Thanks.
An INTP's Crush
What kind of people are you usually attracted to and how do you deal with it?
Is it the appearance or the personality that does it for an INTP?
Do first impressions count?
Are you the first to make a move or not and how do you act around the particular person? Do you withdraw even more or feel more open with him/her?
Any past events based on the question you would like to share...?
Is it the appearance or the personality that does it for an INTP?
Do first impressions count?
Are you the first to make a move or not and how do you act around the particular person? Do you withdraw even more or feel more open with him/her?
Any past events based on the question you would like to share...?
41 - 60 of 78 Posts
What kind of people are you usually attracted to and how do you deal with it?
physically, there is not a rule. It is just hormones and chemistry. Emotionally, I have always been attracted by quite (even shy), intelligent and open minded men, with a great sense of humor.
Is it the appearance or the personality that does it for an INTP?
Personality. But I have to admit that I have a preference for big noses and big theet. And open smiles.
Do first impressions count?
Yes and not. A first impression on the appearance doesn't count. I didn't find my husband handsome at the first sight, but then I knew him and his personality and he became the most handsome man on the earth, for me. A bad first impression on personality.. yes, it counts. If somebody is arrogant or mean or stupid the first time I met him, I create strong prejudice about him, and it is very difficoult to cancel that impression. I tend to think that he is trying to please me if he change his manners the second time we meet. I think that he is acting in a hypcrite way.
Are you the first to make a move or not and how do you act around the particular person?
I don't make the first move but in is always clear when I like somebody. I become more clumsy than usual, I blush, look at him a lot, I smile without reasons and often I can't keep my mouth close and I make compliments to the person I like. So everybody who I have had a crush on, have always understood it and gave me an answer, in some way.
Do you withdraw even more or feel more open with him/her?
At first maybe I withdraw, but it is so clear when I have a crush that usually this part is very short. When I have a relationship with somebody, I am very open. Almost transparent. I'm not good in keeping secrets and I find it pointless to hide something to the person that you love.
Any past events based on the question you would like to share...?
When I first met my husband I didn't find him so attractive. Then, the second time I met him, I was in his car with other friends, and I listened to the music he had choosed and I asked "who choosed this music?". When he answered I began to find him interesting and tryed to know him better. We talked a lot that evening, he had a great sense of humor and he was shy, but very intelligent and open minded. I began to feel something for him and it become really evident to everybody. It was the same for him and we passed three-four days always togheter. Our friends was there, but we always chatted togheter and laughed by ourselves... After four days he simply kissed me. It was 17 years ago. We never left. And it was very strange to me because I was never been so in love with somebody. It was the first time that I didn't feel bored by a boy. I had always dumped my previous boyfriends after 1-3 mounths before him, because they were too clingy and I feeled suffocated by their attentions. Not my husband. With him I feel free, but loved. And it is fantastic.
Oh, he is an INTP too, but I didn't know. We made the test only some weeks ago.
physically, there is not a rule. It is just hormones and chemistry. Emotionally, I have always been attracted by quite (even shy), intelligent and open minded men, with a great sense of humor.
Is it the appearance or the personality that does it for an INTP?
Personality. But I have to admit that I have a preference for big noses and big theet. And open smiles.
Do first impressions count?
Yes and not. A first impression on the appearance doesn't count. I didn't find my husband handsome at the first sight, but then I knew him and his personality and he became the most handsome man on the earth, for me. A bad first impression on personality.. yes, it counts. If somebody is arrogant or mean or stupid the first time I met him, I create strong prejudice about him, and it is very difficoult to cancel that impression. I tend to think that he is trying to please me if he change his manners the second time we meet. I think that he is acting in a hypcrite way.
Are you the first to make a move or not and how do you act around the particular person?
I don't make the first move but in is always clear when I like somebody. I become more clumsy than usual, I blush, look at him a lot, I smile without reasons and often I can't keep my mouth close and I make compliments to the person I like. So everybody who I have had a crush on, have always understood it and gave me an answer, in some way.
Do you withdraw even more or feel more open with him/her?
At first maybe I withdraw, but it is so clear when I have a crush that usually this part is very short. When I have a relationship with somebody, I am very open. Almost transparent. I'm not good in keeping secrets and I find it pointless to hide something to the person that you love.
Any past events based on the question you would like to share...?
When I first met my husband I didn't find him so attractive. Then, the second time I met him, I was in his car with other friends, and I listened to the music he had choosed and I asked "who choosed this music?". When he answered I began to find him interesting and tryed to know him better. We talked a lot that evening, he had a great sense of humor and he was shy, but very intelligent and open minded. I began to feel something for him and it become really evident to everybody. It was the same for him and we passed three-four days always togheter. Our friends was there, but we always chatted togheter and laughed by ourselves... After four days he simply kissed me. It was 17 years ago. We never left. And it was very strange to me because I was never been so in love with somebody. It was the first time that I didn't feel bored by a boy. I had always dumped my previous boyfriends after 1-3 mounths before him, because they were too clingy and I feeled suffocated by their attentions. Not my husband. With him I feel free, but loved. And it is fantastic.
Oh, he is an INTP too, but I didn't know. We made the test only some weeks ago.
I think that I'm attracted to vulnerability. I love shy girls. For me, appearance and personality seem to blend. Personalities always seem to match appearances quite well.
It only takes me a couple seconds to judge whether or not I like someone. On a few occasions, I've fallen for girls instantly and then had to slowly and subtly gain their trust and affection over days and weeks. xD
Since I only like shy girls, I'm always the first to make a move. Since I have nothing to lose, I'm not anxious at all about it. I feel much more open with shy people. Maybe it's because I don't feel like my own feelings and vulnerabilities make me inferior to them. No matter the reason, they're the only people that my subconscious allows me to have feelings for.
It only takes me a couple seconds to judge whether or not I like someone. On a few occasions, I've fallen for girls instantly and then had to slowly and subtly gain their trust and affection over days and weeks. xD
Since I only like shy girls, I'm always the first to make a move. Since I have nothing to lose, I'm not anxious at all about it. I feel much more open with shy people. Maybe it's because I don't feel like my own feelings and vulnerabilities make me inferior to them. No matter the reason, they're the only people that my subconscious allows me to have feelings for.
Something in my mind is telling me this is an INFP INTP relationship, i dont know how to exactly explain it in words atm but i might be wrongWhat kind of people are you usually attracted to and how do you deal with it?
physically, there is not a rule. It is just hormones and chemistry. Emotionally, I have always been attracted by quite (even shy), intelligent and open minded men, with a great sense of humor.
Is it the appearance or the personality that does it for an INTP?
Personality. But I have to admit that I have a preference for big noses and big theet. And open smiles.
Do first impressions count?
Yes and not. A first impression on the appearance doesn't count. I didn't find my husband handsome at the first sight, but then I knew him and his personality and he became the most handsome man on the earth, for me. A bad first impression on personality.. yes, it counts. If somebody is arrogant or mean or stupid the first time I met him, I create strong prejudice about him, and it is very difficoult to cancel that impression. I tend to think that he is trying to please me if he change his manners the second time we meet. I think that he is acting in a hypcrite way.
Are you the first to make a move or not and how do you act around the particular person?
I don't make the first move but in is always clear when I like somebody. I become more clumsy than usual, I blush, look at him a lot, I smile without reasons and often I can't keep my mouth close and I make compliments to the person I like. So everybody who I have had a crush on, have always understood it and gave me an answer, in some way.
Do you withdraw even more or feel more open with him/her?
At first maybe I withdraw, but it is so clear when I have a crush that usually this part is very short. When I have a relationship with somebody, I am very open. Almost transparent. I'm not good in keeping secrets and I find it pointless to hide something to the person that you love.
Any past events based on the question you would like to share...?
When I first met my husband I didn't find him so attractive. Then, the second time I met him, I was in his car with other friends, and I listened to the music he had choosed and I asked "who choosed this music?". When he answered I began to find him interesting and tryed to know him better. We talked a lot that evening, he had a great sense of humor and he was shy, but very intelligent and open minded. I began to feel something for him and it become really evident to everybody. It was the same for him and we passed three-four days always togheter. Our friends was there, but we always chatted togheter and laughed by ourselves... After four days he simply kissed me. It was 17 years ago. We never left. And it was very strange to me because I was never been so in love with somebody. It was the first time that I didn't feel bored by a boy. I had always dumped my previous boyfriends after 1-3 mounths before him, because they were too clingy and I feeled suffocated by their attentions. Not my husband. With him I feel free, but loved. And it is fantastic.
Oh, he is an INTP too, but I didn't know. We made the test only some weeks ago.
What kind of people are you usually attracted to and how do you deal with it?
"Attracted". So at first it is physical. I wouldn't say I'm attracted, but I notice with very few exceptions people that can be attractive to me, I'm very S in that sense. So females, particularly and non-mandatorily, redheads. There are quite a decent amount of physical features that appeal to me, listing them all would be too long, and there are also a consequent list of red-flags.
The thing is I don't let anything blur my mind until I have a glimpse of the person's personality. If I don't, well, she's pretty, ok, move on. But it becomes "a thing" when the person is curious about me or is trying to know me, or is playful with me and I notice it, which can take some awfully long time. Then I start doubting the intent, whatever it is, and why is that intent.
It becomes a crush when she is being interesting in some way or another.
Is it the appearance or the personality that does it for an INTP?
Personality.
Do first impressions count?
Yes ? No ? I don't know. Both.
Wait. No. I so rarely have crushes I had to expand the pool of people beyond potential crushes to answer that. Basically when I met a friend's roommate I found him annoying, hyper, loud, and disrespectful. Now that it's been 2 years I know him, he still has all those characteristics, but I got to see him tired, or in not very good moods, and he has a good heart, he's a nice person. It's just that when he is in a very good mood, he is SO draining to just be around. We all agreed to that when speaking about him. After all, my friend didn't choose him as a roommate out of nowhere.
So I guess first impressions don't count a lot (but still a bit).
Are you the first to make a move or not and how do you act around the particular person? Do you withdraw even more or feel more open with him/her?
No. I am not only introverted, I am also shy. So I don't make a move, and I don't think I would if I was even sure of reciprocity. As for do I withdraw or feel more open, I depends on the activity, and on how close we are. I would say I feel more open, but that has (is) only happened (happening) once (now).
Any past events based on the question you would like to share...?
I had a crush in college, Emily. She was gorgeous, and first of the class for years. While I was waiting for an oral literature exam she got out of hers (my last name is alphabetically right after hers), we discussed for a bit, then she pat my head with a smile and left (internal reaction : « what the actual fu- » ; external reaction : aced the exam. Well, aced… I got just enough to pass, being the lazy fuck I am). I didn't hear from her for a loooong time after. Then we had a stalk session with my friends, and the crush was crushed, in matter of seconds. She had lost way to much weight. Now she's doing medical school, so more accomplished than I am, but she's an average skeletal Van Gogh. Also she had that hippy kind of attitude that was very charming, and now she tend to have a prude attitude and wears glittering dresses, and so on. What a waste. I now only remember her as she was in college, the new Emily doesn't exist, haha. My friends thought the same. One of her friends didn't change much, and she is quite attractive. I didn't develop a crush on her though, which is strange.
Nothing for years (computer science school, yay), and since I reconnected with my best friend, I developed a crush on his sister (I think) (you guys will confirm I hope), which is not awkward at all, heh. Cute in all ways possible, even if when looking at her I can see her younger mother, and that's a very disturbing mental picture. She could very well be a developed INTP, as she say she's an introvert but appears quite extraverted and outgoing (trained Fe). We discussed it for quite some time after she engaged conversation with me (still don't know why –"doubt intent" phase–). She tested INTJ like I do, but she's probably not, like I am not. We had very interesting conversations, all at her initiative, and none of them live. Afk, it's more awkward, as 1) her brother is around each time I see her ; 2) he suggested we got together few weeks after implying that "no" (internal reaction : « what the fuck man ? » ; external reaction : « what the fuck man ? »), and we both promptly avoided the question for different reasons ; 3) she pokes and tries to troll me (she's extraverted in that sense, very playful), like he does ; 4) I don't react much, and stay mostly silent unless I 3) her back. However, I enjoy her presence, and each time she initiates conversation, it brightens the day, and that makes no sense. She's the second person out of this subforum I had deep conversations about borderline topics with. I guess she's the only one I really opened up to. That's strange to say this. The first one was not my shrink the time I had one, not for lack of tries, nor my usual friends, but another guy that became a friend (I should get news, it reminds me).
Good thing is, since her brother once basically stated that "no", it might seem that I am obsessed with her, but I can easily keep my head clear. I am not willing to lose a friend, so either he takes back his statement (and I certainly will not try to convince him to do so), is ok with such a weird situation, and we manage to somehow ask one another out, which I doubt we would do, or he doesn't and nothing will happen even if she tries. I don't even know if she would be interested. I mean, why would she ?
Ok, I will have to stop opening up. Plus I'm pretty sure I'm redundant. STOP IT FE ! These random asterisks are driving me nuts.
I am easily distracted, so a gaming session, an interesting article, a good read, practicing sports to exhaustion, oh seeing friends can make me forget a crush in a matter of hours. Time is powerful, too and erodes any kind of… whatever a crush is. I sometimes look back, and think it is nice, but as long as there's no reciprocity, there's nothing, really. In its worst form, it is a fantasy.
"Attracted". So at first it is physical. I wouldn't say I'm attracted, but I notice with very few exceptions people that can be attractive to me, I'm very S in that sense. So females, particularly and non-mandatorily, redheads. There are quite a decent amount of physical features that appeal to me, listing them all would be too long, and there are also a consequent list of red-flags.
The thing is I don't let anything blur my mind until I have a glimpse of the person's personality. If I don't, well, she's pretty, ok, move on. But it becomes "a thing" when the person is curious about me or is trying to know me, or is playful with me and I notice it, which can take some awfully long time. Then I start doubting the intent, whatever it is, and why is that intent.
It becomes a crush when she is being interesting in some way or another.
Is it the appearance or the personality that does it for an INTP?
Personality.
Do first impressions count?
Yes ? No ? I don't know. Both.
Wait. No. I so rarely have crushes I had to expand the pool of people beyond potential crushes to answer that. Basically when I met a friend's roommate I found him annoying, hyper, loud, and disrespectful. Now that it's been 2 years I know him, he still has all those characteristics, but I got to see him tired, or in not very good moods, and he has a good heart, he's a nice person. It's just that when he is in a very good mood, he is SO draining to just be around. We all agreed to that when speaking about him. After all, my friend didn't choose him as a roommate out of nowhere.
So I guess first impressions don't count a lot (but still a bit).
Are you the first to make a move or not and how do you act around the particular person? Do you withdraw even more or feel more open with him/her?
No. I am not only introverted, I am also shy. So I don't make a move, and I don't think I would if I was even sure of reciprocity. As for do I withdraw or feel more open, I depends on the activity, and on how close we are. I would say I feel more open, but that has (is) only happened (happening) once (now).
Any past events based on the question you would like to share...?
I had a crush in college, Emily. She was gorgeous, and first of the class for years. While I was waiting for an oral literature exam she got out of hers (my last name is alphabetically right after hers), we discussed for a bit, then she pat my head with a smile and left (internal reaction : « what the actual fu- » ; external reaction : aced the exam. Well, aced… I got just enough to pass, being the lazy fuck I am). I didn't hear from her for a loooong time after. Then we had a stalk session with my friends, and the crush was crushed, in matter of seconds. She had lost way to much weight. Now she's doing medical school, so more accomplished than I am, but she's an average skeletal Van Gogh. Also she had that hippy kind of attitude that was very charming, and now she tend to have a prude attitude and wears glittering dresses, and so on. What a waste. I now only remember her as she was in college, the new Emily doesn't exist, haha. My friends thought the same. One of her friends didn't change much, and she is quite attractive. I didn't develop a crush on her though, which is strange.
Nothing for years (computer science school, yay), and since I reconnected with my best friend, I developed a crush on his sister (I think) (you guys will confirm I hope), which is not awkward at all, heh. Cute in all ways possible, even if when looking at her I can see her younger mother, and that's a very disturbing mental picture. She could very well be a developed INTP, as she say she's an introvert but appears quite extraverted and outgoing (trained Fe). We discussed it for quite some time after she engaged conversation with me (still don't know why –"doubt intent" phase–). She tested INTJ like I do, but she's probably not, like I am not. We had very interesting conversations, all at her initiative, and none of them live. Afk, it's more awkward, as 1) her brother is around each time I see her ; 2) he suggested we got together few weeks after implying that "no" (internal reaction : « what the fuck man ? » ; external reaction : « what the fuck man ? »), and we both promptly avoided the question for different reasons ; 3) she pokes and tries to troll me (she's extraverted in that sense, very playful), like he does ; 4) I don't react much, and stay mostly silent unless I 3) her back. However, I enjoy her presence, and each time she initiates conversation, it brightens the day, and that makes no sense. She's the second person out of this subforum I had deep conversations about borderline topics with. I guess she's the only one I really opened up to. That's strange to say this. The first one was not my shrink the time I had one, not for lack of tries, nor my usual friends, but another guy that became a friend (I should get news, it reminds me).
Good thing is, since her brother once basically stated that "no", it might seem that I am obsessed with her, but I can easily keep my head clear. I am not willing to lose a friend, so either he takes back his statement (and I certainly will not try to convince him to do so), is ok with such a weird situation, and we manage to somehow ask one another out, which I doubt we would do, or he doesn't and nothing will happen even if she tries. I don't even know if she would be interested. I mean, why would she ?
Ok, I will have to stop opening up. Plus I'm pretty sure I'm redundant. STOP IT FE ! These random asterisks are driving me nuts.
As long as Ti isn't drowning in Fe, it's quite effortless for me. See the two crushes I described. The first one was over the day after my literature exam (and then completely crushed at the stalk session), the second one would have to wait for friend's validation to go further, so…I might be a little late on this thread, sorry but any of your robot hearts and minds get over your crushes? If so how and why?
I am easily distracted, so a gaming session, an interesting article, a good read, practicing sports to exhaustion, oh seeing friends can make me forget a crush in a matter of hours. Time is powerful, too and erodes any kind of… whatever a crush is. I sometimes look back, and think it is nice, but as long as there's no reciprocity, there's nothing, really. In its worst form, it is a fantasy.
interesting...Something in my mind is telling me this is an INFP INTP relationship, i dont know how to exactly explain it in words atm but i might be wrong
I guess why...
I don't think I am an INFP. I'm all but idealist, and I'm very rational an logic.
First time I did the test (actually I did three different test) I did not like the INTP response. I would have prefer to be an INFP, more altruistic and kind, but then I had to admit that I'm not so altruistic and empathetic... Yes, I don't like injustices, and abuses of powers on the weakest, but who likes them?
Maybe my husband is more sensitive than me, but altought sometime I think he is an ISTP more than a INTP, I've never considered him an INFP. I have to study him better... well... he is surely more kind than me, and he give me many attentions...
I don't know... I will think about it ...
The time I fell hardest for someone, when I was in the middle of a conversation with her (for which I didn't have feelings for her before this) she was definitely on the quiet side, she answered questions I asked slowly but very efficiently in a way that impressed me, no impression of overeagerness whatsoever. No real laughter either, just smiling every once in awhile. Definitely a sense of genuine-ness. And when she wouldn't talk and look away or what not, somehow I could relate to how she did this. And then when I'd start talking to someone else I got the distinct impression that while she was looking into my eyes and observing my behavior, she understood me better than anyone else ever has. Of course a lot of this could be dellusional - and really the idea of this was what I was more attached to than anything else. It was as if my Fe was giving me more "valuable" information about her than my Ti was capable of.
It's horrifying how much I relate to what you just said. Seriously.Text wall
On a sidenote, I'll probably answer the questions later, my mind is way too scattered right now.
Don't you dare have the same crush as me.It's horrifying how much I relate to what you just said. Seriously.
Oh, right. You got me. Sorry. Backing off - commencing now.Don't you dare have the same crush as me.
But I still wanna hear your story.Oh, right. You got me. Sorry. Backing off - commencing now.
I am above all attracted to intelligence. If you are incredibly smart, and don't hide it, then no matter what you look like, chances are I'm attracted to you, at least slightly. I'm also pretty sure I'm attracted to certain types of intelligence, I'm still trying to figure out which. If you're ugly, (sorry), then I've trained myself to pick out flaws about you so I won't fall in love with your intelligence.
Personality always comes first. Always. I've had crushes before based off of appearance before, but they never last.
For me first impressions don't count. It's like a science experiment. Even if it goes horribly wrong the first time, you can't possibly have enough evidence to make a conclusion.
Some of the people I've liked in the past I now hate. It depends on how deep my feelings for them were, and how time I spent thinking about them. If the feelings were deep but they no longer exist, chances are I hate them. I don't start to dislike them until the feeling disappear completely though.
Personality always comes first. Always. I've had crushes before based off of appearance before, but they never last.
For me first impressions don't count. It's like a science experiment. Even if it goes horribly wrong the first time, you can't possibly have enough evidence to make a conclusion.
Some of the people I've liked in the past I now hate. It depends on how deep my feelings for them were, and how time I spent thinking about them. If the feelings were deep but they no longer exist, chances are I hate them. I don't start to dislike them until the feeling disappear completely though.
In time. I need to read this new Facebook privacy policy, then eat something, get distracted in the meantime, maybe listen to some Stravinsky for my music test tomorrow, then hopefully remember that I need to re-examine my approach to crushes, then do it and see if I can write a coherent statement or two. D:But I still wanna hear your story.
I've had too many bad past experiences to even want to fall in love. I just want a friend.
*written whilst desperately procrastinating about finishing an essay due soon*
My crushes are always bizarre. They seem to occur whenever I'm going through a quiet time at work/college and am slightly bored. The people that it happens with seem to have nothing really in common. It doesn't seem to matter what they look like or how they act. It's just that there should be something there, just under the surface, that doesn't gel with the rest of the persona. Something to be figured out. Its intriguing and draws me in. There also seems to be a common thread of unavailability.
I watch them and try to figure out as much as I can about them. Catching sight of them during my day can make me feel oddly elevated. I find myself daydreaming about conversations that we could have, places we could go together and how we could survive a zombie apocalypse together. I make sure that no hint of this is apparent to the other person (well I try my best to- as I get older I wonder if my poker face is as great as I think it is). I continue to act the same as I ever did around them. Every now and then, you have to slip the leash of the feels -let them go mad for a bit- but that's no reason to declare undying love to some poor, unsuspecting person. Neither do I stalk them in anyway-that would be cheating.
Then, after about two weeks or so, brain weighs in on the issue and shuts it down. The feels have usually pretty much burnt themselves out by this time. The brain quite logically points out that this person in my mind is almost completely made up and bears little resemblance to the original. I feel a bit relieved and maybe a little reassured that I can still get a bit of energy up for unnecessary things. It's also somewhat like catching a cold that reminds you to slow down and take better care of yourself, both mentally and physically. It's bizarre though.
My crushes are always bizarre. They seem to occur whenever I'm going through a quiet time at work/college and am slightly bored. The people that it happens with seem to have nothing really in common. It doesn't seem to matter what they look like or how they act. It's just that there should be something there, just under the surface, that doesn't gel with the rest of the persona. Something to be figured out. Its intriguing and draws me in. There also seems to be a common thread of unavailability.
I watch them and try to figure out as much as I can about them. Catching sight of them during my day can make me feel oddly elevated. I find myself daydreaming about conversations that we could have, places we could go together and how we could survive a zombie apocalypse together. I make sure that no hint of this is apparent to the other person (well I try my best to- as I get older I wonder if my poker face is as great as I think it is). I continue to act the same as I ever did around them. Every now and then, you have to slip the leash of the feels -let them go mad for a bit- but that's no reason to declare undying love to some poor, unsuspecting person. Neither do I stalk them in anyway-that would be cheating.
Then, after about two weeks or so, brain weighs in on the issue and shuts it down. The feels have usually pretty much burnt themselves out by this time. The brain quite logically points out that this person in my mind is almost completely made up and bears little resemblance to the original. I feel a bit relieved and maybe a little reassured that I can still get a bit of energy up for unnecessary things. It's also somewhat like catching a cold that reminds you to slow down and take better care of yourself, both mentally and physically. It's bizarre though.
I feel in love with ENTJ's or ESTJ's within the first 5 minutes of meeting them.
That reminds me of a friend (although suspected ENTP) who hosts strangers in compensation for less money than hostels to round up ends of months. Few weeks ago he hosted an acquaintance from Tunisia for a week, and the first evening, she asked him if he could take her to see the Eiffel Tower (which is always illuminated at night until 11pm-1am ; it's suspect to get asked that 1 on 1, even for us). They ended up doing the do right in front of it, on the Champ de Mars, and I think each day of that week after that in various places.I feel in love with ENTJ's or ESTJ's within the first 5 minutes of meeting them.
What the hell is going on with their aura of attractiveness ? Not sure if jealous, but I'm completely puzzled by that.
"Then, after about two weeks or so, brain weighs in on the issue and shuts it down. The feels have usually pretty much burnt themselves out by this time. The brain quite logically points out that this person in my mind is almost completely made up and bears little resemblance to the original. I feel a bit relieved and maybe a little reassured that I can still get a bit of energy up for unnecessary things. It's also somewhat like catching a cold that reminds you to slow down and take better care of yourself, both mentally and physically. It's bizarre though. "
I have experienced this with all of my past 'crushes.' However, this one guy who I have liked for going one 4 years, I have not been able to fade out of this mental disposition of thinking about him and the type of person he is.
I do not enjoy this mental state, and would like to end it. How can I do this?
I have experienced this with all of my past 'crushes.' However, this one guy who I have liked for going one 4 years, I have not been able to fade out of this mental disposition of thinking about him and the type of person he is.
I do not enjoy this mental state, and would like to end it. How can I do this?
This sounds like something deeper than just a crush. The crushes talked about that you quoted have that key point of the brain weighing in. In 4 years, your brain would have certainly done plenty of digging, and the feeling hasn't been contradicted by the brain? If so, then it really is something deeper. If there is a reality that keeps you from pursuing it (significant others, etc...), then the only solution is to distance yourself completely. Remove what is triggering it.4 years
If your brain still doesn't agree with what you are feeling, but you haven't been able to stop the feeling side, then after 4 years I'd bet that your brain is making excuses, trying to find reasons why not to. Feelings can lie to you, especially if there is any past traumas, but they generally don't. Even for INTPs. Even if they are wildly off-base, it's usually not lying, just reacting to something your brain has produced that isn't accurate. For my part, it's fairly easy to trigger my fears of abuse or manipulation. Those fears aren't lies, but what they are reacting to is usually only a slice of the picture, or fabricated from some other source.
So 4 years on, I'd be looking at why it still happens, what is supporting it. Instead of just looking at how to get rid of it.
Well, I've come to the conclusion that the feeling isn't mutual. That being said, the logical thing to do is distance myself. The communication has been cut off from him but our mutual friends that keep bringing him up makes it difficult for me. Normally, focusing on this person's flaws would help me, but they are so minute and are outweighed by his positive qualities.So 4 years on, I'd be looking at why it still happens, what is supporting it. Instead of just looking at how to get rid of it.
I don't know the next step to get him off my mind.
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