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I'm not going through this now, but I heard some stories read to me (I'm a Basic Writing tutor) that reminded me of this. I was just wondering if other ENFPs went through this multiple times. Without further ado, here it is:

It starts with a simple question: What am I going to do with my life, and what will that mean?

From this question, I start brainstorming ideas of jobs, events, issues--anything that could impact humanity, big or small. I could be a politician who changes politics as we know it; I could be a professor of English (my current track); I could make people more aware of why Africa's doing poorly; you get the idea. However, I come to the bone-chilling conclusion that none of it matters; I will die. Regardless of what I do, I will die and I will probably be forgotten.

This leads to another question: What does it all mean?

This, obviously, is the much harder question to answer. Philosophers can't answer this question. I start feeling angry. Why am I even existing if, statistically speaking, I will die and be forgotten by billions of people, and the people who do remember me will die shortly afterward? What will I leave? The simple answer is that I won't leave anything. Why am I here, living out my interim between life and death, essentially doing nothing? I'm born; I exist; I die. What a wonderful way to be!

This leads to yet another: What happens afterward?

Now, the short story is this: I'm atheist, so nothing happens. However, the long story is much more interesting and complex. What will death be like? Will I die peacefully? It must be weird to just not exist anymore--like a switch is just flipped, and then you're dead. It's truly the only black-and-white thing in this world.

I start feeling sorrow. Why should I die? I'm given this gift, and it's just going to be ripped away from me in the most arbitrary way imaginable. The blood will stop supplying oxygen in some way, and I'll die. What a pitiful existence. I'd much rather be a less intelligent primate, only able to process information to survive with some tool-using capabilities; I'd like to be unable to comprehend death.

So, then I think: What does it matter if I die?

This sorrowfulness leads itself into pure, utter apathy. My thought process nearly stops. Nothing matters, so why should I care? I'll just exist to make others happy, and die. That sounds good. I don't need to do anything important; I just need to exist because I'd hurt those around me.

Then it hits me! If the negative is hurting others, then I should just help others! Yes, we all die, but at least I can improve the interim and make others' lives better. Even if that's a vague mission statement, it's something! I'm joyous, knowing that I can, potentially, change others' living conditions for the better.

As for how this all helped me, I did drop Computer Science (sit at a desk and take orders) for English (stand in a class and spread knowledge).
 

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Wow! I have gone through just that quite a few times. The accuracy of the thought process is eerie o_O
And the outcome is the same - it leaves me to wanting help others.
 

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Sounds like situation normal. But since I struggle with "helping" I take a big swan dive into the pointlessness instead, which makes me feel much better.
 

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Exactly 100%, except I stayed in comp sci. :shocked:
 

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Helping others is a good ambition, but what happens about yourself? How do we help ourselves out of that slump we get ourselves in?
I've suffered from 2 breakdowns and in the back of my mind i'm always worried about the third. I am a student taking animal care and psychology. I want to take english next year or religious studies but I'm stuck on what to do, if none of that matters, i'd like to know how best I could help. I was thinking of maybe a careers advisor?
Or maybe what is important about life is the experience. I love life, it is precious. If we lived forever it would be one drudging day after another. I feel really bad about young deaths because they havn't experienced life in it's fullest.
As an enfp I find myself getting bored really easily, what could I do to sustain my belief and energy in a job?
That would be really helpful, as even the stuff i find myself getting most passionate about wanes after a few days.:tongue:
 

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So my best friend, who happens to be INTJ brought me here when I described her a little bit the crisis I'm going through right now. It's like if you had written what is in my mind at this moment, thanks for that (?) And it all began when I started overthinking about what exactly am I doing with my life at this point. Anyway, thanks, I kinda feel better now for no specific reason :'D
 

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Yeah, I have that exact train of thought a lot.


Despite the apathy, I have to say I appreciate feeling on level with a dust speck. It's weirdly freeing and makes it a lot easier to focus on what I want my (teensy) mark to be.
 
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