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An INFP's Vent, About Broken Hearts & Break-Ups.

1234 Views 6 Replies 5 Participants Last post by  Lina113
On May of this year, I was on OKCupid one night, bored out of my mind, and decided to look around for some friends to talk to and what not. I kept searching and looking, and looking... Until this one guy's profile stood out to me for some reason. I clicked and read his profile, and was laughing my guts out on the things he wrote there. I looked through his pictures and he looked so cute... I saw that he included his YouTube account and went in to check. He had videos of himself acting odd but adorable at the same time. Needless to say, I fell infatuated with him on first sight.

I found his AIM and added him in my contacts list. I didn't strike a conversation with him for like a whole week- I was too scared and didn't knew what to say. But finally, I had enough, and decided to just say hi. We had a really nice conversation, and we talked for like a week, till he offered to meet up. I was jumping for joy on the inside, and was very excited when the day came. We met up and had a surprisingly wonderful day together... We were obviously attracted to each other and had a blast!

So we dated for 2 months. He showed all the signs that he really did liked me a lot... Until the last couple of weeks of us being together. He has been unemployed the entire time we were together, but I paid no mind to it, because I am also in a financial rut with my parents as well, so I kinda "get" where he was coming from. His car broke down, and this is where he lost all his feelings for me. I thought him being distant was because of his financial situations, but I guess it's that and just him losing interest in me. He finally dumped me out of the blue one night, on AIM no less. :crying: I took it well and showed him that I was fine, and when I logged out, I talked to my parents about it, and they were shocked, to say the least. My dad strongly believes that he is very insecure (and he was right, because my ex CONSTANTLY put himself down and asked me why I liked him or let alone talked to "someone like him"), and I thanked them for the emotional support. When everyone went to bed, I silently started crying.

Since the day of the break up, my ex and I haven't spoken not one word to each other. It's been a month and a week of silence. We live about 20 miles apart by car. In the break up, I told him that I would talk to him someday, and I know that I shouldn't have said that, because I guess him not reaching out for me was beacuse I said that, but still... I can't believe I was brushed aside and forgotten JUST LIKE THAT! :sad: He has told me all the time back then how cool and amazing I was... He even told me that I was his dream girl (I felt it was a bit too quick for him to label me that, but whatever, i was flattered and thought he was cute for saying that.) and I just thought he really did enjoyed me as a person. Guess not.

If I could label his personality type... I would say he's an INFJ, or an INTJ (SORRY, HAD TO CHANGE IT!). He's VERY introverted, no lie. :confused: But anyway... I know I should move on and stuff, and I am, little by little... I am realizing that I deserve nothing but the very best, that he's a bit too odd sometimes for me to understand, and he's a bit emotionally stunted and can be a bit harsh with his words... But, my heart still yearns for him for some stupid reason. He's such a loser, but he was my loser, and he was adorable if it wasn't for his major insecurity issue that was probably the sole reason he dumped me for. :unsure: Sigh... I'm sorry for writing a novel, but I had to get this off my chest. I am so utterly confused as to why it had to end so abruptly and so coldly...

Thanks for reading. You INFPs got any advice for me, as well as horrible break up stories of your own? :mellow:
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Sorry to hear. Definitely was his issues not yours, it probably had very little to do with you from his perspective.

I've been through a lot of relationships and even a 3 month marriage once and remember once hoping that at least it should get easier over time, as I become a bit jaded with age. But to be honest it never has, not for me anyway, I do have a habit of going all in, probably like most infp's, so the eventual drop feels that much harder, but I wouldn't have it any other way.

It's well worn and cliched but the only answer and eraser is time. I went out today on my first date, with another infp funny enough, after a bad break up just over a year ago, and yes it took that long to get over her and to move on. I used to chastise and condemn myself for not being able to get over people sooner, now I just honor my feelings and who I am and what it takes, there's no point in adding more pain to the equation, we are sensitive people.

I'll add one other quick thing, I'm not saying this pertains to the OP of this thread whatsoever, but for some people who go through a lot of pain, rumination, obsessive and possibly suicidal thoughts, its worth exploring attachment issues. If you feel you need someone to complete you or can't go on without them, it's sometimes a signal that you had some childhood issues that left you feeling incomplete, often important mother bonding or a distant father at a very early age, that later get projected in adult relationships. There are a lot of books and therapists available on this subject that can bring about change.
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