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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Ok so Im sitting at my computer in the university hub. Theres a girl over at the vending machine in ridiculously tight pants (so its a normal day at university than). She might as well be naked from the waste down.

Im seriously considering walking over and just casually saying "By the way your ass looks fantastic in those pants, have a nice day". Im not sure if this is socially acceptable behaviour. She might think I am some kind of pig or something. But am I just supposed to pretend I didnt notice? I don't understand.

Do you all hate me now?

Im not trying to provoke anyone just being 100% honest about what is going through my mind. Thanks.
 

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If you can't tell whether or not this is appropriate, consider that you may be socially maladjusted, not whether or not youre a good or bad person.

But am I just supposed to pretend I didnt notice?
Why does noticing somebody about someone mean you have to comment about it? If you saw someone with one leg would you go up to them and say "Im wondering, why do you only have one leg?" Is that appropriate?

Similarly, does noticing that somebody made a choice in the way they dress mean that you have to comment about it?
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
Sorry about the hopelessly inarticulate OP. Ok so I know what I suggested is inappropriate but I would like to do it anyway.

I guess I feel manipulated by her flaunting her sex appeal and I feel resentfull about this. Making her uncomfertable would be my way of saying fuck you. Theres no point trying to hit on her as my chances would be very low.

I guess my feelings are a giant ball of uggliness.

I think it kind of jerky how women are allways throwing their sex in ones face because they like to feel attractive. I want to express myself about this.
 

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Sorry about the hopelessly inarticulate OP. Ok so I know what I suggested is inappropriate but I would like to do it anyway.

I guess I feel manipulated by her flaunting her sex appeal and I feel resentfull about this. Making her uncomfertable would be my way of saying fuck you. Theres no point trying to hit on her as my chances would be very low.

I guess my feelings are a giant ball of uggliness.

I think it kind of jerky how women are allways throwing their sex in ones face because they like to feel attractive. I want to express myself about this.
Get one thing straight right now.

She is not wearing those pants because she hates you. She is not wearing those pants because she wants to spite you or any other man. She is wearing them because, at some point, she saw them in a store and liked the look of them. That's it. Seriously.

What you have total control over is how you treat this woman. If you want to prove that you're a real man, then put any kind of bitterness or hang up that you have aside, and treat her with respect. She's a human being and she has her own problems and insecurities--they exist whether you can see them or not. Sexually harassing her is not going to help her one bit. (Sorry, but making comments like that is sexual harassment.) And it certainly isn't going to help you, or make you a better person.
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
She is not wearing those pants because she hates you. She is not wearing those pants because she wants to spite you or any other man. She is wearing them because, at some point, she saw them in a store and liked the look of them. That's it. Seriously.
Obviously she is wearing the pants because she wants sexual attention (although not from me most likely). It is a form of power and I do think some women get a kick out of it.

But maybe you are right that it would be more mature to not let it get to me and just go about my business.

I do think tit for tat logic would justify some minor sexual harrasement.
 

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Ok so I know what I suggested is inappropriate but I would like to do it anyway.
Sometimes its good to stand up and point out the white elephant in the room. It's sometimes the right thing to do.

Usually, especially when its for your benefit only, it's really not.
 

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Get one thing straight right now.

She is not wearing those pants because she hates you. She is not wearing those pants because she wants to spite you or any other man. She is wearing them because, at some point, she saw them in a store and liked the look of them. That's it. Seriously.

Let me ask you this, how many girls buy pants that they feel make their butt look good? Most people, male of female, wants to feel attractive and buy clothes that they think makes them look attractive. I have a female friend that buys "good butt" jeans. So the ultimate compliment to her would be to say your butt looks good in those jeans. I am not saying she is the norm though. What I am saying is that if a person considers themselves attractive in the looks dept., compiments about their features (crude or not)serves as validation for them to feel the way they do.

I don't agree in sexually harassing her, but what constitutes sexual harassment? Is a compliment considered sexual harassment?
 

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Obviously she is wearing the pants because she wants sexual attention (although not from me most likely). It is a form of power and I do think some women get a kick out of it.

But maybe you are right that it would be more mature to not let it get to me and just go about my business.

I do think tit for tat logic would justify some minor sexual harrasement.
Maybe she only wants attention from one particular person who she was expecting to see that day. It's not necessarily attention for some kind of power trip, if it's for attention at all.
 

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Don't do it! It sounds like you wouldn't tell her because you want to brighten her day. You want to do it because you are frustrated (gathered that from your response in the "I'm a Man, Ask Me Anything" thread just 5 seconds ago) as out of some sort of revenge and this woman happens to become your target because she is there right now.

I am guessing that your comment to her won't make yourself feel any better long term either, so skip it!

And to answer your question - no, you are not a bad person. You are just unhappy right now, so it is normal to think 'bad' things. As long as you don't act on them in a way that hurts yourself or other people, you are not a bad person. It is totally natural to have less than positive thoughts; I can guarantee you that all people do!
 

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We're all entitled to whatever thoughts and feelings we hold.
We don't necessarily have a right to express them.
There are no "bad" people but there are bad things that people do.
Expressing your thoughts in this instance would be a bad move.
She would be entitled to slap you in the face and tell you to stop being a jerk. She didn't buy those pants to make some kind of statement you need to respond to. Whatever reason she did buy them for, is none of your business.
If you're going to say something to a girl, make it someone you like rather than resent, and make it something nice. Or else keep quiet.
 

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Let me ask you this, how many girls buy pants that they feel make their butt look good? Most people, male of female, wants to feel attractive and buy clothes that they think makes them look attractive. I have a female friend that buys "good butt" jeans. So the ultimate compliment to her would be to say your butt looks good in those jeans. I am not saying she is the norm though. What I am saying is that if a person considers themselves attractive in the looks dept., compiments about their features (crude or not)serves as validation for them to feel the way they do.

I don't agree in sexually harassing her, but what constitutes sexual harassment? Is a compliment considered sexual harassment?
There is a real lack of understanding about women and their motives on this forum.

It may surprise you to learn that women, particularly those who are fashion conscious, don't dress to get attention or admiration of men. They dress to impress other women, particularly those of equal or greater social standing. It may further surprise you to learn that women take a less, shall we say, lustful attitude to sex.

But I suspect you know most of this already.

What I'm seeing on this forum is a nasty, passive-aggressive attitude toward women. The OP has seen a women who he finds attractive and because he imagines that she would reject him and any advances, he wants to act in a way that would upset her. It's like punching someone in the face first, because you're worried that person might punch you. I've met plenty of men like this. Many even proclaim to be "nice guys". Real nice guys don't hate on women or take out their sexual frustrations on them.

The real answer to your question is that to be successful with women, you have to learn how to communicate respectfully with them. Unsolicited crudeness just doesn't cut it and could land you in a whole lot of trouble.
 

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There is a real lack of understanding about women and their motives on this forum.

It may surprise you to learn that women, particularly those who are fashion conscious, don't dress to get attention or admiration of men. They dress to impress other women, particularly those of equal or greater social standing. It may further surprise you to learn that women take a less, shall we say, lustful attitude to sex..
I agree, women compete with other women just like men compete with other men. They may use different measures than men as to who is better than who, but they constantly compete as well.
How does women measure who has a greater social standing? Most of what I have experienced with the women I know is that they think if they look better, they are better. I am in no way saying that is healthy, it is just what I have seen. And yes, there have been exceptions to this as well.

What I'm seeing on this forum is a nasty, passive-aggressive attitude toward women. The OP has seen a women who he finds attractive and because he imagines that she would reject him and any advances, he wants to act in a way that would upset her. It's like punching someone in the face first, because you're worried that person might punch you. I've met plenty of men like this. Many even proclaim to be "nice guys". Real nice guys don't hate on women or take out their sexual frustrations on them.
Everyone is on here for different reasons. The topic of women is a huge frustration for most guys. And based on your observation, most guys on here don't know how to constructively analyze situations with women without letting negative emotions based on experiences come into play.

The real answer to your question is that to be successful with women, you have to learn how to communicate respectfully with them. Unsolicited crudeness just doesn't cut it and could land you in a whole lot of trouble
Every person communicates differently. Some women respond to crudeness, but most don't. I don't have any problem communicating respectfully with women. I value every person and treat them as such. I was merely trying to figure out what people consider sexual harassment and what doesn't? I am guessing that should be a separate thread.
 

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Ok so Im sitting at my computer in the university hub. Theres a girl over at the vending machine in ridiculously tight pants (so its a normal day at university than). She might as well be naked from the waste down.

Im seriously considering walking over and just casually saying "By the way your ass looks fantastic in those pants, have a nice day". Im not sure if this is socially acceptable behaviour. She might think I am some kind of pig or something. But am I just supposed to pretend I didnt notice? I don't understand.

Do you all hate me now?

Im not trying to provoke anyone just being 100% honest about what is going through my mind. Thanks.
Yes I hate you, from where I'm standing all I can see is a bunch of guys and ugly girls.

I wouldn't call you a pig, some might do so but not me, your explanation lacks dirty things to be called guilty. I have said things like that sometimes with no bad results, perhaps my look at that moment is totally naive, I don't know.

ANYWAY: a friend of mine, very shy did so and got a girlfriend. He was a coworker, very timid guy, quiet. We were talking about how we got into our past relationships and he says (totally blushed) it was at a party, he approached this girl and totally nervous said "you have a very nice butt" then he realized and expected being slapped, she smiled. He didn't explain the whole story of what happened next but they got into a relationship.

THEN BROKE UP after a while
Got a new GF
Then broke up
THEN THEY GOT BACK (with the one with nice butt)

And... they got married last march. True story. I guess guys with clean minds and naive intentions have better luck at this because there are more chances of proving their lack of evilness. Go for it.

If you are not yet bored, a personal story: Once I walk out of the office and there was this beautiful woman that I liked so much at first look, I was a gentleman as usual (you know how they complain about guys looking at their butt) well, when I got back she was there at the waiting room, I said hello, smiled and continued my way. Suddenly I thought "I will never see this woman again SO WHAT!!!" then I turned around and looked at her as a thirsty man watching a cold beer, smiled and continued walking. She as like this:

:shocked:

I felt bad, a bit, got into my office and said "never mind, we will never see each other again", to my surprise an hour later she was introduced as the new member of the team. I felt terrible, wanted to vanish... but we got into a relationship very shortly after that, very decent woman, lovely. She said I didn't look "dirty" so she was confused but happy by the way I was eating her image.

Zzzz ok that's enough.
 

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There is a real lack of understanding about women and their motives on this forum.

It may surprise you to learn that women, particularly those who are fashion conscious, don't dress to get attention or admiration of men. They dress to impress other women, particularly those of equal or greater social standing. It may further surprise you to learn that women take a less, shall we say, lustful attitude to sex.
Great, now that I have a better understanding of their motives, I feel comfortable saying this:



Can you explain what kind of logic this follows? Why does any woman care what other women think of how they dress, unless they are sexually attracted to women?

I think you underestimate the biological imperative in (straight) men. If you wear clothing that accentuates/highlights/calls attention to parts of your body that are a) indicators of fertility b) sexual in nature c) both a & b, you are literally asking for attention from men. Yes, you are.

You can't wear pants that are specifically designed to make your butt look fucking fantastic and then go all self-righteous "i don't dress to get attention from men!" because NEWS FLASH!!! ​That's exactly what you're doing.

tl;dr advertising is advertising is advertising.
 

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Obviously she is wearing the pants because she wants sexual attention (although not from me most likely). It is a form of power and I do think some women get a kick out of it.

But maybe you are right that it would be more mature to not let it get to me and just go about my business.

I do think tit for tat logic would justify some minor sexual harrasement.
I guess maybe you believe that some women get raped because they wear tight fitted clothing?
 

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Great, now that I have a better understanding of their motives, I feel comfortable saying this:



Can you explain what kind of logic this follows? Why does any woman care what other women think of how they dress, unless they are sexually attracted to women?

I think you underestimate the biological imperative in (straight) men. If you wear clothing that accentuates/highlights/calls attention to parts of your body that are a) indicators of fertility b) sexual in nature c) both a & b, you are literally asking for attention from men. Yes, you are.

You can't wear pants that are specifically designed to make your butt look fucking fantastic and then go all self-righteous "i don't dress to get attention from men!" because NEWS FLASH!!! ​That's exactly what you're doing.

tl;dr advertising is advertising is advertising.
It is quite possible that women dress that way for other women, especially since lesbians exist in the world. Not sure why you're making it all about men, though. Also, some people in the world do dress scantily clad for themselves, because they want to feel powerful, and don't care about what people think. It's not all black and white.
 
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