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Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)
As in.. my ESFJ mom is always bringing me food at the right time in my room, and I just tell her to keep it on the study table and I'll eat later. It ends up lying there for hours sometimes. My ISTJ dad always helps with last moment studies, thankfully, especially Maths or Economics. My parents spend a buttload of money on private tutors. My dad owns two cars and we have a driver (he's hired mainly for my dad, not for me) who generally drives me from here to there because my dad only needs him 2 hours a day.

I fucking hate studying. It's not that I don't like learning- I enjoyed learning about MBTI so much. It's that I have some very selective interests, and everything else I hate. I don't know the streets outside of a 10 km radius from my home and have no idea about bus routes and all that. I do well socially, so I guess that's a (surprising) plus point. Girls give me a chance because of the face and then grow to like my personality, so yipee. I make friends easily too.

Right now, my life is awesome. What I'm worried about, is the future.

It's given that the driver and car will go away soon, and I'm going to have to live on my own soon. How? I forget to eat meals, let alone buy stuff, cook it and eat it. I can't possibly take care of all the chores, and I fucking hate most of what I have to study. How am I supposed to buy stuff, cook, do chores, study, attend college/work when I grow up, travel and get time for myself? There's no guarantee I'm moving in with a friend.

That "one against the world" feeling we have gets bigger and bigger and it's pissing me the fuck off. Too bad I don't have the balls to commit suicide lol. As a result of all of this, I've stopped caring about almost everything altogether, not that I cared much to begin with.

Am I just a spoiled brat, or am I justified? Hell, not important.. What's the solution to this problem?
 

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You have been spoiled by your parents - but that doesn't mean that you can't live on your own. You realizing that you can't fend for yourself as you are is a good thing already - ask your parents to teach you to do the things you think you might need (Cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc.) They will be glad that you finally woke up, even if they might say that 'we'll take care of it for you' just press on.

Everyone makes a mess of things in the first few weeks. You'll figure out how to live on your own soon enough. Look at the idiots who did it before you.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
You have been spoiled by your parents - but that doesn't mean that you can't live on your own. You realizing that you can't fend for yourself as you are is a good thing already - ask your parents to teach you to do the things you think you might need (Cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc.) They will be glad that you finally woke up, even if they might say that 'we'll take care of it for you' just press on.

Everyone makes a mess of things in the first few weeks. You'll figure out how to live on your own soon enough. Look at the idiots who did it before you.
It's not just that I may be able to do them, it's that even thinking of living a life like that depresses me. Strict, menial and worthless. Hoping my perspectives change with time.
 

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You'll adjust. Getting your shit together and stop thinking about how you hate or can't, just do it. I do stuff automatically mostly if I really don't like it but I do it bc I have to. Stop thinking "How am I gonna do it?"- you just do it, that's it. You men up, hate on all the things you need to do but get your ass out of the bed and do it the best you can. Call that life...

My ESFJ mom stopped giving me food long time ago:dry: Then again she adds too much butter into sandwiches...
 
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It's not just that I may be able to do them, it's that even thinking of living a life like that depresses me. Strict, menial and worthless. Hoping my perspectives change with time.
Have you thought about how living alone will allow you to do what you like without your parents even KNOWING that you are up at two AM in your underwear working on projects?
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
Have you thought about how living alone will allow you to do what you like without your parents even KNOWING that you are up at two AM in your underwear working on projects?
I don't sit in my underwear, but very close. For real, I can still do that in my own room. My parents have given up on my sleeping time being before 3-5 am. #GoldenChild
 

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I don't sit in my underwear, but very close. For real, I can still do that in my own room. My parents have given up on my sleeping time being before 3-5 am. #GoldenChild
Heh. I just wanna add - my own relationship with my parents and sisters improved when we didn't live in one house anymore. You come to appreciate each other.

Also: growing up a little doesn't hurt.
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
You'll adjust. Getting your shit together and stop thinking about how you hate or can't, just do it. I do stuff automatically mostly if I really don't like it but I do it bc I have to. Stop thinking "How am I gonna do it?"- you just do it, that's it. You men up, hate on all the things you need to do but get your ass out of the bed and do it the best you can. Call that life...

My ESFJ mom stopped giving me food long time ago:dry: Then again she adds too much butter into sandwiches...
When I was 16, my ESFJ mom told me I needed to lose 2-3 kgs in the mornings but used to get me oily, buttery food and sweets in the evening. Y u do dis esfj moms
 

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As in.. my ESFJ mom is always bringing me food at the right time in my room, and I just tell her to keep it on the study table and I'll eat later. It ends up lying there for hours sometimes. My ISTJ dad always helps with last moment studies, thankfully, especially Maths or Economics. My parents spend a buttload of money on private tutors. My dad owns two cars and we have a driver (he's hired mainly for my dad, not for me) who generally drives me from here to there because my dad only needs him 2 hours a day.

I fucking hate studying. It's not that I don't like learning- I enjoyed learning about MBTI so much. It's that I have some very selective interests, and everything else I hate. I don't know the streets outside of a 10 km radius from my home and have no idea about bus routes and all that. I do well socially, so I guess that's a (surprising) plus point. Girls give me a chance because of the face and then grow to like my personality, so yipee. I make friends easily too.

Right now, my life is awesome. What I'm worried about, is the future.

It's given that the driver and car will go away soon, and I'm going to have to live on my own soon. How? I forget to eat meals, let alone buy stuff, cook it and eat it. I can't possibly take care of all the chores, and I fucking hate most of what I have to study. How am I supposed to buy stuff, cook, do chores, study, attend college/work when I grow up, travel and get time for myself? There's no guarantee I'm moving in with a friend.

That "one against the world" feeling we have gets bigger and bigger and it's pissing me the fuck off. Too bad I don't have the balls to commit suicide lol. As a result of all of this, I've stopped caring about almost everything altogether, not that I cared much to begin with.

Am I just a spoiled brat, or am I justified? Hell, not important.. What's the solution to this problem?

As someone who came from a somewhat similarly-priviledged situation, I think you are justified, even if you're being a bit reactionary.

I never had much in the way of chores, and working while still in school is frowned upon by my family who see it as a distraction from studying. My mother spared no expense trying to get me the best education she could (particularly because my hometown has a notoriously awful school system), including a battery of private tutors. Most basic-take-care-of-yourself skills like cleaning or laundry I've had to learn on the fly because my mother didn't want to be one of those moms who try to turn their daughter into a little housewife, or didn't trust me to learn it properly. There were feeble attempts in my late teens to teach me about personal finance, but by that point our relationship was going downhill such I didn't really give a crap about anything she had to say. I've never had an allowance for more than a few weeks at a time because I didn't record or allocate it to her standards, so she would just stop giving it to me even if I asked. I still don't know how to keep track of more than $20 at a time.

And in the last few years, it's begun to bother me more and more than I don't know a lot of real world life skills. My thoughts are quite similar to yours - how am I going to take care of myself when I'm on my own for real? Right now I'm in that independence limbo that is college, but what about everything outside of that? I definitely know that "one against the world" feeling. You talk about no guarantee of being able to move in with someone - I don't even have that. I've basically failed to make social connections for most of my life, so I think largely in terms of total self-sufficiency. And for someone as naive as I am, that's damn scary.

Yeah, you're spoiled, but that isn't your fault. Actually, these thoughts and fears you're having might signify you're not as spoiled as you think though - you clearly don't expect to be taken care of forever, and have angst about your ability to function on your own. Apathy is another problem altogether...fear can do that and I'm not sure how to remedy it myself.

*shrugs* Commiseration and lame advice. I did what I could.
 

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Chores are chores, you just have to accept that they need to be done. It doesn't mean you have to like doing any of it, but it does help if you learn how to do them efficiently.

Cooking can be quite fun if you put your mind to it. You can use your Ne and make anything you want. I learned Indian cooking while I was still living with my parents. My mom was a lousy cook, and it was also practical to use my parents' money for learning rather than my own :kitteh: I read books about why different spices go together and tried to get to the bottom of understanding why something works. These days I no longer need to use recipes. Most of the time I still hate cooking though.

Washing clothes etc. is easy and I don't think you should worry about not being able to do that. What to me sounds like the bigger problem is that you seem to hate so many things. Why is that? Are you going to study something you hate deeply? And what is it with that driver taking you everywhere? Isn't it a bit boring (I get it if you are living in Johannesburg or similar)? I hate giving such obvious advice, but try to get out from your comfort zone and see where it'll take you.
 

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It's your parents fault for raising you that way, but as you become a man, you are at fault for not taking charge of your own independence. You have the literal luxury to learn and release slowly. Don't be overwhelmed. Make a list of essential life skills and make strategies about how to achieve them. You'll learn through necessity.

But because you asked, you are spoiled and that has done you a great diservice.
 

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You'll adjust. Getting your shit together and stop thinking about how you hate or can't, just do it. I do stuff automatically mostly if I really don't like it but I do it bc I have to. Stop thinking "How am I gonna do it?"- you just do it, that's it. You men up, hate on all the things you need to do but get your ass out of the bed and do it the best you can. Call that life...

My ESFJ mom stopped giving me food long time ago:dry: Then again she adds too much butter into sandwiches...
I love butter. I am going to be one of those guys that lives to 100, and they ask, what is your secret? well, I eat lots of butter. :)

anyways @Deadmanrising I wasn't spoiled. my parents made me and my brothers do chores. when something around the house, yard, or in the garage needed work done, my dad did it and we had to assist, or we had do it depending on what it was. that being said, I can do a lot of stuff on my own. I live on my own.
How do I deal with it? I just do. that garbage is going to start stinking the house up. I better take it out. i'm tired, time to go to sleep. I am going to fail that exam if I don't study. I better study.

your parents have done you a disservice. not by having a driver per se. but the doing your homework for you, setting all your meals out. you'll figure it out. When you get hungry enough.
 

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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
Chores are chores, you just have to accept that they need to be done. It doesn't mean you have to like doing any of it, but it does help if you learn how to do them efficiently.

Cooking can be quite fun if you put your mind to it. You can use your Ne and make anything you want. I learned Indian cooking while I was still living with my parents. My mom was a lousy cook, and it was also practical to use my parents' money for learning rather than my own :kitteh: I read books about why different spices go together and tried to get to the bottom of understanding why something works. These days I no longer need to use recipes. Most of the time I still hate cooking though.

Washing clothes etc. is easy and I don't think you should worry about not being able to do that. What to me sounds like the bigger problem is that you seem to hate so many things. Why is that? Are you going to study something you hate deeply? And what is it with that driver taking you everywhere? Isn't it a bit boring (I get it if you are living in Johannesburg or similar)? I hate giving such obvious advice, but try to get out from your comfort zone and see where it'll take you.
Cooking is a lot of fun, actually. I just put it on the list because it would consume time and I may not enjoy doing it all the time. I know there's takeout, you can give your laundry to someone else, and shortcuts like that but I'm looking at the overall picture in a worst-case-scenario situation where I must live by myself and work it all out.
 

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This reminds me of when my friend was concerned about figuring out the entry process to college because "omg idk what to do there's so much to keep track of"

My response was "They want your money. It's literally impossible to fuck up. They'll do whatever they can to keep track of you and make sure you do what you're supposed to because..... they want your money"

My response to you would be similar. If you're concerned about figuring out how to actually engage with the world - don't worry. It will become clear what you need to do and when you need to do it when people start calling for their money. It's impossible to forget because they keep sending these little reminders (bills) haha.

As for personal finance, it will sort itself out in much the same way. When you start running out of money and putting things on credit reality will slap you in the face and it will become very clear very quickly what you need to be doing. Also, /r/personalfinance is a good resource.

As for chores, is that a serious question? You don't need to do anything you don't want to do.
 

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Of course you don't know how to or want to do any of those things. You don't have to right now. When you're on your own, you will be forced to learn those things and you will adjust. No need to panic.
 

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This reminds me of when my friend was concerned about figuring out the entry process to college because "omg idk what to do there's so much to keep track of"

My response was "They want your money. It's literally impossible to fuck up. They'll do whatever they can to keep track of you and make sure you do what you're supposed to because..... they want your money"

My response to you would be similar. If you're concerned about figuring out how to actually engage with the world - don't worry. It will become clear what you need to do and when you need to do it when people start calling for their money. It's impossible to forget because they keep sending these little reminders (bills) haha.

As for personal finance, it will sort itself out in much the same way. When you start running out of money and putting things on credit reality will slap you in the face and it will become very clear very quickly what you need to be doing. Also, /r/personalfinance is a good resource.

As for chores, is that a serious question? You don't need to do anything you don't want to do.
I agree except for the personal finance. if you don't know how to track your finances (I figured that a spoiled brat would at least be able to do that ;) ) then you need buy a book or two on the subject and learn. finance is not something you necessarily want to figure out as you go. some people liv to be 70 and they still have been unable to figure it out.

If you want some recommendations, Dave Ramsey has some solid books on the topic where he explains stuff like the dangers of credit cards, rent to own, buying tvs and stuff on store credit cards (interest free if paid off in 12 months), etc. I would strongly recommend you start there because if you try to learn it on your own, you could easily become 100,000 dollars in debt by the age of 25 and see no way out of the despair debt brings.

I have some friends who disagree with his view on credit cards specifically, but that is only because they have found cards and the ability to use them that allow them to get around the negatives. but not everyone is able to do that. I highly recommend at least listening to what he has to say and coming to your own decision.
 

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As long as you don't slack on things like going to work and paying bills. As long as you have a steady income, auto withdrawal can be a wonderful thing. If the bill fluctuates and you are closer to the edge, that's asking for overdrafts. So you may have to suck it up and set up alarms or something to make sure your utilities stay on. The rest depends on if you live alone or with others. Alone, how much mess can you stand. I don't think any of us actually STARVE, but you may be uncomfortable for a while 'til you get used to taking care of things yourself. Most of us don't end up living in a room that looks like it has daily maid service and gourmet meals on the dot three times a day, but then again, we don't tend to prioritize that anyway. So we get by.

Live with someone else, then it's a whole different ball of wax.
 

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For debt, try to avoid as much as you can. Most INTP's are not super materialistic, but there's a lot of 'can't be bothered' expenses like buying takeout, though. If you can manage to pay bills on time and not kill yourself with credit card debt and, if you get the kind of job that allows it, get them to take some out for a mutual fund or something without you seeing it, you have some 'screwing up' wriggle room while you figure everything else out.

Or find someone with a J in their type who likes and is willing to put up with you without TOO much drama and nagging. *grin* But that's a case by case solution. And you gotta bring something to the table too, in return.
 
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