An INTP's Crush

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Sibams

Discussion Starter · Jul 26, 2010

What kind of people are you usually attracted to and how do you deal with it?

Is it the appearance or the personality that does it for an INTP?
Do first impressions count?
Are you the first to make a move or not and how do you act around the particular person? Do you withdraw even more or feel more open with him/her?

Any past events based on the question you would like to share...?

21 - 40 of 78 Posts

thedoctorlies

· #21 · Jul 29, 2010

What kind of people are you usually attracted to and how do you deal with it?
When I was younger and much less confident the main thing was for them to show interest in me first. I grew up in a very small town and was very shy and knew I was different but I didn't understand why. So if a pretty girl showed me attention that was all it took. As I matured and meet girls than I could have a intelectual conversation with my taste in women changed. However I found it very difficult to meet girls and was very picky at the same time so dates were far and few in between. No internet in those days and no way in hell was I going to up to someone I didn't know unless a good deal of alcohol was involved. However if someone show interest in me an I liked them I had no problem in pursuing them to the ends of the earth. Someone to share my interest and appreciate my strangeness is very important.

Is it the appearance or the personality that does it for an INTP?
As a man appearance makes the first impression but if the personality's not there it will never get serious. I think now and I'm speaking as someone older, personality would rank pretty damn high.

Do first impressions count?
I'm not a very good judge of people I just meet so no. Unless of course they were rude to me or was a complete idiot.

Are you the first to make a move or not and how do you act around the particular person? Do you withdraw even more or feel more open with him/her?
It depended on what kind of vibe I got from them. If I sensed they where interested in me or being very friendly I would be much more confident but typically liked to let things develop on there own. I tried to be witty and put on my extrovert mask until I was more comfortable with them.

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friction

· #22 · May 2, 2011

Molock said:
--> I am curious, have any other INTP's eventually come to hate the people they had a crush on. It takes a long time to develop but I've found that I have come to hate my past crushes. They become enemies in my mind because they caused me to feel emotions I am not used to (which ultimately led to nothing).
[/COLOR]

What do you do with that hate? Do you completely ignore them or do you keep yourself updated about them because they made you feel so strongly?

LQ9 said:
Interesting. I've never felt that way. I'm still very attached (in a non-romantic way) to all of my past crushes. Oddly, I've often felt like the less needy one in a relationship, but when the relationship is over, I'm the person who wants to keep in touch.

Does this wanting to keep in touch come from just not wanting to burn bridges or because you still care about them in some (platonic?) way?

LQ9

· #23 · May 2, 2011

highlandstorm said:
Does this wanting to keep in touch come from just not wanting to burn bridges or because you still care about them in some (platonic?) way?

Because I still care about them.

Ziggurat

· #24 · May 2, 2011

Sibams said:
What kind of people are you usually attracted to and how do you deal with it?

INxPs, usually.

Sibams said:
Do first impressions count?

No, unless they're extremely unpleasant.

Sibams said:
Are you the first to make a move or not and how do you act around the particular person? Do you withdraw even more or feel more open with him/her?

I make a move first.

nothingnew

· #25 · May 2, 2011

You necrobumped highlandstorm. I don't know if the people you are questioning are even active members at this time.

But this is a fun thread, and I will give it a go. I just got back from the bar a few hours ago so cut me some slack here.

What kind of people are you usually attracted to and how do you deal with it? The sexy ones. I deal with it by pursuing them in my own way. It's like a dance but consisting of glances, words, and smiles.

Is it the appearance or the personality that does it for an INTP?

Both. Talk the talk and walk the walk; if you can.

Do first impressions count?

Not to me. The past is the past and interesting, but the present is more appealing.

Are you the first to make a move or not and how do you act around the particular person? Do you withdraw even more or feel more open with him/her?

What is a move? I've heard that I move fast, I have heard that I move slow, conflicting perspectives I guess. How do I act when I like someone? Like no one else exists on the planet but them. It doesn't happen often. Do I withdraw more? In honesty, sometimes. I have been blown away. But I am always open. If I like someone, a friend or girl I am interested in, I will enjoy questions and answer them honesty.

Love is a give and take, a dance, a game of cat and mouse. I am a cat. I am a mouse. If someone can make me feel the cat or mouse, I will wonder why. I must add, this can't be a forced scenario. I don't like love games, at least not ones that I have played already or feel forced upon me. I have played with the best of them; come original or stay in the minor leagues.

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anotherjenny

· #26 · May 2, 2011

does this constitute a crush?

ENFJ here; I skimmed this thread, trying to decipher the signals an INTP at my work has been giving me. I'm fond of him, and I know he's fond of making out with me, but I'm not sure if that's indicative of any deeper interest. What say you, INTPs?

- He definitely does go out of his way to talk to me, or stand near me so I can initiate a conversation with him
- He gets goofy when he's around me, and I can make him laugh easily.
- He'll give me rides home from work... even though I live a 5-minute's walk away
- We teach SAT test prep to high school students, and he seemed very impressed when I read him the SAT essay I'd written using Charlie the Unicorn as evidence in a body paragraph (I write the essays along with the students for fun, sometimes). When I asked him if my writing skills made him want to fuck me more, he sort of looked caught-off-guard, paused, and then kissed me a lot.

Also, this:

- Would an INTP decide driving 45 minutes to see a girl for a night wasn't worth the time, even if he liked her? As in, is this standard behavior?
- Would an INTP texting a girl at 12am, claiming boredom, actually be texting her for reasons other than boredom?

His interest is clear. I'm just trying to determine the nature/extent. I'm NF, and prone to reading things incorrectly and getting myself hurt. I'd appreciate any insight into this, because I actually keep finding myself fond of xNTPs... ironically, I find the emotional stoicism a comforting foil to my feeling nature.

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Empress Appleia Cattius XII

· #27 · May 2, 2011

Sibams said:
Is it the appearance or the personality that does it for an INTP?

Personality is a must. No control freaks/chauvanists for me.
I'm weird in that I find attractive looking men a bit of a turn-off. I also find certain androgynous features to be attractive.

Sibams said:
Do first impressions count?

My first impression of everyone is that I'll hate them. Without exception. Second and third impressions are more important.

Sibams said:
Are you the first to make a move or not and how do you act around the particular person? Do you withdraw even more or feel more open with him/her?

I'm the stereotypical 'oblivious female' when it comes to love. I need people to point out that I have feelings for someone.
Usually it's the other person to do something about it. I'd quite like to be the first for a change someday though.

Romascu

· #28 · May 2, 2011

If i like her physically and she has a mildly alike mindset i'm all set.

PAdude

· #29 · May 2, 2011

I ended up crushing on a girl who emotionally abused me for almost a year before I finally broke up with her. I'm still trying to figure out what happened... It's quite distressing to know that I fell for her.

friction

· #30 · May 2, 2011

LQ9 said:
Because I still care about them.

Caring like - brotherly/sisterly caring or less or different? I'm trying to understand what an INTP ex of mine felt about his past relationships... He said he still cared about them too, and that he wanted them to be happy, and that they were very close... it sounded to me like if he still cared enough to check up on her regularly then he wasn't over her... but I was too scared to ask him about that...

You don't have to answer this if you don't want to, btw...

nothingnew said:
You necrobumped highlandstorm. I don't know if the people you are questioning are even active members at this time.

Woops, so I did. But I'm glad it has been resurrected.

zobot

· #31 · May 2, 2011

anotherjenny said:
ENFJ here; I skimmed this thread, trying to decipher the signals an INTP at my work has been giving me. I'm fond of him, and I know he's fond of making out with me, but I'm not sure if that's indicative of any deeper interest. What say you, INTPs?

- He definitely does go out of his way to talk to me, or stand near me so I can initiate a conversation with him
- He gets goofy when he's around me, and I can make him laugh easily.
- He'll give me rides home from work... even though I live a 5-minute's walk away
- We teach SAT test prep to high school students, and he seemed very impressed when I read him the SAT essay I'd written using Charlie the Unicorn as evidence in a body paragraph (I write the essays along with the students for fun, sometimes). When I asked him if my writing skills made him want to fuck me more, he sort of looked caught-off-guard, paused, and then kissed me a lot.

Also, this:

- Would an INTP decide driving 45 minutes to see a girl for a night wasn't worth the time, even if he liked her? As in, is this standard behavior?
- Would an INTP texting a girl at 12am, claiming boredom, actually be texting her for reasons other than boredom?

His interest is clear. I'm just trying to determine the nature/extent. I'm NF, and prone to reading things incorrectly and getting myself hurt. I'd appreciate any insight into this, because I actually keep finding myself fond of xNTPs... ironically, I find the emotional stoicism a comforting foil to my feeling nature.

Since I noticed this thread was only recently resurrected, I tracked the most current post, after the most significant time-gap. And I decided that your post was the the most relevant one to respond to.

Clearly, this INTP dude likes you, for all of the reasons/ evidence in his behavior you describe. Although (and forgive me for "stereo-MBTI-typing" you), you don't sound much like an ENFJ to me. In fact, you sound closer to ENTP (I can't speculate on your E/I, since it's hard for me to tell that about someone's based on their internet presence). Otherwise, all of your behavior with this guy, as well as your "tone of voice" sounds quite NT to me. I could always be wrong...always...

Anyway, that's not the point. The point is, especially for an INTP, it sounds like this guy likes you. No matter what his personality is, actually. And did you say you are already making out with him? If that's the case, and he still wants to hang out with you, that's pretty much an ace-in-the-hole. I mean, right? I donno, I've been in a relationship for over eight years, so I am almost completely oblivious to "signals".

Let me ask you this: if you knew this co-worker liked you, then what? Do you like him? Are you interested in dating this guy? Or are you just curious about him, at this point? My advise would be to stop making out with him, at least until you figure out your feelings---kissing (while great and lots of fun) can also confuse things, if I remember correctly.

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PAdude

· #32 · May 2, 2011

- Would an INTP decide driving 45 minutes to see a girl for a night wasn't worth the time, even if he liked her? As in, is this standard behavior?

I'd say if he likes ou then he would take the time. What you'd have to worry about more with an INTP is if he has personal interests that take up his time. Don't attempt to date one if you expect him to significantly cut down on the amount of time he spends on personal events.

Would an INTP texting a girl at 12am, claiming boredom, actually be texting her for reasons other than boredom?

I think it could go either way but based on the fact that you've made out with him etc. I would guess so. But if I were to answer this question with no knowledge of the actual situation, I'd say it's hard to tell. I definitely text people out of boredom fairly often if they are fun to talk to even if I am not great friends with them, but when I've liked girls I have also gone out of my way even more to talk to them.

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anotherjenny

· #33 · May 2, 2011

zobot said:
Let me ask you this: if you knew this co-worker liked you, then what? Do you like him? Are you interested in dating this guy? Or are you just curious about him, at this point? My advise would be to stop making out with him, at least until you figure out your feelings---kissing (while great and lots of fun) can also confuse things, if I remember correctly.

Well, I'm moving across states to graduate school in just a couple of months, so nothing serious could come of it. But if he'd be content casually dating me and enjoying what little time we DO have, I'd be totally down. I'm pretty smitten with him.

That's funny that I seem like an ENTP to you, because I test ENFJ very consistently, but I guess the way I approach problems is very analysis-driven. I sense my feelings guiding my decision-making and I try to reign them in. That's why I even posted the original entry; mostly, it was the fact that I sorta thought he was gonna come into Seattle on Friday and see me... but then he was like "Yeah, my friends aren't getting together, nothing's going on, so I think I'll just stay home." And I felt, "Well, if he won't come to Seattle just to see me, he must not be that into me," and felt hurt by the slight.

But since conferring with others and examining his overall behavior, I've been forced to conclude that that one action isn't indicative of how he really feels. Being strongly F, I just got butt-hurt (like usual) when a little fantasy in my head didn't turn out like I wanted it to...

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anotherjenny

· #34 · May 2, 2011

PAdude said:
I'd say if he likes ou then he would take the time. What you'd have to worry about more with an INTP is if he has personal interests that take up his time. Don't attempt to date one if you expect him to significantly cut down on the amount of time he spends on personal events.

Nope, definitely wouldn't expect that, and I know exactly what you mean-- I dated an INTJ for 5 years and yeah, the INTs definitely have their own inner life that I respect. Being a writer, I have the same thing going on. I'm in the middle on E and I.

That's why I like male INTPs, or at the ones I've met; no, their emotions aren't always transparent, but they're never smothering. As an independent girl, that's very attractive to me. I do not at all enjoy being put on a pedestal and being lavished with attention.

goodgracesbadinfluence

· #35 · May 3, 2011

anotherjenny said:
-Would an INTP decide driving 45 minutes to see a girl for a night wasn't worth the time, even if he liked her? As in, is this standard behavior?

I drive an hour and back to see my boyfriend for five or six hours. It's worth the time to me, as long as I have the gas and can afford the gas. I'd imagine most INTPs are similar.

anotherjenny said:
- Would an INTP texting a girl at 12am, claiming boredom, actually be texting her for reasons other than boredom?

Maybe, maybe not... although reading too much into texting patterns is kind of annoying and I know I don't really analyze why I text people. I just want to talk to them. Although I'm more extroverted than most INTPs so that has a lot to do with it.

XO Skeleton

· #36 · May 3, 2011

I don't really like talking about relationships involving myself to anyone; not even my friends. But since you're all INTP's I guess I will share one story that happened about 2 weeks ago.

I was talking to an INFP (I know NT/NF death spiral) and at first i was not even interested in her. We just talked a few times, but one night after history class we really hit it off. We spoke some more and all of a sudden I made a shocking revelation. I'm developing feelings *gasp* for this girl.

I tried to ignore them, but I couldn't do it. I also wanted to avoid the "friend zone" because having feelings for someone and only being seen a "friend" is torture. I decided to ask her out.

Now, when we had talked before, she slightly mentioned that she had a boyfriend. This, of course, meant nothing to me for many reasons:

1.) When we started talking, she said that she never did anything fun and that she did not have any friends. A couple minutes later, she said something about her boyfriend. (red flag, dont most people NOT forget about their SO. On top of that, if the boyfriend does exist, he must be a lame ass for not taking his cute GF anywhere).

2.) 9/10 when I talk to a girl, she says she has a boyfriend. I have literally over 20 counterattacks for when a girl says she has a BF.

Back to the story.

It's about to be spring break, so I ask her if she has anything planned. She said she's just going to 6 flags. I'm thinking it's with her BF, but no; it's with her family. I see this as a chance.

I wait until class is over so she's not on the spot and tell her that since she doesn't have any plans, does she wanna go with me to see a movie. First thing she says is she has to work. I say, "There are 24 hrs in the day. You only work for 8 of them so what are you doing for the other 16?" She takes a pause and then says, "Well, I don't know if I should." I ask her for clarification and she says she has a BF. At this point, everyone from the class comes outside so I get her # and she dashes off to her car.

I assume it's all good. I wait a few days and I giver her a call and leave a msg. I didn't hear anything from her so I just assumed she wasn't interested. I sulked for about a day then I was over it. It felt so good to just tell her than to keep it inside. Anyway, I saw her again at school and she acted all funny style like she didn't want to talk to me. Whatever, it's her loss.

Damn this post is hella long. Sorry:dry:

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XO Skeleton

· #37 · May 3, 2011

Damn, I totally forgot about these questions.

What kind of people are you usually attracted to and how do you deal with it?
I like people who are down to earth and somewhat calm. I just can't get with a person who is really hyper. My chameleon power would be drained in no time. I like to be with someone when I can be myself.
Is it the appearance or the personality that does it for an INTP?
We are humans, so I must have some kind of a physical attractions. You don't have to be a model, but in some kind of shape. As I've gotten older, I look more at the person's personality than anything else. I like nice girls which are sometimes hard to find because I dress like a thug lol.
Do first impressions count?
Not really. Simply because I know the first impressions I give off are horrible. Especially if I'm having a bad day.
Are you the first to make a move or not and how do you act around the particular person?
Recently, I have been the one to make the 1st move cuz I'm horny and closed mouths don't get fed.
Do you withdraw even more or feel more open with him/her?
After some convo I feel more open and more likely to be myself than a chameleon. I don't show my full nerd side though. They will know when they enter my room and see all my anime posters. :crazy:

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LQ9

· #38 · May 3, 2011

highlandstorm said:
Caring like - brotherly/sisterly caring or less or different? I'm trying to understand what an INTP ex of mine felt about his past relationships... He said he still cared about them too, and that he wanted them to be happy, and that they were very close... it sounded to me like if he still cared enough to check up on her regularly then he wasn't over her... but I was too scared to ask him about that...

I've never been great at distinguishing between different kinds of caring... I know in one case I definitely would not want to be in another romantic relationship with that person again anytime soon. I care about him deeply, but in a platonic way. I don't have any siblings, so perhaps I can't say whether it's in a brotherly/sisterly way.

Let's see... in other situations I've been more open to trying it again. It depends on the way the relationship ends.

I guess, for me, and possibly/possibly not for other INTPs, finding a close and deep relationship happens very rarely. If you only expect to have a handful of those in your lifetime, it seems like a tragedy to let them go. The romantic aspect is less important than the intellectual/emotional connection. So I guess I can say I've never really gotten over anyone, but I've moved on romantically.

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Electric Feel

· #39 · Nov 25, 2014

I might be alittle late on this thread, sorry but any of your robot hearts and minds get over your crushes? If so how and why?

forgotten reason

· #40 · Nov 25, 2014

Electric Feel said:
I might be alittle late on this thread, sorry but any of your robot hearts and minds get over your crushes? If so how and why?

Unexposure. Eventually they'll just turn into a curious abstract notion associated with something random. The stronger the feelings, the longer this will take.

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