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Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)
I recently went through a situation in my dating relationship where there was "another girl". My guy and I are working things out but it seems like she's trying to take over everything. I took my guy to a play, and she asked him to take her for her birthday, which he did. And now she's befriending mutual friend. I know she was a close friend of his to begin with but it's really bothering me. It feels like she's starting to do things to spite me. Am I just overreacting? I feel like this is some bad teenage movie....
 
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Discussion Starter · #2 ·
I guess I'm being stupid then.
 

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I would trust your instincts on this one. ): But you should probably figure out a way to bring this up to your significant other, especially if there was a situation where this girl was already "the other girl". Maybe voice your concerns, as to what is "crossing the line" for this other girl and what isn't.
 

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maybe you should talk to him and tell him this. Or wait more until you're sure. It can be hard to know for sure when u let ur emotions/jealousy take over. But if youre sure you should probably talk to him about it.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
I don't know whether to feel happy that I'm not crazy or upset that there really might be something going on. I'm afraid if I bring my suspicions up with him that he'll dismiss me as being jealous and hating on his friend for no reason, making me seem like the bad guy and she the innocent one. Don't get me wrong, I don't think she's a bad person (I've never met her), I just don't put anything past anyone...
 

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Aghh..and this is why, no one should ever keep opposite sex freind/ex girlfreind/ex F*** buddies, /freinds who like the freind as more than a freind..etc etc in the mix.
This is a horrible situation to be in, I sympathise OP.
This is a tricky one,.. but, it can be oh so simple, if you've got enough self respect and balls to stand up for yourself,,.plus you get a very quick answer to those questions that bother you. for eg,.. would he choose her over me?
Look, I dont know why anyone stands for this no win situation dramatic bullshit. I would simply tell,..not ask, not whine, not bargain, not cajole,..but TELL your boyfreind you are not comforatable with him being so close to this girl he once had a thing with. Tell him you know that shes making things awkward for you, and his compliance in the situation by remaining freinds with her, and taking her places is unacceptable,.
Ohh but Goodewitch..isnt that an ultimatum? Why yes.. yes it is,.. and in cases like this,.. its the best way to see where your boyfreinds loyalties lie. I suspect he's enjoying immensely having his cake and eating it, whilst you stand paralysed in your own self doubt and lack of self worth, and confusion.
Tell him he either stops taking her places, and comunicating in anything other than a casual manner, or you're walking. If he values you, he'll drop her like a ton of bricks, and so he should. What the hell is he doing playing this stupid game with the two of ou for..and no, he's not clueless, he will know you dont like it, he just chooses to pretend that everythings above board, and that having an ex asqueeze in YOUR face is perfectably acceptable. Well, its not.. so, he either sticks with you, or he drops you for her,..either way OP, you'll have your answer, unstead of letting this go on and possibly being made a fool of for ages.
Take your power and control over your own life back.
Dont let him or her dictate the boundaries..make some of your own.
Good luck
G. x
 

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I'm not really sure what the situation is, based on your original post. Has this girl always been just a friend to him? If so, it's not really fair for you to get too upset over it, though there's obviously a borderline in regards to how often he should be hanging out with her.

If he has a known "history" with this girl, then it's probably not appropriate for them to be hanging out one-on-one, and you should not be afraid to tell him that. Group outings among other friends (assuming she's friends with his friends) are one thing-- but him taking her out to a play is a totally different animal.
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
Just for clarification:
He and I had been dating for over a year and I recently found out that he had also been seeing this other girl (Not sure for how long) I don't know exactly how long he has known her but I know they are close friends. But decided to keep dating me and not her. He isn't technically my boyfriend yet, but we are exclusively dating now. What is bothering me is how this girl is becoming more and more in the picture despite what happened. I feel like he isn't doing enough to fix the situation even though he says that he is. I know he doesn't want to lose her as a friend. And I'd feel selfish for asking him to, even though he still has feelings for her. I don't want to be that controlling bitch girl telling him what to do, like his ex....... :frustrating:

I know Goodewitch is right even though the idea of approaching him about it terrifies me.
 
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Oh, god. In that case, there is so much wrong with this situation on so many levels. If I were to be brutally honest I would just tell you to kick him to the curb at this point because he's obviously not trustworthy. But, it's not my business and you obviously know what's best for yourself. But I will say this-- please think about what you deserve and if you really want to devote your time and exclusivity to a guy who clearly doesn't take it seriously.
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
:crying::crying::crying: I wish I had the courage to just cut things off. But I'd be so devastated at having to lose one of my best friends. I should know better. I see all the signs but feel like I'd be throwing away something that has the potential to be amazing if we both work through our issues. My issues being getting over being hurt. His issues with relationships and feelings for "other girl". We used to be perfect together and it means a lot to me to find a way to fix it. But I feel like I'm on his ass too much for constantly talking about it while he's in the process of fixing himself.

Reading over all my posts I can see how bad the situation is and how stupid I'm being. I'm an emotional wreck. I'm sorry guys.

I'm still keeping an eye on her though.....
 

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Sourglass, please dont be sorry for feeling the way you do.
i think there'll hardly be a single person on this whole Forum site, who hasnt held on to someoe longer than they should, or kept quiet through fear of losing someone. I know I have, and its that experience that makes me write with so much certainty on this one.
You are, right now, caught up in the feeling of not wanting to lose this guy,.. andon the otehr hand, knowing that the outcome is going to be crap for you.
I know how awkawrd startig this conversation off with him will feel to you, all sorts of doubts are gathering already in your mind... like 'Am i being too emotional, too reactionary, am i geting waaay ahead, am i jumping the gun..if i give him more time will things be better?
He does nt have 'issues' my dear, he knows exactly what he's doing, despite any bullshit explanatons or confessions he might have given you, he is this way because he chooses to be this way. i know its hard to think that anyone can be that callous and calculating and nasty deep down to deliberately string someone like you along,.. but beleive me there are.
There is nothing wrong wih you, we have all een here, or will be where you are right now.
The strength you need to simply say, with no lead in, no fancy way of bringing it up etc is in you. next time youre with him you simply say Look 9Such and such) we've dated for a year, thats plenty of time, i've let the whole (girl) thing go, but you clearly havemt, as you still are runninga round with her as freinds.We are exclusive and now that we are i want you to stop seeing this girl, as a freind, because im not going to have any disrespect or drama from either you or her,.. if you have any problem with that, tell me now, so i can walk away, cos im not letting this drag on, and I wont take any excuses from you as to why you still need to see her.
If he starts protesting, or ridiculing you, if he calls you jealous, or insecure, or says youre crazy, or says he wont be told what to do, etc etc... simply get up, and walk away, and mean it.
Its hard, but if you allow yourself to sit and think about what an asshole hes been, and what youve already put up with, your anger will bubble up again, and it'll be easier.
remember, no softness, no negotiating, just tell him, and walk if he doesnt play ball.
You will, and can do this for yourself,.and I garuntee, that you'll feel bigger and stronger for doing it, whatever the ooutcome.
You're a strong girl.
Hugs
G. x
 

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I recently went through a situation in my dating relationship where there was "another girl". My guy and I are working things out but it seems like she's trying to take over everything. I took my guy to a play, and she asked him to take her for her birthday, which he did. And now she's befriending mutual friend. I know she was a close friend of his to begin with but it's really bothering me. It feels like she's starting to do things to spite me. Am I just overreacting? I feel like this is some bad teenage movie....
Sourglass,

The point of you being with this person is to enjoy yourself. It seems like this other girl is too close to him. What is their past? I would not say that you are overreacting, it could be your Intuition thing kicking in. A similar situation happened to me in the past.

An ex was always talking about one of his ex, who he happened to still be 'friends' with. Eventually, I got suspicious, and I asked to meet her. And he wouldn't let me meet her. Then it eventually came out that he was waiting for her to change her mind about him, and he was still very attached to her. If I had gotten out early, instead of listening to his lies, I would have felt better about myself.

So this can be dealt with in a few ways, you have to talk to him about it, see how he reacts. Trust your female instincts, what is this girl up to? Does she want to have a relationship with your boyfriend? Is she hoping that some past relationship between them gets rekindled? Is he using her to make her jealous? If you truly care about him, you may have to tell her to back off. It all depends on how you feel about him, but you'll have to investigate somehow, or talk to him.

If he still has feelings for her, but chose not to tell you about them in the first place, he may be sneaky, and being direct may not work. But it seems like you have something to sort out. You aren't having fun in this situation, it sounds like. Why should you have less fun with your boyfriend because of this pushy woman?

Talk to him.
 

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I know it seems like repeating what everyone already said, but talk to him. Beyond the doubts and fears that you wish to put away, you also need to establish a solid and open relationship if you want to have anything with this guy. If he's one of your best friends and someone you enjoy talking (and spending time with), you should be able to just go there and say it. If you voice it carefully, you should avoid a misunderstanding.

If I may give a suggestion, try not to accuse him of anything. Just simple voice that you're feeling insecure over the other girl and ask if you should be. Watch his reactions carefully. Also, you could always play the guilt card a bit -- explain to him how broken hearted you'd be if you discovered that he's interested in someone else.

Finally, if you're so inclined, you could always do a bit of snooping. I had my mobile checked regularly while I was in the beginning of my last relationship.

Cheers.
 

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Just for clarification:
He and I had been dating for over a year and I recently found out that he had also been seeing this other girl (Not sure for how long) I don't know exactly how long he has known her but I know they are close friends. But decided to keep dating me and not her. He isn't technically my boyfriend yet, but we are exclusively dating now. What is bothering me is how this girl is becoming more and more in the picture despite what happened. I feel like he isn't doing enough to fix the situation even though he says that he is. I know he doesn't want to lose her as a friend. And I'd feel selfish for asking him to, even though he still has feelings for her. I don't want to be that controlling bitch girl telling him what to do, like his ex....... :frustrating:

I know Goodewitch is right even though the idea of approaching him about it terrifies me.
Forget about this guy. You haven't had any relationships yet but you're already experiencing heartaches and frustrations with him. If he does not give that much importance to you then find someone else who can. There are a lot of fishes in the sea, I'm sure you'll meet someone better. :happy:
 

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You're an INFP, so I know you can easily convey how you feel without coming off any other way than concerned.

But I always wonder.... What is it about certain girls that the boyfriends can't let go? The only women in a man's life that he NEEDS is his significant other and his mother. Female relatives are an exception too. To me, keeping around "other" girls as friends is just an excuse to get close to them in order to pursue something :(
 
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