Am i infp

THIS IS GOING TO BE A RANT it took me like two days of writing

i don't know if i am.. i feel that i do relate to the profile, but there are definitely a lot of things I don't see in myself. I know two people in real life who claim to be INFP, but there are big differences between us

i have some understanding of mbti. so i'll try to show how i came to the conclusion that i am INFP.

-introverted feeling

i am very in touch with my feelings. i try hard to be nice to people, but i can see where Fi gets its "self centered" rep. i find that i only feel sorry for those that i truly empathize with. but when i do, i carry their pain.
for example, my little brother got too drunk this summer and i was driving him home. he was really sick and i was so worried about him. i imagined what he was going through and felt terrible, even though i knew he was going to be fine.
i am very sensitive. i would never show it though
i used to have really bad social anxiety. i sometimes still do, though it has gotten easier.
i'm also kind of private. i hate people going through my stuff, even though i wouldn't tell them to stop.
i am a hopeless romantic. i get depressed
xSTx types typically intimidate me (especially the E's)
i take things very personally
sometimes i wish i could literally get lost in thought. like, only exist in consciousness, leave my body behind. sometimes i think that my body is useless haha
being alone is my "default" mode. when there is nothing to do and i am with people, i want to go be by myself. although after a while, i'll crave social interaction.
sometimes i feel like many people don't actually know me as much as i'd like to, vice versa. i look for depth in relationships.
i am very self critical. i have had self confidence issues my whole life
i'm not competitive at all. i would take losing over having the person i beat getting really worked up over it.

-extraverted intuition

from what i understand, Ne is searching for connections and hidden meanings. I believe that i do this. i never really feel like i am keeping up with what's going on. i find that i space out very easily. i hear something that i find interesting and i toy with the idea.

i'm also pretty creative.
for example my friends were burning hay today and i asked one of them what they thought it would be like to be an ant and see that giant burning mountain
i do stuff like this a lot.. sometimes i will see something, think about it for a long time, then comment about it a while later.
i like coming up with nicknames for people.
when i was growing up i started my own language, told my family to call me "Alien" (I was obsessed with aliens lol), came up with video game consoles/games, started stories, and i loved reading.
i was very much a stereotypically "nerdy" kid.
i think if anyone described me with one trait, it would be funny. i find things funniest when i could imagine the situation happening in real life and thinking of funny reactions people would have.

a few weeks ago i tripped mushrooms with some friends. we were sitting on a huge dune overlooking a beach town/lake. we watched the clouds for a while, and i realized that most of my friends didn't see the patterns the way i did. they were describing seeing animals and shapes, while i saw a giant structure in the clouds. it was very "big picture" i suppose. i couldn't put it to words when trying to tell them what i saw, lol.

i love reading body language and typing people. i don't even try to do it, i've found that i just instinctively pay attention to body language, eye contact, voice, etc. i always try to imagine what the other person is thinking, and most times i'm pretty sure i'm right. except when i am with people i have strong feelings for, i ALWAYS doubt what i think they feel.

it's so hard for me to commit to anything.

...

so that is my understanding of the functions.

things i don't relate to about INFPs
a lot of INFPs on here describe really vivid dream worlds. mine really aren't like that, much more just "feelings" and imagining scenarios.
infps unfortunately have a negative stereotype of being loners, cry babies, etc. i am not any of that. i am extremely sensitive, but i don't really show it. i have very many close friends and a pretty good social life.
my friend who says he is INFP is oblivious to social expectations.. i think i could be a social chameleon if i wanted to. sometimes i feel like one..
both "INFPs" that I know get upset easily (so do i, but i hold it back). both of them seem very firm in their decisions. for example,
me: "wanna go play call of duty?"
"infp:" "no, i don't like that game"
and i can't convince them to play! i feel like i would at least try to play a game even if i didn't like it. but both infps i know wouldn't.
they also complain a lot more about their problems.. i never really talk about my problems (IRL haha).

SO AM I INFP OR NOT!? this is the last time i'll have to ask about my type, hopefully lol
thanks if you read this whole thing