Personality Cafe banner

1 - 20 of 20 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
14 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
Believe it or not, but I got dumped by an INFP for being emotional and insecure. It was the first time I showed a bit of insecurity thoughout the entire time we were together, and he freaks and tells me i'm being ridiculous!
I never got on his case about being emotional or not trusting me, because I knew those were things he struggled with and it really had nothing to do with me.
It kind of pisses me off that he saw my opening up to be bothersome when he had encouraged me to be more emotional.
So what is it, are INFPs just to boggered down with their own emotions that they cant handle someone elses?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,933 Posts
Believe it or not, but I got dumped by an INFP for being emotional and insecure. It was the first time I showed a bit of insecurity thoughout the entire time we were together, and he freaks and tells me i'm being ridiculous!
I never got on his case about being emotional or not trusting me, because I knew those were things he struggled with and it really had nothing to do with me.
It kind of pisses me off that he saw my opening up to be bothersome when he had encouraged me to be more emotional.
So what is it, are INFPs just to boggered down with their own emotions that they cant handle someone elses?
I think a lot of T's, especially those with Fi instead of Fe, tend not be graceful about letting their "emotions" out when they finally do. Your Fi probably burst out in a repulsive way and it turned him off.
 

·
Administrator
INTJ - ILI - 8w9 - Libtard
Joined
·
22,752 Posts
Believe it or not, but I got dumped by an INFP for being emotional and insecure. It was the first time I showed a bit of insecurity thoughout the entire time we were together, and he freaks and tells me i'm being ridiculous!
I never got on his case about being emotional or not trusting me, because I knew those were things he struggled with and it really had nothing to do with me.
It kind of pisses me off that he saw my opening up to be bothersome when he had encouraged me to be more emotional.
So what is it, are INFPs just to boggered down with their own emotions that they cant handle someone elses?
Be grateful you never became entrenched....the disentangling ritual with some NFs can be a bitch from hell.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
964 Posts
Be grateful you never became entrenched....the disentangling ritual with some NFs can be a bitch from hell.
This is very true actually, be thankful he showed his bratty Fi early on,.. mind you, most INFP dont project like this, but there are selfish prats in every type,.. I should know, I'm one of em :)
Really though, I feel bad that the one time you decided to try and open up a smidge, and be a tad vunerable, that this is the response you got.
Ach, better luck next time OP.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
277 Posts
From my experience with INFPs, you cannot be emotional around them because apparently when they are around, their emotions are in the spotlight and no one else is allowed to be emotional. Whatever problems you may have, they have it worse no matter what and if you try to test that, they start preaching things that they don't follow. But your INFP has no room to criticize your emotions. Also from my experience, INFP are nuts.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,475 Posts
Believe it or not, but I got dumped by an INFP for being emotional and insecure. It was the first time I showed a bit of insecurity thoughout the entire time we were together, and he freaks and tells me i'm being ridiculous!
I never got on his case about being emotional or not trusting me, because I knew those were things he struggled with and it really had nothing to do with me.
It kind of pisses me off that he saw my opening up to be bothersome when he had encouraged me to be more emotional.
So what is it, are INFPs just to boggered down with their own emotions that they cant handle someone elses?
I had an INFP friend suddently cut me off and give me the cold shoulder and I also suspect it was because she thought I was getting emotionally involved. She really went from being open and understanding to being completely cold, cynical and distant just like that - and she wouldn't even give a proper explanation and account for her actions.

I don't think it was because she was INFP. She was generally nuts.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
40 Posts
Hmmmm.... how to not take "INFPs are nuts" to heart.... Dontcha worry, I'm straight up the middle with E/I, not that it helps with the NF problem. :tongue:

Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. Sometimes an insensitive jerk is an insensitive jerk.

Let me try to think about this though. I think for those of us (myself included) who struggle with doormat feelings, we have a knee-jerk reaction to protect our interests. And we aren't very good at it. And being a male INFP is probably a lot different than being a female one. I tend to guard my emotions except around people I trust through and through, and even still it's tough for me to be candid.

It's hard to really know what happened between the two of you. If only to be a fly on the wall.....

I'm interested in the length of your relationship, and his age &/or general maturity. If he second guessed your relationship as much as you implied...
 
  • Like
Reactions: Angel1412kaitou

·
Banned
Joined
·
3,624 Posts
Believe it or not, but I got dumped by an INFP for being emotional and insecure. It was the first time I showed a bit of insecurity thoughout the entire time we were together, and he freaks and tells me i'm being ridiculous!
I never got on his case about being emotional or not trusting me, because I knew those were things he struggled with and it really had nothing to do with me.
It kind of pisses me off that he saw my opening up to be bothersome when he had encouraged me to be more emotional.
So what is it, are INFPs just to boggered down with their own emotions that they cant handle someone elses?
Projecting onto a whole type is likely not going to help you reason the cause of this persons behaviour. You can consult mbti or Jung, but you probably aren't going to find the answers you're looking for (unless "infps' are nuts" is the most satisfactory answer :tongue: probably true. I'm nuts). I think the only source where you can get this information is him, as no two people of the same type work the same and in a relationship, there are two parties involved.
I will say that emotions are a point of connection for most infps'. Go see the infp board if you want examples of infps' "handling" the emotions of others. But he may very well be someone who can't handle any one elses emotions, I can't really say as the whole picture of your relationship isn't presented here (not that that is necessary, that's your business). Good riddance, if he can't be there for you.

Unless of course you don't want answers and just simply need to vent, in which case rallying here is a good option. I know we all need to let off steam after being let down. I hope you've at least learned something from the experience (I can imagine entre will come in here and say, "i.e. stay away from infps'" :crazy:).
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
869 Posts
I don't know about other INPFs but I am not terribly comfortable with emotional displays. I know the INPF stereotype is that they cry when they see a rainbow, and they see rainbows all day, but the reality is that the feeling is very much introverted. Even if deep inside an INPF's heart is in constant turmoil, it's ver much a private business. What you might see from the outside is an INPF "acting irrationally" all the time. Thing is you don't know what motivates the INPF to act like that, but I can assure you there is always a reason and it may not be logical to you, but it is to us.

So, like I say, I dont know about other INPFs but I am a lot more comfortable surrounded by people who handle their emotions in a very logical manner, who are introverted and subtle about their feelings. I like to know you have feelings, but I don't want them thrust on my face thanks. I don't know how to handle people being very emotional, specially negative emotions like anger. It paralyses me. I literally don't know how to react.

For example, someone wrote me a poem recently and I freaked out.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
351 Posts
Wait, wait...So it might be an advantage to not be emotionally expressive in a relationship with an INFP?

Whew. I thought he'd expect me to be emotionally open and demonstrative. So my generally stoic behavior might be attractive after all...-stores this away in giant mental library-

You (the OP) might have just been around a general selfish jerk, though. My INFP is always really supportive and concerned whenever I'm in a vulnerable mood...but I still feel weird sharing with him because he feels everything so strongly. And I do not get that.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
752 Posts
Believe it or not, but I got dumped by an INFP for being emotional and insecure. It was the first time I showed a bit of insecurity thoughout the entire time we were together, and he freaks and tells me i'm being ridiculous!
I never got on his case about being emotional or not trusting me, because I knew those were things he struggled with and it really had nothing to do with me.
It kind of pisses me off that he saw my opening up to be bothersome when he had encouraged me to be more emotional.
So what is it, are INFPs just to boggered down with their own emotions that they cant handle someone elses?
Honestly, I thought I'd never see the day that this happens. Still though, not every INFP is like that. Chances are he was being emo or something, bluntly put. Or maybe there was something else going on behind the scenes that no one seems to know about.

It sucks that this happened to you, I offer you my condolences. :( Despite popular consensus, we CAN handle our emotions as well as others. At least, I know I can.

We're stronger than we look.

While I'm in the INTJ section, allow me say that you guys are awesomeee <3
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
4,508 Posts
Sorry... really nothing much else to say other than that.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
393 Posts
One thing to bear in mind: F doesn't imply emotional. Rather, F is actually very rational (it's a judging function after all). The difference being that T is usually oriented around practical goals while F is usually oriented towards maintaining relationships with favored people or objects. With that in mind, it is possible that you really are more emotional than the INFP.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,728 Posts
in a vague sense, INFP's can dislike unstable Fi behavior if they dislike it in themselves. I've had to deal with this myself, INFP's are a big turn off for me many times when they display their Fi.

INTJ's have Fi, but it's not nearly at the level of an INFP's, it's rough and untrained most of the time.

While I think his reaction was a bit...misinterpreted, it's no surprise to me that what happened happened.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,682 Posts
Fi manifests differently in the INTJ than it does in the INFP. It's a large part of who we are. (In fact, the pride INTJs often have for being "unemotional" comes from Fi identification!) As far as INFPs go, they like to dish it out, but often they cannot take it.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
2,020 Posts
This is interesting.

My INFP (*sigh* still haven't managed to get rid of him yet) seems to draw strength from me being emotional... to the point where he sticks the knife in deeper to see if he can get even more of an emotional response from me.

Quite the opposite apparently of your situation.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,162 Posts
My INFP (*sigh* still haven't managed to get rid of him yet) seems to draw strength from me being emotional... to the point where he sticks the knife in deeper to see if he can get even more of an emotional response from me.
I had the same experience with my INFJ, only she stuck the knife in herself to get me emotional. It's amazing how messed up some people are.
 

·
Administrator
INTJ - ILI - 8w9 - Libtard
Joined
·
22,752 Posts
Yes I too can say that INFJ and ENFP both seemed to try and elicit emotional responses from me. This usually occurred when I was really busy with other things such as organising my daughter's birthday party or handing papers in. The strangest thing is I just think for these "feeler" types they really came off far colder than my "thinking" type could ever muster.
 
1 - 20 of 20 Posts
Top