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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
I've had what I consider to be a weird interaction with an enfj and I'm looking for some insight or advice. I am an infp and from what I have been reading enfjs and infps are at best natural partners and soulmates and if nothing else generally get on very well and make for a great friendship.

I met this enfj socially and I felt a pull to him immediately, but couldn't figure out why and brushed it off as nothing. Eventually, we ended up having a one-on-one conversation and I can't describe the overwhelming spark that I felt in a pretty banal conversation. I had never and still to this day have never felt that with anyone in my life and I was overwhelmed and shocked by it. It was so strong that I actually had to look away and break the conversation because I felt that he could feel my energy or read how I felt (as ridiculous as that sounds), it was that powerful, for me anyway.

Although I never went out of my way to talk to him or interact with him because he was in a relationship and I knew my feelings, we were part of an activity for several weeks it meant that we did have to come in contact. Even when we were not speaking to each other, but I ended up standing next to him or he sat next to me I felt this magnetic pull to him like I never experienced before in life.

Anyway, I soon noticed that his interactions with me did not mirror his interactions with other people. When talking to everyone else he was his typical friendly, outgoing, charming enfj self and he would make it a point to be incredibly friendly with everyone and ask them questions about themselves and really get to know people, but when it came to me he was silent and awkward and never wanted to really engage in conversation with me.

Even in a group setting if I would try to talk to him he seemed to be putting up some sort of barrier and when he would talk to me he wasn't as friendly or outgoing as he was with other people. Sometimes he even seemed cold or detached. The few times we would exchange messages I would be my normal infp funny self and he would barely respond and not really give anything. However, he would text up a storm with everyone else and became friends with them.

I guess my question is why? If infps and enfjs are supposed to be either this great love match or great friendship why was he at every imaginable turn blocking any kind of interaction we had or could have had? No, I was not expecting for us to fall in love and run away together as he had a girlfriend, but it is odd that we couldn't even be friends.

When we would message and I would ask him questions about himself he would not give any insight about his life. At times he felt like he wanted to keep me at arm's length or did not like me at all. Is there something that I as an infp might have done to upset him that I didn't realize or is this just one of those situations where this particular enfj did not care for this particular infp?

I remember this one time we were sitting next to each other and he got up to go do something and when he was finished instead of returning to his seat next to me he went and sat all the way on the other side of the room. It was things like that he would do that would leave me so confused.

In group situations where I would watch him work the room and talk to everyone and get to know everyone it felt like he intentionally did not in any way want to engage me at all. Is that something enfjs do when someone has upset them? Do they go out of their way to exclude them? I guess I'm just trying to figure out what happened.
 

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Just incase you drop by and see your post without any replies, I'll be responding to you in full tomorrow!
 

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Okay I'm finally getting around to this! I'm going to be honest here, you're asking a lot of questions that I can't really answer because I don't know either of you — but I'll try to do my best.

I've had what I consider to be a weird interaction with an enfj and I'm looking for some insight or advice. I am an infp and from what I have been reading enfjs and infps are at best natural partners and soulmates and if nothing else generally get on very well and make for a great friendship.
They do, most of my friends are INFPs and I get along with them incredibly well, but you need to keep in mind that this is not some type of concrete rule — there have been plenty of INFPs I haven't liked or gotten along with well at all.

When we would message and I would ask him questions about himself he would not give any insight about his life. At times he felt like he wanted to keep me at arm's length or did not like me at all. Is there something that I as an infp might have done to upset him that I didn't realize or is this just one of those situations where this particular enfj did not care for this particular infp?
I cannot answer if you did something to upset him, but speaking for myself when someone's done something to upset me I'm very direct and tell them — I don't ignore them, that's the worst feeling in the world to me. I really think it just might be a case where he's just not interested for some reason, it might not be something you've even done but I couldn't tell you.

In group situations where I would watch him work the room and talk to everyone and get to know everyone it felt like he intentionally did not in any way want to engage me at all. Is that something enfjs do when someone has upset them? Do they go out of their way to exclude them? I guess I'm just trying to figure out what happened.
I don't do that no, I never have even I've always made sure people I didn't like felt included in group activities, ever since I was a child. Do you for sure know that he's an ENFJ? It can be hard to tell someone's type being a third party. My suggestion, is if it bothers you this much, and you're for sure he's an ENFJ, you can be direct and ask him. I know, that's got to be the most scary option there is but, until you do you won't know. I appreciate directness, as I employ it a ton myself. If I were you I would just say can I ask you a question? I'm wondering if I did something to upset you because I liked talking to you and was hoping we could become friends.

God speed with whatever you do, feel free to update me or if you have any more questions I'll be here!
 

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It's pretty simple.. it could be one of these 3 scenarios:

1. He knows you kind of like him (good at reading people) and to avoid hurting you, he is avoiding you, hoping you stop liking him.

2. You make him feel some type of way and he is avoiding you cause he wants to be faithful in the relationship. (This is the least likely reason).

3. This is the most likely reason: The exchanges you had with him seemed to stand out in your mind but did not really mean anything significant to him. This is a common thing to happen with us ENFJ and its because we have a way of making people feel that chemistry when we engage them in conversation. We're attentive and personable and this can hurt peoples feelings when they realize we are like that with nearly everyone (unless we don't like you).


I dont think you're imagining that he is avoiding you, but..you could be.
 

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Discussion Starter #5
Thank you both for your responses. I appreciate you both shedding some light on enfjs and I have to say I find enfjs incredibly delightful and I hope I get the chance to meet more of you wonderful human beings.

HGy, I think you may have misunderstood what I wrote. It wasn't that his exchanges with me stood out in my mind, it's that he seem to be avoiding having any exchanges with me and that anytime we did interact they did not mirror his interactions with others.

For example, we were apart of a group activity and he gave some people high fives enthusiastically, but when it came time to give me a high-five he slapped my hand and got a weird expression on his face, stopped smiling and quickly retreated. It was like touching my hand hurt him or upset him in some way. I couldn't figure out why that had happened because we've never exchanged a bad word or had any sort of weird interaction.

There was another time when he was giving everybody fun little nicknames that when it came time to enter my name he just used my plain old name and I had to go up to him and ask him why don't I get a funny nickname before he gave me one. It was just things like that where I was trying to understand why his behaviour towards me was different. Maybe you're right and he could have read that I had a little crush on him and felt that if he engaged in anyway that I would want to be with him? I have no idea but I think I was just concerned that I might have done something.

Anyway, thank you both for your responses and I guess I'll never know what was going on in his mind. I wish I did though...I truly do.
 

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I would like to add that, with some ENFJ's, we can become unusually shy with someone we are attracted to. The fact that he treats you DIFFERENTLY means he may like you. From your post, it doesn't seem like you did anything to him. I don't know how much you've read about us, but we can become rambling messes in front of a crush, or become cold to them to keep our feelings from bursting out. Just keep in mind he may be attracted to you, and continue from there!!
 

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hullo! Possible ISFP here, and definitely not an ENFJ, but would like to pitch in because I had an uncannily similar experience and thought I might provide a certain angle...

This happened some years ago, but I remember how awful it felt being shunned... Being HSP, it's always been easy for me to interpret little signs of rejection from people, especially from those I like or feel attached to. Recently, I looked into the anxious attachment style to explain some of this hypersentivity to people rejecting/not liking me, and it's helped me a lot when I interpret other people's behavior. Instead of ruminating on what I've done wrong or what's going on with the other person when they appear to be ignoring or ostracizing me, I just try to accept this as my mind's tendency to tell the same story over and over again about rejection - and I find that people respond more positively to this mentality.
It seems people respond to you at that mental level. If you think someone doesn't like you/is ignoring you or if you're feeling mixed about them, they might sense it and act similarly weird around you. There may be an underlying resentment or feelings of hurt from being consumed by the beliefs that they're ignoring you, and somehow those negative sentiments can be communicated to them at a subconscious level. They might think you don't like them, they react to that, and then you react to them reacting to you, and it becomes this positive feedforward loop perpetuating the dynamic.

(But this is just my experience and may not apply specifically to your situation.)
 

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Discussion Starter #8 (Edited)
Thank you everyone for your input and insights. I guess I'll never know what his deal was and ultimately it doesn't matter as I'll never see him again, but I must admit I can't get him out of my head. ENFJs, believe me when I say you have no idea what you do to us INFPs and how deep our feelings for you go. I looked into his eyes and felt something so deep that I have never felt before. Just from looking into his eyes and banal conversation has me swimming in some nameless pool of emotions. I wish I could identify what these emotions are because I have never, ever felt this way. And how could/can I feel something so strong for someone I never dated and barely knew! I've dated men that have not even come close to capturing me like this. Wow. You guys are incredible. Absolutely amazing. deep longing sigh

It is kind of funny that all of this naturally meant nothing to him, and he’s probably forgotten my name already, but here I am wondering what a future with him would have been like! Ha! I’m such an INFP.
 
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