[The Exception]

Hello, folks. I am not actually sure whether or not I’m a type 9 in the Enneagram, but I have had some people type me as a 9 and I am interested in learning more about the type. I relate to quite a bit in the enneagram type 9 descriptions, but I don’t relate to it fully. So I thought I would write about how enneagram 9 fits me and how it doesn’t fit me. In addition to type 9, I have seriously considered types 5 and 6. I also have multiple people typing me as a 5 or 6 which adds to the confusion. Occasionally, I’ll get a typing of 1 or 4 but I think these are less likely. I’m probably not a 2, 3, or a 7 and certainly not an 8.

WHAT I RELATE TO WITH TYPE 9:
*I strongly dislike conflict and disharmony. It can make me physically ill and anxious. I try to avoid it if possible, although I realize sometimes confrontation can be a ‘necessary evil’ and I can assert myself if needed- if I’m being treated disrespectfully, for example.

*I strongly dislike anger, I generally think it’s bad and unhealthy and try to avoid expressing it if possible. Sometimes though my anger will pile up too much on the inside and occasionally I will explode. Fortunately this is rare.

*I dislike struggle and inconveniences in my life. I like things to be easy, without fuss.

*I am typically perceived as kind, considerate, pleasant, and accepting of others. I get along well with most people. Even if I dislike someone, I try my best to hide it and still act nice (unless it’s clear I’m being treated disrespectfully). I tend to be trusting of others until they have done something to suggest they are not trustworthy.

*I am generally easygoing about most things, and often wonder why people complain so much over things I consider insignificant. I have a hard time with people who come across as belligerent, as narrow minded, as overly opinionated. I am not so easygoing when I’m interacting with these kinds of people! I am so tempted to want to fix them, to make them more accepting and open-minded, less angry.

*I am often prone to inertia and indecision. I know that I should be making some changes in my life for the better but somehow they don’t get done quickly like they should. I’m wasting too much time on Facebook or other unproductive activities.

*I often put other peoples’ needs above my own. This is sometimes to avoid conflict or sometimes because their needs and wishes seem more important than mine.

*I often feel insignificant and overlooked in groups of people. I’m just quietly sitting there, trying to be pleasant and good and going along with their expectations. I often feel like the world would just go on the same without me.

*I can easily feel resigned in situations where I anticipate there being major obstacles or where I feel my efforts won’t matter or I don’t know how I could affect things.



WHAT I DON’T RELATE TO WITH TYPE 9

*It’s been said that 9’s are self-forgetting. I don’t relate to that. While it’s true that I often put others’ needs above my own, I still am very aware of what I want and what my needs are. I’m just putting them off until a later time when I can freely pursue them without having to worry about anyone’s needs or expectations. In fact it’s very important for me to be my own person, to live my life the way I want to live it.

*Type 9 is typically called the ‘peacemaker’ or the ‘mediator’. I am not sure how well that fits me. It’s true that I dislike conflict and prefer that everyone get along with each other. However I don’t know that I am very good at mediating between 2 different groups that are in conflict with each other and trying to get both sides to see the other side. Sometimes this is because I strongly believe that 1 side is right so it’s hard to be completely objective. Sometimes I am overly insistent that both sides get along with each other- I push too hard for peace and then the opposite happens.

*Type 9’s often have trouble knowing what their true opinion on something is. While this can occasionally be true, most often it is not the case. I can see multiple sides to issues and I can usually understand why they have the opinions they do, however I still tend to have my own preference. Usually I’m accepting of other peoples’ different opinions, but if it’s something I feel strongly about, it can be difficult for me to accept that.

*I don’t feel as optimistic or as positive-outlook oriented as 9’s are said to be. I’m more of a realist, that looks at all possible scenarios of a situation, both the bad and the good. However, I am hopeful that there will be a positive outcome. However, I don’t take things for granted, I don’t assume that things will all work out in the end.

*I’m calm on the outside, but on the inside, there is a strong intensity, a rage of emotions.

*I don’t sweep problems under the rug. To solve problems you have to take some action. I generally believe that problems don’t solve themselves on their own. However, it is true that I often put off taking action even though I am very well aware of the problems that exist. This is for various reasons- to gather more information, to avoid failure or a negative outcome, to avoid disapproval from others.

*I wasn’t as 9-like in my childhood or adolescence, or maybe I was and didn’t realize it. I was very stubborn and blunt for one thing. I often invited conflict without intending to. I would say what I thought, even if it hurt other peoples’ feelings, I didn’t care that much. However, I did care very much if someone hurt mine. I think maybe some of that was related to social awkwardness and possible Aspergers. 9 seemed like something I learned to be. I learned it was best to not make waves, to not rock the boat. That’s how you get people to like you.

 

[The Exception]

Any guesses?

 

[74893H]

I'd say you sound like a 9 to me. In fact holy hell, I can relate to this so much. There isn't anything that really contradicts a 9 mindset here. There are some aspects of type 9 that tend to be badly explained or overly-generalising which have caused me some confusion too as a 9.

*It’s been said that 9’s are self-forgetting. I don’t relate to that. While it’s true that I often put others’ needs above my own, I still am very aware of what I want and what my needs are. I’m just putting them off until a later time when I can freely pursue them without having to worry about anyone’s needs or expectations. In fact it’s very important for me to be my own person, to live my life the way I want to live it.

Yeah, I know what you mean. I think it's only the extremely low-functioning 9's that would actually be self-forgetting. I do see it said a lot that we don't like to assert our wants on people, which I definitely relate to. I think maybe some enneagram researchers saw this and assumed the 9's they were talking to genuinely didn't care about what they wanted. Sp 9's especially like to spend their lives just doing whatever makes them feel comfortable, and they'd need to know what this is in order to do so.

*Type 9 is typically called the ‘peacemaker’ or the ‘mediator’. I am not sure how well that fits me. It’s true that I dislike conflict and prefer that everyone get along with each other. However I don’t know that I am very good at mediating between 2 different groups that are in conflict with each other and trying to get both sides to see the other side. Sometimes this is because I strongly believe that 1 side is right so it’s hard to be completely objective. Sometimes I am overly insistent that both sides get along with each other- I push too hard for peace and then the opposite happens.

This is one of the problems I find with the enneagram, the types tend to be pretty badly named. When it says Peacemaker, it means more that you focus on creating peace as a general concept. This can mean that you just seek peace with yourself and seek an easy, peaceful life, but because a 9 also doesn't like being around conflict because it interrupts their peace, they'll generally try to get away from the conflict, and this could either be by leaving the area where the conflict is taking place, like I normally would, or it could be by trying to resolve the conflict that's arisen, even if you're not particularly good at it. 9's typically do tend to be very good at seeing things from other perspectives though, which definitely helps when trying to resolve conflicts. I've read that So 9's can be pretty focused on resolving conflicts, but especially if you're more introverted I'd definitely say the opposite isn't a contradiction.

*Type 9’s often have trouble knowing what their true opinion on something is. While this can occasionally be true, most often it is not the case. I can see multiple sides to issues and I can usually understand why they have the opinions they do, however I still tend to have my own preference. Usually I’m accepting of other peoples’ different opinions, but if it’s something I feel strongly about, it can be difficult for me to accept that.

Also a generalisation, I think. Especially since we can have a 1 wing and 1 tends to be very opinionated. I relate to what you're saying completely here, I wouldn't call this a contradiction.

*I don’t feel as optimistic or as positive-outlook oriented as 9’s are said to be. I’m more of a realist, that looks at all possible scenarios of a situation, both the bad and the good. However, I am hopeful that there will be a positive outcome. However, I don’t take things for granted, I don’t assume that things will all work out in the end.

I think this is a bit more nuanced than it's explained... I'm extremely pessimistic and negativist as a person, but I tend to assume the best in other people. Doing so makes it a lot easier to get along with them, and therefore avoid conflict and keep the peace with them. I think 9's may be more likely to be optimistic because it's more comfortable, but the descriptions that make it sound like all 9's are optimists are definitely exaggerating.

*I’m calm on the outside, but on the inside, there is a strong intensity, a rage of emotions.

This wouldn't be a contradiction either, the main thing here is that you don't let it show on the surface. I'm pretty much the same. It's not unusual for a 9 to let their emotions take control of them a little more when they're on their own, but around people they're much less likely to because doing so feels forceful or could get you into a conversation you don't feel comfortable having.

*I don’t sweep problems under the rug. To solve problems you have to take some action. I generally believe that problems don’t solve themselves on their own. However, it is true that I often put off taking action even though I am very well aware of the problems that exist. This is for various reasons- to gather more information, to avoid failure or a negative outcome, to avoid disapproval from others.

You might be a healthier 9. Pushing problems away so you don't have to leave your comfort zone to fix them is pretty standard 9 behaviour, but if you're able to be proactive about your problems that just means your 9-ish mindset doesn't hold you back as much as it can with others. Which is great!

*I wasn’t as 9-like in my childhood or adolescence, or maybe I was and didn’t realize it. I was very stubborn and blunt for one thing. I often invited conflict without intending to. I would say what I thought, even if it hurt other peoples’ feelings, I didn’t care that much. However, I did care very much if someone hurt mine. I think maybe some of that was related to social awkwardness and possible Aspergers. 9 seemed like something I learned to be. I learned it was best to not make waves, to not rock the boat. That’s how you get people to like you.

I'm not really that brushed up on with how different types would appear in early life, but I don't think you'd necessarily need to show these tendencies in young life to be a 9. I was pretty hyperactive and blunt as a kid, though I wasn't as a teenager (in most situations) or adolescent. Every type is something you learn to be as a result of your experiences in life, I'm just making assumptions here but I'd wager it wouldn't be unusual for these 'lessons' of sorts to sink in later in life for some.

 

[The Exception]

Yeah, I know what you mean. I think it's only the extremely low-functioning 9's that would actually be self-forgetting. I do see it said a lot that we don't like to assert our wants on people, which I definitely relate to. I think maybe some enneagram researchers saw this and assumed the 9's they were talking to genuinely didn't care about what they wanted. Sp 9's especially like to spend their lives just doing whatever makes them feel comfortable, and they'd need to know what this is in order to do so.

It's true I don't like pushing my wants on other people. I don't like it when others push theirs on me, so by fairness, I don't want to do that to others. I think I relate the most to the SP subtype of 9- it is essential that I spend a good part of my life doing exactly what it is I want to do, without interference from others.

This is one of the problems I find with the enneagram, the types tend to be pretty badly named. When it says Peacemaker, it means more that you focus on creating peace as a general concept. This can mean that you just seek peace with yourself and seek an easy, peaceful life, but because a 9 also doesn't like being around conflict because it interrupts their peace, they'll generally try to get away from the conflict, and this could either be by leaving the area where the conflict is taking place, like I normally would, or it could be by trying to resolve the conflict that's arisen, even if you're not particularly good at it. 9's typically do tend to be very good at seeing things from other perspectives though, which definitely helps when trying to resolve conflicts. I've read that So 9's can be pretty focused on resolving conflicts, but especially if you're more introverted I'd definitely say the opposite isn't a contradiction.

I want my peace of mind, more than just about everything else. I find that I am not so good at mediating conflicts between others. I think to be a good mediator, you have to be willing to get into the conflict, and endure some discomfort and oftentimes, I just want to get the hell out of there. Other times, as I said before, I push too hard for peace, and then the opposite happens. I can usually see things from different perspectives without too much trouble, but if it's something I personally feel strongly about, it is difficult for me to truly 'accept' the other side even though I may understand where they are coming from.

Also a generalisation, I think. Especially since we can have a 1 wing and 1 tends to be very opinionated. I relate to what you're saying completely here, I wouldn't call this a contradiction.

If I am a 9, I definitely have a 1 wing.

I think this is a bit more nuanced than it's explained... I'm extremely pessimistic and negativist as a person, but I tend to assume the best in other people. Doing so makes it a lot easier to get along with them, and therefore avoid conflict and keep the peace with them. I think 9's may be more likely to be optimistic because it's more comfortable, but the descriptions that make it sound like all 9's are optimists are definitely exaggerating.

Yes, I think you are you correct. I try to see the good in other people if I can, I think it's important for getting along with people, even with those I don't like that much.

This wouldn't be a contradiction either, the main thing here is that you don't let it show on the surface. I'm pretty much the same. It's not unusual for a 9 to let their emotions take control of them a little more when they're on their own, but around people they're much less likely to because doing so feels forceful or could get you into a conversation you don't feel comfortable having.

Yes, this is definitely true for me.

You might be a healthier 9. Pushing problems away so you don't have to leave your comfort zone to fix them is pretty standard 9 behaviour, but if you're able to be proactive about your problems that just means your 9-ish mindset doesn't hold you back as much as it can with others. Which is great!

I'll take that as a compliment. I've certainly been trying hard to work on myself. I still feel resigned and hopeless about some things though. But I'm working hard to change that attitude. I'm also becoming more assertive- in a good way!

 

[Rong Wong]

@The Exception

Based on what you've written, I'd say enneagram 9.

I don't think that nines are necessarily positive in their outlook, it's just the mask they wear when they deal with others. It makes for more authentic interactions between individuals. It's a practical approach more than a philosophical one.

I think the defining characteristic of a type nine is that they're civil. They understand and respect the differences between people. They tend to be open-minded, considerate and easy-going. What more could anyone want?

I’m calm on the outside, but on the inside, there is a strong intensity, a rage of emotions.

I'm often like this too. I don't see the point in trying to win over the unenlightened, so I just tolerate their madness or find some creative way to quiet them down (or distance myself from them as a last resort).

"I learned long ago, never to wrestle with a pig. You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it" - George Bernard Shaw

As @Pizzasafari suggests, the enneagram type names mislead and promote stereotypes. The Peacemaker makes us sound like marriage counsellors and the Mediator sounds like some sort of indigenous rights lawyer.

I don't fit all of the nine criteria, but nine seems like the best fit for me. I like the type, but as it is with all types, we have our challenges to overcome.

 

[The Exception]

@The Exception

Based on what you've written, I'd say enneagram 9.

I don't think that nines are necessarily positive in their outlook, it's just the mask they wear when they deal with others. It makes for more authentic interactions between individuals. It's a practical approach more than a philosophical one.

I type as a 6 now after doing some more thinking about the enneagram and getting typed as a 6 in a formal interview. I definitely have a strong 9 influence though, having a connection to 9 as the integration point and having it in my tritype.

Sometimes I can put on 'postive outlook' mask when dealing with other people. It makes interactions with others smoother and I suppose it is more practical for me than philosophical.

I think the defining characteristic of a type nine is that they're civil. They understand and respect the differences between people. They tend to be open-minded, considerate and easy-going. What more could anyone want?

If you're a healthy 9 this is all true. However, if you are less than healthy than it isn't so pleasant, you end up doing a lot of self-forgetting and denying of your own true needs to keep the peace, you numb yourself out to avoid experiencing anything too painful, you mindlessly follow certain routines and habits because they are comforting to you but may impede your personal self-growth.