Personality Cafe banner

1 - 18 of 18 Posts

·
Banned
Joined
·
3,318 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
Hello!

I've been friends with this ISFP for years now, and he spoke to me today about asking out an INTP I've become close with recently. They're both very sweet people, and I like the idea of them being together, but I'm concerned about the logistics of an INTP/ISFP relationship. It's just not a match up I've even seen discussed, let alone in real life.

Do any of you have romantic experience with ISFPs? Or any ideas as to what the pros and cons of that kind of relationship would be?

Thanks in advance for any answers.

(P.S: The INTP is female and the ISFP is male, if that matters. There's also a significant age gap -- about 10 years.)
 
  • Like
Reactions: FishOni

·
Registered
Joined
·
713 Posts
I don't know if I can help much, but I can say that a good friend of mine is an ISFP. A long time ago we bonded over a shared interest in photography and art, and over the years she has helped me sort through emotions and figure out how I feel about things plenty of times, and that has been nice, but I don't think I could ever date her. Truth be told, I think I would grow bored with her if we were in an intimate relationship. Despite that, I would be lying if I said their wasn't any sexual attraction between us.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,260 Posts
My experience has been they are very intelligent and very nice. So I don't see why not.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
339 Posts
My younger brother is an ISFP, and we've always gotten along very well. The only thing is that they ere easily emotionally hurt, so you need to be careful about that.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Severin

·
Registered
Joined
·
793 Posts
@Zosio913

I've just embarked upon a relationship with an ISFP, I'll tell you how it goes ;)
She's 20, I'm 22. Up until now, our mutual joy for arts and creativity has been useful
 
  • Like
Reactions: Severin

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,711 Posts
Not speaking from experience here, but I can imagine that ISFP will have a challenge getting used to INTP's witty and non-witty retorts.
Yes, legit fear. I lose more than half my value when you take away the wit.


Slightly off-topic, but if I remember correctly you have a close INFJ contact (a good friend was it?). How does he/she - or any INFJ - respond to your humor?

I have been praised for my humor by an INFJ one once, but she never left me the excplicit impression until she literally told me. (And I am pretty good at reading people.) My former-kinda-employer, also an INFJ, never responded to any of my bits at all - some were really good as well... and it is really disappointing for me when they don't get recognized.

Some more distant, online INFJs I have talked to show similar tendencies. I don't know whether they don't understand my jokes, or maybe they omit to respond to them verbally/expressively, or perhaps they simply find my material unfunny, ... I don't know. Anyhow, I appreciate 'live feedback' when it comes to humor, and as far as I have experienced (limited experience, yes, but still), INFJs don't seem to provide that. Or maybe they do, but in strange ways that I don't know about.

What is your experience? I ask because INFJs interest me.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,332 Posts
Yes, legit fear. I lose more than half my value when you take away the wit.


Slightly off-topic, but if I remember correctly you have a close INFJ contact (a good friend was it?). How does he/she - or any INFJ - respond to your humor?

I have been praised for my humor by an INFJ one once, but she never left me the excplicit impression until she literally told me. (And I am pretty good at reading people.) My former-kinda-employer, also an INFJ, never responded to any of my bits at all - some were really good as well... and it is really disappointing for me when they don't get recognized.

Some more distant, online INFJs I have talked to show similar tendencies. I don't know whether they don't understand my jokes, or maybe they omit to respond to them verbally/expressively, or perhaps they simply find my material unfunny, ... I don't know. Anyhow, I appreciate 'live feedback' when it comes to humor, and as far as I have experienced (limited experience, yes, but still), INFJs don't seem to provide that. Or maybe they do, but in strange ways that I don't know about.

What is your experience? I ask because INFJs interest me.
Sure. My best friend is a male INFJ and I've known him since we were 3 years old, so I don't know exactly what's INTP-INFJ typical interaction and what's random inside humor we've both just grown up with. I mean, we can reference anything and the other will get it instantly. I've been close to other INFJs than he, though, and I think I have picked up some things INFJs might have in common.

Between me and my friend... yeah, I think it's safe to say that I'm the funny one. It's not that he can't be funny - hell, sometimes his quips are nothing short of legendary - but it's like he's trying too hard sometimes, which ruins the humor at once. He generally has a poor notion on how to exaggerate a concept - not only to make something believable as a fact (he exaggerates simple facts all the time) - but also to make it fit into a joke without being, well, "too much".

Not counting the whole "inside humor thingy" I have with him, I generally only use the INTP-like wit that I'm sure you're familiar with to be funny, though perhaps with a little different flavor. Irony is such a powerful tool. Sometimes going for a bit more goof, like making realistic sound effects at the right moments. Could be pure expressional sounds, like "Meep!" and "Blargh!" but I also have a talent for mimicking sounds right after I hear them at random times.

It was the same with other INFJs, by the way, just in a lesser scale. There will always be a certain special treat of inside humor with each one, making hidden references the best weapon I've got at any given time.

If anything, don't let it be too Ti-y. INTP-like humor falls in good taste among other Ns, but if they have to think for over 3 seconds to figure out your joke then it's probably failed. If INFJs don't understand it intuitively and instantly, they're usually not very impressed. I fail to come up with any examples, but I try to make the irony of the joke concealed - just enough for them to get it. If they hesitate, you can give them hint in the form of a meaningful eye contact. They can read a lot from that, and is usually enough.

I may be wrong, but I think my attempts to be funny are usually more directed towards an INFJ audience. It's basically about rewarding intuition for getting it.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
3,318 Posts
Discussion Starter #9
Yes, legit fear. I lose more than half my value when you take away the wit.


Slightly off-topic, but if I remember correctly you have a close INFJ contact (a good friend was it?). How does he/she - or any INFJ - respond to your humor?

I have been praised for my humor by an INFJ one once, but she never left me the excplicit impression until she literally told me. (And I am pretty good at reading people.) My former-kinda-employer, also an INFJ, never responded to any of my bits at all - some were really good as well... and it is really disappointing for me when they don't get recognized.

Some more distant, online INFJs I have talked to show similar tendencies. I don't know whether they don't understand my jokes, or maybe they omit to respond to them verbally/expressively, or perhaps they simply find my material unfunny, ... I don't know. Anyhow, I appreciate 'live feedback' when it comes to humor, and as far as I have experienced (limited experience, yes, but still), INFJs don't seem to provide that. Or maybe they do, but in strange ways that I don't know about.

What is your experience? I ask because INFJs interest me.
Sorry that this response is forever later, but I'll answer from the INFJ perspective.

I've always really enjoyed INTP wit. xNTPs in general are pretty good at making me laugh, but there's something about the more laid back INTP approach that I enjoy even more than ENTPs a lot of the time (the ENTPs I know are just... way too aggressive).

I have a hard time finding most things genuinely amusing, especially when people are trying to be funny. One of the few people who can really make me laugh is my INTP friend/coworker. Just the other day, she pretty much brought me to tears, which never happens. She has impeccable comedic timing, and she knows how to exploit her quirks to maximum effect.

TL;DR: You've got at least one INFJ here who really appreciates INTP wit/humor, and I've never met an INFJ who doesn't.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
75 Posts
They'll probably be fine if they're both mature and open-minded. My relationship with my ISFP ex-best friend was sweet and stable despite the typical T vs F problems.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,236 Posts
It seems like ISFP is in a completely different dimension from me, but I do appreciate their work, and some of them learn to appreciate mine. I’m talking mostly about a work environment, where the ISFP is the user interface person, and I’m the backend programmer. To me, the ISFP puts a skin on my work so that normal people can understand it. Maybe to the ISFP, the INTP is the one who builds the framework for spreading their arts. Each of us think that their corresponding part is where the awesomeness is located. Together, the INTP and the ISFP can build something amazing that can serve many people.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
828 Posts
Do any of you have romantic experience with ISFPs? Or any ideas as to what the pros and cons of that kind of relationship would be?

Thanks in advance for any answers.
I have been attracted to 2 ISFPs and neither worked well.
My attraction to the first never ended in a relationship. He was so passive and uncertain, always sending mixed signals. I wasn't that assertive in those days, either, so nothing happened.
The second was far better and at least led to some dates and intimacy+ great familiarity AFTER the romantic phase was apparently over, when we were assumed to be just friends (practically impossible because of passion). He was also passive and uncertain, but more willing to pursue a relationship with me, and I was more experienced this time. Anyway, it ended fast.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6 Posts
I'm an ISFP (female) married to an INTP (male). I haven't seen much of anything on the web about this pairing before either, so I wanted to put in a good word :D

The pros of our relationship:
We are both really easy-going and can roll with things without getting bent out of shape.
We both have a similar balance of light-heartedness and seriousness in our personalities. We have a lot of fun and can be really childlike and goofy together without being judged, but we can also have really serious discussions.
We have really good conversations and we like to analyze things together, like history and etymology and sociology.
We don't try to control each other or step on each other's toes -- we're really equals, which is really important to both of us to feel respected and cared for.
I like to help and support (acts of service love language) and he likes to be helped and supported, which works well. Our relationship is very stable, reliable, and even-keeled, which is good for both of us because we both hate confrontation and stress. It makes us feel really safe.

The cons:
Sometimes things don't get planned or decided because we're both waiting for the other person to make a decision.
It took us a while to be able to navigate emotional issues together. I (ISFP) was initially working on not taking things personally and figuring out how to talk about my feelings. He (INTP) has been working on being aware and in control of his feelings, bottling them in less, and being respectful of mine, and he has gotten so good. Now that I'm good at talking about my feelings, I also help him analyze and sort through his, which has been helpful for both of us and it's a really cool bonding experience.
I think sometimes each of us feels a little bit like our partner doesn't get excited about or even respect some of the stuff we get excited about (me: home improvement and crafty stuff, him: computer stuff, math, philosophy). But there's plenty of stuff that we both are interested in that there's not a shortage of things to talk about and bond over.

tl;dr: I'm in the elusive ISFP/INTP relationship, AMA!!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,838 Posts
We share certain interests like art history, clothing/style; mostly superficial and frivolous things. Other than that, it’s constant need of reassurance, affirmation that they seek. Quite draining and I don’t care for it.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
999 Posts
Hello!

I've been friends with this ISFP for years now, and he spoke to me today about asking out an INTP I've become close with recently. They're both very sweet people, and I like the idea of them being together, but I'm concerned about the logistics of an INTP/ISFP relationship. It's just not a match up I've even seen discussed, let alone in real life.

Do any of you have romantic experience with ISFPs? Or any ideas as to what the pros and cons of that kind of relationship would be?

Thanks in advance for any answers.

(P.S: The INTP is female and the ISFP is male, if that matters. There's also a significant age gap -- about 10 years.)
Compatible values and sexual attraction are what make or break relationships, not personality type. Going in the same direction in life minimises existential sacrifices that eventually lead to resentment where such sacrifices are made. A great sex life keeps stress at bay. Personality clashes create frustration. Relationships can generally survive and thrive in the face of frustration. No relationship can survive stress or resentment.
 
1 - 18 of 18 Posts
Top