An INTP's Crush

60908 Views 77 Replies 49 Participants Last post by HeadofHudet, Jun 1, 2017

Sibams

Discussion Starter · Jul 26, 2010

What kind of people are you usually attracted to and how do you deal with it?

Is it the appearance or the personality that does it for an INTP?
Do first impressions count?
Are you the first to make a move or not and how do you act around the particular person? Do you withdraw even more or feel more open with him/her?

Any past events based on the question you would like to share...?

61 - 78 of 78 Posts

mental blockstack

· #61 · Sep 3, 2015

Sibams said:
What kind of people are you usually attracted to and how do you deal with it?

Is it the appearance or the personality that does it for an INTP?
Do first impressions count?
Are you the first to make a move or not and how do you act around the particular person? Do you withdraw even more or feel more open with him/her?

Any past events based on the question you would like to share...?

I always end up with IxFx types, easier attraction on both ends probably.

Appearance catches attention first, but then their personality also has to be more than acceptable.
First impressions count... for my presentation. I'm 99% of the time going to be less judgmental about first impression than she is.

Ideally her appearance of being pretty and interest-provoking would excite me enough to approach, but my 5/Ti always kicks in and goes "OKAY HOW TO DO THIS" and feels a need to have an effective opening line. I need to get better at just saying hi, and then rolling with the environment and conversation in real time, if I don't have one for the situation. (The best one I ever did included both good opener and good conversation flow, and led to a relationship, so it's worth something.)

zest

· #62 · Sep 3, 2015

yen2288 said:
Remove what is triggering it.

It would be social media and our mutual friends. But, isn't that a bit dramatic? I could give up social media...
There was a point in this 4 year period where he was the one interested in me, in fact, he initiated it. It has all faded and I would like to be done with all of it. For my sake, I don't like thinking about his character or about the situation at all. It's mentally draining.

yen2288

· #63 · Sep 3, 2015

Yeah, I can see that would be hard, though perhaps some quiet requests would minimize it?

When I went No-Contact on my narcissist ex-wife, social media has been the remaining problem. She is blocked completely, but there are still people in my family that maintain contact with her.

zest

· #64 · Sep 3, 2015

d.coybunny said:
Then, after about two weeks or so, brain weighs in on the issue and shuts it down. The feels have usually pretty much burnt themselves out by this time. The brain quite logically points out that this person in my mind is almost completely made up and bears little resemblance to the original. I feel a bit relieved and maybe a little reassured that I can still get a bit of energy up for unnecessary things. It's also somewhat like catching a cold that reminds you to slow down and take better care of yourself, both mentally and physically. It's bizarre though.

So far my analysis of the guy seems to be accurate. The one time I discussed with a friend my opinion of him, i asked her to let me know if I was blowing anything out of proportion. And nothing had been pointed out to me. Everyone has nothing actually majorly bad to say about him, making this hard for my mind to suppress the feels.

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zest

· #65 · Sep 3, 2015

Molock said:
It can take a second or a few months (depending on the circumstances). If I were to learn that my crush now has a significant other all emotions seems to instantly vanish (which is weird because when I imagine hypothetical situations about this happening I think that I'd be very jealous and vengeful). If we are separated by distance and time however it can take me several months for the feelings to cease.

Do you think there is any way we can speed that process? I'm in the latter scenario.

I've noticed that in the past my crush, who found someone else, indeed diminished the pining process. When I saw how happy this guy was with his partner, I felt content. I also mentally gloated considering that the new girl wasn't at the same mental par as I was.
However, I feel with this punk, I can't help but feeling that he is above me both mentally and morally. If he found someone else, I fear that I would start to sink into some low esteem and become irrationally emotional.

I have attempted to sever all strings with this person, discreetly, but we are still bound by mutual friends and social media. I could do more, such as removing him or myself from social media. But when I take a step back, I aggravate myself for not being able to handle these ties. ESPECIALLY, since this guy has not done anything wrong or has helped me decide that he is unworthy of my attention.

Shio

· #66 · Sep 4, 2015

What kind of people are you usually attracted to and how do you deal with it?
I am attracted to people that are humbled, independent, sweet, reserved, quiet, open minded, confident and knows what they want out of life.

Is it the appearance or the personality that does it for an INTP?
The personality. Looks do play a role in my initial attraction to them but the personality is what really draws me in. I find someone's mind very attractive.

Do first impressions count?
Yes, it is important because I will end up thinking about them later on but it takes more than first impressions to force me to feel

Are you the first to make a move or not and how do you act around the particular person? Do you withdraw even more or feel more open with him/her?

I don't make the first move to initiate conversation. But if I'm already friends with the person, I have no quails about confessing my feelings for them. However, I only confess so I could stop feeling that way for them (it drives me nuts and I don't like it).

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Monty

· #67 · Sep 6, 2015

Hot dang this is a good one.

What kind of people are you usually attracted to and how do you deal with it?
I am attracted to awkward people. You know, I used to be attracted to very quiet people, but maybe not so anymore. I'm a lot more social now and I'd like someone who can hold a conversation with me.

I wouldn't mind having a little task if the person was totally awesome and omg so in love, but other than that, meh... So. much. work. so. little. social. skills. can't. do. ehhhhh....

Is it the appearance or the personality that does it for an INTP?
PERSONALITY, DUH. Who cares the guy could have a giant hairy mole in between his eyes honestly it's hard enough to find ANYONE who is like me. You have to treasure what you've got.

Do first impressions count?
At first, they do, but not after... (what kind of goddamn question is thi... Just kidding)

Are you the first to make a move or not and how do you act around the particular person? Do you withdraw even more or feel more open with him/her?
Too scary, can't do... Live alone forever... Yes... Well, it depends on the type. If he's one of those super hotties then I would probably act awkward and creepy. Yep, sounds like me... If he's someone I actually feel comfortable around then I literally feel like I could talk about anything with him and it would be magical and awesome and oohhh. Well. I've never personally been in a situation like this. (Hermit is I) But theoretically(lol), I would withdraw if he came at me first. (Is he playing a dirty trick on me get away now) If I came at HIM first, well then that means I'm totally comfortable with him... (Theoretically)

Any past events based on the question you would like to share...?
I am dog.

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MissMo

· #68 · Sep 9, 2015

What kind of people are you usually attracted to and how do you deal with it?

Intelligent and ambitious. I find extroverts fascinating and intriguing.

Is it the appearance or the personality that does it for an INTP?

Personality and its tested. I've had crushes on guys that are all over the spectrum of physical attractiveness (as I define it).

Do first impressions count?

I don't really follow the rule - first impression is the last impression.
But, if your first impression is that of a sexist, then I am not gonna bother reviewing your character.

Are you the first to make a move or not and how do you act around the particular person? Do you withdraw even more or feel more open with him/her?

First to make a move - In real life, no. On the internet, yes.
I act normal. Neither go overboard nor withdraw.
I open up real slow. I don't tell most people a lot of stuff.

Any past events based on the question you would like to share...?
For me, online dating is the way to go.

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Blackknight72

· #69 · Sep 11, 2015

Sibams said:
What kind of people are you usually attracted to

I don't have a fixed type, but the most enduring qualities have been intelligence, self-respect, and integrity. immaturity has always been the big turn off.

Sibams said:
and how do you deal with it?

By retreating, building a fort, and observing via binoculars from afar.

Sibams said:
Is it the appearance or the personality that does it for an INTP?
Do first impressions count?

appearance may inspire a few glances, but personality would engender action. first impressions are generally immaterial

Sibams said:
Are you the first to make a move or not and how do you act around the particular person? Do you withdraw even more or feel more open with him/her?

initially i'll withdraw as much as possible, then, if they still seem desirable, i'll slowly open up more and more.

Amelia

· #70 · Sep 11, 2015 (Edited)

What kind of people are you usually attracted to and how do you deal with it?
Recently, I've seen myself attracted to outgoing, open personalities. I hate people who mumble and shrink away in a social situation. I like a strong, alpha male. However, I like a caring, insightful, and practical strong male, not a douchebag. Trust me, i can easily distinguish the two.
Unfortunately, the type I'm attracted to doesn't always hold a good connection in the long run. I think I'm just attracted to the ever-rare ENTJs or ENFJs

Is it the appearance or the personality that does it for an INTP?
To be honest, appearance will always be what grabs my attention first. Yeah, I'll be the one to admit it. You don't have to necessarily be the best-looking to capture my attention, I just have to be attracted to you. (personally, I like tall men who are white-tan with dark hair. But you don't have to have those qualities, it's just what I'm naturally attracted to.)
However, our first conversation... That is when i'll be able to tell if those looks are worth anything at all.

Do first impressions count?
First impressions aren't everything, but it's definitely the thing that will grab my attention. My boyfriend made a positive impression on me immediately. I can definitely credit the beginning of our relationship to that first encounter.

Are you the first to make a move or not and how do you act around the particular person? Do you withdraw even more or feel more open with him/her?
No, I usually never make the first move.
I act like myself, for the most part. maybe a little more outgoing than usual.
It depends on the person. I've never met a potential mate that I've been able to completely open up to on the get-go. So, no.

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Elegant_Emu.

· #71 · May 28, 2017

-What kind of people are you usually attracted to and how do you deal with it?

I usually like people who appreciate intelligence and knowledge as much as me, who are interesting in general, have a good sense of humour and can connect with me on an intellectual level (if I like anyone at all). I usually, at first, simply disregard these feelings but then, once I have accepted them, I over analyse the person I like and even go to the extent of researching body language in detail.

-Is it the appearance or personality that does it for the INTP?

Well, of course the person has to be decent, well groomed and approachable, but overall it is most certainly the personality that makes me like the person for definite. Then afterwards, I appreciate the physical aspects of the person, i.e. Oh their hairs actually looks really good. But, I am not usually attracted to conventionally gorgeous people anyway.

-Do first impressions count?

Well, to an extent. If they are a horrible person that really doesn't appreciate things and has a split personality and a bad reputation, the chances of me trying to get to know them are slim due to my analytical, shy nature. However if they are simply quiet or a bit closed, I will find that person interesting and analyse them to death, whereas others would think they are stuck up or rude.

-Are you the first to make the move or not and how do you act around the particular person? Do you withdraw even more or feel moe open with him or her?

-If I deem them perfectly capable of making a move, then I wouldn't as I would be risking rejection; if they were uncomfortable with it then I would. Usually I act extremely openly with the person I like, depending on whether they are intimidating or not. I also try to be funny, this is quite successful, or challenge them intellectually (intp flirting 101). Sometimes I say awkward some pretty awkward stuff though that doesn't even make sense - but the right person will love me for it!

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Tamehagane

· #72 · May 28, 2017

I'm usually attracted to guys who are physically attractive.

It helps if I've never spoken to them, because in my mind they have whatever personality I give them.

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DarkBarlow

· #73 · Jun 1, 2017

Tamehagane said:
I'm usually attracted to guys who are physically attractive.

Summer squash Vegetable Cucumber Zucchini Cucumber, gourd, and melon family

I posted this a couple years back. It's a zucchini I grew in my backyard. Now don't read anything extra into this, sometimes a zucchini is just a zucchini. But if you look closely you can see I that when I took the picture my shirtless reflection was accidentally caught in the glass frame of the kitchen decor. Mmmm...topless gardening...sweaty man boobs.

Fifty. It's the new twenty.

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Eryngo

· #74 · Jun 1, 2017

Tamehagane said:
I'm usually attracted to guys who are physically attractive.

I've always (mostly accidentally) been the same way, but food for thought: when you finally bag one of these lovely specimens for life, you get a life of shameless hussies throwing themselves at him forever. Especially if he ages like a goddamn Pierce Brosnan or George Clooney.

I mean, mine is fiercely monogamous and adores me, but even so, if there ever is a next time, I'm going mutant. Just more peaceful that way. Especially since I no longer have to carry my Future Sweet Mutie's genes or anything. Serious. I'm going ugly or going home.

There's a similar drawback to marrying a super-attractive woman: when they start to lose their looks, they become neurotic freaks. I bet that's no fun either.

You're welcome, sour-grapes crowd. Now get out there and give the mingers a chance.

Reactions: 3

DarkBarlow

· #75 · Jun 1, 2017 (Edited)

Eryngo said:
Especially if he ages like a goddamn Pierce Brosnan or George Clooney.

Now get out there and give the ~~mingers~~ Spanky McFarlands a chance.

What ever happened to Spanky McFarland?

Facial expression Child Cheek Forehead Photography

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HeadofHudet

· #76 · Jun 1, 2017

DarkBarlow said:
View attachment 683338

I posted this a couple years back. It's a zucchini I grew in my backyard. Now don't read anything extra into this, sometimes a zucchini is just a zucchini. But if you look closely you can see I that when I took the picture my shirtless reflection was accidentally caught in the glass frame of the kitchen decor. Mmmm...topless gardening...sweaty man boobs.

Fifty. It's the new twenty.

And here I always thought you were black. Then again, in the reflection, you are. Hmm... this is one intriguing puzzle. Wait! Is this you?

And no, don't give me any rational explanation about how you're standing in front of the light source or anything like that. I'd rather still believe that you're in fact an alien.

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DarkBarlow

· #77 · Jun 1, 2017

HeadofHudet said:
And here I always thought you were black. Then again, in the reflection, you are. Hmm... this is one intriguing puzzle. Wait! Is this you?

View attachment 683434

And no, don't give me any rational explanation about how you're standing in front of the light source or anything like that. I'd rather still believe that you're in fact an alien.

It's not a left side/right side thing, it's an inside/outside thing. It's only to be expected...Without a picture, all you had to go on was soul.

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HeadofHudet

· #78 · Jun 1, 2017

DarkBarlow said:
It's not a left side/right side thing, it's an inside/outside thing. It's only to be expected...Without a picture, all you had to go on was soul.

That makes sense. I guess that it's a magical mirror then, one that shows your soul.

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