talk I'd say, simply stating the facts about people getting annoyed with him, how he has changed, plus how you're scared because you care about him. After that I'd insist about attending a few alcoholics anonymous meetings (which you can go with him to as well, if you wish).

If he refuses to do that then, personally, I wouldn't take his apologies as sincere and I'd cut myself off from this person before he brings me down with him.

I know no one wants to do that last one.
 

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So, my questions are:
a) What's the best thing I can do to help/support him as a friend? (especially because it's looking like I may be one of very few he's got left soon)
b) How can I keep it platonic? How can I make sure he doesn't open himself up too much to me, so much that I end up hurting him (because, as I said, I refuse to date him when he's like this) and compounding his problems?

Any insight is greatly appreciated. Thanks!!
Honestly...you can't help somebody that doesn't want help. And continually trying to be there to support them will only bring you down with them. He probably doesn't have very many people left because they decided not to be a part of his craziness and get on with their own lives. Not easy I know, I have the "rescue" syndrome myself. But I'm on the ugly other side of this now and I know how exhausting it is...

If he doesn't respect your boundaries and continues to come on to you even though you've made it clear you only want a platonic relationship....then the best thing to do is walk away... There's no point in being close to somebody who doesn't respect you.
 

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Honestly...you can't help somebody that doesn't want help. And continually trying to be there to support them will only bring you down with them. He probably doesn't have very many people left because they decided not to be a part of his craziness and get on with their own lives. Not easy I know, I have the "rescue" syndrome myself. But I'm on the ugly other side of this now and I know how exhausting it is...

If he doesn't respect your boundaries and continues to come on to you even though you've made it clear you only want a platonic relationship....then the best thing to do is walk away... There's no point in being close to somebody who doesn't respect you.

darkestar is unfortunately right. i have been in your position, but what's worse, the drunk was my boyfriend of about two years, and we lived together. he became a drunk for who knows what reason, and i, whom he claimed to love more than life itself, could not do a damn thing to change it. and i spent three years AFTER we broke up due to this trying to "help him" or "wait and see" if he would change, because, i too have the "rescue" syndrome. and i can say that it was not worth it, and i refuse to keep anyone so selfish around again.
 
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