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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
So here's the thing: being immersed in this world for as long as I have, you'd think I would've gotten some closure right about now. I am at a point in my life where I may be still growing in self-awareness and self-improvement, but I am aware enough of my behaviour to understand how I tick.

That aside, I was content with ISTJ for the longest time until just recently when I realised that I might have a case of inferior Se going on (impulses, my inclination towards some sort of 'addiction' either binge eating or alcohol).. which wouldn't work with Si-dominant, now would it? So I re-evaluated and came to the conclusion that I was INTJ. It made more sense.

However, I cannot for the life of me for once truly determine whether I am Si/Ne or Ni/Se. Kindly help me out, would ya? :bored:

So I'll tell you a bit about the life decisions I tend to make to give a good idea of how my thought process goes and perhaps that will give some clue as to what functions I use (also forgive me for the amount of text; I wanted to be thorough) -

When I was young, I entertained the idea of becoming an actor. Specifically, I had a thing for Shakespeare and so I thought I could become a Shakespearean actor one day. That was my entire thought process on the matter and I kept to it for quite a bit. Huge disclaimer though: I had only read maybe one or two plays of his, but Shakespeare's sonnets were a dream that I could read on for ages! Or.. at least until I would've gotten through them all.

From around 9th/10th grade, I wanted to go into medicine. Quite frankly I didn't give it much thought. It was like a 'click' for me. I just thought it seemed interesting at the time, and I wanted to give my brothers an answer as to what I wanted to do with my life. I planned accordingly, like I always do. Found out which universities I'd want to go to - abroad, of course. Been wanting to go abroad for university since I came back from living abroad the first time, albeit the two would be different locations.

Once high school (IB) came along, eventually I got other interests. I realised I wasn't as interested in medicine anymore, but my brothers still wanted me to have something. I also craved for something to reach for, no matter the amount of genuine interest I had in it. I ended up liking law as an option (I think I watched Legally Blonde too much and got inspired). The reason why I thought of it in the first place was a friend noting that I'd work well as a lawyer - my friend had claimed Hitler couldn't have possibly been an introvert since he was such a "prominent" public speaker and while I didn't necessarily think Hitler was an extrovert, I found myself offended at her thinking an introvert couldn't be good at public speaking. I wrote her almost an entire essay as a response to her brief remark with sources and references and quotes. Bottom line, also looking at my own response, I felt that she had a point. So I changed up plans, and changed my computer folders accordingly.

Later on, still in high school, something else came up though. I was at a Model UN conference (look it up if you don't know what it is and you're actually interested in what it is, but it makes no matter) and we all had to adhere to a certain dress code. I broke it, and had to consequently become "punished" in front of everyone else. The punishment was.. to dance. We were about 5 people who had to be watched by like 60+ other people. Now, having a bit of a social phobia/anxiety thing going on, this wasn't a particularly pleasant position to be in. However, I was the first to groove to the music - and I got a reaction, too. I got a few compliments afterwards, and I actually really did enjoy myself. At first, at least. When I considered myself too carefully watched, I wasn't as comfortable and I think I performed less well. But I did good at first for sure. For a period of time up until then, I had been dancing in the laundry room with my headphones in. I wanted to make the time that I waited for the laundry machine to finish up to be enjoyed... and I mean, I was already listening to the music so I moved without thinking about it much. So.. dance.. my new passion then? But ah.. a much less certain road.

I don't think I would ever have been getting the grades that I would have needed to get into a good university for either law or medicine given that I was severely depressed (barely showing up at school; still managed to pass in the end though and I did perfectly in the one subject I cared for the most), but that was now a thing of the past. I was a bit reluctant to leave the thought of law completely at first this time though. I was nearing the end of high school and I needed to make a definitive call. I started telling people it was either going to be law or dance. In truth, I was already preparing for dance. Didn't think much about law, only kept it as a bit of an unwanted "backup". As I was doing my research, I also asked universities what they would require of me. What kind of sports and/or exercise should I do besides going to dance? I started running immediately, albeit making a realistic and reliable schedule for that took some time. I asked my father if he could finance my dance classes and I got that in order. I enjoyed dance immediately, and then decided to go for it completely. I dropped law.

(Note: I was based in Denmark at the time.) When the time came for audition tapes, I realised I wasn't going to go to university right after IB. I needed a backup plan. A friend of mine suggested to become an au pair and I thought it was perfect! I wanted to go abroad regardless of whether I went to university immediately or not, and then I just needed a place to stay and something to do.. so being an au pair made sense. I decided specifically on going to China since I was learning Chinese in my spare time and so I felt it was relevant. Made up some story about how I was deeply interested in the country's culture and history because of its massive presence both now and in the past - there's some truth to it, but I really didn't think further than just wanting to learn more Chinese.

I didn't get into a university, but I got in touch with an au pair agency. The first one that contacted me was the one I ended up going with - which I shouldn't have done in retrospect, but it's what happened. They prolonged me going there for months and in the end I was unsure whether I'd ever be able to go. I didn't want to change plans though - I had the au pair plan. I was too tired by life in general to do anything else (lots of things happened at the time making my life very unstable and emotionally draining). I eventually got to China, but it only took about a month before I realised I needed to make a change. I had been part of an au pair group chat since my first day of work there, and I had been ignoring the talk mostly until it had gone too far with my shit agency. They hadn't been able to renew my visa well - they said they had a plan, but I didn't trust them. Not with how I heard how things went with other au pairs. So I decided to change agencies - thankfully, other au pairs that had been with my shit agency had found a new one and it seemed promising. The new agency helped me explain things to the host family I had at the time (in Chinese, that is) and just generally helped me transfer and all. I had to move to a different city, which I was very reluctant to do because I had been going through a lot of instability before my time in China (I had been homeless and moving around a lot at different friends and family members to keep a roof under my head). But I did, since I didn't trust my agency anymore.

My new agency was better, but it didn't take long before I eventually quit. I had been optimistic about the new host family, but the facade broke quickly. Once I quit, I didn't want to leave China though. I had a friend who was also quitting becoming an au pair who had an available room in her new apartment - and I thought I'd join her. I could become an English teacher instead of an au pair. Plenty of fluent English-speakers were fully capable of getting jobs like that. So I went for it - it was also in the Chinese city I was in initially, so it was somewhat familiar (albeit barely, since I didn't get a chance to go around much at all while I lived there at first since it took me a month before I could make myself walk outside of the bounds on my own). I worked for it, making introduction videos and fixing my CV. I had already quit being an au pair, so I needed the "next" step. I was under a lot of pressure at the time and possibly developed some stress disorder. Eventually, I realised that I had to return to Denmark (home country). I couldn't stay, and I couldn't move on to what I wanted to do after China initially (South Korea). I was reluctant to return home for a multitude of reasons, but the main reason was that I had been saying how I was going to stay there for an entire year and then possibly stay in South Korea for another year afterwards - and yet here I was, changing plans and coming back. I also had no other plan for coming back than "somehow finding a job". There was also the matter of me having to stay at the end of my 3 month contract (with the new family), which I really didn't want to do. I just wanted to leave. I had already quit - I knew I didn't want this and it pained me to stay. I knew I was going to quit 2.5 weeks in at the new host family, and had told the agency of me quitting about 1 month in. To wait another 2 months seemed a long wait then.

When I came back, long story short - didn't take long before I had a mental breakdown. Then I couldn't focus on anything other than my mental health. I hadn't been able to focus on getting a job because I didn't have much specific to go for and I was deeply unmotivated and scarred. I had to resort to borrowing a bit (at first I lived off of some savings I had, I suppose you can say) due to my focus on therapy, which angered one of my brothers. I had been talking to my sister-in-law about how I had broken down and hadn't been able to apply to jobs. She had helped me with my CV, and would then proceed to help me with a backup plan - an education so as to at least be on student welfare and not have to worry about money as much. Without much consideration, I went for it. She suggested the "event coordinator" education, which would be a 10-week business course at a college in the city I now lived in. Worth noting that I had moved to the city that I once considered moving to after the China+South Korea combo - one that I wanted to move to solely to be close to my father, but he had passed away just shortly before I left for China. My mind was still intent on moving there though. It was the only place I wanted to live in when it came to Denmark, despite being closer to people living elsewhere in the country. I went back to my "roots" despite only having lived there at the start of my life and going there for visits and such. I was creating new memories with people I wasn't used to being around with much.

Anyhow ! Sorry for the horrid length, but I thought it would bring a good overview and could help create a pattern. I can see arguments for both Si and Ni (it's more of a gut hunch than anything else), but it would be nice with a bit of help and someone else's perspective on this! I'm not getting any further with it myself anyhow. Would also appreciate thoughts on whether I could be anything other than a Si- or Ni-dom.
 

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Binge eating or addiction could be the case for ISTJ but its a matter if ISTJ likes something or not. I can eat excessive amounts of sweets myself and have really hard controlling it, but its because i really love them. Ni doms get into this when they are in grip due to high stress. I am not sure if this whole thing of N doms forgetting to eat or to sleep is true or not. Myself i can't imagine ever doing that.
I can't really make anything of your story, because to me what you wrote is not really a thought process.
One advice i can give you, always look for both dominant and inferior, they are never separate. Whenever i consider INTJ, I could fit in inferior Se but can't see dominant Ni for myself ever.
 

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That aside, I was content with ISTJ for the longest time until just recently when I realised that I might have a case of inferior Se going on (impulses, my inclination towards some sort of 'addiction' either binge eating or alcohol).. which wouldn't work with Si-dominant, now would it? So I re-evaluated and came to the conclusion that I was INTJ. It made more sense.

However, I cannot for the life of me for once truly determine whether I am Si/Ne or Ni/Se. Kindly help me out, would ya?
Since you looked into inferior Se, did you also look into inferior Ne? From personal experience, inferior Ne usually manifests as producing multiple, wildly unrealistic, worst-case scenario's while under stress. Basically, all the things that might go wrong or happen, even when some of them are clearly irrational. I've seen a couple of Si doms relay what they think might happen while under stress and I'm usually just blinking at them like... "That makes no sense".
 

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I am not sure if this whole thing of N doms forgetting to eat or to sleep is true or not. Myself i can't imagine ever doing that.
Not like it matters but as an Ne dom/aux I can say I am guilty of this - I forget to eat or sleep when something catches my interest and I hypefocus for hours till it's for example 4AM (which I only realize because it's getting lighter outside) or till I am about to collapse from hunger (then I realize... and find myself unable to figure out what to eat because my brain turned into a pudding already). I can't really function for 2 days afterwards because my body is a mess due to lack of sleep/nutrition.

About TheRedKnight: I think he is Si dom or aux. The writing style seems very Si-like. It's all about the past, in extreme details (and very boring for me). Also dancing is mostly sensing related - the body balance in case of Si. My dancing skills are... unique. I "can" dance but don't expect me to follow the designed steps (it's not going to happen - I will collapse trying) and don't get too close to me (or I unintentionally punch you). I am like a drunk monkey when dancing.
 

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The writing style seems very Si-like. It's all about the past, in extreme details (and very boring for me)
This is a good point.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 · (Edited)
@Hunter1611 I did look into inferior Ne - I just don't see it in myself.

It's only perhaps when I am in a very bad place and I see no way out. When I can't think of any immediate or possible fix, then I close off. I don't run off thinking of all the things that could go wrong, because everything has.. stopped.

@Kiriae I usually fill out a questionnaire, but for once I thought it best to describe some pivotal life events/changes and my thought processes during - I feel better showing proof and writing what I know to be true of at least past behaviour of mine, rather than speculating of what-if scenarios etc. That's why the boring details. I tried to include only what made a difference but still giving a big enough picture so as to try to ward off being typed in a stereotypical way. Do you have any other thoughts than don't either relate specifically to my interest in the sensory activity of dance or the Si-style writing?
 

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I also had no other plan for coming back than "somehow finding a job". There was also the matter of me having to stay at the end of my 3 month contract (with the new family), which I really didn't want to do. I just wanted to leave. I had already quit - I knew I didn't want this and it pained me to stay. I knew I was going to quit 2.5 weeks in at the new host family, and had told the agency of me quitting about 1 month in. To wait another 2 months seemed a long wait then.
This doesn't sound like an ISTJ... In my experience, they have more follow through.
I, in general, found it interesting that you didn't readily have backup plans... not really anyway. And you switched directions a lot. All of that does not sound like an Si dom. Binge eating and addiction can be a sign of Se coping methods.

Is your memory very detail oriented? Si doms tend to remember alot of detail related to what they felt, experienced, heard, and etc. Sensory data stored internally.
Ni doms remember impressions, patterns, and lessons which they use to guide their future actions. So their memory is less detailed and more like... "This is the general idea of what happened".
Obviously we all remember details to some degree or another, but I find that Si users tend to remember an abundance of details, whereas the Ni users focus on what the point was or what it meant.
 

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@Hunter1611
@Kiriae I usually fill out a questionnaire, but for once I thought it best to describe some pivotal life events/changes and my thought processes during - I feel better showing proof and writing what I know to be true of at least past behaviour of mine, rather than speculating of what-if scenarios etc. That's why the boring details. I tried to include only what made a difference but still giving a big enough picture so as to try to ward off being typed in a stereotypical way. Do you have any other thoughts than don't either relate specifically to my interest in the sensory activity of dance or the Si-style writing?
I can't pinpoint much because my focus slips away the further I read. It feels like my middle school history books - some random facts the happened somewhere in the past to someone I don't even know and don't care.
However it made me wonder if you are more thinker or more feeler because you don't give a strong thinker vibe. You used to make your life choices for others which could be Te but also Fe. However you got angry with your friend thinking introverts can't make public speeches which would be Fi if you identified as introvert (thats how I understood it). You also broke the dress code which could be Fi. And you seemed to make Te plans to reach Fi goals (I want to be a dancer so what university do I choose to reach that). Your story generally was "I wanted" = Fi.
It makes me think you could actually be Fi dom. It would make Si your ter, Ne aux and Te inf. Inferior Te would explain your quite poor life planning and the mistakes you made. Ter Si still explains your writing style - you don't need to be Si dom to mull over the past. I know because I also have a bad habit of writing such essays. Ni-Se/Se-Ni seems more "to the point". But I wonder about the dancing part - if not your writing style and the fact I sense Ne in you it could be Se aux paired with Fi. But it doesn't make sense as it is now.

Lets try the method I usually use to decide between Se-Ni, Ne-Si. Maybe it will put more light on the situation.
Choose 3 pictures. One you like or find interesting, one you dislike or find boring and one neutral. https://www.flickr.com/explore
Describe them.
 

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I only read the first half of this, but it was enough to convince me of ISTJ as opposed to INTJ. INTJs wouldn't be so detailed in their descriptions and wouldn't feel the need to trace back through their whole life. The way you structured this and your style of writing is very, very Si and not Ni at all. Ni immediately feels the "main idea" and doesn't need to trace back through a bunch of memories to understand it. Pouring through memories and finding meaning and patterns in them is very much a Si/Ne thing.

Editing this to add that I think inferior Ne could also explain your addictions. You are seeing your ENFP shadow coming out.
 

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However it made me wonder if you are more thinker or more feeler because you don't give a strong thinker vibe. You used to make your life choices for others which could be Te but also Fe. However you got angry with your friend thinking introverts can't make public speeches which would be Fi if you identified as introvert (thats how I understood it). You also broke the dress code which could be Fi. And you seemed to make Te plans to reach Fi goals (I want to be a dancer so what university do I choose to reach that). Your story generally was "I wanted" = Fi.
I think that Fi tertiary would still account for all of this- still consistent with ISTJ.
 

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I only read the first half of this, but it was enough to convince me of ISTJ as opposed to INTJ. INTJs wouldn't be so detailed in their descriptions and wouldn't feel the need to trace back through their whole life. The way you structured this and your style of writing is very, very Si and not Ni at all. Ni immediately feels the "main idea" and doesn't need to trace back through a bunch of memories to understand it. Pouring through memories and finding meaning and patterns in them is very much a Si/Ne thing.

Editing this to add that I think inferior Ne could also explain your addictions. You are seeing your ENFP shadow coming out.

^ THIS

Why oh why was there so many details? I started reading to try to help and type you and I gave up two paragraphs into your life examples. It's just way too many details. Def gives me Si-Ne vibes though which makes me say ISTJ.
 

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ISTJ. As others mentioned, an INTJ would never write like that. I see no Ni, only Si. Whether a handful of things may or may not be Se-like is irrelevant without DOMINANT Ni present in everything you do/think/experience, all the time. A typical trait of Ni/Te is leaping to the point.
 

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TheRedKnight, every paragraph you wrote is "sensing". There is no intuition there. I could not be certain whether it is Se or Si. I am not even convinced of Introversion either. I would not be confident in any guess at this point, especially since you are (or were) in pattern because of your stress, depression, and break down.

One thing I am certain of: you are definitely not an INTJ. Here are just a few lines that are things an INTJ would never write:

but I really didn't think further than just wanting to learn more Chinese
The first one that contacted me was the one I ended up going with
I could become an English teacher instead of an au pair
possibly developed some stress disorder.
I had a mental breakdown.
we all had to adhere to a certain dress code. I broke it
 

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I definitely agree with ISTJ for you. Your memory for so many specific details is very impressive! I have a good long-term memory too, but I could never describe it in such rich detail like you did. Or if I did, it would take me forever to write.

I could see ISTP a possibility too, though maybe to a lesser extent. Si memory tends to be more impressionistic, more abstract and personalized, while Se memory is more concrete and objective, remembering only the facts and is generally less sentimental about the past. Can you relate to either of these?
 
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