So I have taken the online 16 personalities quiz (is this the best online Myers-Briggs quiz?) and it listed me as INFP (The Idealist). After reading the description, it seemed like a very accurate analysis of my personality. When I searched famous INFPs on google, I was shocked to see that many of those listed I somewhat admire or am a fan of, in terms of their works of art and/or personality (Thom Yorke, Bjork, Louis CK, Stephen Colbert, Ian Curtis, Kurt Cobain, Matthew Bellamy, Marlon Brando, Van Gogh, and a bunch of great poets/authors/philosphers). I assumed that I was an INFP, but then when looking at descriptions of other personality types out of curiosity, I read the description of ISFP (The Artists) and it also sounded a lot like me. I am pretty confused as to which one I am, so I am just going to list some things I instinctively seem to do that I've noticed, some personal conflicts, and some other things about me. Hopefully these can help you guys figure out if I'm an INFP and ISFP. Also, if you have advice on some of my conflicts, feel free to share it. And sorry if this is really long and irregularly written, I have a really hard time explaining personal characteristics about myself...
- I have mild General Anxiety Disorder and ADD, and also occasional depression, and while I usually become talkative and relaxed with friends, I am reserved around people I don't know very well. It has become much less severe (in terms of socializing) within the last couple years, but it still affects me in some personal situations, like accomplishing my personal goals and dreams (as elaborated in my next paragraph). I am in the closet (gay) at the moment, and while I am sure my family and friends would accept me if/when I come out, there is something holding me back. It might be because I feel very uncomfortable being the center of attention. I'm thinking of just coming out once I go to college, so it doesn't have to be some shocking event, as nobody there would know me. My family and friends have no clue (besides two), because I am not the "feminine" gay stereotype. My grades aren't anything special (2.9 GPA) because I am uninterested and distracted in most classes, and because my anxiety would cause me to procrastinate studying. Basically, I have a difficult time learning about things I don't have a passion for (I am terrible at anything math-related). If I have to write a research essay on something I am not interested in, like "The Canterbury Tales", I have to painfully BS my way through it. But at the same time, I'm now taking an honors course on modern music and I have a 105 in the class. I'm also writing for the school newspaper about music and it's just so satisfying to me.
- My main interests involve just about every form of art. I am obsessed with listening to music, and I am particularly obsessed with Radiohead. The thing I like the most about the band is their ability to have both artistically unique melodies and poetic, thought-provoking lyrics. I can spend all day noticing new details in the instrumentals and analyzing lyrical themes and meanings of albums like Kid A or In Rainbows. Even though I'm afraid it's not possible, I have, since early high school, fantasized and dreamed of becoming a successful, innovative musician. I play a little guitar, but my doubtfulness of becoming a successful musician causes me to delay practicing guitar, which leads to me losing my faith in accomplishing my dream. I also have a lack of education and resources in terms of the technical standpoint of being a musician (I don't even know how to change the strings of a guitar!), and when I see my Facebook friends posting videos of themselves shredding like animals on the guitar, I can't help but feel disappointed in myself. I feel that it's too late for me to develop instrument playing skills (I'm 17.) Also, my close friends at school aren't as "artsy" as I am, and it really bugs me because I love talking about my interests to people with similar interests, but I don't have access to other people like me. I used to sing at my arts camp in musicals and once at a rock band night with friends, and the latter made me realize that being a musician and performing would make me feel the most satisfied. When I performed, the crowd (most of them my friends) seemed to like it, but I didn't get any special compliments on my voice in general (although I didn't hear anything negative, either), so I am unsure if even my singing voice is at all good. I basically think I can only keep a tune. So yeah, as much as I want to be a musician, my own self confidence is crushing that opportunity for me. I write some poetry, but I never share it with anyone. I also make some art, mainly abstract things involving geometric faces and water-coloring. In terms of literature, I have always had a hard time reading full books, mainly because of my ADD. I wish I could read books fully through, but it's hard for me to remain in focus, and my parents always criticize me for not reading enough. However, I love reading poems and analyzing them. I also read news articles on the internet daily, so I don't know if that counts. I also heavily admire some cinema and tv shows for the themes, script, acting, and cinematography. With every form of artwork, I always try to analyze it on multiple levels, if that makes sense. And while I am interested in various forms of art, writing and making music is the dream that I have that appeals to me the most. My family doesn't know anything about my desire to become a musician, and they think I want to be a music journalist. While that is better for me than an office job, making music would make me happier.
- I find politics and current events more interesting than a lot kids my age do. I always try to look at things with multiple perspectives to see what I truly feel is right. When I debate with other kids about issues we don't agree on, I am terrible at it because I instinctively attempt to be as respectful as possible to them, and I try to avoid insulting their beliefs. I also have a really hard time explaining my beliefs thoroughly and quickly when they're questioned by others, even though I'm very informed and knowledgeable about them. It's easier for me to just write and elaborate on my beliefs in an essay than to simply and instantaneously say it on the spot.
- I always attempt to see the best in people. For example, there is this kid in some of my classes who is an ignorant class-clown moron who is rude to others. While I obviously disagree with his actions, I feel bad for him because I believe his actions are ignited because of low self-esteem issues. I even sometimes feel bad for people going to prison for crimes. Unless someone is a murderer or extreme bigot, I unintentionally sympathize a tiny bit for them. A lot of times, my sympathy and trust for some people just leads me to become disappointed when they do something I dislike. When someone hurts me emotionally, I usually bottle it all up and keep it to myself. If I begin getting visibly upset, I usually just chicken out and leave to avoid conflict. When I hear of ignorant groups of people, instead of thinking "what idiots!", I usually think, "wow, it's saddening that these people were brainwashed to think this way."
- While I usually try find the best in people, I have a clear dislike against most institutions. I hate the mainstream media, because it idolizes flashy celebrity culture and ignores the real issues. I hate most major corporations, because they discard the well being of billions of people and the importance of a non-polluted earth, all for money. They have influenced America so much that I personally think the corporations now have more control over the country than the government. And I hate most of the government (the U.S.), because they allowed this corporate takeover to happen, they are stubborn and refuse to compromise with the people or the opposing parties (ahem GOP), and because they mostly only care for their giant paychecks. (Although, I do support Bernie Sanders 2016.)
- On opinion essays assigned at my school, the essay is typically asked if you believe something is one way or the other. Even though it's safer to write the response as one way or the other, I believe that nothing is ever that simple. Every idea has its pros and cons. I catch myself many times responding to these questions "maybe both ways are partially true!"
So it took me over two hours to painfully write this unorganized stream of consciousness, and looking back at what I wrote makes me cringe, because I got so off-topic, ahaha. But whatever, maybe the weird formatting and confusing statements I made will help y'all figure out my personality type.
With that aside...
