[j3321]

Hi everyone. Male INTP here searching for some serious help. Here's the story: I am a student at a small liberal arts college where everyone knows everybody else. I consider myself a pretty mature, well-adjusted person. Growing up, and especially in high school as I got older, I struggled with a lot of the typical INTx problems you hear about around the boards. I think it was mostly just for lack of any real role models. I wanted to be like my friends and do the things they did but it was just not working out. I kinda messed myself up in the process of trying to, especially towards the end there, but now I'm back on track and better than ever. (It, however, was not easy. And it was definitely not a quick process. I'd say it took a solid 5 years to finally arrive at a place where I was actually "good" at being me. And it's because I went through that that I think I am now a bit more mature than the average guy my age.)

With that said though, I am a heavy, heavy duty INTP. As in like the industrial strength version. There is almost no possibility anyone familiar with personality theory could mistake me for anything other than an introverted Rational of some sort. (And if you did mistake me for an introverted Rational of some sort, wouldn't that then not be a mistake? Never realized that expression did not make literal sense. Maybe I used it wrong?) So even though I do feel I have very good balance and personal development beyond my natural INTP strengths and dispositions I really don't act on it more than I have to. I like living life as an INTP. It's by far the most rewarding, satisfying course I know. OKAY. Next part. (When I get nervous or insecure about something because I feel like I don't understand it I compensate with excessive detail and analysis. Sorry. I'm really losing it.)


This is my deal: There is an ENFJ at school who really likes me. I don't get why. Literally. I'm not just here to be cute. I am seriously confused and trying to be as detailed as possible here. She is very persistent, to the point where she almost loses face in order to get some interaction out of me. She comes after me. I don't pursue her at all. I kinda feel bad hah. (And I never would've left to myself because it seems like such an absurd match!!) I always catch her watching me, especially is seems the times I am most enigmatic or "intimidating" (I'm told I can look very bored or displeased at times) e.g. in my own world by myself oblivious to everything around me. She doesn't realize I can see her back. Sometimes when I'm not looking at the ground while I concentrate because I have to do something I often can still have this really detached/distant aura about me and I've noticed girls can't tell I actually am locked into "the real world" at that moment. It must still look like I'm still thinking about something.

So. She is very beautiful. Really good looking. Tons of guys like her. She is very happy, enthusiastic and out going. She loves loves loves loves loves people; extremely interpersonal. In fact, before I got acquainted with her personally, the only opinion I ever had about her at all was that she seemed to me to be THE most interpersonal human being I've ever seen in real life. Not exaggerating. Anyway, a real leader type. Always taking control and facilitating when in group situations albeit in very sweet, Idealist fashion. Artistic. Academic (as in straight A's, meticulously re-copying already perfect notes academic). (Would an INFP do that?). Passionate. Involved. Pretty deep and focused a lot on personal growth and growth of others.She is an N, abstract. Definitely not an S. When she talks to me I quickly run out of good conversational things to say that I have memorized and I end up just saying what is actually on my mind a.k.a.the various theoretical, abstract pursuits I'm presently on. And although I can tell she isn't quite as into that sort of thing as I am but she isn't getting drained either. Most people get drained and tune out even if still listening. She follows me well and seems to appreciate what I am saying. I don't have to repeat myself. So yeah, I know she is an Idealist and an extroverted one at that. I'm pretty sure she is a J. I'd say I'm 80-90% sure at least.

WHY IS SHE TALKING TO ME? HOW COULD SHE THINK THIS COULD WORK?? I'm not passionately in love with this girl but I am passionate about figuring out why on earth she is interested in me. I am fatalistic, anti-social, negative, supremely self-absorbed; my constant, focused concentration the polar opposite of her very being. I have no facial expression for most of the day. I am very serious The only thing I do more than think is read. I refuse to engage in any kind of up-beat chatter with anyone (not that there's anything wrong with doing that), including her, even though I am interested in her (Note: I'm listing all my worst attributes in their most extreme form primarily for effect). In fact, I refuse to accommodate anyone at anytime for any reason beyond only what is really necessary. I don't think it is selfish, though everyone who knows me certainly does. Or at least I could "try a little harder" as they affectionately put it (they mean well). I just know who I am and don't want to be anything different just so I can fit in because I have a bit different personality. I already tried that: it sucked. I don't care how weird I look. Everyone else seems weird to me most of the time. I don't ever look back and say "man, I really shoulda engaged." It's more like "man, I'm so glad I'm so stubborn. That was definitely the right decision." And even though it would be convenient a lot of the time because people hardly ever understand me, especially when they first meet me, so it would be, in a sense, "better" to act a little more gregarious pr down to earth or what have you it's not really me and I won't do it. I think because of this the general consensus basically is I am really nice and good-natured but eccentric, uncooperative, ineffective, elitist, arrogant, and confident in the all wrong things. (With which I firmly disagree of course).

Knowing that is my style and it's not changing. I just cannot understand her motivation. How there could be any compatibility. It seems like the relationship would be all give and no take, her doing all the giving and sacrificing. I just can't meet her half way as I might be able to with some girl. I mean literally. I'm just not wired that way. I'm flexible and open but I can't change and I feel to avoid excessive conflict I'd have to actually change, not just make compromises or "stretch" myself. She must be locked into something I'm missing because she's a pretty smart girl. I always thought she was cute and really sweet but I could not think of a more ridiculous and utterly doomed couple. And not only that but like I said she's a good lookin' gal she could get any guy she wanted: why the recluse?

I don't have low self-esteem or anything though it may sound that way as I ramble and vent. I do think I'm a catch. I'm self-confidant, live virtuously and responsibly, intelligent, driven, uncompromising, mature, strong-minded, considerate, objective and cerebral yet tactful and human etc etc. Most people think I'm pretty funny if a bit odd and do enjoy my company if they ever get the chance to spend time with me. Actually girls at my school try to talk to me all the time. My reputation is for like the quiet, cute-looking boy who is friendly and good at making people laugh yet for some reason overwhelmingly avoids people as a rule and has this inexplicable "dark side" no one can penetrate. At least that's the best way I can describe it. (I have kind of a babyface and big brown eyes and I do smile big and really easily when I do interact with people but I basically live in the shadows as much as I can. It's ironic though because I really don't "look the part" at all.)

So anyway, I do think I'm a catch; just not a catch for an ENFJ. Am I being to pessimistic? I know Kerisey says INTP and ENFJ are ideal but man I dunno. I feel really good about her sometimes and other times I just laugh at myself for even wondering. I'm just not confident enough to take any positive steps if I were to go that route because all indications point to an absolute train-wreck in the making. I am really divided and going insane here. Someone help me.

K bye.

 

[lastholidayhere]

A lot of ENFJ's like introverts. We enjoy bringing people out of their shells and bringing out their potential...this makes us happy. I have a thing for INFP's and INTJ's myself. They both intrigue me for different reasons. INFP's are so dreamy and care-free with wild imaginations and INTJ's are so logical and rational and when they like you oh so adorable in the things they say and do (you'd never expect to see this side of them).

It sounds like she has a lot of traits you really like and admire. However, you're rationalizing any chance of enjoying the relationship by thinking aboout how it can't work. It might be able to work you should just give it a chance. If it turns out bad then you both move on. If it turns out great well again the theory of opposite attract is there for a reason you might balance each other out well. She clearly sees something she likes in you.

It sounds like you see a lot of positives in her and like her. You're just thrown because you don't expect someone like her to pay attention to you. ENFJ's often like people for themselves and not for their social status. We're not interested in the most popular people, the one's who are the center of attention tend not to get ours, we like the quiet person we can have deep conversations with, the one's who allow us to open up and be ourselves, and the intellectuals are particularily attractive to us.

 

[j3321]

But aren't you ENFJ's the "star of the show" in many ways? Would being with an introverted intellectual not completely undermine your social aspirations? You may not necessarily value popularity but you guys almost always attain it! And I can't come with you! I'll suffocate!!!!

 

[lastholidayhere]

Not necessarily. My significant other is an INFP. Sometimes he'll come out to social functions with me and other times he'll stay home. I don't mind when he stays home as I know he's an introvert and there are times he's not in the mood to socialize and he doesn't mind when I go out and about as he knows I need to be around people. We make it work in that sense. I enjoy my one on one time with him a great deal.

I never expect anyone that I am with to be as outgoing or as social as me. In fact if I dated or married someone who was also an extrovert I think I would be exhausted...it would be twice the amount of socializing and contrary to popular belief we ENFJ's do need more alone time then most extroverts to recharge our batteries! However, the person I am with is almost automatically recieved in a warm manner by my friends and made to feel welcome as my friends know I am there for them and respect them so they extend that same courtesy to the one I am with.

 

[j3321]

Quote Fail.

 

[j3321]

I never expect anyone that I am with to be as outgoing or as social as me.

That was comforting to hear. Similarly, I dated an INFJ and it was death. We hit it off amazingly as friends, like instantly, but too much time together became very, very negative very quickly. We started biting each others heads off as fast as we connected in the first place. It was just kinda boring being so similar. And so since we couldn't really help each other out too much time where we needed it yet at the same still understood each other very clearlyl we mostly just criticized each other instead by like default or something. Saw each others flaws too clearly I guess on top of it all. I had a girlfriend who was an ESFP. I loved her. She had no idea how weird I was.

I read that ENFJ's are the teachers and like helping other people grow and being a "catalyst" to help them meet their potential. Is this true of all NF's or ENFJ's especially? To be able to "bring out" seems like something the extroverted idealsts would be in the best position to do, introverted idealists doing this in other ways.

Hypothetically speaking, would she legitimately enjoy helping me do things I'm not naturally so great out on a long term basis? Or is it a more short term thing. Because I'm going to need long term care. That's why I was worried about an ENFJ having to give more to me than she got back.

 

[Jojo]

That was comforting to hear. Similarly, I dated an INFJ and it was death. We hit it off amazingly as friends, like instantly, but too much time together became very, very negative very quickly. We started biting each others heads off as fast as we connected in the first place. It was just kinda boring being so similar. And so since we couldn't really help each other out too much time where we needed it yet at the same still understood each other very clearlyl we mostly just criticized each other instead by like default or something. Saw each others flaws too clearly I guess on top of it all. I had a girlfriend who was an ESFP. I loved her. She had no idea how weird I was.

I read that ENFJ's are the teachers and like helping other people grow and being a "catalyst" to help them meet their potential. Is this true of all NF's or ENFJ's especially? To be able to "bring out" seems like something the extroverted idealsts would be in the best position to do, introverted idealists doing this in other ways.

Hypothetically speaking, would she legitimately enjoy helping me do things I'm not naturally so great out on a long term basis? Or is it a more short term thing. Because I'm going to need long term care. That's why I was worried about an ENFJ having to give more to me than she got back.

ENFJ's want to get to know everybody I don't think we descriminate. To me it is neat to meet someone different. I am that annoying guy you sit next to on a plane and asks who where you are from and where are you going?

She probably would like helping you do things but you will need patience because likely she will multi-task? She could be long-term if you value her and treat her well. Negativity is a no-no and would make it short-term. But ENFJ's are loyal to a fault in a relationship. But if you aren't willing to give equal attention to what she gives you it will be a hard sell. However, you sound like a very honest person so that may help you.
I wish you good luck!

 

[j3321]

I am that annoying guy you sit next to on a plane and asks who where you are from and where are you going?

Just bought glasses and LensCrafters. Guy was an idealist. "So what's your favorite thing about summer?" "What's the best movie you seen recently?" "You seem like a sci-fi fantasy guy what is your favorite?"

I was very polite and kind but when we sat down and he turned away to type something in the computer that was my big break to get some energy back. It was like I was a robot that just got unplugged. Totally went numb. Couldn't take it anymore. He saw and was like "woah, did you just fall asleep?" "Nah man, what? I'm good." hah



Attitude is probably more of a concern than social life. I don't have a "bad" attitude I just tend to dwell on the problems of life rather than all the good things. I'm an analytic you know? We solve problems. To solve problems you must think about them. Problems are by definition sad. I often get kinda sad. I'm not resigned or indifferent to life. I like to meet people. I like to try new things and have fun. I'm ambitious and motivated in general (in INTP ways). But I'm not cheerful. I smile a lot. But I'm not cheerful. I'm mellow at best. I worry a lot. And that's the most obvious thing about me. The seriousness and melancholy. That's why I can't understand the attraction. Hope she doesn't think she's going to change that too much!

 

[Jojo]

Attitude is probably more of a concern than social life. I don't have a "bad" attitude I just tend to dwell on the problems of life rather than all the good things. I'm an analytic you know? We solve problems. To solve problems you must think about them. Problems are by definition sad. I often get kinda sad. I'm not resigned or indifferent to life. I like to meet people. I like to try new things and have fun. I'm ambitious and motivated in general (in INTP ways). But I'm not cheerful. I smile a lot. But I'm not cheerful. I'm mellow at best. I worry a lot. And that's the most obvious thing about me. The seriousness and melancholy. That's why I can't understand the attraction. Hope she doesn't think she's going to change that too much!

I think we like analytical people very much! You guys bring conversation to the table in an intelligent manner and provoke deep thought. We like varying conversation. I think ENFJ's don't want people to change but are accepting and want you to be you. Constant negativism will probably push her away.

If you said "We are all going to die from sun exposure. So let's avoid the sun"
My response would be: " Ok.... so who cares we will be dead in that. Let's enjoy the eime with each other till then!" followed by a hi-five.

 

[smiley]

If you like her- you should explore it. If it doesn't work out- at least there are no regrets. :happy:

 

[psycho]

hi, I'm French and I married an ENFJ, wonderful personality, always aware and disponible. Go stright and stop thinking, and as we say in french "sors-toi les doigts du cul" (I can't translate it :laughing .

 

[j3321]

If you like her- you should explore it. If it doesn't work out- at least there are no regrets. :happy:

That's my problem. as far as I can see there will nothing but pain and regret if I try this at all. I'm here to be persuaded otherwise.

Or at least I've already explored it as much as I can and my next stop will put me at the point of no return.

 

[lastholidayhere]

Maybe the two of you should talk and have an open conversation. If anything you'll make a friend.

If I went through life trying to avoid the possibility of losing someone or something, having pain, or avoiding opportunities I would have lived a very sad life indeed. Failure helps us learn and grow. Pain helps us learn and grow. So many peope I know have avoided applying for jobs, have avoiding dating people they like, or have avoided traveling to unusual places out of fear of rejection or things not working out or fear of getting out of thier comfort zone. I've always pushed myself to try something new, date someone new, travel to new places, go outside my comfort zone in life. Sometimes I have fallen on my face, sometimes I have failed, sometimes I have been hurt or rejected but I have learned things in the process about myself every time. Other times I have succeded beyond my wildest dreams in these endeavors. I've lived an usual life a s as a result and many envy me. They shouldn't cause the secret is...just try. You never know until you try.

 

[summersoccer14]

Personally... The quiet people i take almost like a challenge.. and try to figure who they really are.. and their talents and stuff.. cause i did that to one my quieter friends.. i wanted to get to know them.. cause usually you guys have great view points and thought processes that just interest me.

 

[ENTrePenuer]

stick your penis in her. you might like it.

 

[smiley]

That's my problem. as far as I can see there will nothing but pain and regret if I try this at all. I'm here to be persuaded otherwise.

My philosophy is that I don't want to lie on my death bed thinking "'phew! Narrowly avoided those human experiences."

Having said that, I don't know you and your resiliency. I bounce back. If you think you are likely to be heartbroken and can't bear that- that's only a call you can make...

But... in my opinion opposites can/do attract. And it's not a deal-breaker simply because you are INTP and she is ENFJ.

Good luck!

 

[j3321]

You guys nice and so sensitive. :laughing:

I'm emotionally about this actually...I don't even particularly like her! I'm mostly just in shock and utter confusion. I'm thinking about going for it because I think it could be pretty cool...really ironic and absurd but cool...I just don't want to look like an idiot! Investing in something I cannot possibly follow through on. Embarrassment city.

I agree opposites attract but I wouldn't have even considered us opposites:

op·po·site
   /ˈɒpəzɪt, -sɪt/ Show Spelled[op-uh-zit, -sit]
–adjective
1.situated, placed, or lying face to face with something else or each other, or in corresponding positions with relation to an intervening line, space, or thing: opposite ends of a room.


When people say opposites attract they are talking "opposite end of a room" opposite, and I agree with them. The kind of opposite we are dealing with her is like alternative universes. But she's not stupid so she must know something I don't and that is and that is what is bothering me. I feel like she has an edge on me. It's making me paranoid. Like she's going to be able to manipulate me or something.

 

[Puddinboots]

A lot of ENFJ's like introverts. We enjoy bringing people out of their shells and bringing out their potential...this makes us happy. I have a thing for INFP's and INTJ's myself. They both intrigue me for different reasons. INFP's are so dreamy and care-free with wild imaginations and INTJ's are so logical and rational and when they like you oh so adorable in the things they say and do (you'd never expect to see this side of them).

It sounds like she has a lot of traits you really like and admire. However, you're rationalizing any chance of enjoying the relationship by thinking aboout how it can't work. It might be able to work you should just give it a chance. If it turns out bad then you both move on. If it turns out great well again the theory of opposite attract is there for a reason you might balance each other out well. She clearly sees something she likes in you.

It sounds like you see a lot of positives in her and like her. You're just thrown because you don't expect someone like her to pay attention to you. ENFJ's often like people for themselves and not for their social status. We're not interested in the most popular people, the one's who are the center of attention tend not to get ours, we like the quiet person we can have deep conversations with, the one's who allow us to open up and be ourselves, and the intellectuals are particularily attractive to us.

This pretty much sums up how I feel about ourselves and our interactions with introverts. And yes, it sounds like she's genuinely interested in you while having observed something that perhaps you may not have even noticed within youself but she's become intrigued with you. Honestly, I'm not interested in the most popular person in the room; I'm more interested in the one who looks "disinterested" because I've found in some instances they have the most intelligent or insightful thing to say. For all of our outgoing or "star of the show" appearances, trust me, ENFJ's won't bite you...but we may hug you. :wink:
Surprisingly, I can tell you in all honesty that although I enjoy being around people I also desire space and quiet time otherwise I'll feel drained and not up to socializing much. I prefer to spend my time with my husband or close friends and not the "entire world" per se. However, I'm always avaialbe to my friends who need someone to listen to, in fact, I've been called a "therapist" by some because I want to listen and help as much as I can. ENFJ's seem to be able to bounce into both worlds of introversion and extroversion for some reason, at least that's my case.
Also, in the past I would get nervous around someone I really liked (i.e., when I first met my husband) and babble something silly or clam up immediately to the point of appearing "introverted". We're kinda unusual in that regard but it's the truth, we're just as nervous as you are! For now, I wish you the best and above all, be yourself and let the rest happen naturally. :happy:

 

[saccharomyces]

well, i am not sure i'll be able to explain this in a very rational-reasoning-arguments-filled way (because, seriously, do you think people like people for REASONS? you make up reasons when you notice that you like someone, but the liking itself is rarely (if ever) really rational).

that said, i would probably call the two and a half year long romantic relationship with an intp that i had
the greatest experience of my life.
there are countless things i valued in the person, i enjoyed him constantly talking about complicated technical and scientific stuff that i had no clue about (like how to make a night vision camera at home or in what ways different chemicals kill you, etc), even though i sometimes felt a bit embarrassed that i am not really able to join the conversation in any other way than just gasping in excitement and asking dumb questions if the topic was too new to me; i loved the fact that we could stay home together and i could just be my "introverted self" and cook meals for him while he was playing computer games or planning some scientific symposiums with friends; we could share our down-moods, which was really important to me, since people mostly see me as the all-happy person, so i can't just be a little sad for a while with most people, but with my intp boyfriend i could; i found my greatest satisfaction in the conversations in which he suddenly opened up and started out on long, explicit narrations about his childhood or future dream plans; the peaceful, calm, safe feeling that i had when we were together was something i had never really experienced before, and i think that was one of the key points in why i was attracted - it just felt so..good.
however, we did break up.
i am not sure if that's an intp trait, though, because he was prone to seasonal depression (i don't know if that's the right medical term, but the thing was, he'd just get all down and passive, inert, aggressive to people (not me, though, but it might be just because i felt when to back off), sleeping 18 hours a day) and we got through three episodes of that, and then, well, he withdrew from me at all when a new episode came, and i just gave up, eventually (for which i still feel guilty, sometimes, when he complains about how his new girlfriend doesn't understand and doesn't let him be him, etc), because he was pushing away really hard and i figured that i don't really want to be a "grass widow", being in a relationship where i have no real contact at all to the person for more than a month, because it's not really a relationship if it's one sided.
if not for that, we could well be still together.

so, from this you should gather that if we're the least bit alike, your enfj and me, then if she goes for it with you, it's definitely going to be long term and she is going to try and help you with anything you might need help in, and support you in anything you do - because that's what devotion is for us. and it might really do you some good, because my intp ex told me that he had actually started feeling more at ease with people during our relationship, found his way of interacting in a satisfying way, started feeling overall happier. if you let her care for you and don't push her away, it might also be one of the best relationships you've ever had - and one of the happiest times in your life. she'll try to take care of that.

 

[j3321]

well, i am not sure i'll be able to explain this in a very rational-reasoning-arguments-filled way (because, seriously, do you think people like people for REASONS? you make up reasons when you notice that you like someone, but the liking itself is rarely (if ever) really rational).

that said, i would probably call the two and a half year long romantic relationship with an intp that i had
the greatest experience of my life.
there are countless things i valued in the person, i enjoyed him constantly talking about complicated technical and scientific stuff that i had no clue about (like how to make a night vision camera at home or in what ways different chemicals kill you, etc), even though i sometimes felt a bit embarrassed that i am not really able to join the conversation in any other way than just gasping in excitement and asking dumb questions if the topic was too new to me; i loved the fact that we could stay home together and i could just be my "introverted self" and cook meals for him while he was playing computer games or planning some scientific symposiums with friends; we could share our down-moods, which was really important to me, since people mostly see me as the all-happy person, so i can't just be a little sad for a while with most people, but with my intp boyfriend i could; i found my greatest satisfaction in the conversations in which he suddenly opened up and started out on long, explicit narrations about his childhood or future dream plans; the peaceful, calm, safe feeling that i had when we were together was something i had never really experienced before, and i think that was one of the key points in why i was attracted - it just felt so..good.
however, we did break up.
i am not sure if that's an intp trait, though, because he was prone to seasonal depression (i don't know if that's the right medical term, but the thing was, he'd just get all down and passive, inert, aggressive to people (not me, though, but it might be just because i felt when to back off), sleeping 18 hours a day) and we got through three episodes of that, and then, well, he withdrew from me at all when a new episode came, and i just gave up, eventually (for which i still feel guilty, sometimes, when he complains about how his new girlfriend doesn't understand and doesn't let him be him, etc), because he was pushing away really hard and i figured that i don't really want to be a "grass widow", being in a relationship where i have no real contact at all to the person for more than a month, because it's not really a relationship if it's one sided.
if not for that, we could well be still together.

so, from this you should gather that if we're the least bit alike, your enfj and me, then if she goes for it with you, it's definitely going to be long term and she is going to try and help you with anything you might need help in, and support you in anything you do - because that's what devotion is for us. and it might really do you some good, because my intp ex told me that he had actually started feeling more at ease with people during our relationship, found his way of interacting in a satisfying way, started feeling overall happier. if you let her care for you and don't push her away, it might also be one of the best relationships you've ever had - and one of the happiest times in your life. she'll try to take care of that.

Good post thanks. A bit surprised you appreciated the scientific and technical...the INFJ thought I was inhuman a lot of the time I think...and I don't even like math and science. I am technical and analytical for sure but I like philosophy, history and English, things most anyone can appreciate. I'm pretty social and emotional too. I get really passionate. I cry. Did you know INTP's cry? I cry easily. I have deep understandings which overwhelm me. I think I'm pretty sensitive...though in very INTP ways. You couldn't call me emotional in the sterotypical sense though I do have a healthy emotional life I find quite fulfilling.

I would like to have help. I like how assertive she is. She's not afraid of me in the way others can be. She isn't afraid to express a thought though it conflicts with mine...and I want someone to like make me stop analyzing things that don't need to be analyzed...help me lighten up a bit. She actually got frustrated at me once when we were first getting to know each other because she didn't quite see how I couldn't be excited about what she and "everyone else" found exciting and worthwhile. She actually kinda took a little stab at me without thinking about it (nothing literally mean but just sort of comeback) and I saw this like brief tremor of dread roll down her face as she realized she may have hurt the feelings of the guy she likes. It was so precious. I actually think that was when I thought I might be able to take her seriously...when she made fun of me haha. I need that you know? I don't take it personally. But anyway she's definitely learning things about me and keeps coming back anyway...so that is good. Like I said I'm pretty balanced but there's only so much I can do myself. I think I'm as balanced as I can be by my own efforts. That's one of the reasons I'm here because this could be the next step in my personal growth, having this extra help/balance in my life. Trying to persuade myself this is good. (I'm an NT so I just need reasons to do things; idealism and positive emotion are valuable to me and I benefit from them but they just don't give me much confidence. Intellectual justification has gotta be the foundation though I do factor in others ways of thinking and basically add them on top. This is a good feature with philosophy it just doesn't carry over into the romantically realm too well but that's just who I am.)

I think I'm pretty teachable. Maybe that's why she likes me. I've had people tell me I should be a psychologist or a therapist which at first really surprised me but I think it's because I'm a good listener and pretty open-minded. I guess Freud was a NT therapist of sorts was he not? The whole couch thing? I just like to listen and analyze but I guess that's therapeutic for some people. Anyway I'm not stubborn. I'm pretty flexible. I know there are other values in the world besides my own personal ones. I'm pretty respectful. I am confident in my own opinions and do have an "arrogance" about me but it's not too severe. And I work hard ot be this way because I think it's important, but maybe she sees that.