Main Questions
1. What drives you in life? What do you look for?
I worked for the one company from the age of 17. I am now 48. It was a bank and I worked in the IT department as a software engineer. I was made redundant at the end of Dec 2014. I absolutely loved the job, but it was outsourced to India. The job fulfilled me in ways that outside of work never has. I was good at problem solving, knew the systems inside out. I spent many years making it my business to study hard and to learn them. I feel a bit lost at present. I like the randomness of things in a way. I am quite an easy going person, who enjoys brain stimulation whether it be from a video game, a quiz or a robust debate on telly. I am driven by the pursuit of mental stimulation. I am told I have a good sense of humour. I use it to entertain my wife and my friends. I look for contentment amusement and happiness for me and my friends
2. What do you hope to accomplish in your life?
I don't care about money or prestige. I like being known for my knowledge, my entertaining skills and my helpfulness. I am not sure what I wish to accomplish. I don't have goals anymore after what happened me per point 1 above. My immediate hope is to get another job as I have been redundant for 3 months now. I would like a new job that stimulates me as much as the last one. I would like to make friends at work and have a good rapport with them and would also hope to keep the friends that I have outside of work. Making my wife happy and secure is very important to me too.
3. What do you hope to avoid doing or being? What values are important to you?
I would avoid being a team leader in my next job or being put into a position where I have to behave very assertively on my own. My main values in the work sense are working hard. I don't like lazy people who won't do their own research. However I do enjoy systems analysis and showing off my knowledge when asked.
4. What are your biggest fears (not including phobias)? Why?
My biggest fear has always been being challenged and not reacting in the correct way e.g. when I am asked to confront someone and "all eyes are on me". I also fear not being able to complete a task or appearing incompetent. Outside of work, I fear not being able to fix things when they break or being the handyman around the house. I sometimes undertake painting or decorating at home and am unhappy with the results, even though others say I have done a great job. I am terrified of visitors seeing the state of my house. I am a neat and tidy person but my house is over 15 years old now, and I haven't painted or decorated it in a while, and feel ashamed of it.
5. How do you want others to see you? How do you see yourself?
I want others to see me as a strong person who is a loyal friend, is kind, and is also entertaining and puts everyone I meet in a good mood. I also want to be the person in work who gets asked the questions because I know all the answers, having done all the research. I also love winning at quizzes and want others to praise me for my general knowledge. I see myself as a good person who is quite optimistic, loves being entertained and is entertaining, who can be dogmatic at times and is not in touch with his feelings. Rather than cry or get depressed,
I start gambling, go on the internet for hours, watch excessive tv, go for long brisk walks, listen to music or overeat. It is only when I look at things retrospectively, I get to see how upset I really was about something. This can take months or years for me to realise. I also find that I am lazy when it comes to house chores because I procrastinate so much. I am very shy but try not to show that side of me. I feel also that I was great at my job and it has been a huge loss to my life.
6. What makes you feel your best? What makes you feel your worst?
I feel at my best when I feel entertained, am entertaining others, am being helpful to others and am able to do so because I have the knowledge that they require. I also feel great when I am able to fix things that break. I also feel at my best when my wife is happy. I love cooking her meals and helping her out with her problems. I look after her accounts for her small business. She is a type 4 so I am able to calm her down and get her to see the bright side of life when she is feeling low. I feel really bad when things break around the house and I cannot fix them. My father is a very good handyman as are most of my brothers. I don't feel competent in that department at all. I also feel at my worst when asked to confront my feelings about stuff. I am dreading seeking employment as I know that it will not be the same as the job I had for over 30 years. I am afraid of going to a new job and not being the top dog anymore, like I was
7. Describe how you experience each of: a) anger; b) shame; c) anxiety.
I'm very slow to anger. I get very upset though when I am accused of being lazy or lacking understanding of situations. I also would get very annoyed if anyone said I was stupid, because I feel far from it
I don't really feel shame. Sure, I have done some shameful things in my life but I tend to forgive myself for them as we're all only human. I am a practicing Roman Catholic so I go to confession and tend to let that process look after forgiveness and moving on etc
I am currently suffering from a kind of anxiety over losing the job that I loved. It seems to be manifesting itself by me buying gadgets online and fiddling on the internet etc
8. Describe how you respond to each of: a) stress; b) unexpected change; c) conflict.
I deal with stress by complete inertia and passive aggressive behaviour, if I am being challenged by others
I bury myself in distraction to make the stress go away. I will work hard to fix the prob'em if the stress is being caused by a problem at work
I had unexpected change in the last year when I lost my job. In dealing with the shock, I told myself that they would make an exception for me and keep me in the company, right up to the last minute...but they didn't. My weight shot up in the period before I left as I took to comfort eating. Curiously enough though, I have been dieting since I left the job, and my weight has reduced considerably. I enjoy Weightwatchers as I am good at counting my points and putting my food diary on the internet and maintaining Excel spreadsheets etc. I enjoy that.
I would be hopeless at dealing with conflict. I tend to run and hide away from it. I deal with it by not dealing with it at all. If I have to confront someone, I would try and kill them with kindness rather than get angry with them
9. Describe your orientation to: a) authority; b) power. How do you respond to these?
I sometimes don't respect people in authority who i feel have made stupid mistakes. I don't have any cravings for power and don't understand people who do. I will be civil to law enforcement and have never been in trouble with the authorities. However that doesn't mean that I think they are doing a good job. I am highly critical of my local police force in Ireland
10. What is your overall outlook on life and humanity?
I see life as a bonus that we have been given. I am optimistic and upbeat about it. I love having good times with my wife and my friends. I love social gatherings. I am a social drinker. I want to have a job that stimulates me and to be able to provide for my wife and wider family
Regarding humanity, I don't really care what happens with the wider world outside of my own circle of family and friends. I love animals and feel sad when people are cruel to them. When it comes to the environment, I play my small part, but a piece of me would enjoy seeing weather catastrophe as I feel it's comeuppance for people's neglect of the environment. I wouldn't feel it is my fault.
Optional Questions
11. Discuss an event that has impacted your life significantly; more importantly, how you responded to it.
The single hardest event that has occured to me is only three months ago when I lost my job. I have spend the last three months doing very little other than trying to keep myself entertained and keeping in touch with my ex work colleagues on social occasions. I am just killing time really until my redundancy payment runs out and I have to go get another job. I am dreading that scenario because I am afraid of not finding a job that I liked as much as the last one. I think I need a good kick up the ass.
12. Comment on your relationship with trust.
I lost a lot of trust when I feel my former employers betrayed me and sent me job to India. I would love to see my former company with their IT in meltdown over what they have done. I trust my wife family and friends, but will never put trust in an employer again. I'll do a job for money though.
13. List some of the traits you: a) like; b) dislike most about yourself.
Things I like about myself are generosity, good humoured, optimistic, upbeat, entertaining, great memory and general knowledge, musical, film expert. I make my father laugh. I like that. I also make my wife life. I really like that. I love being out on social occasions with friends and getting a laugh going. I also love listening to live music and enjoy it. I like it when my friends enjoy it too. I also get a kick out of helping my friends solve technical problems with computers and technology. I love seeing my friends entertained by jokes that I have told
I think I can be lazy, inassertive, easily sidetracked, procrastinating, a bit uncharitable when it comes to others. I am not very fair minded in these cases. I have a hard streak and can be dogmatic about certain things. I am not very charitable when discussing charity collectors as I feel they are showing off in some cases.
14. What do you see or notice in others that most people don't?
I dunno. I am terrible at reading people. I tend to think of them as decent overall, with some exceptions
15. If a stranger insults you, how do you respond/feel? What if they compliment you?
I would be mad but I would not respond if they looked bigger than me. If I thought that I could take them on, I would respond verbally, but would only get physical if they made the first move. I have a bit of a thick skin regarding insults. It wouldn't obsess my thoughts for more than a few hours.
If I get a compliment, I always say thanks and am pleased
16. What's something you are: a) thankful you have; b) wish you could have? Why?
I am thankful that I have good health. We can't have kids and I am thankful that my wife accepts that. I am thankful for a sunny day and living in my own house. I am thankful that my parents and family are all healthy and alive. I love my nieces and nephews. They are still very young.
I wish I could have a job and be more skilled at DIY. I wish I was more assertive and able to stand up to others. I sometimes wish I had kids. I wish I had joined a band when I was younger as I have a decent singing voice.
I wish I had continued to play golf and didn't give it up. I was good at it
