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Always shitting down others' opinions?

[ISFJ] 
4K views 27 replies 19 participants last post by  Lady K 
#1 · (Edited)
I know a few ISFJs who often shut down my opinions and it gets very irritating.

For example:

me: I think that __________
ISFJ: No, that's not it, it's that __________


I feel like every time I say something it gets shot down. It is so often that I don't even want to open my mouth. She shuts down everything that I say in a way that everything that she says is right and that her opinion and perspective is the most credible (when it's not. and although I hardly ever agree with her, I never shut down her opinions because they are OPINIONS and if I ever shot them down it would be socially unacceptable by her standards).


Why would an ISFJ do this?


EDIT: TITLE IS SUPPOSED TO BE SHOOTING DOWN OTHERS' OPINIONS AHHH*******
 
#2 ·
It's hard for me to imagine myself doing that to other people. That may be due to me being the youngest in my family and thus feeling more inferior.

Sometimes I would hit a roadblock with other friends or people when we had different opinions on what should be. I wouldn't argue, but I'd get upset.

Now that I think more about this as I respond to this thread, I tend to be more opinionated then I talk to other people. I would have philosophical debates with my INTJ roommate and I would not answer his questions directly.
 
#3 ·
ISFJ's are not the only type to shut people's opinions down. This is not a ISFJ thing, its a people thing. Yes there are some people out there, of every type, who shoot down peoples opinions, but it is not something based on type.

ISFJ's can be perceived as shooting down peoples opinions, but usually, they are trying to help. Finding out what they are trying to communicate often helps, though ISFJ's do have trouble explaining why sometimes.
 
#4 ·
Well I know I am way too scared to upset the other person, so I often keep my opinions to myself. I sometimes think of myself as a peace-maker, bc I very very much hate fighting so I try to please the other person and just silently disagree. With family and close friends I can argue and really stand up to my views, but with anyone less familiar I just don't want to bother fighting. Though even with close ones I want to make them happy and not upset, so I sometimes I just nod to their comments. Like

other person: I think that __________
me: hmm yea sure...
me *inside my head*:No, that's not it, it's that __________
 
#6 ·
#15 ·
Just be openminded to this..... Is it possible that in the beginning the both of you started off on the wrong foot. Stepping on eachothers toes. And because of this, there is a certain level of animosity towards one another that you cannot clearly be open to mutual respect? Is it possible? Because in honest truth, sometimes because of misunderstanding or just because, we sometimes do not like one another from what we percieve. Until both parties can be open minded and make the effort to try..... Nothing will be accomplished from this. Just a thought. Besides, how would I know, I'm just a confused INFJ. Pay no mind.
 
#16 ·
I'm in the "it's a people thing" camp. ISTJ's do it, ISFJ's do it, every type does it. Hell I do it. INTJ's tend to go a step further and try to make you feel like a complete moron. If it were to be akin to a certain type, I'd say anyone with a J. Because we're judgmental. :cool:
 
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#18 ·
Well, that i not just ISFJs its generally SJs thing :)
NPs say, are more able to look at things from diferent pespectives, argue both sides, just talk about it, it is interesting (to them) they are able to see that it is an OPINION.
we rarely see extremes, but extreme SJs generally find it hard to see that there may be more than one right answer, see what its like?
(PS: I am neither SJ nor NP btw ;)
 
#19 ·
Considering the OP is also an SJ, I don't know if this will shed much light. On the other hand, it does present an opportunity for self-reflection...sometimes we see things in others that we don't see in ourselves. An ISTJ might see an ISFJ shutting down their opinions, but an NP might view the same ISTJ as doing it to them.

It also shows how the whole thing can be relative as well.
 
#20 ·
The thing with this thread is... if one says anything that could be viewed as countering the thread title then you become a working example. It's like the ultimate baited trap. ..genius really!!! *nibbles on bait* Maybe it's how we got the title "The Nurturers" :p
 
#21 ·
This is true to a degree, but not necessarily. I think it's really only "shutting down" an opinion if you deem it wrong without thinking about it or considering it. I think if someone were to seriously respond the way Seeker99 did, then that would be shutting down the OP. But I think one can disagree with an opinion without shutting it down, especially when the OP is asking about it rather than just stating it.
 
#22 ·
I know I'm a bit late to respond to this, mostly because I've been inactive for awhile, but I'd like to add my two cents. I personally feel this is a people thing, and not an ISFJ thing - or perhaps, maybe it's more common among Sensors in general, but definitely not ISFJ specific. I personally spend most of my time listening to people's opinions and just letting them have their say, regardless of whether or not I personally agree. The only time I tend to voice my own opinion about something is when I feel that I am well versed in the subject and have a valid opinion. There are a few reasons for this - one, I dislike conflict, and disagreeing with people's personal opinions usually leads to conflict, two, I think that everyone should be able to voice their opinion if they want to, even if it's wrong by everyone else's standards, and three, I tend to feel like most of what I say goes through people's ears and out the other. XD

Anyways, long post short - people issue, not ISFJ specific.
 
#23 ·
No this seems to be an Si thing in general, common amongst most SJ's. This is why SJ's and me tend not to get along.
 
#24 ·
So people who use Ni are Elitist? No, it varies from person to person, in all personality types. Just because someone is willing to bring up a difference in opinion that contradicts your own does not mean they are "shutting you down". They may even argue the value of their point and contrast it to yours, still does not mean they are shutting you down. When someone does contradict in a way without providing any information, but merely stating how it is with out seriously considering the your opinion, then yes, that is a shutting down of sorts. This can be done by anyone, however.

Its a stereotype of SJ's to claim they shut people down. It comes from a lack of understanding. The less we understand someone, the more likely we are to be offended by their actions and what they say. Until you learn to look beyond yourself, and gain understanding of why people do they things they do, you will continually choose to be hurt by others actions, simply because you do not care to build understanding. However, if you have already made up your mind, then whatever is said does not matter. SJ's to you will perpetually be shooting down others opinions, no matter what new information you get.
 
#26 ·
So please don't talk to me about our intolerance towards ISFJs. Thank you.
If you had a negative experience with TWO people of a certain race or religion, would that make it okay to stereotype others in that group?

I get that you're just venting and I'm sorry your experiences have been bad ones, but please don't use that to justify making negative assumptions about a whole group of people.
 
#27 · (Edited)
I don't want to generalize the whole group, because even among one type there are different people, obviously. However, those traits that I've described were so strong in them and so similar to each other that it seems to me they belong to the default set of the type. Of course I can be wrong, because I don't know any other ISFJs that could contradict this theory. But the similarities are striking (despite differences in upbringing, gender, age and environment), much like the similarities between me and my INTP friend. And those INTP similarities belong to the usual set of traits for the INTP type. This made me reach the conclusion, but I realize it might be offensive, that's why I said I'm sorry if you find it as such.
 
#28 ·
You can't delete posts after a certain time period, Mokona.

And just to point out that it's really not just Sensors, or SJs that shut people down - I live with an ENTJ. He ALWAYS shuts me down if I even dare to voice my opinion and it contradicts him. I continue to back the idea that it's a people issue, and not specific to any part of a function. Some people just don't like being told they're wrong.
 
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