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Discussion Starter #1
Unfortunately I am not joking. A friend of a friend of mine who is almost certainly INTP has decided to pretty much stalk my life. We exchanged a few emails about music, then he blurted out how attractive and fascinating he found me, I severely reprimanded him and told him to back off, he apologized for being forward and blamed it on Aspergers. I felt bad, a few more emails were exchanged, he started getting weird, I cut off all contact. To clarify the situation thus far, he wanted intimate conversation and 'getting to know you' stuff, I was like ahem... no. End of story, so i thought.

Months later, he turns up at my house, with a bongo drum as a gift, and after my demanding an explanation he declares his undying love for me, 'you have the most intelligent eyes, nobody makes me think about things the way you do, there's plenty of fish in the sea but I've found the Loch Ness Monster..' etc etc cheesy lines that he's obviously been practicing, first I'm nice, 'these things happen but I do NOT reciprocate', but he refuses to accept it so I get cruel. His response? 'This is all going wrong, I should have swept you off your feet', my response 'I would have decked you if you so much as tried'. Anyway he tells me he'll wait for me to change my mind, I assured him that as much as I am prone to change, I would never want him, EVER. Can we just be friends? he begs. Erm.. narp?
So he leaves, I'm shaking like a leaf, proceed to get drunk.

He starts emailing me, I tell him to back off, he starts emailing my brother, he tells him to back off, he sends me cards, he was at my best friend's engagement party and just stared at me the whole time trying to force eye contact and thus inspire conversation, I ignore him. He keeps begging my best friend to make me talk to him, he tells him to back off. He rings my house, asking my step-dad where I am what I'm doing what are my work hours how can he contact me he just wants to talk pleeeease, obviously not a bright idea. I get mad, ring my best mate who is a big scary guy and demand he makes him leave me alone, seeing as they are friends, stalker says 'why can't she tell me that herself??'

This rant is due to the fact that I found out today that he has moved in with mutual friends about twenty minutes away from my place, instead of being hours away. I'm over it, I've told him in every way, shape and form that I am not interested, in this universe or the next.

So, I entreat you oh wise and knowledgeable ones: out of curiosity, is an INTP generally capable of this kind of ridiculousness, if so, advice on how to stop an INTP's obsession, and just in general, how the hell do I get rid of this guy save violence or an AVO?! ideas??
 

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Hmm.. yeah that's a pretty ridiculous scenario.

He obviously isn't getting the hint. I have an INTP friend that is very oblivious like this and doesn't seem to notice social cues at all (or maybe doesn't care, I really have no idea). I think it's probably an unhealthy mix of Ti and Si that he's convinced himself of an outcome he wants in his mind. Either way, it definitely unhealthy behavior.

Honestly, a couple things that might work:

-Tell him something about how he's causing you to feel like a horrible person (using his Inferior Fe) may work.
-Come up with a logical reason why he isn't your type. Something that he can't try and mold himself and become
-Suggest someone else that is 'perfect' for him to distract him and occupy his mind with that new person. Give him some convincing reasons why and that might work

That's a rough situation to be in, hope it turns out well.


P.S. Not all INTPs are like this :p
 

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Here's my plan:

1. Go to INTP forum and find out what INTPs despise in their partners. Practice that.

2. Call your INTP and tell him in fact, you've changed your mind and realized that you love him all along. Tell him about this great purse you've been wanting and that fancy restaurant you've always dreamed about eating at. Go on a shopping spree at his expense and blow his entire wallet/bank account/max his credit cards.

3. Upon gaining material favors, call him constantly. Beg to never let him go. Act really, really needy. Act suspicious of what he's up to if he leaves your presence. Accuse him of wanting to bone someone else and insist on checking his history, diary, snoop through his underwear drawer, etc. Blatantly use him for material gain. Make fun of his ass-burger syndrome. Talk and act in front of him in the ways you've practiced in #1; basically, act as obnoxious as an INTP can possibly find you.

4. Repeat step #3 until the problem solves itself.

WARNING: If he's a fucking nut, then this may backfire and/or lead to an attempted rape (since I'm assuming you'll be withholding sex in this scenario).
 

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nope...

I'm nothing at all like this...
And he blames it on asbergers??

nah, an INTP would question what asbergers is first.

this is INFP behavior...

I have an INFP friend who acts exactly like this when he finds a girl he likes, and he blames cause he's bipolar... or something like that.

One of my close friends is really attractive (ENFP). We went to a friends house for dinner and the attractive friend was just hanging by my side the whole night cause she didn't really know anybody. This INFP guy was there and he was persistant! she on the other hand was relentless, she wouldn't budge.

This guy kept on asking her out on dates, and staring at her, and just doing weird shit. She then turned on this ruthless mode where she was just shooting him down. Its as if the guy didn't notice.. Everyone else at the dinner noticed and was quietly giggling because it just became entertaining after a while.

oh man... it was bad...

he told her the same things this guy told you..

hahaha sucks.
 

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I have dealt with a few of these stalkers. One of them had aspergers, and he stalked me for like two years, until I finally got his father involved. His father threatened him to make him leave me alone and thats the only way he would.

Some things I have learned is that even saying anything negative to them means you're giving them attention, and they will still be encouraged by it. Don't respond to him at all. Don't answer the door, reply to an email, anything. Ever.

Getting people close to him to intervene can help because of the shame thats brought on them by knowing their friends and family are now calling them crazy too. It might sound brutal, but it works.
 

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This may or not be stalking. I used to be a legal intern at a non-profit for victims of domestic violence. We also dealt with stalking victims(petition for stalking temporary protective order [TPO]) and these things rarely just go away on their own. Some of this guy's behavior would be consistent with stalking. Some were just isolated incidents:

1. Both of you started off exchanging e-mails. It was a reciprocal exchange-meaning you initiated some of the contact. Apparently, you cut it off when the discussions took an inappropriate turn. You didn't mention that he kept on e-mailing you after asking him to stop. In fact, the last time you saw him was months after.

2 The gift: Obviously, this guy is awkward and not very socially intelligent. This is when his obsessive behavior starts to escalate.

3. Stalking is usually defined and determined by the scope and frequency of the person's unwarranted contact with you. Does he e-mail you 5-6 times a day? or 5-6 times a month? Do you respond and is he just responding to you? Best thing for you to do is not respond to any of his emails and see how many emails he sends you.

4. Contacting other family members. Luckily, he doesn't have your cell phone number, but if this guy really has an interest in contacting you at work, or showing up, and wants to know you schedule, it might be best to take some preemptive action.

5. It's best to work these things out without getting the law involved, but if your life has been affected dramatically as a result of this guy's behavior, and if his behavior is only escalating, it might be something to think about.
 

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If you're at a party or social gathering and he starts creeping on you, just call him out. Let him and everyone around you hear what you have to say. Say the words exactly, don't beat around the bush or try to save his feelings (lol). Threaten him with something more if you have to. Bring your most masculine friends to show him you're serious.


If all else fails, you might find him a girl who is more compatible, or just as lonely.

I find it kind of sad.. you can't even talk to certain people without them IMMEDIATELY "feeling" attracted to you, and they get so lost in their own irrationality that the entire situation spirals downward, creating all these emotional disturbances.. and they are just despised in the end. Then they wonder why they can't ever get into a good relationship with somebody.
 

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Discussion Starter #9
- thanks Ambiguous, I'm sure he's a minority, it's just his particular combination of issues and lack of rational thought that make him particularly unbearable, according to him, his Aspergers is what results in his social incompetence and inability to know boundaries, but I think if he wanted to, he could change that.

- mr. rozay, I am fairly certain that he is INTP, he fits the profile 100 percent and then some, but he's just messed up :p

- Promethea, I am definitely going down the ignoring path, he would firmly believe that any contact with him means I have changed my mind. And my best friend is a guy he grew up with, so I demanded he tell him to back off, thought it worked but now he's practically a neighbour :|

- downsowf, I agree, stalking is probably a bit harsh, he's not exactly peeping in my windows at night. I guess it's just the easiest way to describe it, I took the lazy option. I definitely don't want to take legal action, it can be so messy and complicated and I'd rather find a way to just get rid of his unwanted amorous attentions, seeing as he is going to be in my social circles now, I just don't want it to start all over again, my temper is bad enough as it is.

- danlikesgirls, HA! I actually snort laughed, are you my father in disguise? that was his response too.

- FuzzyLittleManPeach, THANKYOU for getting my mindset here, that last paragraph is what filters through my mind when I get reminded of this whole situation, he didn't have to decide he was in love with me, I didn't even consider him a FRIEND and suddenly after a few social meetups where I was practically unaware of the fact that he even existed, and then a few emails, he 'knows me better than I know myself', and he's psychoanalysed all his ideas of 'who I really am', and then he has fallen in love with this idea of me and tries to force me to feel the same?! AH!!!

So a few weeks ago I organised a bunch of friends to come and visit for the long weekend in June, and an idiot friend of mine has gone and invited the people who this certain stalky fellow is moving in with, so now it looks as if he will be crashing my party. So I will ignore him, but if all else fails and he STILL tries to convince me that we are 'meant to be' and that he'll 'wait forever', I will resist the urge to punch him and rather call him out on it, hopefully me saying it face to face in front of a big group of people will convince him I'm being legit.


Thanks heaps, I appreciate the help!
 

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Discussion Starter #10
oops, forgot to reply to you SpilledMilk, it truly would be a magnificent plan, he could buy me a new guitar... except last I heard, he had quit his job and taken on occasional busking as a profession, I don't think he can afford it. And honestly, I can act and I can manipulate, but if I was to pretend to have changed my mind, the urge to spew would be overwheming. Besides, he'd be getting exactly what he wanted, so he'd probably propose, definitely not a good idea.
 

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i have an INTP friend, and he doesn't understand pretty well relationships and most of all, what people want, feel and think.
to conclude my friend is not social intelligent.
maybe your INTP thinks, you don't know, or don't understand what you really want, and feel.
he could believes, you are deeply in love but unconciously. or he could believe there is a little chance, so he keep trying.

what you need to do is to show him that you are not interested in him at all. and there is no chances.
to ignore the problem and to ovoid it, is not a solution. He need to realize that you don't want him.
obviously he doesn't understand. he needs you to make him realize.

if you tell him you are gay, or if you make him think you are interested in money or you make weird things to demoralize him.
i think it won't work because (if he is like my INTP friend) he will just want to change you.
but it could be a good to try those things first.
and if those things doesn't work; try an other way.

the other way:
so if the first plan doesn't work, i think you need to use boundaries, and if necesary with all the tools you got.
i think you already did the kind things to tell him you're not interested, so now you need to do other things to make him stop.

you could:
- tell to the INTP that you understand his love for you but it's absolutely not in both ways, then tell him you don't want to see him again Harassing you. You don't want to talk to him or to see him again at all.
- never respond to his calls. don't talk to him
- tell your friend that his INTP friend is Harassing you, and you don't love the INTP at all. and if he continue, you take measures
- tell your step dad, brother, family and all you friends to help you with this problem; and tell them that you don't want to see him or talk with him again. don't be afraid to ask some help. some time to time it's necessary.
- And if he doesn't understand tell him that if he continues; you will pursue him and tell the cop he is Harassing you.

trust me, if he doesn't understand after that; you probably got a real problem with this guy.
but you will now if he is insane or not.

good luck
 

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Discussion Starter #12
Thanks fengshui, that's a pretty good description, it is like he is convinced that he has enough feelings for both of us, regardless of how I ACTUALLY feel, because he certainly isn't listening to me. And I definitely have done that list of things, even been very harsh, and cut off all contact after it first started and he kept trying to contact me and the first time I told him I would have no further contact with him and just ignored the rest. But now that he is moving in with some 'friends' of mine, I'm going to have to deal with him more frequently and I just can't decide whether to ignore or to confront is best, there's pros and cons to both, I truly hate decisions. I guess I will wait and see, can't quite plan these things. Maybe I should go on the run, Peru sounds ideal!
 

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nobody makes me think about things the way you do, there's plenty of fish in the sea but I've found the Loch Ness Monster..'
Smooth Talker :laughing:

So, I entreat you oh wise and knowledgeable ones: out of curiosity, is an INTP generally capable of this kind of ridiculousness, if so, advice on how to stop an INTP's obsession, and just in general, how the hell do I get rid of this guy save violence or an AVO?! ideas??
No, this is very atypical INTP. Most INTPs are not big on pursuit, certainly not to this level. It could be the aspergers. Or he's mistyped.
 

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Here's my plan:

1. Go to INTP forum and find out what INTPs despise in their partners. Practice that.

2. Call your INTP and tell him in fact, you've changed your mind and realized that you love him all along. Tell him about this great purse you've been wanting and that fancy restaurant you've always dreamed about eating at. Go on a shopping spree at his expense and blow his entire wallet/bank account/max his credit cards.

3. Upon gaining material favors, call him constantly. Beg to never let him go. Act really, really needy. Act suspicious of what he's up to if he leaves your presence. Accuse him of wanting to bone someone else and insist on checking his history, diary, snoop through his underwear drawer, etc. Blatantly use him for material gain. Make fun of his ass-burger syndrome. Talk and act in front of him in the ways you've practiced in #1; basically, act as obnoxious as an INTP can possibly find you.

4. Repeat step #3 until the problem solves itself.

WARNING: If he's a fucking nut, then this may backfire and/or lead to an attempted rape (since I'm assuming you'll be withholding sex in this scenario).
This would drive away most INTPs, but my gut says it won't work on this guy :(
 

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Obviously someone could not and is not willing to experience the thrill and fun of being stalked and thus becoming a proud and happy target of admiration.

Here's what I suggest you do:
1) Wear a red hat and an especially flashy outfit to go out, so that your stalker can easily identify you on the street.
2) Write these big letters on the door of your house: "We welcome intelligent strangers with a loving heart."
3) When on the street, think of at least 3 things to do to purposely get your stalker to offer you assistance, like pretending to faint, or better yet, pretending your skirt got ripped of by something so that he feels obliged to come to your side and ask if you are OK.
4) Ask your female friend to wrongly "forward" him an email which you sent her, where you talked to her about how badly you needed a boyfriend because you felt lonely
5) When being followed, pretend to drop a book with the title "A courageous girl's guide on how to get a boy to like you and talk to you in private"
6) Ask at least two of your girlfriends to stalk him for a whole month, so that when you two meet, you can have wonderful similar experiences to share.
7) This can be the best idea: you begin stalking him, so you the stalkee becomes the stalker! When he finds out, pull up your shirt and expose the gun tucked in your pants, and warn him if he does not reciprocate by following you the next day, you will shoot his legs and rape him right on the street.

Please try all the above-mentioned methods, what'll happen next won't be disappointing.
 

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But now that he is moving in with some 'friends' of mine, I'm going to have to deal with him more frequently and I just can't decide whether to ignore or to confront is best, there's pros and cons to both, I truly hate decisions. I guess I will wait and see, can't quite plan these things. Maybe I should go on the run, Peru sounds ideal!
peru sounds good and the tibet too. lol
anyway; maybe if you decide to ignore him, he may still think there is a chance.
this is a problem.
i don't like difficult decisions too.

i had a similar problem as yours (for the beginning part of my story):
in fact, my ex (who was my naighbour) didn't wanted to see me with an other woman so she started to send me mails (that she wanted me back), then to talk to my friends, my family, and when she saw that nothing worked, she started to talk badly with me, and about me, but i didn't say anything. not because i was afraid, but because i didn't really care.
so she started to be more agressive and so on, and one day someone sent me anonymous threats.
and luckily she was not soo smart, so in those letters there was facts that only me and her knows.
so at the letter number 5, i knew it was her.

and i confronted her the way i told you. i had to threat her! to tell her that i will pursue her to cops.
and it worked pretty well, and she became pretty nice with me and my girfriend.

i know i am a man, and my story is different from yours.
but i fear for you that it could get worst like it was to me.
anyway if you don't want to confront him, you can just make boundaries. it could be a compromise for you
 

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don't be nice, don't be cruel either, just tell him what you really mean every time he tries to approach you in an unemotional way.
Be patient, he'll stop. If not, get a restraining order.
 

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I know these two guys who could "handle" your problem .... their pretty cheap too.

Seriously, you're an ENTP though. Turn off your conscious, dig into the darker side of your Ne and let loose. Be creative, be ruthless. You have it in you ... I know you do.
 
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Get a restraining order. I'm not kidding in the slightest.

If you have truly been as blatantly rude to his face as you describe (and I'm not saying it's a bad thing, bluntness in this situation is definitely needed) and he hasn't/refuses to get the clue, he's not going to stop for anything short of outside intervention.

I would first threaten that you are going to get the authorities involved if he doesn't stop. If that doesn't stop him, then research the laws on restraining orders, and when he crosses the line, report him. It helps if you keep a record of all his contact, it'll avoid wishy washy "but you have no proof you're being harassed" problems.

Gets the problem solved simply and hopefully permanently.
 

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People are too defensive these days. They have mutual friends, and going down that path could really be troublesome, man.

Just be cool about it and don't give any room for any interpretation of mixed signals.
 
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