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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hey !
I'm an Enfp girl who is really interested in this infp guy who is about 20.
I wrote this thread previously, so read for more context :How do Infps act when they have a crush?

So this guy is single, never had a girlfriend or any experience in the dating situation.
We went out on Monday, it was more of a hang out/ pre date thing, (and it was also my initiation) and neither of us brought up the topic of us dating, but I could sense an attraction between us. I just really enjoyed our conversation, and usually he is super quiet around people and in groups, but he pretty much told me everything about him and his family and what his dreams and passions are. He told me soo much about himself, and I kind of volunteered info about myself but I didn't find him asking me that many questions. I just feel like I'm more into him than he is into me.

However, he did say halfway through the date that we should move out of the sun otherwise I would get sunburnt, and he said a few times that he really hoped I didn't get sunburnt. And coz I told him that one time I lost my car in the car park at uni he made us walk to make sure I knew where my car was. Those were the times I felt he was interested in me, but he didn't complement me or anything or tried to touch me. I just don't know if this guy is interested, and since our hang out thing was my idea in the first place, I just feel like maybe he isn't into me at all. I hugged him at the end, and he hugged me quickly back but let go kind of quickly haha.

Last night I messaged him saying that we should hang out again next week. To which he responded, yeah I'm not busy.
So then I said it was really cool getting to know him, but he didn't reply even tho he was online. So today I sent him a message with this funny meme I saw on Facebook that made me think of him, to which he replied hahaha exactly! But didn't mention anything else :(

Guys please help. I really don't know what to do or say, and I just don't know if this guy is actually interested in me romantically. I was thinking that next time we hung out I would let him know I was into him but if he wasn't into me that would be fine and we could stay friends, but I think that might scare him off and I really don't want to do that! Haha :) thanks so much for reading, and I'm just really excited because this guy will be my first boyfriend it it all works out haha
 

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if he told you all about himself that doesn't necessarily mean he is interested...... at least not in an romantic way.......

by "sensing an attraction" what exactly do you mean? could you sense that he liked you?

about the complementing...... i personally would complement a girl if i like her and I'm not afraid to show it...... but that's with premeditated thinking......

INFP's naturally wouldn't usually complement girls even if we like them because we are too scared of awkwardness/ other things.

accepting your invitation to hangout doesn't necessarily mean he likes you either.........

my question is does he show any kind of "obvious signs" that he might be interested in you? or any other significant signs?

EDIT:

However, he did say halfway through the date that we should move out of the sun otherwise I would get sunburnt, and he said a few times that he really hoped I didn't get sunburnt.
that is the only quote that shows he is possibly likes you. we INFP show concern and caring when we like someone.
 

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wow so many threads on this lately .... so where is my potential flirt?? :shocked:

Aaanyway. I think the most important thing you sort of mentioned is that he does not really ask you that many questions. You want him to ask you many questions, because him talking about himself or openly sharing about his life is just typical behaviour and nothing too special for an INFP.
I guess right now you should wait it out for a bit and just hang around and be friendly. If you haven't told much about yourself yet then that is good, because then you can test out how interested he is. If he is he will want to know just about everything about you, but maybe keeping a little mystery around yourself is better than spilling it all out like he does.

Honestly right now it doesn't sound too great, especially with messaging I would expect him to talk more than in real life, but he can be the odd one out of course. Don't worry about touching or that kind of stuff, that is just uncomfortable for him if you just got to know him. Maybe you can try that out yourself, he wouldn't do that.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
by "sensing an attraction" what exactly do you mean? could you sense that he liked you?
my question is does he show any kind of "obvious signs" that he might be interested in you? or any other significant signs?

.
Well When we first left our study group thing to hang out, he was smiling kind of awkwardly and was like, so what do you want to do?" with this happy little grin on his face.
And like throughout our hang out, I noticed him kind of grinning every now and then. And he brought up a lot of our previous conversations from Facebook, such as he remembered I work at a cafe, I've never been to a concert before, etc etc.

He also talked a lot about girls and guys who have asked him to hang out and he has rejected. He told me at least four different stories of this happening, do you think he was trying to let me know, in his way, that our hang out was special? He even said again that he has, "never hung out just with one girl before,"

And maybe him opening up like that was him feeling really comfortable around me? I don't know.
He did ask me questions, but I just felt like I listened a lot more than I normally talk! Haha

And as for caring, I felt like he genuinely did care about me not getting sunburnt and making sure I found where I had parked my car. But yeah thanks for the constructive thoughts haha
 

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Well When we first left our study group thing to hang out, he was smiling kind of awkwardly and was like, so what do you want to do?" with this happy little grin on his face.
And like throughout our hang out, I noticed him kind of grinning every now and then. And he brought up a lot of our previous conversations from Facebook, such as he remembered I work at a cafe, I've never been to a concert before, etc etc.

He also talked a lot about girls and guys who have asked him to hang out and he has rejected. He told me at least four different stories of this happening, do you think he was trying to let me know, in his way, that our hang out was special? He even said again that he has, "never hung out just with one girl before,"

And maybe him opening up like that was him feeling really comfortable around me? I don't know.
He did ask me questions, but I just felt like I listened a lot more than I normally talk! Haha

And as for caring, I felt like he genuinely did care about me not getting sunburnt and making sure I found where I had parked my car. But yeah thanks for the constructive thoughts haha
when he is bringing up previous conversations that means he is trying to come up with things to talk about he. ( maybe he cannot think of anything, but this does show that he enjoys talking/being with you because we INFP's either make an effort or don't do anything at all. ) ( effort meaning interested and nothing means not interested i don't mean romantically though...... just like socialize. although it could be romantic.... just depends)


when he told you that he never hung out with another girl/ other people could mean a two things.


1. he isn't comfortable with those previous people and find you very comforting

2. he is trying to say that you are something special.........

what kind for questions did he ask you?
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
when he is bringing up previous conversations that means he is trying to come up with things to talk about he. ( maybe he cannot think of anything, but this does show that he enjoys talking/being with you because we INFP's either make an effort or don't do anything at all. )


when he told you that he never hung out with another girl/ other people could mean a two things.

what kind for questions did he ask you?

1. he isn't comfortable with those previous people and find you very comforting

2. he is trying to say that you are something special......... :)
He just asked me like what my family is like, and asked me why I've never been to a concert before, and he also asked me if I go for any sports teams (he is obsessed with sport) and asked if I knew much about it. And when I said no, he was like never mind then, but I was like, no tell me haha I want to know! So he spent ages explaining to me how sport really gets to him on an emotional level and how he sometimes cries when the underdog wins, etc etc. he's really passionate lol
 

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He just asked me like what my family is like, and asked me why I've never been to a concert before, and he also asked me if I go for any sports teams (he is obsessed with sport) and asked if I knew much about it. And when I said no, he was like never mind then, but I was like, no tell me haha I want to know! So he spent ages explaining to me how sport really gets to him on an emotional level and how he sometimes cries when the underdog wins, etc etc. he's really passionate lol
hmmmm well these are just the typical questions....... and it isn't really flirting either....... to me it seems like he is opening up to you he prob finds you very comforting..... i don't know if he likes you romantically though......( not based on these information)

how about?

when you are talking to him does he show any signs of nervousness? and does he look into your eyes a lot? does he stare at you when you dont make eye contact?.

do you find him curiously observing you? in anyway? when you are talking? like staring at your face or something? any emotions?
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
hmmmm well these are just the typical questions....... and it isn't really flirting either....... to me it seems like he is opening up to you he prob finds you very comforting..... i don't know if he likes you romantically though......( not based on these information)

how about?

when you are talking to him does he show any signs of nervousness? and does he look into your eyes a lot? does he stare at you when you dont make eye contact?.

do you find him curiously observing you? in anyway? when you are talking? like staring at your face or something? any emotions
He basically stared at my face the entire time we were talking hahaha but I just figure that's normal when your hanging out with someone. You don't really ignore them and look around everywhere else ;)
I felt at one stage (probably just my own awkwardness though) that things got too intense, like the conversation quieted down a bit and we were both kind of just staring into each other's eyes and then I realized and quickly looked away lol
And he had his arms folded a lot and kind of kept touching his neck? Haha
 

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He basically stared at my face the entire time we were talking hahaha but I just figure that's normal when your hanging out with someone. You don't really ignore them and look around everywhere else ;)
I felt at one stage (probably just my own awkwardness though) that things got too intense, like the conversation quieted down a bit and we were both kind of just staring into each other's eyes and then I realized and quickly looked away lol
And he had his arms folded a lot and kind of kept touching his neck? Haha
hmmm ok, well it comes down to the most obvious signs when a person like you/thinks you are cute. i think most INFPs show this trait the most.

when you first met him does he look at you quickly and then look away?( before you approached him) or any signs of blushing?

that's really what it comes down to. the one and the easiest way to know if someone likes you/thinks you are cute.

EDIT: was this an online date? where did you meet him lol?
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
hmmm ok, well it comes down to the most obvious signs when a person like you/thinks you are cute. i think most INFPs show this trait the most.

when you first met him does he look at you quickly and then look away?( before you approached him) or any signs of blushing?

that's really what it comes down to. the one and the easiest way to know if someone likes you/thinks you are cute.

EDIT: was this an online date? where did you meet him lol?
True! When I first met him he kind of looked at me like I was interesting, but would look away. I didn't notice any awkward eye contact though. He would always laugh at whatever I said though lol.
I met him at a. Study group at uni and added him on Facebook :)
 

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I have no idea what's really on his mind, and I'm not a guy but here are a few different thoughts

- I think INFPs tend to not ask questions because they don't want to push people into sharing if they're not comfortable. By sharing about ourselves though it's an invitation for you to do the same but without the pressure of a direct question. So I wouldn't necessarily worry about him not asking you questions. I would worry if you shared about yourself but he never 'lit up' and willingly 'related' back to you.

- not responding with a flood of words every time could just be shyness, introverted-reserve, or even fighting an urge to open up in a way that could be 'too much, too fast' I know I worry about that, worry that I might come off as too open and eager when I really like someone but I don't know how much to hold back so I just become awkward.

- I find with other __FPs I often just sense this 'spark' of understanding and acceptance and this feeling of being drawn to each-other, not necessarily romantically but like it's immediately obvious that there's potential to be really good friends - so that could be the connection/interest you were feeling, or it could actually be romantic.

- I know I can get weirded out when someone is really pursuing and initiating a lot with me, it's kind of hard to believe someone would really find me that interesting, and until I feel like I've sorted out their intentions I can be a little wary. As far as someone being 'interested' in me personally I'm a lot more comfortable just getting to know them as friends for a while because I feel like how could they possibly really know they liked me that much in that way without actually Knowing me yet. It's okay knowing that possibility is open for being explored eventually but I guess saying so right up front can just weird me out, I like it to come on more gradually. But not all INFPs are like me.

- he may even feel a little awkward with you being the initiator, it's possible he'd prefer a chance to take that role, but you keep beating him to it because you're more comfortable making social connections. who knows...

- with affection, he may just not be comfortable with it, maybe his family isn't affectionate, maybe he needs to know someone a lot longer before he's comfortable with that. But then, personally I love affection but can sometimes come off as though I don't like it because I'm worried about crossing people's boundaries, like... if I let myself start touching them I'm likely to be tooo cuddly for most people, so I have to hold back and because I'm trying so hard not to bear-hug someone I can seem stiff instead. I think with guys there is especially the worry of coming off as 'too forward' and not wanting to make a girl feel uncomfortable or pressured to be more physical than she's comfortable with (at least if they are respectful guys). He may not want to assume you want more and is hanging back from touch because he doesn't want you to feel like that's all he wants or something. He might not be sure if you meant the hug just as a friend or if you were trying to signal you wanted to be more than friends, so the uncertainty of the motivation could be distracting and cause a less than enthusiastic response as he's busy trying to figure out what the expectations actually are.
 

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True! When I first met him he kind of looked at me like I was interesting, but would look away. I didn't notice any awkward eye contact though. He would always laugh at whatever I said though lol.
I met him at a. Study group at uni and added him on Facebook :)
that probably means he likes you/thinks you are cute. lol

the one to ask out/make the first move in this relationship should be you though. INFP's are usually too scared to ask a girl out.

good luck.
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
@Aelthwyn thank you so much, this is the most helpful post ever, and a lot of it seems to relate to him! Especially the part about how I felt like we just understood each other. And definitely where you said he kept talking about his own stuff, but like whenever I said something, I noticed he always related to it, or told me a story from his experiences that related to something that I said. I found that really interesting. And he asked me a question once but then quickly was like, oh actually you don't have to answer that . I can't remember what it was about now though sadly!
I'd like to ask you for advice on what to do / where to go now with him. Should I step back? Or will that give him the impression that I don't like him anymore.
He agreed to go out again next Monday so that's a good sign!
 

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Yes you are scaring him tread carefully infp are gentile elegant fairy-like creatures that dance every so merrily in the midsummer moonlight you must gain their trust before you go in for the kill. Some Although not all INFP's can be tricky and elusive in order to complete your task you must approach him with great care, be extremely supportive of his interests, and create the illusion that he can say anything around you without worry of being judged. This can take anywhere from a week to a couple months but, Once you've accomplished this task you're on your way to becoming a truly great INFP hunter. Next after bringing the INFP out of it's shell and exposing its weak yet squishy underbelly you must lure him in to secure the kill. This is the most complex part many even the most experienced hunters have failed miserably when it comes to this last step. It is the most elusive and brainwracking task that might just qualify INFP hunting as a professional sport. The last and most crucial step to ensuring you're kill is to Be Yourself. INFP's can pick up on even the slightest vibes of insincerity and will flee back into their impenetrable shell if you spook them. So just remember be sincere, supportive, and stay sexy my friends :0
P.S be nice to INFP's they're people just like you and me c:
 

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@Aelthwyn thank you so much, this is the most helpful post ever, and a lot of it seems to relate to him! Especially the part about how I felt like we just understood each other. And definitely where you said he kept talking about his own stuff, but like whenever I said something, I noticed he always related to it, or told me a story from his experiences that related to something that I said. I found that really interesting. And he asked me a question once but then quickly was like, oh actually you don't have to answer that . I can't remember what it was about now though sadly!
I'd like to ask you for advice on what to do / where to go now with him. Should I step back? Or will that give him the impression that I don't like him anymore.
He agreed to go out again next Monday so that's a good sign!
glad to help :) I would say don't pull back because that is likely to make him feel like you're loosing interest and possibly slow down his warming up to you process, you might want to tone it down slightly, but not drastically, a sudden change might make him worry that he's done something to make you hurt or mad. I know I can take a while before I feel comfortable initiating because I never want to presume someone else actually wants me around, it usually takes a lot of spending time with them where I feel at ease (except in cases where I get the feeling that they might be just as shy about contacting me, then I would take the risk and initiate first, but would try to be non pressuring about it and make tentative plans or just an open invitation so they don't feel pressured).

A big thing is spending time together in a place where he feels comfortable and at home. I know feeling at ease and safe in my environment can practically transform me, I'll be a lot less awkward and more expressive or open, less nervous etc. when I'm on my own turf and where I don't feel like I need to be worried about strangers or aquaintances watching. That's not to say all INFPs will open up as much, but I think we feel like we can make a more genuine connection with someone when the environment isn't keeping us on edge.

I guess the key is just to communicate that you genuinely enjoy his company but with 'no pressure' in your vibes/attitude, letting him know you're available if he wants to talk or hang out and still inviting him to spend time together, but if he declines or doesn't get really into the conversation don't keep pressing at that moment, maybe it's just not a good time or he needs to recharge a bit - it doesn't necessarily mean he's not interested. INFPs don't like feeling guilty about disappointing people, but also don't like being pushed to interact when they need space. It's always a matter of reading someone as an individual, so it's hard to give outside advice.
 

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He's down.

I don't like letting a girl kno I'm into them until later...

Eye contact is easiest way to tell, does he look at you more than others in your study group or his friends circle?
I usually use my peripherals to look at ppl and give eye contact for short glances out of politeness. If he likes looking at you then he likes u, test it out in public.

During dates or hangin out walk to the bathroom or wherever and look back see if he was looking at u. If he tries to hide it then it's too late, he wants you

Persistence and sincerity is pretty much all u need to get at an infp (personally)
 

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Discussion Starter · #19 ·
Thank you so much. Just the way you talk is so similar to him, so I'm beginning to think that he even thinks the same way (possibly/hopefully!) ;)


A big thing is spending time together in a place where he feels comfortable and at home. I know feeling at ease and safe in my environment can practically transform me, I'll be a lot less awkward and more expressive or open, less nervous etc. when I'm on my own turf and where I don't feel like I need to be worried about strangers or aquaintances watching. That's not to say all INFPs will open up as much, but I think we feel like we can make a more genuine connection with someone when the environment isn't keeping us on edge.
Yeah, so for him, since he lives at the uni campus, he probably feels super comfortable there since he's lived there for a year already. He seems pretty comfortable when we've hung out and just talks. I didnt realise infps were so open like that, because the ones that i've known have always seemed so private! It's really interesting :)

And the thing about infps not wanting to disappoint people, that's what i'm afraid of. He told me that he doesnt like disappoint people (in context of something else), and I'm worried that he just isn't interested but doesnt want to disappoint!
LOL

Thanks heaps again :) I might pm you if that's okay ?
 

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Discussion Starter · #20 ·
Eye contact is easiest way to tell, does he look at you more than others in your study group or his friends circle?
I usually use my peripherals to look at ppl and give eye contact for short glances out of politeness. If he likes looking at you then he likes u, test it out in public.
I noticed he was really quick at looking, i felt him looking at me a few times, but whenever I looked back he was looking down again! haha
and yes, he did look out of the corners of his eyes, now that i think about it. Weird!!! :)


And as for him looking at me like when I'm walking, I noticed he was consciously staring at my face instead. Like, he didn't look at anything else, which is really interesting; probably one of the only guys I know that wouldn't. :p Or perhaps I just didn't notice. We mostly walked side by side. :)

Thanks for the helpful comments
 
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