Personality Cafe banner

1 - 20 of 78 Posts

·
Banned
Joined
·
8 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
What kind of people are you usually attracted to and how do you deal with it?

Is it the appearance or the personality that does it for an INTP?
Do first impressions count?
Are you the first to make a move or not and how do you act around the particular person? Do you withdraw even more or feel more open with him/her?

Any past events based on the question you would like to share...?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
815 Posts
What kind of people are you usually attracted to and how do you deal with it?
I'm attracted to private and quiet girls. The more there is to analyze the better. Essentially, I fall hard for girls who peak my curiosity. If you have an independent mind and are a little rebellious that is even better.

I've only had two crushes so far (I don't count the first since it was limited to physical attraction and delusions). I dealt with them very poorly. Externally I shut down while internally chaos reigns. I'm better than I once was though and now I can actually communicate. When not around the person, I spend way too much time thinking about them (analyzing behavior, going over every word that they uttered, etc).

Is it the appearance or the personality that does it for an INTP?
I have never initially been attracted to any of my crushes. The physical attraction always came after the non-physical. That being said, I don't think I would develop a crush for a ugly girl (sorry).I should add that "flashy" outfits and visible makeup are actually turn off's.

Do first impressions count?
Not unless that first impression was sufficiently painful to make me avoid the person in the future.

Are you the first to make a move or not and how do you act around the particular person? Do you withdraw even more or feel more open with him/her?
I don't make moves. Not yet anyway. I currently have a crush on a girl and I hope to see her again when the fall semester starts. I've been wanting to make a move for a long time. Of course, while I am generally quite self-confident making such moves is something I am highly uncomfortable with.

Around them I initially act reserved but depending on their responses I can quickly warm up and be perfectly normal (my normal anyway).

--> I am curious, have any other INTP's eventually come to hate the people they had a crush on. It takes a long time to develop but I've found that I have come to hate my past crushes. They become enemies in my mind because they caused me to feel emotions I am not used to (which ultimately led to nothing).
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,789 Posts
I am curious, have any other INTP's eventually come to hate the people they had a crush on. It takes a long time to develop but I've found that I have come to hate my past crushes. They become enemies in my mind because they caused me to feel emotions I am not used to (which ultimately led to nothing).
Yes! Exactly for those reasons, too. They were the basis of an unfathomable virus of emotion in my brain that only managed to distract me and caused little to no happiness, only frustration, due to its stagnancy. Booo.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,124 Posts
What kind of people are you usually attracted to and how do you deal with it?

Is it the appearance or the personality that does it for an INTP?
Personality. I'll notice the pretty girls too, but too often they can't hold my interest very long. The right personality can be majorly attractive and can overcome quite a bit of physical shortcomings.

Do first impressions count?
They can be redeemed :)

Are you the first to make a move or not and how do you act around the particular person? Do you withdraw even more or feel more open with him/her?
If I have a connection with the person, I can move things along. If I don't, it is hard for me to make moves to get to know them better
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
378 Posts


--> I am curious, have any other INTP's eventually come to hate the people they had a crush on. It takes a long time to develop but I've found that I have come to hate my past crushes. They become enemies in my mind because they caused me to feel emotions I am not used to (which ultimately led to nothing).
lol this is probably why my INTP crush keeps saying "damn you!" after he acknowledges something he likes about me. I said relationships are just friends with benefits and he suggested enemies with benefits xD At first this confused the crap out of me, I kept thinking he was fucking with me, doesn't really like me and is just stringing me along.. but perhaps it really makes him feel too vulnerable (or just frustrated)? I didn't think I could have that sort of effect on him, and when we had an argument he said he wouldn't care if I walked out of his life. He then said it was a defense, but it made me wonder whether perhaps it's just easier for INTPs to detach from others and have a lower threshold for what they can tolerate as "unnecessary emotional baggage"? How quickly can you get over a crush and what would it take for you to do so?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
815 Posts
How quickly can you get over a crush and what would it take for you to do so?

It can take a second or a few months (depending on the circumstances). If I were to learn that my crush now has a significant other all emotions seems to instantly vanish (which is weird because when I imagine hypothetical situations about this happening I think that I'd be very jealous and vengeful). If we are separated by distance and time however it can take me several months for the feelings to cease.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
14 Posts
What kind of people are you usually attracted to and how do you deal with it?
I am usually attracted to other INTPs or ENTPs. My reaction to a crush is to run away--probably not the best way to get the guy, but I'm pretty shy when I like someone.

Is it the appearance or the personality that does it for an INTP?
It's both for me.

Do first impressions count?
As long as there is a connection, I want to see the guy again. I'm pretty open-minded and will forgive a lot of things that happened early on, as long as they're not things that are red flags or things that really turn me off.

Are you the first to make a move or not and how do you act around the particular person? Do you withdraw even more or feel more open with him/her?
I hardly ever make the first move. Once we get a conversation going, if it's good, I'll start to loosen up and have a good time. If we can laugh together, I consider that a really good sign. The minute I start to sense I'm being rejected, I will withdraw again.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,099 Posts
What kind of people are you usually attracted to and how do you deal with it?
The girl I've felt most physically attracted to was ESTJ, but I couldn't see any kind of long term relationship with her. She wasn't a stereotypical ESTJ though, being agnostic, among other things. I wondered whether she was an ESTP for a while.

Theoretically speaking, it would be an IN. I seem to connect most easily on a mental level with them. Maybe EN, depending on how extroverted they are.

Is it the appearance or the personality that does it for an INTP?
Do first impressions count?
Both.

Not really. I'm constantly updating and revising my opinion of everyone that I'm in contact with, and try to understand them deeply.

It can take a second or a few months (depending on the circumstances). If I were to learn that my crush now has a significant other all emotions seems to instantly vanish (which is weird because when I imagine hypothetical situations about this happening I think that I'd be very jealous and vengeful). If we are separated by distance and time however it can take me several months for the feelings to cease.
I'm exactly the same way.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
28 Posts
What kind of people are you usually attracted to and how do you deal with it?
Slight mix, similar to Molock's. For first attraction: quiet and private gals or those who exhibit an independent mind that is even better. For the quiet ones tho', would like them to exhibit subsequently the latter qualities.

I usually try to engage them by finding out more about them (asking questions), probing until I come across something that they're passionate about and get them to talk about it. It helps me to understand them better and satisfies my intellectual curiousity.

Is it the appearance or the personality that does it for an INTP?
As a guy, appearance does matter (pleasant looks). However, I prefer understated looks, 'cos it's a indication that this person is possibly much more on the inside.

Do first impressions count?
Yes. But if I like the person, i'll know better than to depend on that. In "establishing truth", I feel compulsed to go deeper. It's all about that analytical streak in us, whether be it person, theory or useless facts.

Are you the first to make a move or not and how do you act around the particular person? Do you withdraw even more or feel more open with him/her?
I will make the first move, and if I find that I can "connect", I will feel liberated to be open with him/her.

--> I am curious, have any other INTP's eventually come to hate the people they had a crush on. It takes a long time to develop but I've found that I have come to hate my past crushes. They become enemies in my mind because they caused me to feel emotions I am not used to (which ultimately led to nothing).

My personal analysis is that it requires a lot of myself to put out an "emotional investment". Once this "investment" provides paltry returns, I get incredibly upset because:
1) My Ne is compromised 'cos I'd made assumptions about the person, in particular expecting a reciprocation of interest from her. Notwithstanding that it is extremely naive to assume that people behave the way you expect them to.
2) My Fe investment, which to me costs much more than anyone thinks, has been wasted.
3) My Si will subsequently just keep "replaying" the episode in my mind.
4) My Ti will continue to analyse the "replays", usually in a negative fashion.

For me, this only happens after I've taken the step to be "open" with the person. If it's just a crush that was never acted upon, it would be dismissed as irrelevant.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,133 Posts
What kind of people are you usually attracted to and how do you deal with it?
Thoughtful, imaginative, intelligent, a bit goofy, sweet but emotionally reserved boys/men. Also, tall and gangly. Good with words. And for some reason they've all enjoyed similar films and TV shows. :tongue:
How do I deal with it? I try not to show the extent of my attraction to someone, feeling a little embarrassed about it. I've had good luck, though: generally if I waited long enough, they made the first move.

Is it the appearance or the personality that does it for an INTP?

Personality absolutely comes first. I've never been really attracted to anyone whose personality I didn't like. But I can't deny that looks have some importance. A lot of it is probably subconscious.

Are you the first to make a move or not and how do you act around the particular person? Do you withdraw even more or feel more open with him/her?

I feel happy and open around people I'm attracted to, but a little reserved about initiating the more physical parts of a relationship. This has led to more emotional and intellectual connections.

I am curious, have any other INTP's eventually come to hate the people they had a crush on. It takes a long time to develop but I've found that I have come to hate my past crushes. They become enemies in my mind because they caused me to feel emotions I am not used to (which ultimately led to nothing).
Interesting. I've never felt that way. I'm still very attached (in a non-romantic way) to all of my past crushes. Oddly, I've often felt like the less needy one in a relationship, but when the relationship is over, I'm the person who wants to keep in touch.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,789 Posts
lol this is probably why my INTP crush keeps saying "damn you!" after he acknowledges something he likes about me. I said relationships are just friends with benefits and he suggested enemies with benefits xD At first this confused the crap out of me, I kept thinking he was fucking with me, doesn't really like me and is just stringing me along.. but perhaps it really makes him feel too vulnerable (or just frustrated)? I didn't think I could have that sort of effect on him, and when we had an argument he said he wouldn't care if I walked out of his life. He then said it was a defense, but it made me wonder whether perhaps it's just easier for INTPs to detach from others and have a lower threshold for what they can tolerate as "unnecessary emotional baggage"? How quickly can you get over a crush and what would it take for you to do so?
...That is bizarrely similar to how I generally deal with having affections for someone. Bitterly, coldly, playfully sarcastic about emotion, etc.

It is definitely easier to just be detached from others, but once you're caught in the malestrom of infatuation it's just like a loop of metacognition - does not stop unless there's an immediate, realistic, PRESENT factor indicating futility (such as distance, situational inconveniences that lead to improbabilities, deliberate non-reciprocation, etc). There's an alarm in my brain: MUST NOT ENTERTAIN ROMANTIC THOUGHTS that is quieted by the forces of evil.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
988 Posts
What kind of people are you usually attracted to and how do you deal with it?
Males that strike me as bright, quick to grasp concepts and theories, the type of people I usually feel appreciation for during my interaction with them. I generally do not change my behavior, as that could be construed as abnormal, and attempt to gather data on the object of my attraction. Unfortunately, I do not have the resources to stalk anyone or I would have done so already.

Is it the appearance or the personality that does it for an INTP?
I would say both; being physically attractive is a nice bonus, but ultimately the one with my affections is the one that can hold my interest the longest.

Do first impressions count?
Sometimes, but first impressions are easily forgotten.

Are you the first to make a move or not and how do you act around the particular person? Do you withdraw even more or feel more open with him/her?
Making a 'move' or changing my behavior would be construed as abnormal, as I mentioned above. However, the first thing I do when I come into contact with the particular person I am careful to dampen my emotions, so as to keep them from affecting my behavior. Everything I do tends to be erratic, however, and I tend to feel mentally stimulated or slightly euphoric when near the person.

Any past events based on the question you would like to share...?
Fortunately, no.

--> I am curious, have any other INTP's eventually come to hate the people they had a crush on. It takes a long time to develop but I've found that I have come to hate my past crushes. They become enemies in my mind because they caused me to feel emotions I am not used to (which ultimately led to nothing).
Generally not. The feelings vanish quite quickly, and while I may be awkward around my former acquaintances (particularly the close ones), my former crushes do not bother me as much, probably because they never knew of my attraction to them -- therefore, I can efficiently squash any feelings when in notable proximity with them. They then become valued acquaintances and conversation partners, something I prefer to a crush.
 
  • Like
Reactions: ooohshinyyy

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,133 Posts
I generally do not change my behavior, as that could be construed as abnormal, and attempt to gather data on the object of my attraction. Unfortunately, I do not have the resources to stalk anyone or I would have done so already.
Ah! I would say it's actually fortunate that I don't have the resources to stalk anyone (save Facebook, I suppose) because data-gathering is something I find addictive. I'm glad someone else feels the same.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
672 Posts
Is it the appearance or the personality that does it for an INTP?
Tricky, as my first love is now my husband so I've never been through the field, so to speak. Dialects mean a lot to me. The soft Geordie dialect (not the rough Gazza one) sends me weak at the knees. I think personality does it more for me - quiet and gentle. Appearance - well if they don't have their arse hanging out of their jeans or piercings in places other than their ears, I'm fine with however they look. Tattoos tend to turn me cold though.

Do first impressions count?
Yeah, but I tend to hold more store with what comes out of their mouth than anything they may be wearing, notwithstanding what I said above.

Are you the first to make a move or not and how do you act around the particular person? Do you withdraw even more or feel more open with him/her?
I have to get to know someone a long LONG time before I open up. I can be silly with E*F* but maybe not best buddies with them. To get really personal I need to feel I can trust them. This may be more experience than personality based.

Any past events based on the question you would like to share...?
Trust is a big thing from the beginning, for any friendship. In fact, I believe if there is no trust in a relationship, there is no relationship. Not really a past event, just an observation from life in general.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Goodewitch

·
Registered
Joined
·
93 Posts
What kind of people are you usually attracted to and how do you deal with it?

Is it the appearance or the personality that does it for an INTP?
Do first impressions count?
Are you the first to make a move or not and how do you act around the particular person? Do you withdraw even more or feel more open with him/her?

Any past events based on the question you would like to share...?
I really, really find women that have something going for them very attractive, i.e. college grad, a respectable career (teachers) or something they do that they absolutely enjoy (graphic design) or anything interesting and different from the norm. Valley girls or any that you see on reality tv are laughable and annoying...kim kardashian...laughable

although...linda cardellini....adorable:happy:

I typically don't make the first move, simply because I prefer the 'know what she wants' type. However, if I pick up on any verbal/ non verbal queues that are obvious lol (kinda dumb in this department), i'll say something, though somewhat bashfully:blushed:

Appearance/ Personality kind of go hand in hand, because I always observe the entire person, not just the looks...the package has to fit the person. But, thinking back on it now, I've become more attracted to someone with decent looks but a more attractive personality than the reverse more often than not.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,124 Posts
lol this is probably why my INTP crush keeps saying "damn you!" after he acknowledges something he likes about me. I said relationships are just friends with benefits and he suggested enemies with benefits xD At first this confused the crap out of me, I kept thinking he was fucking with me, doesn't really like me and is just stringing me along.. but perhaps it really makes him feel too vulnerable (or just frustrated)?
There's a good possibility. The more open someone is with me, the safer I will feel letting those defenses down.

I didn't think I could have that sort of effect on him, and when we had an argument he said he wouldn't care if I walked out of his life. He then said it was a defense, but it made me wonder whether perhaps it's just easier for INTPs to detach from others and have a lower threshold for what they can tolerate as "unnecessary emotional baggage"?
When I feel anger towards someone I have feelings for, those feelings seem to vanish. So at that moment it may feel easy to walk away. But I don't stay angry long and the feelings will return soon enough.

How quickly can you get over a crush and what would it take for you to do so?
Depends on how deep the crush is. There might be someone I obsess over for a few days, but those go quickly if I don't have much interaction. The longer it's gone on the harder it is to get over. Make sense?
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
1,068 Posts
What kind of people are you usually attracted to and how do you deal with it?
I'm attracted to women with sexual confidence, and positive self image. Good dress sense and a woman who can hold my gaze. Alot of women are intimidated by my intensity. When a woman isn't intimidated by me, that does turn me on quite a lot. When i fancy a woman, I usually let them know but in a subtle way. Lots of eye contact and friendly smiles. Polite conversation and light flirting when I'm sober and have the bottle, but quite full on when I've had a few. It can either go extremely well or I can come off rude. I think my boyish good looks and well spoken manner have helped me out and women have found me cheeky rather than rude because of it! ha!

Is it the appearance or the personality that does it for an INTP?
I'd say appearance is always first. A healthy fuller figure rather than a stick drawing and the personality after that. If she doesn't have that confidence I usually lose interest no matter how attractive she appeared to me at first.
Do first impressions count?
Not particularly some women who I think are moderately good looking can become extremely attractive if i catch more of how they are.
Are you the first to make a move or not and how do you act around the particular person? Do you withdraw even more or feel more open with him/her?
It varies, if I'm sober I'm not likely to make the first step to begin a conversation, but if I've had a few drinks to build my social courage I will always make the first move. Usually I do become more withdrawn the more I get to know her. Not because I'm scared just because I know what I wanted and I don't need to know a great deal more unless we're going to 'get it on'.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
1,815 Posts
What kind of people are you usually attracted to and how do you deal with it?
I'm attracted to private and quiet girls. The more there is to analyze the better. Essentially, I fall hard for girls who peak my curiosity. If you have an independent mind and are a little rebellious that is even better.

I've only had two crushes so far (I don't count the first since it was limited to physical attraction and delusions). I dealt with them very poorly. Externally I shut down while internally chaos reigns. I'm better than I once was though and now I can actually communicate. When not around the person, I spend way too much time thinking about them (analyzing behavior, going over every word that they uttered, etc).

Is it the appearance or the personality that does it for an INTP?
I have never initially been attracted to any of my crushes. The physical attraction always came after the non-physical. That being said, I don't think I would develop a crush for a ugly girl (sorry).I should add that "flashy" outfits and visible makeup are actually turn off's.

Do first impressions count?
Not unless that first impression was sufficiently painful to make me avoid the person in the future.

Are you the first to make a move or not and how do you act around the particular person? Do you withdraw even more or feel more open with him/her?
I don't make moves. Not yet anyway. I currently have a crush on a girl and I hope to see her again when the fall semester starts. I've been wanting to make a move for a long time. Of course, while I am generally quite self-confident making such moves is something I am highly uncomfortable with.

Around them I initially act reserved but depending on their responses I can quickly warm up and be perfectly normal (my normal anyway).

--> I am curious, have any other INTP's eventually come to hate the people they had a crush on. It takes a long time to develop but I've found that I have come to hate my past crushes. They become enemies in my mind because they caused me to feel emotions I am not used to (which ultimately led to nothing).
You have answered all of those questions the way I would have responded, except I am interested in men.

I, however, do not hate anyone I have ever liked. I suppose when I was younger I disliked exes, but now I hold no hard feelings for anyone, especially people of the past!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,878 Posts
What kind of people are you usually attracted to and how do you deal with it?

I enjoy quiet, imaginative, laid-back, independent women. Girls that dress slutty, nit-pick, boast, judge, and wear too much make-up are turn-offs. When I stare in a woman’s eyes, there needs to be an inner confidence, which is appealing and different from the others. A mysterious woman that speaks thoughtfully, doesn’t need to prove herself, but isn’t afraid to defend herself, attracts me.

Is it the appearance or the personality that does it for an INTP?

Both are important. Men and women are animals with primitive urges. I value personality much more than appearance and dislike the superficial celebrity fashions that are deemed sexy by social criteria.

I probably wouldn’t seek out a 547 LB. blob of protoplasm named Jane, who speaks with a low guttural voice, combs her thick hairy chin, and picks BBQ sauce from her pock-marked face, before devouring a Big Mac and squalling because Springer "ain't come on."

Do first impressions count?

I don’t base a final judgment on the first impression. Although, there might be exceptions, especially if one behaves in an overtly ignorant or irrational manner.

Are you the first to make a move or not and how do you act around the particular person? Do you withdraw even more or feel more open with him/her?

I don’t necessarily withdraw more, but I am awkward around girls I like. I engage them in a friendly manner but may be perceived as weird. I’m not trying to “hook-up” immediately, like so many people my age, but rather, I prefer a gradual attraction. With girls I don’t care about, I’ll approach them much differently.

 
1 - 20 of 78 Posts
Top