im startign to think iam sabotaging my own life, im making bad decisions and choices and thinking negatively about my future, when i think like this i give up, i have no hope and no way of climbing myself out of the hole i have dug myself into.But i have never had much possitiivity in my life or decent guidance of any kind, so am i doing to myself what others have believed and thought of me??? am i projecting their expectations unconsciously??????????????
since you mention decent guidance i am going to shamelessly quote dr phil here~ because i can honestly and without embarassment say until i watched his programmes several years ago and read his
life strategies book about becoming your own life manager i did self sabotage, thought negatively about my life and had no hope, doing exactly what people predicted for me, blaming others for my own decisions and ending up with a rubbish life accordingly. i read the book, got with and stuck to the program, and changed my life incredibly, it wasnt easy but i am so glad i did it, i know 100% that had i not i would have killed myself by now or at the very least would be in exactly the same rubbish life situation i was in, just more depressed about it and even more unable to do anything about it by now. i wish i could write the whole book here but only you can take the decision that you want to change your life for the better. You have already made a fantastic start by acknowledging that you have been doing this so well done for that

i started emboldening the real important bits, but i gave up cos they are all important!
Life Law #1: You either get it or you don't. Strategy: Become one of those who gets it.
Life Law #2: You create your own experience. Strategy:
Acknowledge and accept accountability for your life. Understand your role in creating results.
Life Law #3:
People do what works. Strategy: Identify the payoffs that drive your behavior and that of others.
Life Law #4:
You cannot change what you do not acknowledge. Strategy: Get real with yourself about life and everybody in it. Be truthful about what isn't working in your life. Stop making excuses and start making results.
Life Law #5: Life rewards action.Strategy: Make careful decisions and then pull the trigger. Learn that the world couldn't care less about thoughts without actions.
Life Law #6: There is no reality, only perception. Strategy: Identify the filters through which you view the world. Acknowledge your history without being controlled by it.
Life Law #7:
Life is managed; it is not cured. Strategy: Learn to take charge of your life and hold on. This is a long ride, and you are the driver every single day.
Life Law #8: We teach people how to treat us. Strategy: Own, rather than complain about, how people treat you. Learn to renegotiate your relationships to have what you want.
Life Law #9: There is power in forgiveness. Strategy: Open your eyes to what anger and resentment are doing to you. Take your power back from those who have hurt you.
Life Law #10: You have to name it before you can claim it. Strategy: Get clear about what you want and take your turn.