Personality Cafe banner

1 - 20 of 25 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
10 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I read this article (because I searched "relationships are a distraction" lol) and this quote really stood out to me, because I thought I was the only person who thought this:

“Many people fall into long-term relationships with no clear idea as to why they’re together.”

Here's the article.
www,outlish,com/are-relationships-a-distraction-from-achieving-your-dreams/

(delete the commas and type periods in the link)

Read it, and tell me your thoughts.

Like, this has really been botherin' the fuck outta me; mainly due to the pressure of my family, peers, and expectations of society. I feel like majority of people are in relationships, purely for the sake of being in a relationship (because we've been told that relationships give life meaning for all of human existence). I didn't really question it until my early 20's. It's extremely psychotic when you really sit and think about it. I'm not even scared of relationships. I just don't see the fucking point of ruining your life/not reaching your full potential/hindering your personal and career development just to do what everyone else is doing; especially when you've seen it doesn't work majority of the time.

LOL I can't be the only INTP who thinks this.

....but seriously, read the article before you respond. :starbucks:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
573 Posts
I think especially for a woman, being in a relationship is a status symbol.

I personal know why I'm with the people I'm with, but I've noticed if you tell your family or friends you're dating someone they just go "oh she must be doing allright in life then."

But I mean, not everyone needs a "reason", you could just be in love or enjoy the company or double income. You speak as those a relationship will "ruin your life/hinder potential" but I don't really see it would, you don't have to devote all your time to your SO or let go of any of your ambitions. I mean, if you are, I think you're setting yourself up for disappointment. A SO can just be a really good sex friend who helps you achieve your goals and vice versa.

And sorry, didn't read article. I'm lazy.
I'm also not an intp. Sorry.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
4,619 Posts
It depends on what you want. If you feel lonely and wished you had someone to share life with, then add that to your priorities. Even though I didn't know about being an INTP, I have fought social norms all my life. My best friends where getting married and some having children. I would hear from them telling how I should be settling down and doing the same. But then I also got to hear about how some of their marriages weren't working out and how disappointed they were. Some got divorces. I was busy with my career, traveling whenever I could. I've traveled much of the world by myself. There were times I wished I had someone to share it with, but I couldn't find someone who suited me.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
234 Posts
I feel like majority of people are in relationships, purely for the sake of being in a relationship (because we've been told that relationships give life meaning for all of human existence).
I have the same opinion. Frequently this applies to those who wish for an absurd amount of friends as well. We're at a point in time where relationships are not needed, so what would be the excuse of others? "Without love, you will never be happy!" Far from true. I'm a young grey-romantic (as for my sexuality, I am an asexual), so my opinion on these matters might differ from the typical INTP.

I've never been pressured by my family (however, previous acquaintances have thought it to be odd that I have my priorities set) to be in a romantic relationship, but I have been pressured to socialize. In many ways, the two are strongly connected. I have had few friends and I am more than fine with that.

"It’s a commitment to the team, and staying true to yourself and your dreams, while rooting for your significant other. When you’ve found the right riding partner, a relationship can actually add that extra boost for you to succeed."

I don't exactly agree with this statement. I think one should wait to pursue a serious relationship until they are on a steady path, or have succeeded already. This especially applies to having children, and/or getting married. So, yes, I do think relationships are a distraction, especially for those under the age of twenty-five.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
2,383 Posts
It depends on what you want. If you feel lonely and wished you had someone to share life with, then add that to your priorities. Even though I didn't know about being an INTP, I have fought social norms all my life. My best friends where getting married and some having children. I would hear from them telling how I should be settling down and doing the same. But then I also got to hear about how some of their marriages weren't working out and how disappointed they were. Some got divorces. I was busy with my career, traveling whenever I could. I've traveled much of the world by myself. There were times I wished I had someone to share it with, but I couldn't find someone who suited me.
Awwww. I'm sure you will find someone someday, or if not at least you have yourself.
 

·
Not a Robot
Joined
·
2,152 Posts
Relationships may, in fact, be a distraction... but let's face it, most people don't have a whole lot going on in their lives anyway and their dreams are usually pretty dumb.
Hey, wait a minute. My dreams are awesome. There are spinning tops of doom activated by Sir Patrick Stewart and sharks that are harmless if you hold them like a baby and funeral homes set up like a series of pneumatic tubes. Nothing dumb there.

Sorry @INTP4Lyfe, I'm too lazy to re-type the link, but I don't think relationships are a hindrance. I think the problem comes in when people expect the relationship itself to make them whole instead of already being a whole, happy individual who then gets into a relationship.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
5,168 Posts
Hey, wait a minute. My dreams are awesome. There are spinning tops of doom activated by Sir Patrick Stewart and sharks that are harmless if you hold them like a baby and funeral homes set up like a series of pneumatic tubes. Nothing dumb there.
I said most, keeping you in mind as an obvious exception.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
288 Posts
Here's the article.
www,outlish,com/are-relationships-a-distraction-from-achieving-your-dreams/

(delete the commas and type periods in the link)
I'm only suggesting this because I know how lazy most people on the web are: You can click the “insert link” button when making a post, thread, etc. and type it into the pop up menu provided. You'll get a lot more people to read the article that way, despite how vapid it actually was X_X

This forum only allows a person to edit his/her posts 24 hours after submission too, so if you want to change it you'll have less than a day. It's not personally a great ordeal for me to copy, paste, and tweak the URL, it's just my suggestion because of the aforementioned laziness of other members on here. I'd repost it in here as a link myself, but a lot of members will only read the original post.

Read it, and tell me your thoughts.
My thoughts were, “Dear god, how many of my brain cells had to bravely sacrifice their lives to allow me to read this article without throwing a brick at my screen?” But in all seriousness, it supports the crux of your argument. However, it ultimately didn't tell me anything that I hadn't already learned from observing people in the world on my own. I forced myself to read it because I would have expected the same from anyone else had I been in your position.

Like, this has really been botherin' the fuck outta me; mainly due to the pressure of my family, peers, and expectations of society.
Expectations are subjective and not compatible with everyone: They are inherently destined to be shattered. If the people in your life can't wrap their minds around that simple and easily observable concept, then it is doubtful that anything you could tell them would be able to dispel their delusions.

I feel like majority of people are in relationships, purely for the sake of being in a relationship (because we've been told that relationships give life meaning for all of human existence).
I don't think I've been directly or explicitly told that relationships give life meaning, but I would agree that it is definitely implied and floating around in most cultures. Unfortunately, most people are susceptible to the more dominating influences of the culture around them even if some of its ideas range from being inconvenient to downright self-destructive.


I didn't really question it until my early 20's. It's extremely psychotic when you really sit and think about it.
It would be psychotic to think that a person could ONLY be happy in a relationship, yes, and equally psychotic for a person to continue a long term relationship that was interfering with their goals and/or overall satisfaction with life.

LOL I can't be the only INTP who thinks this.
Definitely not, you'll find many introverted and/or thinking types who probably share your point of view or can at least meet you half way like me. I remain open to the possibility that I may one day find myself in a relationship with someone who can live a fulfilling life with me, but I don't count on it and I certainly don't think that not having such a relationship would take away any meaning, fulfillment, or happiness from my life.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
100 Posts
Yea but distraction via relationships can be a good thing if its someone worth your time.

Much like how studying should be done in intervals with distractions. The seriousness of your life and ladder climbing should be interjected with fun and distractions to keep a balance.

The beauty of distraction via a relationship instead of something like a computer is that the object of your distraction can react back instead of you simply reacting to it. This means the person can help you during your down time and give you extra energy via positive feedback and other methods to boost your future output. Very efficient. This can obviously go the other way and lead to negative feed back but that comes in the choosing of who you spend your time with ;)
 
  • Like
Reactions: originalsin

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,402 Posts
I've ignored the possibility of a relationship for the first 20 or so years of my life. Only recently have I become interested in a relationship. Not because other people expect me to, but because I want to find someone who, like the article says, "gets who you are, what you stand for, and who you understand yourself to be".

It's not like I have any dreams to begin with or a career I want to build, so that's not a problem for me. I see just following your career as doing what everyone else is doing.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,706 Posts
LOL I can't be the only INTP who thinks this.
You are not the only INTP who thinks this and you are not the only INTP who is wrong about it. As the whole article states the idea is not to get into a stupid relationship with an immature retard who will prevent you from achieving your goals but to find another person like you. How could that not be beneficial? Or are you so unique in your dedication to career and personal growth? Not every person will slow you down, in fact it might be the case that some people will speed this process for you.. if you care to listen, observe and learn that is.
Solitude is nice and everything but those relationships don't happen because of social pressure but because we're emotional social beings (as much as some INTx-s don't like this). Problem comes from the fact that most people are idiots.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
242 Posts
wtf is a "power couple"?? Can I class myself as a "power single" because I evaluate my goals on a regular basis?

There is nothing wrong for people who want to be in a relationship likewise for anyone not wanting to be in relationship people have different goals in life which are open to change and growth and shifts - that's life.

PS: the article HURT my head! I thought it was going to be something that actually made sense - not some person talking about people's personal lives that they don't actually know anything about.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
896 Posts
Sorry @INTP4Lyfe, I'm too lazy to re-type the link, but I don't think relationships are a hindrance. I think the problem comes in when people expect the relationship itself to make them whole instead of already being a whole, happy individual who then gets into a relationship.
I agree. I think many who get into relationships have the unrealistic (and not always consciously realized) expectation that the other person will complete them in some way and that's where the trouble starts. The whole notion of romantic love is built around this unattainable ideal. If a relationship is a hindrance that's a pretty clear sign in my view that it's time to end it. Healthy relationships that are built on mutual support, respect, and affection will only enhance your life experience, never hinder your personal growth or goals.
 
  • Like
Reactions: s2theizay

·
Registered
Joined
·
282 Posts
OP is right, relationships are a huge distraction from your goals and dreams. Also:
Spending time with your family - A distraction from your goals and dreams.
Hanging out with friends - major distraction from your goals and dreams (unless you're really just networking, and have friends that can get you to the next step of achieving your goals and dreams).
Reading a book that doesn't directly relate to how you can achieve your goals and dreams - definitely a distraction from your goals and dreams.
Deciding to maybe take the night off of pursuing your goals and dreams and watch Netflix or something instead - BIG distraction from your hopes and dreams.

Waiting to enjoy life until after you achieve your hopes and dreams - a surefire way to be miserable and perpetually unfulfilled.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
828 Posts
I fail to understand why relationships/romance is such a popular subject/obsession among people. Out of the thousands of deep, insightful, interesting, or more relevant questions, someone asks me:

"Do you have a boyfriend?"
"Are you texting your boyfriend?"
"We need to set you up with someone."
"Ooooh, how cute!!!" (Or something along those lines whenever I talk to a guy and some random person I know notices. This is especially common with relatives, who seem to care more about these things than topics such as work, school, interests or hobbies.

Many people seems to think the idea of me having a relationship is "cute," because they think I'm a very serious or crazy person.

It is also the same way when making friends with guys. Most of the time they do not simply appreciate my friendship, they want something more. I can't understand why they cannot just put a lid on it and behave normally. Also, I notice that many people base self worth on whether or not they have a relationships. So many people, even "smart" ones mope, moan, and constantly whine about how they have never had a girlfriend/boyfriend or did this or that. -_-

Fairly recently, I ended a toxic friendship (he tried to pressure me into a relationship) with some creep who still stalks me on here. After not associating with him, my life became significantly better. I got my driver's license, I quit my job and found a better one, I spend a bunch of money on art supplies and went all out with my ideas, I have more fun for my hobbies and interests. Instead of doing all this before, I spent so much of my energy processing/putting up with all his tantrums, nonsense, and problematic spaces in logic that I couldn't even hope to explain to him because he was so arrogant. I am never going to let another person be a dead weight to me ever again.

To be honest, I have never really had a personal friend. I have acquaintances that I speak to maybe twice a week or people at work that I am somewhat friendly with, but I do not actively do things with other people. I used to think I was broken, or that this behavior of mine would change someday. But now I realize that this is just how I prefer it. I've had friendships in which the other party would frequently get upset with me for not communicating my thoughts/feeling/activities enough.

If I ever had a boyfriend, I'd probably like to speak to him only twice a week (he would be busy with his own interests) and occasionally, we would merge thoughts.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
10 Posts
Discussion Starter · #19 · (Edited)
@originalsin

OP is right, relationships are a huge distraction from your goals and dreams. Also:
Spending time with your family - A distraction from your goals and dreams.
Hanging out with friends - major distraction from your goals and dreams (unless you're really just networking, and have friends that can get you to the next step of achieving your goals and dreams).
Reading a book that doesn't directly relate to how you can achieve your goals and dreams - definitely a distraction from your goals and dreams.
Deciding to maybe take the night off of pursuing your goals and dreams and watch Netflix or something instead - BIG distraction from your hopes and dreams.

Waiting to enjoy life until after you achieve your hopes and dreams - a surefire way to be miserable and perpetually unfulfilled.




LOL that's not what I was trying to say. What you seem to be talking about is having a healthy, fruitful relationship.
I probably didn't present my thoughts as clearly as I could have, cuz frankly, I had a couple mimosas lol.
But, what I was talking about was those specific people who are knowingly with the wrong person, but they'll continue with a stagnant, toxic relationship just to say that they're in relationship. Like @Sabrah was saying, people will question and judge the shit out of a person who chooses to be single over being in a pointless relationship. I was just wondering why people do it and if I was the only INTP who thought about it. (obviously not lol)

Also, I know dozens of people in my life who have completely lost the drive to pursue their personal life goals for unhealthy relationships. Now their lives are damn near ruined, but hey, at least they're in a (shitty) relationship! And when I say ruined, I don't mean just financial trouble or domestic abuse. I'm talkin' multiple murders, life sentences, suicides, etc. on top of financial ruin and domestic abuse.

People who had goals and potential got distracted from who they wanted to become, all due to that one unhealthy, fatal relationship. Almost as if the relationship WAS their life goal after a while. Those are the people I'm talking about. I know soooo many people like that, and it's painful to witness; that's why I was wondering about it.

Thanks for your response! :D
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
10 Posts
Discussion Starter · #20 ·
You are not the only INTP who thinks this and you are not the only INTP who is wrong about it. As the whole article states the idea is not to get into a stupid relationship with an immature retard who will prevent you from achieving your goals but to find another person like you. How could that not be beneficial? Or are you so unique in your dedication to career and personal growth? Not every person will slow you down, in fact it might be the case that some people will speed this process for you.. if you care to listen, observe and learn that is.
Solitude is nice and everything but those relationships don't happen because of social pressure but because we're emotional social beings (as much as some INTx-s don't like this). Problem comes from the fact that most people are idiots.
LOL!!! I should have been more clear when I made my original post.

As the whole article states the idea is not to get into a stupid relationship with an immature retard who will prevent you from achieving your goals but to find another person like you
THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYING!

I was just wondering how so many people find themselves in this pitfall, know they're in this pitfall, and choose to keep making the same mistake, instead of focusing on bettering themselves and not just mindlessly dating the first person who comes their way. It's like a weird cultural phenomenon or some shit. There are so many people who will say, "He/she likes me. I don't like them back whatsoever. We don't have anything to offer each other long term, and I'm well aware of this....but lol yolo; I'ma do it anyway cuz humans gotta have romantic relationships at all costs."

LOL well, not in those exact words, obviously, but you get what I'm trying to say.

I wasn't referring to people in fulfilling, reciprocal relationships.
 
1 - 20 of 25 Posts
Top