I use Vipassana meditation--no ritual, no dogma, don't have to be religious.I purposely asked this in an INFJ forum because I know you are all generally more emotionally intelligent than I am. And even with all those cliche's about healing and moving on, you all always are able to find a better way to express it.
I do have this overwhelming feeling and I feel sometimes like I can barely breathe.
The book I go back to every day is Mindfulness in Plain English by Bhante Gunaratana.
You sit with the grief--literally, either on a cushion or a straight back chair, take a deep breath--and first say this (The Entire "Loving Friendliness exercise" is longer but this will do):
May I be happy; may I be well; may I be at peace. May no harm come to me. May I meet with spiritual success.
May he (your former lover) be well; may he be at peace. May no harm come to him. May he meet with spiritual success.
Take two or three deep breaths and commit to sitting and watching your breath for 10 to 20 minutes every day, loose, comfortable clothing, no distractions (phone off; quiet space), and whenever your mind wanders from your in and out breath "notice" but do not "follow" the thoughts about him, or whatever other distractions come up.
Also, no condemnation toward yourself for not doing this perfectly.
And as Bhante says, "You will follow the thought, emotion or sensation anyway... so as soon as you notice that your mind has wandered, note the emotion, though or sensation, then return to the breath.
When you do condemn yourself, note that, and return to your breath.
Your mind will begin to settle down.
The key is to be aware of the feelings without getting lost in or buried by them.
He also suggests you do the "Loving Friendliness" exercise beginning with "May I be well, happy and at peace..." every morning when you wake up and every night before going to bed.
If you want the entire exercise, PM me.
I hope anything anyone in this thread has shared or will share helps. I am very familiar with grief.
I think that what Bhante Gunaratana and other wisdom teachers have said and written is true:
We do not have to add extra suffering to what is already inherent in being human.
Just watching what comes up, however, can dissolve it, and it takes courage, discipline, and "gumption."
Peace to you @rethon