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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I come off as a Fe user to some people but I disagree. I think I'm an ENTJ with well developed Fi but there's also a possibility that I have a specific image of myself that's inaccurate. I've met a lot of Fe dominant and auxiliary users who have acted like complete jerks just because I was blunt. You shouldn't be rude back just because someone has offended you. Plus I also don't think it's my fault whether someone's wrong. I feel like it's the intention that matters. So I think I might be biased against Fe/Ti over Te/Fi. I'm really scared of xxFJs to be honest...

Also, I had an abusive childhood in which my mom told me to go die frequently and my dad kept telling me he wanted to beat me up. My mom was an ESFJ and my dad was an ESFP. My mom was my favorite parent by far though because she didn't treat me like a joke. Both of them called me bossy and argumentative constantly but then again, they weren't good parents. ExTJs are frequently described as that and I'm very sure I'm an intuitive. Both Si and Se are my least used functions in cognitive functions test always. Would that be a self esteem problem showing or...? Also, I apologize if I came off as offensive, I truly do, I realize that I am biased but I want to understand you guys better and fix that. Do I seem like an Fe user?
 
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Also, I had an abusive childhood in which my mom told me to go die frequently....My mom was my favorite parent by far though because she didn't treat me like a joke.
She didn't treat you like a joke, yet she told you to go die? Yeah, sounds like she didn't treat you like a joke.

Intuition is described as having ah hah! moments because your brain is gathering information...and the information comes together in a conclusion. The conclusion is all of a sudden presented to you as the "ah hah!" moment seemingly without much effort on your part. If you do this consistently, then you probably are a person that uses intuition. I would suggest looking up the "you know you're an intuitive when...." thread, and seeing if those things fit you.

And, you don't need to be afraid of anybody. You subtly give people permission to actually affect how you feel about yourself. Don't give them that power. XXFJs are just people that are serious and feelers. Nothing to be scared about.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
She didn't treat you like a joke, yet she told you to go die? Yeah, sounds like she didn't treat you like a joke.

Intuition is described as having ah hah! moments because your brain is gathering information...and the information comes together in a conclusion. The conclusion is all of a sudden presented to you as the "ah hah!" moment seemingly without much effort on your part. If you do this consistently, then you probably are a person that uses intuition. I would suggest looking up the "you know you're an intuitive when...." thread, and seeing if those things fit you.

And, you don't need to be afraid of anybody. You subtly give people permission to actually affect how you feel about yourself. Don't give them that power. XXFJs are just people that are serious and feelers. Nothing to be scared about.
She seemed genuinely angry at me though. Sure she didn't really treat me like another human being but she also never made fun of my feelings or laughed at me while I was expressing an opinion. I feel like I'm an intuitive because I read between the lines and think much more about the future than the present moment. I never really live in the moment to be honest unless I'm incredibly bored and have been stressed out for a while. I'm not sure if it's because of my mom. I guess I'm scared you guys will blow up on me or something similar. Sometimes she hugged me, told me she loved me, and was incredibly sweet but then the next moment, she would scratch me and tell me how ugly, evil, etc. I am and how I ruined her life by being born. I know and I really don't like giving people power over my emotions and that feeling of weakness but it's something I automatically feel. I really want to fix that though.
 

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I feel like I'm an intuitive because I read between the lines and think much more about the future than the present moment.
That's a sign of being an intuitive as well.

I guess I'm scared you guys will blow up on me or something similar.
In general we don't tend to do that unless you've been constantly getting on our nerves for awhile. Then we usually give warnings before we "blow up" on you.

I know and I really don't like giving people power over my emotions and that feeling of weakness but it's something I automatically feel. I really want to fix that though.
Yeah. Sometimes if someone is naturally empathic they can have these sorts of problems. The trick with that is to create boundaries with how much of another person's crap that you take in. Giving someone control of your feelings also may be a sign that you don't have much of a sense of self IN yourself, because you think that someone else might be able to pinpoint you better than you can yourself. They might "know more than you", etc...so they are allowed to control your emotions.

As far as you not being in the present moment, I would suggest taking up a meditation technique. It helps you focus on the present, and to quiet the mind.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
That's a sign of being an intuitive as well.


In general we don't tend to do that unless you've been constantly getting on our nerves for awhile. Then we usually give warnings before we "blow up" on you.



Yeah. Sometimes if someone is naturally empathic they can have these sorts of problems. The trick with that is to create boundaries with how much of another person's crap that you take in. Giving someone control of your feelings also may be a sign that you don't have much of a sense of self IN yourself, because you think that someone else might be able to pinpoint you better than you can yourself. They might "know more than you", etc...so they are allowed to control your emotions.

As far as you not being in the present moment, I would suggest taking up a meditation technique. It helps you focus on the present, and to quiet the mind.
How do I avoid getting on your nerves? I probably wouldn't notice them... Yeah, thanks for understanding. Although I know exactly where I stand values and morals-wise, I admit that I don't have a sense of self at all. What people say about me, define me. Oh I'm happy not focusing on the present moment. I find my present circumstances very stress-inducing.
 

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You seem more Fe to me, personally. A lot of talk about feelings and humanity, and the ENTJs I know don't tend to talk about those things unless there's nothing else, they're coming at it from a factual/statistical bent, or they're trying to humor me. With Fi being their last function, those things just don't even register to them most of the time. It's like water and oil--emotional talk isn't something that "sticks" with ENTJs long, whatever their true feelings are. The being derpy about feelings or not being influenced about what others think is a natural byproduct of that, not the beginning of it.

To me, that so much of your energy is being directed to that issue, means it's a very real issue to you, which in turn points to you probably being more of an Fe user than a Te user.

(And as a final note--if you don't want to be ENFJ because they get a bad rap on these forums...smack the typist idjits and embrace yourself anyway!)
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
You seem more Fe to me, personally. A lot of talk about feelings and humanity, and the ENTJs I know don't tend to talk about those things unless there's nothing else, they're coming at it from a factual/statistical bent, or they're trying to humor me. With Fi being their last function, those things just don't even register to them most of the time. It's like water and oil--emotional talk isn't something that "sticks" with ENTJs long, whatever their true feelings are. The being derpy about feelings or not being influenced about what others think is a natural byproduct of that, not the beginning of it.

To me, that so much of your energy is being directed to that issue, means it's a very real issue to you, which in turn points to you probably being more of an Fe user than a Te user.

(And as a final note--if you don't want to be ENFJ because they get a bad rap on these forums...smack the typist idjits and embrace yourself anyway!)
Oh okay, though when I read descriptions of Fe, I get kind of scared/disgusted. I mean, adapting your interactions with the external world according to the moods/feelings of others? I don't do that, I look my nose down on that kind of stuff. Though I'm not sure, would it be possible for me to be an ENTJ with well-developed Fi? My development's a bit off, I think, because of me being raised by abusive parents and being depressed for half of my life. Although I'm pretty lacking in self-confidence which ENTJs seem to have plenty of. I want to understand myself better because I feel like the first step to success is understanding yourself. Oh, I see.
 

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Perhaps you ask the wrong question.

What does Fe matter? .. INFJs are Ni Dominant .. That is what you should be looking at for relation.
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
Perhaps you ask the wrong question.

What does Fe matter? .. INFJs are Ni Dominant .. That is what you should be looking at for relation.
I feel like I'm biased towards xxFJs.
 

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Oh okay, though when I read descriptions of Fe, I get kind of scared/disgusted. I mean, adapting your interactions with the external world according to the moods/feelings of others? I don't do that, I look my nose down on that kind of stuff. Though I'm not sure, would it be possible for me to be an ENTJ with well-developed Fi? My development's a bit off, I think, because of me being raised by abusive parents and being depressed for half of my life. Although I'm pretty lacking in self-confidence which ENTJs seem to have plenty of. I want to understand myself better because I feel like the first step to success is understanding yourself. Oh, I see.
There's a lot stereotyped about Fe that doesn't quite fit with what it really is. I feel Nobleheart's post here really got to the heart of it: http://personalitycafe.com/cognitive-functions/44425-fe-explained.html

For the rest...I...am not sure how I can say this without crossing a line,o apologies if I do. I think it's possible, after being abused by strong F types and struggling with the emotions of depression, you really really don't want to be an F type, even though you are. Kinda divorcing yourself from yourself in an effort to get away from the bad associations it had with your past.

That's a lot for me to assume when I only know you through a few forum posts though, so treat it with a grain of salt if ENTJ still seems more you.
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
There's a lot stereotyped about Fe that doesn't quite fit with what it really is. I feel Nobleheart's post here really got to the heart of it: http://personalitycafe.com/cognitive-functions/44425-fe-explained.html

For the rest...I...am not sure how I can say this without crossing a line. I think it's possible, after being abused by strong F types and struggling with the emotions of depression, you really really don't want to be an F type, even though you are. Kinda divorcing yourself from yourself in an effort to get away from the bad associations it had with your past.

That's a lot for me to assume when I only know you through a few forum posts though, so treat it with a grain of salt if ENTJ still seems more you.
Idk reading the descriptions of Fe make me feel somewhat ill, not even exaggerating. I don't care about harmony at all. I like to make waves and be "controversial." I don't care how others feel when it comes to my values. I probably should but I can't nor do I want to. It's alright, I rarely get offended. Maybe, that seems possible.
 

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Idk reading the descriptions of Fe make me feel somewhat ill, not even exaggerating. I don't care about harmony at all. I like to make waves and be "controversial." I don't care how others feel when it comes to my values. I probably should but I can't nor do I want to. It's alright, I rarely get offended. Maybe, that seems possible.
MBTI is about understanding yourself better, so in the end, you make the call of which type makes most sense.

I think the strong dislike of FJs could be something to look into--not to type yourself necessarily, but to understand more about yourself in general. In psychobabble terms, things you aren't facing have a way of forming a "bubble", like a blister, that keeps on growing until you handle it. And like a blister, they can get infected and unhealthy if they go too long without being drained.
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
MBTI is about understanding yourself better, so in the end, you make the call of which type makes most sense.

I think the strong dislike of FJs could be something to look into--not to type yourself necessarily, but to understand more about yourself in general. In psychobabble terms, things you aren't facing have a way of forming a "bubble", like a blister, that keeps on growing until you handle it. And like a blister, they can get infected and unhealthy if they go too long without being drained.
I feel like I'm either a damaged ENTJ or INTJ. What do you think? I feel like I have a good grasp on Fi but being around others literally energizes me. The thing is I was an extremely quiet child. Like I have an ENFJ good friend and an ESFJ friend but I view them as exceptions to the rule. Thanks, I should look into it... Do you have any idea how I could stop though? It could be irrational.
 

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Well, if it makes you feel any better, I really like INTJs and ENTJs - they never fail to intrigue me or challenge my intellect.

Perhaps, as part of your search to understand yourself better, you should look into Enneagrams? That theory targets at unraveling your deepest fears and desires. As a consequence, they offer good advice for personal development on, should I say, a deeper/psyche level (MBTI can - but it is based on cognitive psychology, which operates on a different plane).

One thing I find interesting about Enneagrams is that, unlike MBTI, they then proceed to sort people of the same type into varying levels of 'healthiness'. That's one thing that annoys me about MBTI - people, based on their own negative experiences with one type, tend to generalise everyone in that type as possessing those characteristics, when they fail to realise that there are healthy and unhealthy versions of each type (part of our own human development/ journey through life I guess).
 

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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
Well, if it makes you feel any better, I really like INTJs and ENTJs - they never fail to intrigue me or challenge my intellect.

Perhaps, as part of your search to understand yourself better, you should look into Enneagrams? That theory targets at unraveling your deepest fears and desires. As a consequence, they offer good advice for personal development on, should I say, a deeper/psyche level (MBTI can - but it is based on cognitive psychology, which operates on a different plane).

One thing I find interesting about Enneagrams is that, unlike MBTI, they then proceed to sort people of the same type into varying levels of 'healthiness'. That's one thing that annoys me about MBTI - people, based on their own negative experiences with one type, tend to generalise everyone in that type as possessing those characteristics, when they fail to realise that there are healthy and unhealthy versions of each type (part of our own human development/ journey through life I guess).
Oh well thanks. I've always known my Enneagram and I've never ever had any doubts about it. I'm a 3w4. Ah, I see. Yeah, that annoys me too.
 
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Discussion Starter · #17 ·
High five! I'm a a 3w4 too! (though sometimes I have doubts over whether I'm a 4w3 instead - they are quite similar)
*high fives back* That's great to hear! How's being a 3w4 like for you?
 

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I feel like I'm either a damaged ENTJ or INTJ. What do you think? I feel like I have a good grasp on Fi but being around others literally energizes me. The thing is I was an extremely quiet child. Like I have an ENFJ good friend and an ESFJ friend but I view them as exceptions to the rule. Thanks, I should look into it... Do you have any idea how I could stop though? It could be irrational.
Mostly, finding a way to "let go" of the most potent emotions attached to what happened. Understanding why it happened, adding some perspective ("in fifty years, will this matter?" and "a lot of other people have gone through this, too"), giving yourself permission to feel your emotions, soothing yourself so you feel safe and competent in your daily life, learning new skills of how to express your needs to others, finding friends who're willing to talk things out with you and support you--all of that can be a part of it. Professional therapists and self-help books have a variety of ways to facilitate these things, if you're looking for more detailed methods.

For the rest--the dominant cognitive function develops from age 0 to age 10, while the auxiliary develops from age 10 to age 27 (give or take 3 years in these ranges). If you better know who you were in those time periods, you could also figure out your dominant and auxiliary. If you were quiet as a child, that might mean your dominant was an introverted function, making you an introvert (though that doesn't make sense why being around others would energize you then, unless one of your extroverted functions is over-compensating now or you had to hide the extrovert part of you a a child because of your environment...hmmm!)
 

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Discussion Starter · #19 ·
Mostly, finding a way to "let go" of the most potent emotions attached to what happened. Understanding why it happened, adding some perspective ("in fifty years, will this matter?" and "a lot of other people have gone through this, too"), giving yourself permission to feel your emotions, soothing yourself so you feel safe and competent in your daily life, learning new skills of how to express your needs to others, finding friends who're willing to talk things out with you and support you--all of that can be a part of it. Professional therapists and self-help books have a variety of ways to facilitate these things, if you're looking for more detailed methods.

For the rest--the dominant cognitive function develops from age 0 to age 10, while the auxiliary develops from age 10 to age 27 (give or take 3 years in these ranges). If you better know who you were in those time periods, you could also figure out your dominant and auxiliary. If you were quiet as a child, that might mean your dominant was an introverted function, making you an introvert (though that doesn't make sense why being around others would energize you then, unless one of your extroverted functions is over-compensating now or you had to hide the extrovert part of you a a child because of your environment...hmmm!)
Thanks a lot! I think that's very helpful although to be honest, I don't think I'd find any of those friends. I dislike most of the people I'm surrounded with. Plus how do I get in touch with those emotions? I just feel angry about my childhood but from the self-help books I've read, maybe I'm just so used to it that I'm numb? Self-help books definitely help. My mom beat me a lot during that period of my life and stopped after I turned 9 and was both stronger and taller than her but idk. I never feel drained ever. I enjoy talking to people even when I dislike them strongly. I prefer arguing over silence actually.
 

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Thanks a lot! I think that's very helpful although to be honest, I don't think I'd find any of those friends. I dislike most of the people I'm surrounded with. Plus how do I get in touch with those emotions? I just feel angry about my childhood but from the self-help books I've read, maybe I'm just so used to it that I'm numb? Self-help books definitely help. My mom beat me a lot during that period of my life and stopped after I turned 9 and was both stronger and taller than her but idk. I never feel drained ever. I enjoy talking to people even when I dislike them strongly. I prefer arguing over silence actually.
A little scattered--it's getting late where I am.

Getting into touch...perhaps through remembering? And just practicing paying more attention to the feelings in the present. Don't push it if you think it might trigger a really bad response in yourself, though--you might have to "train up" to the weightier memories, sorta like how an athlete has to prep for a marathon.

Maybe anger IS all you feel for now, and that's okay! Going through what you have, it's no surprise. More emotions might come up as you work through it, but for now, I wouldn't worry about that, or whether it's abnormal or not. These are your experiences--you will be the one who knows them best, and whether the pattern of your emotions related to them is due to numbness or something else.

Anger is the "fight" instinct out of the fight-flight-freeze-fawn response--the response that comes up whenever a person feels threatened. Which of the four is chosen seems to depend on both nature and nurture...perhaps the fight one seems more natural to you? And by an extension, the arguing instead of silence? I'm not sure how that would tie into MBTI--I don't guess they've done much research into how abuse plays into the development of the functions...

For the friends--all it takes is one, and sometimes you might have to wade through 100 crappy people to find that one. From personal experience, it's well worth it though.

I do recommend trying out the therapist route, too--they're like friends where you might have to try a few before you find the one that clicks.
 
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