Relax homie. I didn't date until 17 either, and was no girl's taste, I can tell you that. But things change. The powers one has moves in tandem with one's accomplishments. The identity one has moves in tandem with one's powers.Because of my temporary break from PerC, I've missed this thread completely, but I thought I'd share my thoughts anyway, as a 17-year old male INTJ who's only been on a date once, of which I only realised it was a date a few months later (I'm not even joking ).
I've realised over the years that INTJs are not made for dating and will never be. It just doesn't compute in our brains. (I guess we have to leave something for the extroverts to be good at ).
In my, albeit limited, experience, I've come to believe that INTJs aren't supposed to date at all. I cannot imagine anyone not calling the police because they think I'm a danger to national security if they were to go through the flirting/dating process with me .
Don't waste your time trying to find someone, because we INTJs are rubbish at it and I always say: Be proactive at the things you're good at, be reactive at the things you're not good at. (e.g.: I'm good at singing, so I actively go out of my way to sing a lot. I'm terrible at dancing, but if someone invited me to a dancing class, I'd totally say yes.)
These days, I hold strong to the belief that one day I'll just stumble into a relationship completely on accident. I'm a strong believer in serendipity, for the sake of my mental health/happiness.
As for other falling for whom you percieve as 'lesser': Let's face it, we're all thinking it all the time:
"I'm super amazing! Why can't anyone see that?"
I think this all the time. I think everyone does to some extent, but it's extra tough for INTJs, because we have a rich inner world, but we're not very good at sharing it and people don't like us very much. This sucks, but you have to put yourself past that, treat people fairly and just wait until someone stumbles upon your greatness. In the meantime, work on improving your greatness even more.
Sadly, this belief is very hopeful and the possibility exists that you will be single for the rest of your life. I've sort of reconciled myself with the possibility. What's important here is to reconcile with the possibility and nothing more, otherwise, you'll just shut yourself in. Accept the possibility of defeat and you will not fear it. The truth will set you free. (Not to quote the Bible, it just fits my ideas.)
So work on becoming the best person alive. Maybe become president, win the nobel prize, become a millionaire. You'll find someone along the way. If you don't, well then you're still president/a nobel prize winner/a millionaire .
Stay awesome, Icy!
Remember it's all just narratives, and no one else is the expert either. No one is. Everyone is scared. Except maybe the full on douchebags. They may be too dumb to be scared, I'm not sure.
For me, I had visions of "real men" out "getting chicks." I'd have female friends, and they'd complain about some douche and I'd think, "well, I'm right here. why not me?"
Sigh. For men like us it isn't easy. We have to maintain self-worth despite believing ourselves comparatively unattractive to women, and despite a deep abiding sorrow at the often baffling choices women make.
And then, everything isn't that anymore.
You realize that you see things more clearly by a million miles. You don't want chicks. You want an actual relationship that is rewarding, that may or may not be sexual. You allow yourself to get close knowing she might go elsewhere. You are brave enough to tell her what you hope for, and good enough to honestly want her to do what she authentically wants, even if that ain't you. You consider rejection a triumph, a completion of another gauntlet, another chance to figure it out.
A woman will be presented to you when are ready to have her. You can be ready sooner, if you want.