Personality Cafe banner

1 - 13 of 13 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
806 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
I think I am a type 4. I've always felt different and disconnected from people. It seem liked they had something I didn't have, but I wasn't quite sure what it was. I know I'm different from them, which is both a blessing and a curse. It's a blessing because I am my own, unique, authentic self. It's a curse because I feel like I have no one to relate to. Even in the ISFP and INFP forums, I feel somewhat removed. No matter how much I am similar to a person, I still feel different.

Now, I wonder if I am 4w5 or 4w3. Since I like intellectual conversations and am not too good at expressing emotion to others, have a thirst for knowledge and want to understand the world, I should be a 4w5, right? Well, it's not that simple. I think I might be a 4w3 because I really cared about what others thought about me when I was younger. I'd buy and own beautiful things because I thought people would accept me that way. I even contempelated getting a high-paying, but boring job when I was younger simply so that I would be able to afford to buy things to make me look good. Looking back on that, I know I was shallow, and I'm ashamed of it. Still, I wonder: Is it possible that I am still a 4w3, or have I changed?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
403 Posts
Your avatar makes me think more of something a 4w5 would use. That scene is very peaceful and calm, but then again it says you're an INFP and I know any kind of INFP might be drawn to that... so I don't know.

I think it's not uncommon for anyone to go through phases in youth of wanting to fit in however they can. An important point is that 4w5's tend to be much quieter (and less dramatic) than 4w3's in general. Maybe this might help, if you haven't already seen it: type four
I feel that it really states the differences between the two.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,993 Posts
I think I am a type 4. I've always felt different and disconnected from people. It seem liked they had something I didn't have, but I wasn't quite sure what it was. I know I'm different from them, which is both a blessing and a curse. It's a blessing because I am my own, unique, authentic self. It's a curse because I feel like I have no one to relate to. Even in the ISFP and INFP forums, I feel somewhat removed. No matter how much I am similar to a person, I still feel different.

Are you Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee? :crazy: Get out of my head

Lol..sorry, it just sounds like something I would say about myself.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
27 Posts
I don't think you've given enough info to let someone else judge whether or not you even have a wing. I don't think that it's an easy task for anyone to accomplish that hasn't known you for years. I would suggest doing some research from different websites. Read up on 4w3 and 4w5 and determine which traits you exhibit more often. The traits you exhibit more often are more likely to be the wing that you are. Keep in mind that you don't have to have a wing. You may be just a 4. I have a friend that is just a 5. Also I've had thoughts floating around in my skull lately that are along the lines of maybe we don't exclusively show traits of the wings or of the enneagram that we predominately are. Since we are mainly 4's we grow towards 1 and stress toward 2. 3 and 5 are next to us so I'm thinking that we could show traits of all 4 types depending on the moment.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
280 Posts
4w3 offers almost direct confrontation between the two types. 3's want to be in the spotlight and project an image of competence, while 4's are emotional, wish to be unique, and try not to project anything fake.
4w3's are more extraverted usually and are more socially adept.
4w5's are the introverted introvert and their two sides reinforce each other. More in touch with reasoning behind their feelings.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
14 Posts
I had some trouble deciding this too. As a 4w5 you can still have very 4w3-ish behaviors and motivations. I kind of wanted to be a 4w5 more, so I think I overcompensated and acknowledged more of the 4w3 traits in me than 4w5 traits because I didn't want to trick myself into thinking I was 4w5. I only know about you from your posts, so I may be mistaken, but it seems you're a bit worried about being a 4w3, which would lead to "overcompensating" this way.

I found the link Sleeper mentioned to be very helpful. The two major points that did it for me were (in the 4w5 description)
-Like 4/3, they feel special and different, but 4/5 is more likely to withdraw into sullen silence than to make a big public scene.
-Well-dressed 4/5s seem to have a way of looking elegant but understated.

It's much easier to compare external behaviors than our internal muddled type 4 whirlpool of imagination/feeling/emotion... basically it's harder to lie to ourselves about concrete facts... so that's why these 2 points did it. Still, just to confirm, I started looking inward to confirm that my motivations matched those behaviors. For example: in my spare time I tend to do things that make me sink, sink, sink, into my own world, it's almost as if I can never get enough of it, whereas a type 4 with a stronger 3 wing probably wouldn't do this as endlessly. I previously doubted my 4w3-ish social behavior.. now I realized that what I do in social situations stems mostly from a desire to retreat and not be in the spotlight. Of course I sometimes like to be in the spotlight - I find it exhilarating - but there is totally an undercurrent of "Some 4/5s find work that lets them express their deep feelings while withdrawing from direct contact." Being in the spotlight is more my way of releasing deep feelings than wanting to be in the spotlight itself. I can be emotionally dramatic and make a public scene, but it's very rare. As for wanting to fit in... I think it's a natural part of dealing with our insecurity, of adjusting ourselves and growing as humans. You could have been a 4w5 all along.

To sum it up, are you more emotionally heavy, serious, intense, bottled up (4w5)? Or are you more emotionally "spicy" and alternate between extremes of extroversion and introversion (4w3)?

In the end I'm trying to let go of my negative impression of 4w3s and the guilt and overcompensation mentioned above. As humans we're all working to be more balanced as individuals.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,636 Posts
I'm going with 4w5

An interest in appearance doesn't mean anything. Everyone cares how others perceive them, especially fours to some degree. We want to be included but feel different- we resent others who seem included. Also, beautiful things attract us. I'm a 4w5 and my appearance is important to me, because I am preoccupied with beauty and visual interest. Clothing and style can express individuality. Threes are hard-workers, have a hard time letting feelings in, try to get the approval of others by changing they're personality. Are those parts of your personality?

4w5s are described as more "bohemian", kind of counter-culture on the search for something organic and deep I think, and 4w3s are described as "aristocrat", if the image helps.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
20 Posts
I got an interesting result in that I'm definitely Type 4 as I scored highly in that department, but both my 3 and 5 scores were very low...what does this mean?
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
13,780 Posts
Your avatar makes me think more of something a 4w5 would use. That scene is very peaceful and calm, but then again it says you're an INFP and I know any kind of INFP might be drawn to that... so I don't know.

I think it's not uncommon for anyone to go through phases in youth of wanting to fit in however they can. An important point is that 4w5's tend to be much quieter (and less dramatic) than 4w3's in general. Maybe this might help, if you haven't already seen it: type four
I feel that it really states the differences between the two.
Thx man, that link just clarified what wing I have.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3 Posts
I came here because I am having problems with myself. I have always been a Type 4 and I've always been very self-aware...even as a child. When I was 15, I stumbled into an eating disorder, only, it wasn't just an eating disorder - I practically changed myself. I intentionally denied everything I was and tried to be like everyone else. In a way, it was just typical Enneagram 4 behaviour - I have always felt different from other people, and as loathesome as it may sound, even 'exclusive' and 'special', and yet I always longed for the simplicity, the basic simplicity and all other things of normalcy that other people seemed to have. It was a vast mix-up, a combination of being a teenager who couldn't fit in and was bullied, having eating issues (I got embroiled in binge-eating) and me being a 4. I've always actually been a strict eater, very controlled and disciplined, and so when I started bingeing, I couldn't deal with it, with this loss of control. I suppose the way I dealt with it was telling myself that eating in such generous amounts was only 'normal'...and the way it turned out was that the bingeing spurred that longing for normalcy to take a solid shape of its own. It was the most uncomfortable period in my life, this dishonesty with myself, constantly not being me. I was locked in a horrible circle. The bingeing caused the false persona, but the false persona encouraged the bingeing. I can't even write about this right now, it's so hard to dive into the gritty emotions.

I suppose in what is only called Typical 4 fashion, I came here, glazed through words, thought to myself, "Hey, I didin't know other people did the same, that's exactly it!" and yet felt a wide berth between my feelings and those that have been shared here. I came here because I was not confident of who I was and I was scared that I wasn't me. Towards the end of the previous paragraph, however, with the honest line that I couldn't actually write about all of this at the moment, I felt all my fear clear up. I suddenly feel confident of myself and know who I am. And I suppose that that would be just the problem. I write in my Diary, I feel good, and things are all good for a while. After a couple of days, however, everything crashes and bursts into flames. I have too much of a controlling hold over myself, stemming from this wide fear that I will let this mask slide itself back onto my face again; I think the problem may be that I'm not confident of the fact that I actually am myself and have always been. I just so scarred myself with those bingeing years, plastered myself with false likes and dislikes, that the extent of damage done was incredible, and peeling back all this damage has been incredibly hard. Issues that I had that caused the eating disorder are so intertwined with the issues that I had that caused the conscious personality change. There was fear; there is fear. I said in the middle of this post that I suddenly felt confident, but now I've gone back to feeling scared.

I feel scared that I don't know who I am. Am I a 4w5 or a 4w3? I usually test for a 4w5, but when I did so two months ago, I got an equal result, i.e. my wings were balanced - I was both a 4w5 and a 4w3. Which was incredibly confusing. It was like I had two different personalities; I realized I would make different decisions depending on which wing was more dominant at that given moment. And it was incredibly annoying and confusing because 3s and 5s are completely contrary to each other. My 5 hates the attention that my 3 seeks. My 5 loves to fall into the intense black of (black) clothing, but my 3 wants to - and knows how to - look beautiful and wants stylish colour. But that was two months ago, and since then, I've let a lot more of my personality out of the sack. It seems that for that short period of time, I was having a brief fling with wing 3. ....As I write this, I realize that we - all of us - have different elements as part of our personalities, and that these elements are crucial into building who we uniquely are. The unique mix of the strength of these ingredients makes us into the individuals - separate, distinctive individuals - that we are. Which is why we may all be 4w5 types here (for example), and yet we're all different 4w5s.

Now that I've written this whole passage and come to this realization, I feel wonderful. It makes me realize that I am me and that just because I don't measure up to some other 4w5 that there's something wrong with me, that something is still missing. I know that this entire thing has been one long monologue, but I feel like I have been having a conversation with all of you here and that all of you have been patiently listening and understanding. And I thank all of you having posted what you did on this forum because...your presence has helped. To write to people who know and understand, at least to a certain degree, what I'm talking about. It has helped to write to you guys, rather than a clueless friend or, at least for this one instance, my Diary. Thank you for helping.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
77 Posts
Compared to INFJ 4w5s,...
- INFJ 4w3s are more success-driven and less intellectual/knowledge-driven
- They are more extroverted, talk more about themselves, have more ego, are more willing to do the wrong thing/cut corners for success; can appear less sincere and authentic compared to INFJ 4w5s
- They are more clouded by their feeling/idealization of others/how they want others to be, which weakens their intuition about people, although Ni is still very high.
- Higher Fe = more emotionally volatile and prone to outwardly express their judgements, opinions, grievances (which pushes people away)
- More self-centered and thus less perceptive and reactive to others’ needs moment by moment.
- Both absorb other peoples' emotions like a sponge, but 4W3 do so LESS OFTEN as they are more self-absorbed; WHEN they do, they react in a more emotionally volatile way = impact ousidely visible/expressed, whereas 4w5 try to retreat to a solitary place to be alone and recharge their batteries
- Seek fame more and are restless when they do not find it.
- Less organized, loose more time dreaming about success, but very driven and goal focussed at the same time.
- Much less 5ish knowledge about the world, but still very interested in global issues and making the world a better place. More people-focussed than global injustices focussed
- More fun, witty, charming, risk-taking outwardly loving in group settings in my experience - can more easily access their Fe and get more energy from group settings (if they like the people at least)
- Comfort people in a more loving, understanding way - instead of just listening and giving sincere but dry advice (not as dry as INTJs but still more dry than INFJ 4w3s); both very perceptive about people, 4w5s offering spontaneous help; 4w3 rather offering help when directly asked for it (otherwise too focussed on their own goals and feelings), but when they do, they are so warmhearted and empathic that they can make it all go away
- In fashion: 4W5 have a tendency to be more rebellious and "take me as I am" in their fashion style; 4w3 more drawn to elegance and luxury (I personally don't NEED luxury and would feel ashamed spending too much money on luxury products when people elsewhere in the world can't even buy food, but I do find luxury brands appealing/beautiful)

I'm an INFJ 4w3, my best friend is a INFJ 5w4. I often feel that she is the REAL INFJ, more intuitive, more perceptive, more moralistic, more good, less ego-driven, less envious, more modest, more equanimous, more intellectual & knowledgable, more altruistic, more organized. She's a good soul, and while people are initially more drawn towards me because I'm more fun and engaging, and she can seem quite grey and boring, they mostly end up being impressed by her and her very healthy, mature, self-sufficient, and altruistic demeanor. I learn a lot from her :)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4 Posts
I'm also a 4w5 but I'm really am an ISFP, I got multiple results and signs that I was an ISFP before my first result coming as INFP-T on my first personality test. But probably if that's what the people should've see us. Then ISFP & INFP functions stacks are way too different but they can almost never tell them apart.
 
1 - 13 of 13 Posts
Top