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infp 9w1
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Discussion Starter #1
Hello. I am an infp. I thought I might ask for typing advice to be sure, but I just don't think I could be anything else. I spent a lot of time thinking about this. I am still unsure about my enneagram though. I have only just started researching more in depth, but I think my tritype is 495. I'm not sure about my core, which is why I joined.
 

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infp 9w1
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Discussion Starter #5
I rarely carry currency in my pockets, only fallen leaves, pretty stones and other things that remind me of magic.

I am conflicted though, as I mentioned. My instinct was at first to rant about my frustrations in trying to determine if I am a core 4w5. Reading Beatrice Chestnut's descriptions of the 4's subtypes have made me doubtful of being a core 4. There is some considerable negativity about 4s that I have been seeing too. As a sensitive person I don't think I am able to be objective about this, so I thought maybe if I did one of the questionnaires it might help.

I am not positive about my tritype either, but I know I relate most to 4w5 and 9w1. I am less social than I think most introverts tend to be, so being triple withdrawn would makes sense to me.
 

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@SoftlyRaining

WELCOME!

I'm the official PerC Host ™! Please let me know if you have any questions or concerns. I hope you enjoy your time with us!
 

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I rarely carry currency in my pockets, only fallen leaves, pretty stones and other things that remind me of magic.

I am conflicted though, as I mentioned. My instinct was at first to rant about my frustrations in trying to determine if I am a core 4w5. Reading Beatrice Chestnut's descriptions of the 4's subtypes have made me doubtful of being a core 4. There is some considerable negativity about 4s that I have been seeing too. As a sensitive person I don't think I am able to be objective about this, so I thought maybe if I did one of the questionnaires it might help.

I am not positive about my tritype either, but I know I relate most to 4w5 and 9w1. I am less social than I think most introverts tend to be, so being triple withdrawn would makes sense to me.
I like stones. They skip across water well, and provide good structure when building highway on-ramps. Not as good as sand+fiberglass but whatever.

I think there was a poll somewhere in this INFP subforum, the majority of INFPs are 4s but then 5s 9s 6s and then 1s. Nothing bad about being a 4, you just got the "AHHHHHHHH" in you. I think a lot of 4s are INFPs/INFJs and being introverted idealists somehow correlates to being depressed and emotional and stuff. Doesn't make them any worse as a human.

Lots of threads to read around here. Feel free to ping me (or not) if you wanted my dumb opinion on anything. See you around.
 

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infp 9w1
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Discussion Starter #9
I like stones. They skip across water well, and provide good structure when building highway on-ramps. Not as good as sand+fiberglass but whatever.

I think there was a poll somewhere in this INFP subforum, the majority of INFPs are 4s but then 5s 9s 6s and then 1s. Nothing bad about being a 4, you just got the "AHHHHHHHH" in you. I think a lot of 4s are INFPs/INFJs and being introverted idealists somehow correlates to being depressed and emotional and stuff. Doesn't make them any worse as a human.

Lots of threads to read around here. Feel free to ping me (or not) if you wanted my dumb opinion on anything. See you around.
I tend to keep all my stones in piles or placed on shelves and tables or in little bowls. I might have an out of control collection.

I do have a bit of the "AHHHHHH" in in me ☺ I also have much of the soft passive indecisive conflict avoidant tendencies of the 9. I only ever properly conflict with or express the AHHHHHHs inside me to my husband. I don't think 4s are bad people though. I think the descriptions or at least some points of view portray them badly, and some of my personal experiences are making me feel bad. The paradox of being a sensitive person who feels flawed and is being told how sensitive yet flawed I am may make my head explode.

I would very much like your dumb opinions whether they are dumb or not. I will @ you when I post my questionnaire. Thanks for listening to my rants and also sorry
 

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infp 9w1
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Discussion Starter #12
Interesting, did you settle on that then?
I needed to give myself a rest before returning to this forum so that I might reflect upon what I have learned so far.
I think I have nearly settled on Infp 946 instead of 495 - core 9w1, 4w5, with tertiary 6 possibly wing 7 based on suggestions I've received here. I know that the seeker is the triple self doubter, and though I did not want to accept it, I have struggled with self doubts, insecurities, anxieties, and fears my whole life. Though I have been told that I seem confident or that I look calm, I don't always feel that way inside, so I seek out things that make me feel safe.
There is still some understanding I must come to before I can settle fully however, if that is even possible for me to do. To settle fully there would need to be no current, and I think that may be unlikely because there are always ripples being created, if not by the stones carelessly being thrown in my waters then by my own turbulence. I still notice things I do that I wonder might mean I am another mbti type, yet I am sure it would make sense and I would not fall back into exploring other types once more if I could somehow attribute the things I wonder about to simply being an infp. So I would guess that I still have more to learn. Perhaps I should create another thread so I may find someone to help me understand how my cognitive functions manifest and how my enneagram influences me, or perhaps I will reflect upon these things myself a little longer so I know what to ask. There are some very specific things that bother me, so I would ask those things I suppose. There are some traits of being an Infp that I do not fit so well. These are the things that still bother me and make me wonder.
I could tell you what I am not more easily than I could tell you what I am, why I can only be an infp, because there is nothing left when I take away the things I cannot be.
So to answer your question, I am less settled than I would like to be but very much more settled than I was before, yet not on the exact enneagram type that I originally considered.
I wonder if it is because I am a perceiver that I do not want to be settled, or because I am a seeker that I have given myself to this quest and refuse to allow myself to succeed. If I were to succeed then what would I seek?
 

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infp 9w1
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Discussion Starter #13
I have been attempting to write what I sought to write, a thread to shed light upon my doubts so that someone might hold a flame to my words and illuminate what I cannot see. I have spent my whole day working on a thread. Still, I feel that I can only be infp when all that I write is how the functions not belonging to infp also do not belong to me. I have found my lack of confidence is only concerned with how I do not fulfill some of the stereotypes that I would prefer to embody rather than some of the less preferable stereotypes that I would rather not, such as being shy, disorganized, clumsy, indecisive, fragile and emotional. I feel as though I do not live up to being as good of an infp as I could be and that I wish I read as many books as other infp's seem to, but I don't because books come to an end and I want fantasies and dreams to be forever. I want magic and fairies, and I feel like I might be just a stereotype of an infp in that regard rather than a true infp, yet how can I be an infp when I have not read the Hobbit at least a hundred and two times rather than maybe once and three quarters through. I lived and breathed the lord of the rings movies though. I wonder if I could be an isfp, but I am so blind to the world around me. Every moment seems to pass so quickly, and the memories of my days fade so quietly away from me and vanish into the mists. I don't use Se and I don't use Ni. I know I don't. I thought I did, and it was so painful to admit that I do not. I wanted to use Ni. I wanted that magic, the mysticism of knowing, to be called oracle, to be the wise woman. I wanted Se. I wanted to know what it felt like to be so aware of the beauty in a forest, to live in a moment so intensely and be part of that moment. I feel like such a lost and wandering thing sometimes adrift somewhere, so hazy that the wind may take me away, but that is okay I guess. Then I would be whisked up into the clouds and become the rain that would weep upon the forest.

I think writing what I struggle with helps me see that I seem like an infp, at least to me. I just wish that I could have some confirmation. I don't know if it will help me or hurt me to make a new type me thread though.
 

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A Constant Riddle
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I have been attempting to write what I sought to write, a thread to shed light upon my doubts so that someone might hold a flame to my words and illuminate what I cannot see. I have spent my whole day working on a thread. Still, I feel that I can only be infp when all that I write is how the functions not belonging to infp also do not belong to me. I have found my lack of confidence is only concerned with how I do not fulfill some of the stereotypes that I would prefer to embody rather than some of the less preferable stereotypes that I would rather not, such as being shy, disorganized, clumsy, indecisive, fragile and emotional. I feel as though I do not live up to being as good of an infp as I could be and that I wish I read as many books as other infp's seem to, but I don't because books come to an end and I want fantasies and dreams to be forever. I want magic and fairies, and I feel like I might be just a stereotype of an infp in that regard rather than a true infp, yet how can I be an infp when I have not read the Hobbit at least a hundred and two times rather than maybe once and three quarters through. I lived and breathed the lord of the rings movies though. I wonder if I could be an isfp, but I am so blind to the world around me. Every moment seems to pass so quickly, and the memories of my days fade so quietly away from me and vanish into the mists. I don't use Se and I don't use Ni. I know I don't. I thought I did, and it was so painful to admit that I do not. I wanted to use Ni. I wanted that magic, the mysticism of knowing, to be called oracle, to be the wise woman. I wanted Se. I wanted to know what it felt like to be so aware of the beauty in a forest, to live in a moment so intensely and be part of that moment. I feel like such a lost and wandering thing sometimes adrift somewhere, so hazy that the wind may take me away, but that is okay I guess. Then I would be whisked up into the clouds and become the rain that would weep upon the forest.

I think writing what I struggle with helps me see that I seem like an infp, at least to me. I just wish that I could have some confirmation. I don't know if it will help me or hurt me to make a new type me thread though.
Hello, I remember you from a month ago. I see that you too have been revolving around the same torturous desire to understand yourself, a constant quench to pinpoint your true type as I have. But still, we feel most at home as an INFP. Perhaps it is because we are seekers of magic-we are never satisfied with one definition of our selves. We are beings of fire and moonlight and cloud at once, so many different shades and phases of being, but in our hearts, we know the shimmering truth. I have made four type-me posts these past two months, and still, to no avail, the confusion lingers. From my perspective, while making such a post might satisfy you momentarily, the doubt always whizzes inside, binding you to constant torment. Every time I make a post, the answer only ignites a deeper sense of chaos in me, and I still feel so puzzled. So, I don't know if it would help you to make a new thread, although it might momentarily illuminate your heart, there are still endless secrets about who we are as humans. And yet, ironically, I made a socionics type-me post because I felt a burning need to understand myself like you.

Sometimes I forget that this is merely a system, a way of classing the beautiful anomalies and mysteries of what it means to be a human being. But in the end, it remains a system. We only know a fraction of the ocean, can see a pocket of the galaxy, but there is still so much unknown, undiscovered. Our brains are likewise. We can search and search and search for the truth, but in the end, we still feel unknown because we are so malleable, so contradictory, so human. I can see that you have a beautiful, crystal soul with eyes searching for stars and a lovely rawness of expressing yourself. Those are the remnants of yourself I can tell of you, but I cannot type you because you know yourself at heart. And we do use all of the functions, perhaps even more, so please don't loathe yourself for not preferring a certain set-your own way of seeing the world is gorgeously divine.

And you do not have to embody a stereotype. You can live your life without ever reading the Lord of the Rings-the magic still races through your blood, not because of your type, but because of who you are, flesh and blood. We have tested as INFPs because we are beings of light, we are not beings of light because we are INFPs. Your type does not define you, it is your unique flesh and blood that illuminates your type. Truthfully, these types may not even truly exist, because we are so utterly multifaceted. At heart, no system can divine the mystery of you. Unlike books, the enigma of who you are will never end.

Best of luck, my fairy friend, and I hope you discover goodness and truth and fulfillment-true fulfillment-in yourself, someday. We need to keep believing in the stars.
 

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infp 9w1
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Discussion Starter #15
Hello, I remember you from a month ago. I see that you too have been revolving around the same torturous desire to understand yourself, a constant quench to pinpoint your true type as I have. But still, we feel most at home as an INFP. Perhaps it is because we are seekers of magic-we are never satisfied with one definition of our selves. We are beings of fire and moonlight and cloud at once, so many different shades and phases of being, but in our hearts, we know the shimmering truth. I have made four type-me posts these past two months, and still, to no avail, the confusion lingers. From my perspective, while making such a post might satisfy you momentarily, the doubt always whizzes inside, binding you to constant torment. Every time I make a post, the answer only ignites a deeper sense of chaos in me, and I still feel so puzzled. So, I don't know if it would help you to make a new thread, although it might momentarily illuminate your heart, there are still endless secrets about who we are as humans. And yet, ironically, I made a socionics type-me post because I felt a burning need to understand myself like you.

Sometimes I forget that this is merely a system, a way of classing the beautiful anomalies and mysteries of what it means to be a human being. But in the end, it remains a system. We only know a fraction of the ocean, can see a pocket of the galaxy, but there is still so much unknown, undiscovered. Our brains are likewise. We can search and search and search for the truth, but in the end, we still feel unknown because we are so malleable, so contradictory, so human. I can see that you have a beautiful, crystal soul with eyes searching for stars and a lovely rawness of expressing yourself. Those are the remnants of yourself I can tell of you, but I cannot type you because you know yourself at heart. And we do use all of the functions, perhaps even more, so please don't loathe yourself for not preferring a certain set-your own way of seeing the world is gorgeously divine.

And you do not have to embody a stereotype. You can live your life without ever reading the Lord of the Rings-the magic still races through your blood, not because of your type, but because of who you are, flesh and blood. We have tested as INFPs because we are beings of light, we are not beings of light because we are INFPs. Your type does not define you, it is your unique flesh and blood that illuminates your type. Truthfully, these types may not even truly exist, because we are so utterly multifaceted. At heart, no system can divine the mystery of you. Unlike books, the enigma of who you are will never end.

Best of luck, my fairy friend, and I hope you discover goodness and truth and fulfillment-true fulfillment-in yourself, someday. We need to keep believing in the stars.
Thank you for reminding me of this, of the beautiful words we exchanged like spells sung under the moonlight. I do not think I have ever met another with such the same burning shimmering painfully self tormenting wonder-driven passion to seek understanding of her own being as I have seen in how you long to know who and what you are. Like you, I am but a cloud that will never know the shapes others might see when they look upon me. I am a diaphonous mist alight with sunbeams and moon glow, and my spirit cries out in bellows of thunder. I am a cloud that is everything and nothing at once, the rain that falls to the earth and becomes plant to become forests and magic and cloud once again. Longing for a shape that I can remain in is futile when I can be so many marvelous things just as you can be, just as anyone. I wanted so much to explain myself to myself, the pains I have experienced, why I seem not to fit in, why others look at me strangely, but we are all strange and beautiful and children in pain and ever changing things like the clouds that hold no form. I want to be free. I want to be like nature, a being of the elements, alive and one with the sky and the soil.
Maybe I am an infp. Maybe I fit the stereotypes, or maybe I don't. I could not share enough of myself for another to tell me the truth of my being. I know that I regret not doing the things I love, the things that show me fragments of the crystal heart within my being, things like writing more and reading more. I think I regret that I never read the Hobbit a hundred and two times because I did not hold this book in my hands as a child, and I think the child I was would have read this book a hundred and two times, and she would have loved the other lord of the rings books even more, and she would have learned to speak elvish because it made her feel magical. I seem never to have enough time now, and I have even less time now because of how often I think about things like personalities and classifications, because it gives me a moment of illumination and false fulfillment, but then I am lost in the dark again. Perhaps I am not lost though. I have only become cloud and light and raindrops once more. We are everything and nothing and shapes to others sometimes, but others cannot tell us the shapes that they see because we are clouds in the sky. The only thing that truly matters is that we are, and we find things that bring light and love and peace to each other and ourselves. I don't think I have ever felt peace in this search for my personality, only regret and anxiety. I don't want to live this way. I want to live with the witch like autumn breeze that whispers spells through rustling leaves. I want to have tea below the grey blanket of woolen clouds as they roil with thunder and fade with the mist of dreamy foggy days that grow crisp this season as summer gives way to the magic of October evenings. I want to gaze upon the hazy ghostly veil of autumn sunlight that can only be experienced for a moment before it is all forgotten.
I want to be myself again whatever that may be and transform with the season and feel the things of nature that make me feel peace. I want to look upon the far away stars and believe in magic. I want to read books as the sunlight sparkles through the leaves of the tree outside my window and the windchimes sing quiet fairy songs to me as I lose myself in lands of enchantment. I want to feel the cold air prickle my cheeks as it grows cold even though I dislike the feeling of being cold, and wear sweaters that are too big for me and pick up fallen leaves as I used to do. I want to feel peace, but I don't think my peace will be found in classifications or letters or numbers.

I hope that you my fellow fairy find your peace and magic and fulfillment as well. If ever I wander into the infp forums or elsewhere here, may we cross paths again, but for now I think I must live as a cloud this autumn and rest as the tree rest and play with the breeze as she tousles my hair and laughs at my silly human discomforts.
 

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Thank you for reminding me of this, of the beautiful words we exchanged like spells sung under the moonlight. I do not think I have ever met another with such the same burning shimmering painfully self tormenting wonder-driven passion to seek understanding of her own being as I have seen in how you long to know who and what you are. Like you, I am but a cloud that will never know the shapes others might see when they look upon me. I am a diaphonous mist alight with sunbeams and moon glow, and my spirit cries out in bellows of thunder. I am a cloud that is everything and nothing at once, the rain that falls to the earth and becomes plant to become forests and magic and cloud once again. Longing for a shape that I can remain in is futile when I can be so many marvelous things just as you can be, just as anyone. I wanted so much to explain myself to myself, the pains I have experienced, why I seem not to fit in, why others look at me strangely, but we are all strange and beautiful and children in pain and ever changing things like the clouds that hold no form. I want to be free. I want to be like nature, a being of the elements, alive and one with the sky and the soil.
Maybe I am an infp. Maybe I fit the stereotypes, or maybe I don't. I could not share enough of myself for another to tell me the truth of my being. I know that I regret not doing the things I love, the things that show me fragments of the crystal heart within my being, things like writing more and reading more. I think I regret that I never read the Hobbit a hundred and two times because I did not hold this book in my hands as a child, and I think the child I was would have read this book a hundred and two times, and she would have loved the other lord of the rings books even more, and she would have learned to speak elvish because it made her feel magical. I seem never to have enough time now, and I have even less time now because of how often I think about things like personalities and classifications, because it gives me a moment of illumination and false fulfillment, but then I am lost in the dark again. Perhaps I am not lost though. I have only become cloud and light and raindrops once more. We are everything and nothing and shapes to others sometimes, but others cannot tell us the shapes that they see because we are clouds in the sky. The only thing that truly matters is that we are, and we find things that bring light and love and peace to each other and ourselves. I don't think I have ever felt peace in this search for my personality, only regret and anxiety. I don't want to live this way. I want to live with the witch like autumn breeze that whispers spells through rustling leaves. I want to have tea below the grey blanket of woolen clouds as they roil with thunder and fade with the mist of dreamy foggy days that grow crisp this season as summer gives way to the magic of October evenings. I want to gaze upon the hazy ghostly veil of autumn sunlight that can only be experienced for a moment before it is all forgotten.
I want to be myself again whatever that may be and transform with the season and feel the things of nature that make me feel peace. I want to look upon the far away stars and believe in magic. I want to read books as the sunlight sparkles through the leaves of the tree outside my window and the windchimes sing quiet fairy songs to me as I lose myself in lands of enchantment. I want to feel the cold air prickle my cheeks as it grows cold even though I dislike the feeling of being cold, and wear sweaters that are too big for me and pick up fallen leaves as I used to do. I want to feel peace, but I don't think my peace will be found in classifications or letters or numbers.

I hope that you my fellow fairy find your peace and magic and fulfillment as well. If ever I wander into the infp forums or elsewhere here, may we cross paths again, but for now I think I must live as a cloud this autumn and rest as the tree rest and play with the breeze as she tousles my hair and laughs at my silly human discomforts.

Reading your words felt like drowning in the most exquisite fairytale, and it resurrected in me feelings that time has stolen from me. The way the stars could coruscate upon me, shedding light on the darkest billows of my heart. The way a song could pull at my soul, scarving it in sheer reverence. The way an autumn could eclipse me in an intoxicated delight that no other time can bestow, the feeling of mushroom circles, wilting petals, lands far, far away, and happy endings.

I buried that side of myself long ago, the girl enchanted by whimsy who believed that any wish upon a star could come true, and I wish I could unlock it again. I feel it linger, shimmering inside of me as I read books, thread words, let the waters of my mind flow, but it all feels so ancient. Thank you for dusting my day with that old, wonderfully familiar magic. I too long to feel the warm, golden hours of the coming months' brew in me a deeper enchantment of the world around me, to get lost in hills of heather and hear the songs of waves kindle in me lullabies of my youngest heart. I wish that September and October and November would roll into one fire that could consume me, absolve me of the winter inside of me. That it could revive me from this agonizing pain, the fear that all the beauty and mesmerizing wonders of the earth are not mine; that all I believe I am is an illusion. I remember that I am inherently beautiful, a delightfully undefinable mystery no matter what.

Your peace sparkles in the universe around you and lies within you, a roaring sea of all that you are. Never lose sight of it, or let the systems rob you of it, or the darkness of the world encroach upon you. You are a magnificent creature with a beautiful heart and soul, and I hope that we both will discover the magic we are searching for, in this realm or another. Your crystal heart will forever dazzle, guiding you along the way. I will let the world swallow me, beckoning me into its eerie, rhythmic magic, and its constancy heal my pain as the glittering mischief of childhood revives me as well. I wish you eternal harmony and joy.
 
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